Chapter Text
Katsuki was on the ground, face against the dirt. His eyes were blurred from getting beaten up and his heart was barely working. He was lucky Edgeshot managed to save him, or else he wouldn't have seen the light in front of him. Midoriya Izuku, his constant in his life—The light he would always attempt to reach out to. Izuku landed the final punch; the clouds that surrounded him managed to disperse the moment he lifted his fist into the air. Katsuki was watching him from afar, it seemed like he always was, "Don't let me surpass you, Izuku!" was what he said after shooting himself out of the hospital just to save Izuku. It was always Izuku wasn't it?
But he didn't know the one he chased after would eventually lose the one thing he cherished the most, the one thing he worked so hard for—Even going out of his way to clear an entire beach—One for all.
The moment Katsuki overheard Izuku and All Might speaking in the hospital room about "The embers", he felt like his heart was about to stop again. Does this mean this is the end of the constant chasing he would always do? The feeling of almost reaching his hand out far enough to catch Izuku, but always being out of grasp? He started to think too far ahead, thinking that it was all his fault. He ended All Might's legacy and now he ended Izuku's reign as a hero? "..You mean you're quirkless again?" His eyes blurred, trying to use his broken arms to wipe the tears that wouldn't seem to stop pouring out. But he didn't care, the most important person to him, his constant, the one he's been through almost anything with, didn't have his quirk anymore. And who was to blame for that?
"Kacchan you're hurting him!" He thought he was better by now, he could finally start to redeem himself after his past with Izuku, but what could he do about this? He couldn't just give Izuku his quirk back, could he?
If it wasn't for All Might that day, Katsuki would've lost it. After his parents left, he would visit Izuku's room to talk about everything that happened during the war—that was, after he got a scolding by his mom for moving when he was supposed to be resting in bed—The day he started crying in front of Izuku was the same day he ended up falling asleep next to him at night. Sure, he looked like an idiot, and his dignity was ruined, but the only thing he wanted that day was to see the same pair of green curls, the freckles he had grown to love, and just to make sure he was okay. They both went through thick and thin, could you really expect them to be back to normal after everything?
Katsuki showed up at Izuku's hospital room, like he had every other day. It became a tradition, since Izuku couldn't really do anything from his state he was in. But this time he came again except it was quite late at night, almost every light in the hospital was out, since everyone should be sleeping at this time. Except one green haired boy.
"Kacchan? Shouldn't you be resting?" Izuku looked like he hadn't gotten any rest lately, which would be reasonable. Katsuki could guess a few things, but it all led to him assuming Izuku was thinking about everything that happened during the war. They both had scars to remember, things they both would never forget.
Katsuki glanced at All Might, seeing how he was asleep. It made him worry that he wouldn't get up anytime soon, since he was a skeleton of what he used to be. He felt a sense of guilt again, thinking about what he had done. Maybe he was acting so weird because of the medicine the nurses had given him, but his emotions were all over the place.
"..Are you okay Kacchan?" The childhood name snapped him out of his thoughts, the guilt leaving his body as he saw the worried look on Izuku. The moonlight shined through the window and onto his hair, leaving a little light for him to see the furrow in his brows and the way his eyes lit up as he looked at Katsuki. He used to hate how Izuku always looked at him like something was wrong with him, but now all he can feel in his heart is a slight ting of longing, comfort, and wanting to be by his side every time he saw that look. If he cares so much about him, maybe it wouldn't be bad for him to do the same.
"I'm okay Izuku. You can't sleep either?" Both of their voices were almost a whisper, trying to keep it low so they wouldn't wake up the sleeping All Might that rested beside them.
Izuku shook his head slightly, trying to avoid straining any parts of his body—well, ones that were movable. Katsuki took a chair from the corner of the room and sat next to Izuku's bed.
"What's going on?"
The room was filled with silence as Katsuki started to stare at the slow movement of Izuku's chest, not replying to what Izuku had asked him. Izuku looked like he was trying to fill the emptiness with a conversation, but Katsuki started before he could do so.
"I should be saying that to you." Izuku continued to stare at him, wondering if he would continue to speak or if he would wait for him to reply to what he had said. His expression turned from worry to a mixture of confusion and being surprised at the blonde-haired boy. Katsuki continued to stare at him, but it almost looked like he wasn't looking at his face, almost to his soul; like he was trying to figure something out behind the pair of green eyes he had grown fond of over the several years.
"I haven't gotten a lot of sleep, that might be the reason why." Izuku gave him a small smile, but it didn't seem so happy for Katsuki's liking. Katsuki shook his head in disagreement, causing the smile that was on Izuku's face to turn back into a look of confusion. Katsuki seemed to be like this a lot, it was something Izuku could never figure out properly. He always had something on his mind, like there were several things running through his head, too many emotions to place in one category. Sometimes he wished he could help him, to just reach his hand out and sort it out for him. But he doesn't have the power to do that, which is why he always feels confused with what Katsuki says at times.
"Don't try to hide how you feel after losing One For All, Izuku. We've known each other too long to not notice these things." Katsuki's expression stayed stoic as he stared into Izuku's eyes. Izuku had been avoiding this conversation actually. He didn't enjoy the feeling of being the person to be saved. He wanted it to be the other way around. And to have Katsuki, one of the people he's wanted to help himself, worry for him, it made him feel sort of awkward actually.
Izuku's eyes darted around the room, avoiding looking at the blonde-haired boy beside his bed. He tried to gather his thoughts on what to say next. "I'm okay Katsuki. I was able to enjoy it while I still had it." Izuku smiled sadly at him, not even making eye contact with him.
Those words he emitted felt like a shot through his already wounded heart, the tone of voice he said it, the way he couldn't even look him in his eyes, it all hurt him in a way he didn't know how to feel. He felt his eyebrows move into a furrow as he clenched the fists he held on to his thighs.
"You think I would put up with such a half-ass lie? Izuku we've known each other for more than we haven't already. Just spit it out." The room was filled with silence, and the air seemed denser than when Katsuki came in.
Katsuki sighed, "I know it's a hard topic, I just.. I hate seeing you look so sad. Fuck, that sounded cheesy as hell." Katsuki's cheeks were slightly pink, lucky enough it was too dark in the room for Izuku to see it. What Katsuki said earned a slight giggle from Izuku, his dimmed eyes seemed to have a little light in them after what Katsuki said, only to be turned into a frown that was a shadow of the smile he just made before.
After a moment of silence, Izuku started to speak.
"Losing One for All was like losing a part of me, but I know I'll get over it. I was quirkless for more than I had it, anyways." The tone in Izuku's voice didn't seem to match the way his eyes started to shine brighter in the moonlight, the furrow in his eyebrows and the slight quiver that only Katsuki would notice from seeing Izuku cry all those years. The only thing Izuku could manage now was the slightest smile, and Katsuki hated it. He hated seeing Izuku like this. What happened to the Izuku that amazed everyone with the brightest face of determination? It felt like a slap in the face, and he didn't want to face reality.
"Izuku." His tone was serious, it wasn't harsh enough to sound like scolding, but more than gentle. Izuku looked up, trying his best not to break down in front of Katsuki.
"Remember when we were kids? Before.. everything happened. I said we would be the best heroes with the greatest smiles, just like All Might." Izuku's heart felt tense, like any breath he would take in would make him pour all his emotions out. Katsuki just had that power, to make Izuku feel like he always had to express himself in front of him. His eyes stayed on Katsuki, not blinking at all.
"I know you can't smile right now, but you don't have to fake it okay?"
Izuku started to sniffle.
After a moment of silence, every emotion he tried to hide behind a "It's okay." seemed to pour out. He couldn't even use his arms to wipe them away, so he just sat there, tears pouring down his face as he tried to hide his whimpers to prevent himself from waking up All Might. "Young man, you too can become a hero." His sobs became louder and louder, the more he tried to hide them, he just couldn't. Memories of himself as a hero seemed to be so far away now, and he didn't know what he could do anymore. Of course he had the embers, but how long would they last? He couldn't be a hero with them forever. His dreams, everything he's always wanted, was gone in under a year.
"I know I'm lucky, I really do. But why does it feel like everything is against me at the same time? It's—no, it's okay.. I can, it's okay really- I-" His speech was stopped between words from him trying to catch his own breath. Izuku felt like he was drowning in a pool of water that he held in his lungs for too long, he bottled everything inside him, and now he couldn't breathe properly. His heart hurt, it hurt so much. He tried to clench his chest, but his hands wouldn't move. He felt so, useless. Like he can't do anything anymore. All he is now is a quirkless middle school kid who didn't achieve anything. All that development was gone, and he was back to the same spot he was before.
"I don't know what to do Kacchan, I can usually figure it out but-"
He was losing control of his own breath; everything was too much for him to handle. He could hear the heart monitor going up in pace as he tried to level himself, but he just couldn't. He couldn't, not after losing one of the things he's worked so hard for. What could he do now, what can he do? Does he just leave UA? What-
A chest leaned against him; he felt arms wrap around him. Though they were in casts. It was a stiff and awkward hug, since the both of them had never hugged each other before, but it was just what Izuku needed to calm himself down. His tears stained Katsuki's shirt as he continued to sob into his shirt, Katsuki trying to hug him the best he could.
It felt like they both got a step closer to what they wished for each other, a friendship maybe.. no. Something more. But would they ever admit it to each other? How much they had both longed for a hug that could just melt the both of them, and share how they feel in one squeeze?
Katsuki didn't know what to do honestly, he barely gets this much contact, but seeing Izuku act like that, he couldn't help it. Seeing him finally break down, pour all his emotions onto him, it was what Katsuki wished he would do. Just tell his mind out, say everything he wants to.
His body moved on its own. And honestly, he loved hugging Izuku, he was sure Izuku could hear his heart beating faster than he could think of words to describe how he feels. But all he cared for right now was making sure Izuku was okay, he could worry about everything later.
He didn't really think about what he would do once he made Izuku let everything out. And he especially didn't know what to do after he hugged him with such a tight grasp like Izuku would fall out of his arms if he let go. Katsuki tried not to feel the way his heart felt like it was being fluttered around with butterflies inside it, or the way he felt so content just hugging Izuku like this, but it was hard to ignore. Katsuki never understood falling in love with people, or giving people flowers, or just anything romantic. So he didn't understand what he was feeling right now. Maybe it was just what friends feel? What it feels normally to hug someone?
When Izuku's rapid breaths started slowing down to normal ones, and his sobs started to turn into sniffles, Katsuki slowly removed his arms. Ruffling Izuku's hair to brighten the depressed mood that now surrounded the both of them.
"I know I'm lucky, I really do. But why does it feel like everything is against me at the same time? It's—no, it's okay.. I can, it's okay really- I-" Katsuki thought back to what Izuku said a few moments ago, the pain he felt in his chest as he saw Izuku attempt to mutter everything between his sobs, and the way he tried to say he was okay—he was sure it was because he didn't want Katsuki to over worry about him. These days, Katsuki would visit Izuku's hospital room constantly just to see if he was still breathing. He would make some lame excuse about how he was stopping by to get some water, but it was so half thrown together even Izuku noticed he just wanted to visit him to see if he was okay. They started to bond more over their trauma from what happened during the war, being able to sympathize with one another over what happened. And even though Katsuki knew this seemed weak, he was used to being weak around Izuku. If it was any other person, he would never say anything about it and just tell them to "Die!". Something like that. But it was Izuku, everything was different when it came to him.
Honestly, if it was even a few months ago, he was sure it would never be like this, not at all. He remembered how much he misunderstood Izuku, how much he thought Izuku was looking down at him.
That apology, the one that changed their entire chemistry, it was something that made them get miles closer to each other. From enemies to rivals to friends. Of course, they still rival each other until now, but that doesn't mean they can't be friends too.
"Sorry Kacchan, I made your shirt all wet." Izuku chuckled softly as he sniffled, looking up at Katsuki to see what expression he was wearing. Katsuki frowned, looking away from him. It was obvious his frown was fake, the small smile that seemed to reach to the corners of his mouth gave it away. Katsuki looked back at the freckled boy, trying to see if he looked any better than he had before, and he did. Even if he still had dark bags under his eyes from little sleep, he looked like he could wake up the next day and do something with his life. And that was what made Katsuki's heart finally calm down.
"It's whatever nerd, get some rest okay?" Izuku smiled softly as he faced Katsuki, Katsuki got up from his chair and took a final glance before opening the door. But something was stopping him from closing it. It was like his feet stopped in his path, halting him from moving before he could say anything else. 'Move, fuckass feet.' was what he kept on saying to himself. But he knew the real reason he didn't stop moving, Katsuki felt a sweat drop from his forehead as his eyebrows furrowed. He turned his head slightly, he hand still against the door.
"Kacchan? Is something wrong?" Katsuki gulped as he removed his hand from the door. He turned his body around and clenched his fist. The air was filled with an awkward silence as Katsuki continued to stare at the floor.
"Can I.. sleep here tonight?" Izuku's eyes widened, almost like he was horrified by the question. 'God, what an idiot Katsuki what are you saying right now. You could've just kept it at that, look at his shitty face.' Katsuki sounded like a child asking to sleep with their parent after they saw a monster under their bed.
Izuku's cheeks seemed to flush a red as he looked at his lap. It all made Katsuki want to end it right then and there. He should've just let his intrusive thoughts go away. But in the end, he really didn't want to sleep alone today, not tonight. Not after everything they just spoke about.
Without a word, Izuku shifted slightly to his left to make space of Katsuki to move in. Katsuki lifted his head up in surprise, though it didn't show on his face. Izuku smiled as he patted the right side of his bed, trying his best to even with the casts his arms were in. Katsuki could still see the red flush that Izuku's face had, and he could only hear his own heart as it began to panic over the fact Izuku had allowed him to rest in the same bed as him. 'friends' don't really do this do they Katsuki?' but he could put that thought aside. Not right now, let him rest, please.
Katsuki slowly climbed onto the bed, trying not to hurt his arms from moving it too quickly. The rest of the time it was silent, they both didn't say anything—Too tired to admit the words that had been said in the quiet room with only the sound of a heart monitor and the air conditioning. Katsuki's eyes slowly began to close as he became content with the fact that Izuku was okay and breathing next to him. It was okay, they could get through this together. Katsuki felt like he would risk his life just to make Izuku a hero again, to see him smile brightly—the whole world viewing him like how Katsuki did with his own pair of eyes. A perfect hero.
"Hey Kacchan?" Katsuki managed to keep his eyes open as he faced Izuku, half asleep and half awake. He saw Izuku's eyes filled with admiration and happiness. He loved those pairs of eyes, the eyes that always stared at him throughout his entire life. Green eyes he held attachment to.
"Huh?.." His voice was a little slurred, trying to keep himself awake enough to hear Izuku but also wanting to fall asleep to the warm bed he was in. They both didn't realize how late it had been with their conversation until they finally thought of sleep being necessary.
"Thank you, for everything." Katsuki slowly closed his eyes, hearing Izuku whisper those words before snuggling himself back into the blankets. The bed was small, they could both feel each other's legs brushing against each other, not that they minded. They were close to each other—so much that they sleep in the same bed together—but they didn't have any label to it. And maybe they would keep it that way, for who knows how long.
"I should be saying that to you, Izuku." Katsuki reckoned he wouldn't remember anything the next morning, and he was half asleep to even think properly. But he happened to mutter it out with his last breath before drifting off to sleep. A small content smile that replaced the silence he shared with Izuku. He wondered what Izuku looked like right now, but his eyes were too heavy to lift up.
Izuku was smiling at him, a soft smile that was as gentle as a flower blowing in the wind. He cherished small moments like these with Kacchan. And he was sure Kacchan wouldn't even remember going to bed with him the next day. But he loved Kacchan, even if he knew his love wasn't requited, he couldn't help it. After their relationship has gotten so far, of course he wouldn't want to ruin it by saying an "I love you Kacchan!" or "I've loved you for all my life please marry me!" goodness, that was thinking pretty far ahead wasn't it Izuku? If he could have small moments like these with Katsuki, even if they weren't ones that would be put in a romance novel or displayed in public, he loved it. He loved just being with Kacchan.
His eyes slowly felt heavier by each second and went to bed thinking of Katsuki. Even if they weren't together as a couple, this was good enough.
Inko walked in the next day to check on Izuku, she brought Izuku's All Might plush he asked her to bring over, but before she could say anything, All Might put his pointer finger over his mouth while smiling. Inko looked at him curiously, before walking in and looking down at Izuku. Her eyes widened as she looked at both Izuku and Katsuki holding each other, legs overlapping. They were both sound asleep.
Inko's shocked reaction turned into a soft smile, "I'll leave this here, tell Izuku I was here." she whispered to All Might as she waved her goodbye and left the door. Taking a small glance at the both of them and then at All Might who waved goodbye back to her.
'Maybe i should tell Mitsuki about this, I'm sure she would find it adorable.'