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Sick of Hearing I am Fine

Summary:

Shouyou Hinata has always trusted his body.
Its speed, its power, its instinct.
It’s never failed him.

Until the day his knee gives in during practice.

The tests say he’s fine.
The doctor says he’s fine.
His team wants to believe he’s fine.

And so does Shouyou.

But he can’t outrun the truth forever.
Not when his body is begging him to listen.

Chapter 1: It’s Alright, It’s Okay

Notes:

This fic has been a long time coming, and I’m really glad to finally be sharing it.

Before you dive in, please take a moment to check the tags for content warnings. While this story won’t be as heavy as some of my previous work, they’re still important to look over. Chapters that need it will also include specific notes at the top.
That said, feel free to jump in however you like.

I hope you enjoy.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Day 1, Monday

 

A marker squeaking gently as it’s dragged over a whiteboard. A few characters forming before Shouyou’s eyes. His heart jumps, excitement fills his chest.

“Spring Tournaments,” it says, in coach Ukai’s scribbled handwriting.

Shouyou can feel a cheer building in his throat, especially when Ukai says, “In a little over seven weeks we’ll be participating in the Spring Tournaments.”

“Yes!” The enthusiasm escapes from Shouyou’s mouth, loud and echoing. Immediately followed by a hooray. Tanaka even jumps up. A breeze with the unmistakable stench of teen sweat, created by a shirt being swung through the air, makes its way over to where Shouyou’s sitting.

“Boys, please!” Takeda speaks up, his hands moving in a downward motion. Shouyou knows what that means; he’s seen that gesture many times before. It means “calm down,” so he does.

Or, well, he tries.

Though, it is terribly difficult to sit still when every muscle is trembling with anticipation.

“Tanaka, put your shirt back on.” Takeda sounds unimpressed, probably because this is the fifth time this week Tanaka’s done this. Just like all those times, Tanaka listens.

“We want to prove our worth, right?” Ukai continues, grabbing everyone’s attention again. So much even, Shouyou can see from the corner of his eye that Tanaka froze halfway through putting his shirt back on. “Right?” he repeats, again evoking a simultaneous, loud, “yes!” that sends Takeda wincing.

“This means hard work, boys,” Ukai tells them. “I’m talking morning and afternoon practice daily, no skimming out on energy. Tougher regimens. I hope you understand that.”

Oh, they do. Shouyou does, at least.

He’s already ready to get up and start running laps.

So is the rest, already whispering things like “let’s go!” and “hard work is my second name!”

Ukai claps his hands and shouts, “Okay, let’s go then! Five laps around the court!”

Shouyou sees everyone around him rise up immediately. He gets ready to get up as well, but his leg is aching a bit, like it’s fallen asleep while he was squeezing it in excitement.

Shouyou gets up, tapping his foot on the floor to shake out the ache.

“What’s wrong, slowpoke?” Kageyama gives Shouyou a push with his shoulder as he jogs past him.

“Nothing!” Shouyou glares at Kageyama’s back. He smacks his foot on the floor one final time before sprinting towards Kageyama. A smile tugs at his lips as he catches up. “Race me and I’ll show you just how slow I am!” He passes Kageyama easily. After doing so, he turns around slightly, sticking out his tongue.

A smirk makes its way onto Kageyama’s face as he picks up the pace.

The feeling of the wind blowing through Shouyou’s curls as he runs faster and faster to try and stay ahead of Kageyama feels miraculous. He feels best in moments like these; it feels like he’s soaring.

By the final lap, Kageyama is right behind Shouyou. Shouyou can practically feel Kageyama’s breathing in his neck, but he won’t let himself lose speed.

He pushes on, despite the slight ache in his knee, and he wins. And even though it’s just a practice run, with no pressure included, winning feels great no matter the circumstance.

He lets out a “whoop!” throwing his arms in the air before allowing himself to collapse onto the cold linoleum floor. His chest rises and falls as he catches his breath. He closes his eyes, allowing the soothing tingle to spread from his toes and fingers into his arms and legs.

“Show-off.”

Shouyou glances up through his eyelashes, smiling widely when he sees Kageyama leaning on his knees. His chest is also heaving, cheeks red from putting in maximum effort. He is not smiling.

For a few seconds, Shouyou thinks he’s going to be a sore loser, but then Kageyama offers Shouyou his hand. Shouyou takes a hold of it, letting Kageyama help him to his feet. A slight pull on Shouyou’s arm throws him off balance. Shouyou catches himself with his other leg, causing a pinch in his knee.

“Hey!” Shouyou turns to Kageyama. “What was that for?”

Kageyama shrugs, like he didn’t even notice himself pulling Shouyou too hard. The smirk on his face as he glances away betrays him, though. Guess he’s a sore loser after all.

Shouyou opens his mouth to say something about it, but before he can even make a sound, coach Ukai’s voice echoes through the hall.

“Hinata, Kageyama!” he shouts. “You boys know better than to use all your energy during the warm-up.” He places his hands on his hips, shaking his head slightly.

Shouyou chuckles to himself; does coach Ukai really believe he used up all his energy? Then he apparently doesn’t know Shouyou yet. Shouyou does a few in-place hops before telling Ukai, “Oh, I was only getting warmed up.” He smiles, asking what they’ll be doing next.

“I have personal regimens for all of you,” Ukai explains, nodding to the girls, who are both holding a small pile of printed regimens. “They’re based on sharpening your personal skills.”

“Make sure to look in the timetable who you’ll be training with,” Takeda adds. “And for how long.”

Takeda’s barely even done speaking when everyone surrounds Kiyoko and Yachi like a pack of wild wolves to sheep.

When he finally pushes himself past the taller third-years, Shouyou’s handed his own regimen.

Shouyou thanks Yachi for the regimen and takes a look at it. In a table, there are lots of fun things written down: jumping and blocking, stamina training and, of course, lots of spiking.

On the timetable on the next page, Shouyou’s immediately pleasantly surprised by the planned training. Right after warming up and stretching, he’s going to be able to have a nice long session to get his morning energy out: jumping and spiking, while Kageyama practices his sets.

Shouyou already knows the teachers from their first classes are going to be pleased with coach Ukai’s plans, he’s sure.

Once all of the regimens have been looked at, groups or duos quickly form in different parts on the court; some people near the net to practice spikes and blocks, others with a few balls near the wall to strengthen their hits. Shouyou joins Kageyama near the net, longingly eyeing the ball bouncing up and down in Kageyama’s hand.

“I’m not going to go easy on you,” Kageyama tells him, throwing the ball up and catching it again.

“You better,” Shouyou responds, bending through his knees and stretching side to side. He straightens slightly and takes a few steps back before calling out, “Ready when you are.”

Kageyama looks behind him, then at the ball. At the net.

Slowpoke. Shouyou finds himself bobbing in place, filled with anticipation. As soon as the ball loses contact with Kageyama’s hand, Shouyou shoots forward. And up into the air.

First, his hand makes contact with the ball, leaving a sting on the palm.

Next, the beautiful smack of rubber against linoleum echoes through the hall.

Shouyou’s toes hit the floor, next his ankles. And he immediately jumps up again, shouting, “Again!”

Kageyama mutters something along the lines of “calm down, you weirdo,” but Shouyou can barely hear him through his own excitement. Kageyama bends over, taking hold of the second ball he got. He takes his time studying the ball, like this one’s any different, before finally setting it.

It’s a high one.

He’s going to have to work for it, but something tells him this will be a perfect set.

Shouyou locks his eyes on it as he runs forward. His right leg smacks against the floor, speeding him up one final time, before his left leg gives the final push. He gets sent into the air.

His hand reaches up, fingers fitting around the ball as he hits against it at full force.

After the ball leaves his hand, he’s in the air a bit longer.

A magical moment.

Soaring.

Until it’s over.

Just like every time, he has to go back down again. Just like the ball, he can’t defy gravity. Just like the ball, his feet soon smack against the floor again.

First, it feels like any other time.

But then, it doesn’t.

A sharp pain shoots through his left knee. For a second, it feels like it gives in. He loses balance just enough to topple over, up against the net. That would’ve been a foul in a game.

He’ll have to work on that.

He sighs, straightening his leg again. Taken off-guard by a second sting, he hisses through his teeth. It feels deep inside his knee, like something’s pricking him with a sharp thing from inside.

His eyes fix on the floor as he feels the strange sensation creep down into his calf.

“Hinata, are you alright?” Kageyama asks.

Shouyou’s unsure of what sends a sudden shiver down his spine; the pain, or the sincere worry in Kageyama’s voice. He shakes his body, fighting off the shivers, before turning around. “What are you talking about?” He shows Kageyama a smile and walks over to his usual spot. “Of course I’m alright.”

Shouyou can feel Kageyama’s eyes staring at him as he passes him. His eyes linger on him a bit too long.

“What are you waiting for?” Shouyou asks Kageyama. “Throw me another set!”

Kageyama’s eyes glance at the ball on the floor. Quickly, they shoot back at Shouyou, before he bends down and takes it in his hands. As Kageyama’s staring at the ball even longer than usual, Shouyou takes the time to jump in place a few times, hoping that whatever went wrong during his descent resets itself. But as soon as he runs towards the flying ball, it’s clearly still there.

He closes his eyes and jumps.

His knee whines in protest.

He lands.

His knee complains some more.

But this time it stays at some mild complaining, and Shouyou can work with that.

If an ache is all that remains, he’s okay. And in the morning, it’ll all be alright.

At least, that’s what he tries to convince himself of as he continues spiking like nothing’s wrong.

 

To be continued…

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading the first chapter.

This story was inspired by experiences and thoughts that have been about seven years in the making. While it isn’t biographical and isn’t meant to mirror my life, writing it has been a way of giving shape to emotions that took a long time to settle. This won’t be a tragedy, and it won’t be my story; and I’m nothing like Hinata. But filtering certain feelings through his optimism turned out to be exactly what I needed.

I’ll talk a bit more about the personal connections behind this fic in later end notes, when we reach the chapters that mattered most to me. You’re welcome to read those when they come, or skip them entirely.

For those interested, each chapter title comes from a song that helped shape the fic.
This chapter’s title was inspired by “It’s Alright” by Mother Mother.

I’ll be posting new chapters weekly.
Thanks again for reading! I hope to see you next week :)