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She remembers that day for years. She regrets that day for years. She knows she'll never feel that way ever again.
Yeah, she has Boing.
But he's not the same. He doesn't have those intelligent eyes and a hunger pang frame. And whenever he spoke, she forgot her dang name.
Set her heart aflame, every part aflame.
This was not a game.
Maya smiles at him like he's her world. He looks at Riley like she's his. She knows she'll never be satisfied. He knows it, he says it on the campground when the flames are died down and it's just the two of them in the darkness. She scoffs, because what can she say to that? She knows she won't be, because deep down she knows he won't fall for her. Riley is perfect for him, with how positive she is. She's his light, and Maya knows what love looks like when she sees it. She's not an idiot; she sees Riley look at Lucas like Topanga looks at Mr.Matthews.
Being in love feels…. it doesn't feel how she would expect it to. It’s the feeling of freedom, of seeing the light.
“It’s like Ben Franks with a key and a kite.” She supplies one day in class, when Mr.Matthews dedicates yet another lesson to their relationship instead of an actual class. “You see it, right?” She asks Lucas, and he agrees, but she knows that it's not the same.
That's the first sign she took to notice that he only liked Riley.
-----
Instead of being angry about it, she resigns. She backs away, and she gives Lucas to Riley. But when she's at home, in her own home, she thinks about him, and she paints.
She paints him like she'll never see his eyes again.
She paints him, unabashed and eyes full of love. She paints Riley, eyes bright, and their hands holding. She smiles through her tears, and finishes the painting off with her signature.
She remembers when she first spoke to him, thinking, ‘ Handsome, boy does he know it! Peach fuzz and he can't even grow it!’
She thought, I want him. But Riley's eyes are just helpless, and she realized three fundamental truths at the exact same times.
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Number One:
Her only job was to keep Riley safe. Keep her from boys who would hurt her. But seeing him on the train? She know he wouldn't. So she shoved her gracelessly into his lap and pushes down the surge of feelings, of, ‘ He’s the most beautiful guy I've ever seen’. She's older, witter, and the prettiest, so she has to keep Riley safe. It's the rule of friendship.
But the gossip in New York City is Insidious, that didn't mean she didn't want him any less.
---
Number two:
Lucas is after her because she's positive. She's everything, and elevates his heart. Makes it skyrocket.
Maya would have to be naive to push that aside, maybe that is why-
Why she introduces him to Riley, now that's his girl. Nice going, Maya, he was right.
You will never be satisfied.
“If it takes moving across the country for us to be together, it will have been worth it.” Lucas says. “I'm gonna go work on some art, have fun being gross.” She suddenly says, standing abruptly. She crumples up the new drawing in her hand with a forced laugh and blurry eyes, and leaves.
---
Number three:
She knows her best friend like she knows her own mind, you will never find anyone as trusting or as kind. If she told her that she loved him she would silently resign, he'd be Maya's. She would say “I'm fine-”
She’d be lying.
But when Maya fantasizes at night, it's Lucas’s eyes. As she romanticized, what might've been, if she hadn't pushed Riley to him so quickly, at least her dear Riley was his girlfriend.
At least she kept his eyes in her life.
---
At the lodge, she tells Josh she still likes him. She knows she does, but it's not as strong as Lucas. She ignores the burning feeling inside, stares at Josh and grins because he holds her hand. They talk, and have a ‘Maybe’ set up.
A maybe she doesn't know if she'll ever use, because he deserves more than what she can give him. She watches from afar as Lucas and Riley talk, and she smiles at them, because she gave up her chance a long time ago.And throughout the triangle, she always knew he would pick Riley.
She walked away from them, heartbroken and tears falling freely.