Work Text:
It was another quiet morning at the Purriodic Table Hotel, like many others. Neodymium strained to open their eyes against the harsh light shining in from the window that spanned their entire easternmost wall. They tried to roll the other way, so the sun wouldn't be in their eyes, but they ended up rolling right out of bed, falling to the soft, carpeted floor in a tangle of fluff and blankets. Standing up and dusting themself off, they put on their titular necklace and earrings made of magnets, feeling their fluffy, messy bed-fur sticking up and rearranging itself, and they reached for the door handle, giving the metal handle a gentle turn and a sharp tug. But the door didn't budge, simply rattling in their grasp as if it were locked shut without a key. Neodymium tried again and again, putting all 144 units of their atomic mass into prying the door open with both of their disembodied hands, but it was no use. Their cozy hotel room had turned into a prison cell. Neodymium sighed and turned around, sitting down and resting their back against the cold door, heaving another heavy sigh as they looked down at the carpeted floor, wondering how they're going to get out now.
Suddenly, they heard a voice from the other side of the door, a voice they recognized instantly, followed by another, and another. It was none other than Iron, Cobalt and Zinc, who were walking through the lanthanides' hallway, talking about transition metal stuff or something (I don't know what transition metals talk about). Neodymium threw themself against the door without hesitation, shouting for help at the top of their lungs.
Nd: "Uhm... I-Iron and Cobalt..? The door won't open..."
Fe: "Huh? Did you say something?"
Co: "No, I didn't. It sounded like it came from Neodymium's room."
Zn: "Oh, great..."
The three metals stepped closer to the door, exchanging tired jovial looks among one another, as if to negotiate who has to gets to open Neodymium's door and deal with rescue them. Hesitantly, but due to nerves and not at all due to not liking Neodymium, trust me, Cobalt put one paw on the handle and turned it, effortlessly pulling the door wide open from the outside with strength that could snap it off its hinges. Finally free, Neodymium leapt into Cobalt and Iron's arms like a rescued princess, wrapping their arms around the two and giving them both a kiss on the cheek.
Nd: "Thank you for saving me, my sweet, beautiful, handsome, incredibly muscular princes... I owe you two my life, if you'd as such give me a life with you so..."
Fe: "Heh... All in a day's work, my [gender-neutral term of endearment]..."
Co: "I'm always here for you, Neodymium..."
Zn: "Neodymium, did you... Did you even try opening the door by pushing it instead of pulling on it? Or did you just do all of this for attention from Iron and Cobalt?"
Zinc then suddenly spontaneously combusted, was struck by lightning, lost all of their neutrons and electrons, and exploded into a million tiny pieces, all for reasons unknown to this day, although experts suspect it may have something to do with not understanding how magnets work, and how SOMETIMES THEY PULL AND SOMETIMES THEY PUSH, BUT THEY CAN'T DO BOTH, ZINC.
And without another word, Iron and Cobalt dramatically carried Neodymium off into the sunset, and the three lived together happily ever after.
The End
By Neodymium Catto
Heavily based on a true story (up until a certain point)