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Jeongguk runs his fingers gently though Jimin’s hair, careful not to disturb his slumber. He’d nodded off while researching, head nestled in the pages of an old tome, and Jeongguk had scooped him up in his arms and carried him to bed.
Now he simply watches his lover sleep, his full mouth slightly pouty and his eyes slightly twitchy. They’d had a long day, poring through books and scouring the internet for information about how to break their curse.
This is their 7th life together, and it feels like their last chance to have some kind of happy ending. He lays his head on Jimin’s chest, arms holding him close enough to hear his steady heartbeat. As he gets comfortable in this safe space, he reflects on their past lives as he heads into dreamland.
1
Their evening had been filled with so much warmth, cheeks flushed from dancing, bodies sweating with passion, but these last moments were painted with a chill that simply could not be escaped. This wasn’t how they’d imagined their new chapter in life. They were supposed to start fresh, make a new life in a new place, embrace their love and their ability to be free from the constructs of society. Instead they were clinging to each other as the boat sank, the mighty Titanic taken down by an iceberg. As each minute went by, they clung to each other, whispering words of love and promises they knew they couldn’t keep.
I promise to find you in every life.
I will never forget you.
2
Jimin ran to the scene of the crash, ignoring the warnings of the police and EMTs milling around. His heart was about to explode, but he still had a tiny hope that Jeongguk wasn’t in this crash, that the mangled car just happened to be the same make and model, that Jeongguk was probably wondering why Jimin wasn't waiting for him at their apartment. He finally broke through and then immediately broke down, seeing Jeongguk in the midst of the chaos. Somehow he was still alive, despite his labored breathing. Jimin threw himself on the ground, wanting to hold Jeongguk one more time. Jimin had needed to get something from the store but had been caught up in work, so Jeongguk had immediately volunteered to go for him. This knowledge ran through Jimin’s head over and over again as he clutched Jeongguk close, hearing him breathe his last breaths.
It should’ve been me.
3
The war felt interminable, and it was only marginally improved by the fact that Jeongguk was serving alongside Jimin. They had to be discreet, keeping their love secret, but being together in the trenches was still better than not knowing what they were doing apart. Every day they were losing soldiers, and there seemed to be no end in sight. They were patrolling the area on what seemed like a quiet night, when suddenly the stillness was pierced by the sound of a sniper’s gun. One moment they were walking together, and the next Jimin was on the ground, bleeding. Jeongguk was in shock as he dropped to hold Jimin in his arms. The shot was clean, and they had only brief moments before Jimin would be gone once again.
Our love is cursed.
4
Jeongguk padded through the snow, his nightly wolf form giving him heightened senses that only made it harder to stay away from Jimin. He watched him from afar and did his best to protect him despite not being able to be in his presence. The next morning, he transformed back into a man while Jimin took on his hawk form, soaring into the sky and giving a mournful call as he circled the area above him. Every day they thought about how to break this curse, this curse they didn’t understand. Every day brought on more heartache. Somehow they knew that, when this life finally ended, they would meet again in the next life. It was their only comfort as they lived their lives, separated by the sun and the moon.
We will meet again soon.
5
They grew up together, neighbors who were constantly in each other’s spaces. As they grew older, their friendship grew into something more, and soon they were holding hands, whispering love confessions, exploring each other’s bodies. They made plans to run away together, go to a place where they might be accepted, maybe even find others like them. It wasn’t meant to be, though. Too many pressures, too many judgmental eyes, too many people watching.
We’ll find each other in the next life.
6
They did find each other, but they were separated by more than judgement. Jimin was the crown prince, and Jeongguk was his personal attendant. Their love was forbidden on multiple levels, and Jeongguk had to watch while Jimin got engaged, spent time courting his bride, smiled and showed his majestic handsomeness while Jeongguk wondered what would become of him. No number of murmured promises in the dark of night could ease Jeongguk’s worries. Something seemed wrong. Jimin brushed aside his worries and once again promised that they would still be together, even as he took his vows and became a married man. So when Jimin came back from his first ceremonial tea with his wife and started seizing, Jeongguk only had the cold satisfaction of being right. His new bride had poisoned him, and now Jimin’s life was fading right before his eyes. He held him in his arms, refusing to let anyone else close.
Why can’t we grow old together in love?
Doesn’t our love deserve a happy ending?
7
Jimin wakes up to the feel of Jeongguk’s heavy body partly on top of his own, his breath tickling his neck. He can’t help but smile, the way this large man has curled himself up in sleep, his big baby.
He lets himself enjoy the quiet moment, basking in their shared warmth and the peacefulness of the morning. When his mind starts racing with memories of their sorrows, he can’t help but pull himself out of bed.
In the shower Jimin thinks about their past lives, how they loved so deeply only to be torn apart by death. Were they lucky to find each other in each life? Or was it a strange type of torture to find the same person only to lose them every time? To remember every life, every sweet confession and act of love sullied by every tragic end?
He’s still mulling these questions as he stares out their window, holding his arms against the slight chill of the morning. He sighs a little when he feels Jeongguk’s warmth as he comes behind him for a hug.
“You’re up early,” he murmurs, nuzzling the back of Jimin’s ear. “You ok?”
“Just lots to think about,” he says quietly, leaning into Jeongguk’s strength. “Why does it feel like this is our last chance?”
Jeongguk’s arms tighten around him. “I feel it, too. But what can we do? Is there really any way to stop it?”
Jimin turns so that he can fully embrace Jeongguk. “I don’t know. I feel like with every life, I love you more. How is it possible to love you even more today than I did yesterday? Than a month ago? A year ago? A life ago? But I do.” He holds Jeongguk’s face in his hands, looking at him as the most precious thing in his life.
Jeongguk leans in for a kiss, a sweet kiss that’s infused with all the love he returns. Again and again he kisses him, wanting every press of lips to shower Jimin with the love he deserves. He breathes him in, finally breaking the kiss to hold him as close as possible.
Jimin turns in his arms to face the window again. The sun is rising, and the view from their window is spectacular. “I want to grow old with you. I want to live our lives together, no dramatics or spectacles. Just two people in love, experiencing life for the first time, together. Is that too much to ask?”
“I want that too,” Jeongguk murmurs, staring out at the vibrant colors stretching across the sky. “Maybe we should stop researching, stop trying to break this supposed curse and just live. Let’s just do the things we love, together. If we keep stressing about how to stop this life from ending, we’ll have missed the time to actually live it.”
Jimin pulls Jeongguk’s arms around him even more tightly. “Maybe you’re right. I’d rather be with you laughing than poring over these books, crying.”
Chuckling, Jeongguk kisses Jimin’s temple. “Come on, let’s go back to bed.”
Jimin takes one last, long look at the rising sun and then takes Jeongguk’s hand. They climb back into bed, easily sliding back into the comfort of each other’s bodies.
Jeongguk brings Jimin close and gives him a long kiss. “You’re my sunrise, Park Jimin. A beautiful way to start every day.”
Jimin looks up at him from where he’s laying on his chest.
“I love you, Jeon Jeongguk. In every lifetime, but especially in this one.”
☀️
Later that morning, they wake up with no recollection of their past lives, only the intense love they have for each other in this life.
They do indeed grow old together.