Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Katsuki was on the ground, face against the dirt. His eyes were blurred from getting beaten up and his heart was barely working. He was lucky Edgeshot managed to save him, or else he wouldn't have seen the light in front of him. Midoriya Izuku, his constant in his life—The light he would always attempt to reach out to. Izuku landed the final punch; the clouds that surrounded him managed to disperse the moment he lifted his fist into the air. Katsuki was watching him from afar, it seemed like he always was, "Don't let me surpass you, Izuku!" was what he said after shooting himself out of the hospital just to save Izuku. It was always Izuku wasn't it? 

But he didn't know the one he chased after would eventually lose the one thing he cherished the most, the one thing he worked so hard for—Even going out of his way to clear an entire beach—One for all. 

The moment Katsuki overheard Izuku and All Might speaking in the hospital room about "The embers", he felt like his heart was about to stop again. Does this mean this is the end of the constant chasing he would always do? The feeling of almost reaching his hand out far enough to catch Izuku, but always being out of grasp? He started to think too far ahead, thinking that it was all his fault. He ended All Might's legacy and now he ended Izuku's reign as a hero? "..You mean you're quirkless again?" His eyes blurred, trying to use his broken arms to wipe the tears that wouldn't seem to stop pouring out. But he didn't care, the most important person to him, his constant, the one he's been through almost anything with, didn't have his quirk anymore. And who was to blame for that? 

"Kacchan you're hurting him!"  He thought he was better by now, he could finally start to redeem himself after his past with Izuku, but what could he do about this? He couldn't just give Izuku his quirk back, could he? 

If it wasn't for All Might that day, Katsuki would've lost it. After his parents left, he would visit Izuku's room to talk about everything that happened during the war—that was, after he got a scolding by his mom for moving when he was supposed to be resting in bed—The day he started crying in front of Izuku was the same day he ended up falling asleep next to him at night. Sure, he looked like an idiot, and his dignity was ruined, but the only thing he wanted that day was to see the same pair of green curls, the freckles he had grown to love, and just to make sure he was okay. They both went through thick and thin, could you really expect them to be back to normal after everything?

Katsuki showed up at Izuku's hospital room, like he had every other day. It became a tradition, since Izuku couldn't really do anything from his state he was in. But this time he came again except it was quite late at night, almost every light in the hospital was out, since everyone should be sleeping at this time. Except one green haired boy.

"Kacchan? Shouldn't you be resting?" Izuku looked like he hadn't gotten any rest lately, which would be reasonable. Katsuki could guess a few things, but it all led to him assuming Izuku was thinking about everything that happened during the war. They both had scars to remember, things they both would never forget. 

Katsuki glanced at All Might, seeing how he was asleep. It made him worry that he wouldn't get up anytime soon, since he was a skeleton of what he used to be. He felt a sense of guilt again, thinking about what he had done. Maybe he was acting so weird because of the medicine the nurses had given him, but his emotions were all over the place.

"..Are you okay Kacchan?" The childhood name snapped him out of his thoughts, the guilt leaving his body as he saw the worried look on Izuku. The moonlight shined through the window and onto his hair, leaving a little light for him to see the furrow in his brows and the way his eyes lit up as he looked at Katsuki. He used to hate how Izuku always looked at him like something was wrong with him, but now all he can feel in his heart is a slight ting of longing, comfort, and wanting to be by his side every time he saw that look. If he cares so much about him, maybe it wouldn't be bad for him to do the same.

"I'm okay Izuku. You can't sleep either?" Both of their voices were almost a whisper, trying to keep it low so they wouldn't wake up the sleeping All Might that rested beside them.

Izuku shook his head slightly, trying to avoid straining any parts of his body—well, ones that were movable. Katsuki took a chair from the corner of the room and sat next to Izuku's bed.

"What's going on?"

The room was filled with silence as Katsuki started to stare at the slow movement of Izuku's chest, not replying to what Izuku had asked him. Izuku looked like he was trying to fill the emptiness with a conversation, but Katsuki started before he could do so.

"I should be saying that to you." Izuku continued to stare at him, wondering if he would continue to speak or if he would wait for him to reply to what he had said. His expression turned from worry to a mixture of confusion and being surprised at the blonde-haired boy. Katsuki continued to stare at him, but it almost looked like he wasn't looking at his face, almost to his soul; like he was trying to figure something out behind the pair of green eyes he had grown fond of over the several years.

"I haven't gotten a lot of sleep, that might be the reason why." Izuku gave him a small smile, but it didn't seem so happy for Katsuki's liking. Katsuki shook his head in disagreement, causing the smile that was on Izuku's face to turn back into a look of confusion. Katsuki seemed to be like this a lot, it was something Izuku could never figure out properly. He always had something on his mind, like there were several things running through his head, too many emotions to place in one category. Sometimes he wished he could help him, to just reach his hand out and sort it out for him. But he doesn't have the power to do that, which is why he always feels confused with what Katsuki says at times.

"Don't try to hide how you feel after losing One For All, Izuku. We've known each other too long to not notice these things." Katsuki's expression stayed stoic as he stared into Izuku's eyes. Izuku had been avoiding this conversation actually. He didn't enjoy the feeling of being the person to be saved. He wanted it to be the other way around. And to have Katsuki, one of the people he's wanted to help himself, worry for him, it made him feel sort of awkward actually.

Izuku's eyes darted around the room, avoiding looking at the blonde-haired boy beside his bed. He tried to gather his thoughts on what to say next. "I'm okay Katsuki. I was able to enjoy it while I still had it." Izuku smiled sadly at him, not even making eye contact with him. 

Those words he emitted felt like a shot through his already wounded heart, the tone of voice he said it, the way he couldn't even look him in his eyes, it all hurt him in a way he didn't know how to feel. He felt his eyebrows move into a furrow as he clenched the fists he held on to his thighs. 

"You think I would put up with such a half-ass lie? Izuku we've known each other for more than we haven't already. Just spit it out." The room was filled with silence, and the air seemed denser than when Katsuki came in.

Katsuki sighed, "I know it's a hard topic, I just.. I hate seeing you look so sad. Fuck, that sounded cheesy as hell." Katsuki's cheeks were slightly pink, lucky enough it was too dark in the room for Izuku to see it. What Katsuki said earned a slight giggle from Izuku, his dimmed eyes seemed to have a little light in them after what Katsuki said, only to be turned into a frown that was a shadow of the smile he just made before.

After a moment of silence, Izuku started to speak.

"Losing One for All was like losing a part of me, but I know I'll get over it. I was quirkless for more than I had it, anyways." The tone in Izuku's voice didn't seem to match the way his eyes started to shine brighter in the moonlight, the furrow in his eyebrows and the slight quiver that only Katsuki would notice from seeing Izuku cry all those years. The only thing Izuku could manage now was the slightest smile, and Katsuki hated it. He hated seeing Izuku like this. What happened to the Izuku that amazed everyone with the brightest face of determination? It felt like a slap in the face, and he didn't want to face reality.

"Izuku." His tone was serious, it wasn't harsh enough to sound like scolding, but more than gentle. Izuku looked up, trying his best not to break down in front of Katsuki.

"Remember when we were kids? Before.. everything happened. I said we would be the best heroes with the greatest smiles, just like All Might." Izuku's heart felt tense, like any breath he would take in would make him pour all his emotions out. Katsuki just had that power, to make Izuku feel like he always had to express himself in front of him. His eyes stayed on Katsuki, not blinking at all.

"I know you can't smile right now, but you don't have to fake it okay?"

Izuku started to sniffle.

After a moment of silence, every emotion he tried to hide behind a "It's okay." seemed to pour out. He couldn't even use his arms to wipe them away, so he just sat there, tears pouring down his face as he tried to hide his whimpers to prevent himself from waking up All Might. "Young man, you too can become a hero." His sobs became louder and louder, the more he tried to hide them, he just couldn't. Memories of himself as a hero seemed to be so far away now, and he didn't know what he could do anymore. Of course he had the embers, but how long would they last? He couldn't be a hero with them forever. His dreams, everything he's always wanted, was gone in under a year.

"I know I'm lucky, I really do. But why does it feel like everything is against me at the same time? It's—no, it's okay.. I can, it's okay really- I-" His speech was stopped between words from him trying to catch his own breath. Izuku felt like he was drowning in a pool of water that he held in his lungs for too long, he bottled everything inside him, and now he couldn't breathe properly. His heart hurt, it hurt so much. He tried to clench his chest, but his hands wouldn't move. He felt so, useless. Like he can't do anything anymore. All he is now is a quirkless middle school kid who didn't achieve anything. All that development was gone, and he was back to the same spot he was before. 

"I don't know what to do Kacchan, I can usually figure it out but-"

He was losing control of his own breath; everything was too much for him to handle. He could hear the heart monitor going up in pace as he tried to level himself, but he just couldn't. He couldn't, not after losing one of the things he's worked so hard for. What could he do now, what can he do? Does he just leave UA? What-

A chest leaned against him; he felt arms wrap around him. Though they were in casts. It was a stiff and awkward hug, since the both of them had never hugged each other before, but it was just what Izuku needed to calm himself down. His tears stained Katsuki's shirt as he continued to sob into his shirt, Katsuki trying to hug him the best he could.

It felt like they both got a step closer to what they wished for each other, a friendship maybe.. no. Something more. But would they ever admit it to each other? How much they had both longed for a hug that could just melt the both of them, and share how they feel in one squeeze?

Katsuki didn't know what to do honestly, he barely gets this much contact, but seeing Izuku act like that, he couldn't help it. Seeing him finally break down, pour all his emotions onto him, it was what Katsuki wished he would do. Just tell his mind out, say everything he wants to.

His body moved on its own. And honestly, he loved hugging Izuku, he was sure Izuku could hear his heart beating faster than he could think of words to describe how he feels. But all he cared for right now was making sure Izuku was okay, he could worry about everything later.

He didn't really think about what he would do once he made Izuku let everything out. And he especially didn't know what to do after he hugged him with such a tight grasp like Izuku would fall out of his arms if he let go. Katsuki tried not to feel the way his heart felt like it was being fluttered around with butterflies inside it, or the way he felt so content just hugging Izuku like this, but it was hard to ignore. Katsuki never understood falling in love with people, or giving people flowers, or just anything romantic. So he didn't understand what he was feeling right now. Maybe it was just what friends feel? What it feels normally to hug someone? 

When Izuku's rapid breaths started slowing down to normal ones, and his sobs started to turn into sniffles, Katsuki slowly removed his arms. Ruffling Izuku's hair to brighten the depressed mood that now surrounded the both of them.

"I know I'm lucky, I really do. But why does it feel like everything is against me at the same time? It's—no, it's okay.. I can, it's okay really- I-" Katsuki thought back to what Izuku said a few moments ago, the pain he felt in his chest as he saw Izuku attempt to mutter everything between his sobs, and the way he tried to say he was okay—he was sure it was because he didn't want Katsuki to over worry about him. These days, Katsuki would visit Izuku's hospital room constantly just to see if he was still breathing. He would make some lame excuse about how he was stopping by to get some water, but it was so half thrown together even Izuku noticed he just wanted to visit him to see if he was okay. They started to bond more over their trauma from what happened during the war, being able to sympathize with one another over what happened. And even though Katsuki knew this seemed weak, he was used to being weak around Izuku. If it was any other person, he would never say anything about it and just tell them to "Die!". Something like that. But it was Izuku, everything was different when it came to him.

Honestly, if it was even a few months ago, he was sure it would never be like this, not at all. He remembered how much he misunderstood Izuku, how much he thought Izuku was looking down at him.

That apology, the one that changed their entire chemistry, it was something that made them get miles closer to each other. From enemies to rivals to friends. Of course, they still rival each other until now, but that doesn't mean they can't be friends too.

"Sorry Kacchan, I made your shirt all wet." Izuku chuckled softly as he sniffled, looking up at Katsuki to see what expression he was wearing. Katsuki frowned, looking away from him. It was obvious his frown was fake, the small smile that seemed to reach to the corners of his mouth gave it away. Katsuki looked back at the freckled boy, trying to see if he looked any better than he had before, and he did. Even if he still had dark bags under his eyes from little sleep, he looked like he could wake up the next day and do something with his life. And that was what made Katsuki's heart finally calm down.

"It's whatever nerd, get some rest okay?" Izuku smiled softly as he faced Katsuki, Katsuki got up from his chair and took a final glance before opening the door. But something was stopping him from closing it. It was like his feet stopped in his path, halting him from moving before he could say anything else. 'Move, fuckass feet.' was what he kept on saying to himself. But he knew the real reason he didn't stop moving, Katsuki felt a sweat drop from his forehead as his eyebrows furrowed. He turned his head slightly, he hand still against the door.

"Kacchan? Is something wrong?" Katsuki gulped as he removed his hand from the door. He turned his body around and clenched his fist. The air was filled with an awkward silence as Katsuki continued to stare at the floor.

"Can I.. sleep here tonight?" Izuku's eyes widened, almost like he was horrified by the question. 'God, what an idiot Katsuki what are you saying right now. You could've just kept it at that, look at his shitty face.' Katsuki sounded like a child asking to sleep with their parent after they saw a monster under their bed.

Izuku's cheeks seemed to flush a red as he looked at his lap. It all made Katsuki want to end it right then and there. He should've just let his intrusive thoughts go away. But in the end, he really didn't want to sleep alone today, not tonight. Not after everything they just spoke about.

Without a word, Izuku shifted slightly to his left to make space of Katsuki to move in. Katsuki lifted his head up in surprise, though it didn't show on his face. Izuku smiled as he patted the right side of his bed, trying his best to even with the casts his arms were in. Katsuki could still see the red flush that Izuku's face had, and he could only hear his own heart as it began to panic over the fact Izuku had allowed him to rest in the same bed as him. 'friends' don't really do this do they Katsuki?' but he could put that thought aside. Not right now, let him rest, please.

Katsuki slowly climbed onto the bed, trying not to hurt his arms from moving it too quickly. The rest of the time it was silent, they both didn't say anything—Too tired to admit the words that had been said in the quiet room with only the sound of a heart monitor and the air conditioning. Katsuki's eyes slowly began to close as he became content with the fact that Izuku was okay and breathing next to him. It was okay, they could get through this together. Katsuki felt like he would risk his life just to make Izuku a hero again, to see him smile brightly—the whole world viewing him like how Katsuki did with his own pair of eyes. A perfect hero.

"Hey Kacchan?" Katsuki managed to keep his eyes open as he faced Izuku, half asleep and half awake. He saw Izuku's eyes filled with admiration and happiness. He loved those pairs of eyes, the eyes that always stared at him throughout his entire life. Green eyes he held attachment to.

"Huh?.." His voice was a little slurred, trying to keep himself awake enough to hear Izuku but also wanting to fall asleep to the warm bed he was in. They both didn't realize how late it had been with their conversation until they finally thought of sleep being necessary.

"Thank you, for everything." Katsuki slowly closed his eyes, hearing Izuku whisper those words before snuggling himself back into the blankets. The bed was small, they could both feel each other's legs brushing against each other, not that they minded. They were close to each other—so much that they sleep in the same bed together—but they didn't have any label to it. And maybe they would keep it that way, for who knows how long.

"I should be saying that to you, Izuku." Katsuki reckoned he wouldn't remember anything the next morning, and he was half asleep to even think properly. But he happened to mutter it out with his last breath before drifting off to sleep. A small content smile that replaced the silence he shared with Izuku. He wondered what Izuku looked like right now, but his eyes were too heavy to lift up.

Izuku was smiling at him, a soft smile that was as gentle as a flower blowing in the wind. He cherished small moments like these with Kacchan. And he was sure Kacchan wouldn't even remember going to bed with him the next day. But he loved Kacchan, even if he knew his love wasn't requited, he couldn't help it. After their relationship has gotten so far, of course he wouldn't want to ruin it by saying an "I love you Kacchan!" or "I've loved you for all my life please marry me!" goodness, that was thinking pretty far ahead wasn't it Izuku? If he could have small moments like these with Katsuki, even if they weren't ones that would be put in a romance novel or displayed in public, he loved it. He loved just being with Kacchan. 

His eyes slowly felt heavier by each second and went to bed thinking of Katsuki. Even if they weren't together as a couple, this was good enough. 

Inko walked in the next day to check on Izuku, she brought Izuku's All Might plush he asked her to bring over, but before she could say anything, All Might put his pointer finger over his mouth while smiling. Inko looked at him curiously, before walking in and looking down at Izuku. Her eyes widened as she looked at both Izuku and Katsuki holding each other, legs overlapping. They were both sound asleep. 

Inko's shocked reaction turned into a soft smile, "I'll leave this here, tell Izuku I was here." she whispered to All Might as she waved her goodbye and left the door. Taking a small glance at the both of them and then at All Might who waved goodbye back to her.

'Maybe i should tell Mitsuki about this, I'm sure she would find it adorable.' 

Chapter Text

Izuku and Katsuki recovered from their injuries during the war. During the time in the hospital, they had gotten closer—and Izuku had gotten used to Katsuki's low voice when inside his room. The quiet conversations that would only occur in a hospital, ones where they would allow each other to become vulnerable. All Might had seen the two boys' bond, sometimes answering the questions they would ask him. But he knew he shouldn't interrupt too much, since he could tell something was happening between the two of them. He could only hope they would notice the way they would smile at each other, laughing while they spoke about things with the quiet whirring from the air conditioning in the background. Maybe one day they would realize they needed each other more than they could think, not just as friends.

                 The time after they both left the hospital was filled with being back inside the school, they had grown to become familiar with. They didn't need to have dorms anymore, since they were safe. The darkness that would always come their way—more and more clouds covering the bright sky—was now gone. And they didn't need to worry anymore. But what's to say it was all okay now? Almost everyone in now called class 2A was exhausted from everything that had happened. But they all still managed to get to class, with scratches all over their faces, some of them with bandages on some of their body parts. Class 2A was silent, with a few conversations that would occur. But all their voices were dim, almost like they couldn't afford to be too cheerful after everything that happened. They were exhausted from it all, only children who got put into a war because they had to—because they didn't want to see their friend suffer alone.

               Conversation slowly came to an abrupt stop when Aizawa walked into the classroom. Everyone's eyes seemed to light up to see the same homeroom teacher from a year ago be in the same class as them again. The sad fact was that they didn't know why he was their homeroom teacher again. The fact was Midnight being deceased. They had lost a lot of people that day, and class 1A had seen it all. They had to see everyone they cared for, people that they thought would never leave, lose the light in their eyes. And they had to carry all this burden—just kids who didn't know any better. And even so, they all still carried on with their lives. Because that's the only thing they could do right now.

                 Katsuki could hear the voices of everyone being happy to see the same homeroom teacher with them again. Maybe it was the pain killers, or maybe he was too tired from the way it took too much energy to move around, but the voices around him seemed to start to blur. He could only hear one distinct one, and who other than the freckled boy? Katsuki darted his eyes towards Izuku, wondering what expression he held on to his face as he saw Aizawa. The sun shined on his hair, making his hair look a light shade of green as he saw the indent of his dimples as he smiled widely. Izuku looked tired, but Katsuki could tell he was happy. He hoped during that time in the hospital he would at least be a little bit of help to him. But he didn't know how much Izuku appreciated Katsuki's presence, especially during that one day. The day he needed him the most. Izuku always waited, staring at the door in anticipation to see Katsuki walk through it every day. Sometimes he would hear a rattle in the hallway, thinking it was Katsuki, but ending up being a nurse or a patient roaming the halls.

                Katsuki didn't know how much Izuku appreciated him, of course he knew his admiration from the one fight they shared that caused them to miss a few days of school, but he didn't know about the way his heart would stir when he saw the small smiles Katsuki would shoot at him when Izuku said something stupid. And he loved them. Katsuki smiled often, but it was usually more of an 'I'll win this!' and not a genuine smile. One that made Izuku's heart twist in a way where he just wanted to see more of it.

 The only reason Izuku could smile today was because of Katsuki. If he held on to every worry even a while longer, he wasn't sure what would happen to him. That day Katsuki came to his room; he forced the jar to break open. The lid wouldn't have been able to twist open, anyways.

Katsuki continued to stare at Izuku, until it started to be noticed by a few. For example, Sero. 

"Bakugou, shouldn't you be... resting right now?" Katsuki snapped out of his thoughts hearing his name be called from behind him. He glanced at Sero, hoping he didn't notice the way he's been staring at Izuku for what felt like only a few seconds—but he knew it was more than that.

He saw the grin on Sero's face as he looked at Izuku and then back at him. If his heart didn't just get sliced in half, he would have yelled at him or growled in a way that would send death threats. But he couldn't, he couldn't manage to do it. And he was too high on meds to even care anymore. Was it really your meds Katsuki? Or was it something else? Katsuki kept on thinking; he always did when it came to Izuku. In fact, most of the time when he found himself staring at something for too long, it was always him thinking of the freckled nerd he had grown too attached to.

Katsuki grumbled a word or two under his breath, not caring much and looking back at Aizawa. His eyes longed to land back onto Izuku, he wanted to continue to stare at him, to look at every feature he had. He needed to see the smile he grew accustomed to. He assumed his pain killers were acting up; he's never been so attached to someone before. He would be normal after all of this, right? But something told him he wouldn't. That the feeling he had in his heart would continue to grow the more he spent time with Izuku. Katsuki started to think he had injured his brain in some way, because he never thought like this before. But was that really true? Katsuki, how long have you thought like this with Izuku? Katsuki realized now that he wasn't in constant determination to become the best, he forgot about his other feelings that would linger inside him. 

'Focus.' Katsuki realized he was thinking too much again, closing his eyes and opening them again to try to gain attention to the low voice that seemed to be the sleep deprived teacher, he pushed away all his thoughts that weren't important right now. But he knew they would be back.

         "It's Bakugou!" Girls and boys started to cram the front of the class to look at Shoto and Katsuki, not paying much attention to Izuku. And for some reason, that infuriated Katsuki.

Izuku should be the one everyone is fawning over; he was the one to save the world. The one everyone now viewed as the symbol of hope. He pulled himself away from the crowd, gritting his teeth. Looking at Izuku, he saw his expression. His mouth was slightly parted, and his eyes slightly more open than usual. But he figured Izuku was already used to this, to seeing Katsuki admired by several people. But he wanted Izuku to have the same, to have people care about him; for people to see the way he only cares about others and not himself. Why did it feel like no one noticed the hero in Katsuki's eyes?

A boy came up to the door, saying how he admired Izuku for what he did. Really? hah, only one person said something to him? After everything? After all that effort? Katsuki tried not to snap his already broken arm that was healing well. And he didn't know why he felt this way, he didn't know why he just wanted Izuku to be as admired as he was by everyone. His eyes instinctively shot towards Izuku, but he didn't meet what he thought he would see.

The way Izuku's smile seemed to look forced again, just like at the hospital—it made Katsuki think if he even did anything to help him after all. But who was he to argue? He can't help him, maybe Todoroki should be the one, after all he bullied him for so many years before they both enrolled into UA. He hated that fake smile, the one like he only did it just to reassure people he was okay. And it seemed like no one else noticed but him. No one else noticed the frown that came with his smile, the way it didn't reach his eyes at all.

From that point on, he promised himself he would make Izuku smile brightly again. Even if he wasn't in the position to do so, who else could see the way he saw him?

Class 2A was finishing up with helping with the ruined buildings that happened due to the war. It was like this in a lot of places. A lot of people were frustrated, saying how their home had gotten ruined. And others were okay, because if they were safe then that's all that matters. 

Izuku was near Asui and Ochaco, the two of them starting a conversation. Asui looked at Ochaco with a worried look, almost as if something had happened to her. And Izuku shared the same look.

Izuku couldn't help but notice the way Ochaco looked so upset. He saw the way her smile looked fake as she kept it on. It reminded him of how he was now, how he was before Katsuki made him spill how he felt during that night in the hospital. He had heard about what happened with Toga and Ochaco, but no one ever specified what actually happened, they only concluded that Toga had died due to 'blood loss'. That all made Izuku more worried, if Ochaco didn't have anyone to sympathize with, then who could she speak to about it? She looked exhausted while everyone wore smiles on their faces—and of course he was always that kind of person to want to help anyone who needed it. He noted to himself later that day to find out what was going on with Ochaco, because he knew how it felt to want to not worry anyone with the burden you carried inside you.

Izuku was finished packing his things to get ready to go back home to Inko. He didn't need to stay at the dorm anymore, but looking at it did bring memories. They had a lot of fun activities they did after night when Aizawa went away, talking about their lives while laughing and eating whatever they could find in the fridge. It all felt too nostalgic to him, even though it was only a month ago. A month before everything happened. They didn't think that the day they started to stay in the dorms, the worser everything would get. Those nights where they stayed up, just sharing each other's warmth, it was the kind of thing Izuku missed dearly. Of course he would be excited to see his mom again, Inko was worried sick about him—and he was worried too.

"Did Ochaco go out again?"

That made Izuku remember the note he had made to himself; he needed to see Uraraka. He had almost forgotten why he had stopped himself from leaving too soon.

"I'll be back!" Izuku ran out of the door, dropping his bags to run towards the spot he assumed Uraraka would be in. People who had been sitting in the living room stared at him in surprise, mostly because they knew he would be running towards Uraraka.

"Midoriya? Wait!" 

Katsuki went down the stairs, his hands were in his pockets, both his arms were fully healed now. He heard shouting from downstairs and hurried to the living room.

"What's going on?" Katsuki stared at all their expressions, but they didn't seem alarmed, almost just a little worried. They looked at Katsuki with an awkward look, wondering if they should speak about the fact that Izuku ran out of the door the moment they mentioned Uraraka was outside.

.

.

They all knew the sort of relationship Izuku and Katsuki held, after all, they literally saw it form into a 'friendship'. The fighting, the arguing, and the apology. It was all in a year. But they knew not to speak too much about how Katsuki felt towards Izuku, since they were worried it would start a whole argument, or Katsuki would tell them 'What the fuck are you talking about?'. As smart as Katsuki was, he wasn't smart enough to notice the way he felt when Uraraka and Izuku would speak to each other. But Kirishima noticed, and a lot of others as well. They noticed the way his eyebrows would furrow, and his fists would clench when looking at the two of them smile and laugh beside each other.

Some people would joke about it obviously; Mina found some humor in the way she could clearly see Katsuki tense up the moment Izuku and Uraraka spent time alone. Kirishima would speak to him in front of his desk, but Katsuki could only hear the laughs from afar between Izuku and Uraraka. Katsuki couldn't help it, and he was sure he looked like an idiot to everyone. It was hard to keep everything he felt inside.

Kirishima would only keep a worried look on his face. "Hey man, are you... okay? You've been staring at them for a while."  HIs hands would reach out, like he wanted to give Katsuki a hug, anything really. But those words would only make Katsuki sigh and look back towards what he was doing. Just mustering a harsh "I'm fine." And leaving it at that, nothing else. Almost like Kirishima knew not to bother him too much about the topic. Katsuki knew Kirishima wanted to speak about it, because he himself knew how his heart would hurt the moment he saw Izuku and Uraraka together, and that red head always knew when something was wrong with him. He wouldn't say it made him angry when Kirishima would worry constantly about his well-being, he was fine with him being by his side. But speaking about this topic specifically would make him lose it, because he didn't even know what he was feeling himself.

"Katsuki it's okay to say you're jealous of Ochaco!" One time Mina pushed too far, and Katsuki almost killed her then and there. Of course, he didn't actually fight her; he glared daggers towards her, his eyes saying words he wouldn't say, 'Shut the fuck up, or I'll end you right here.' Mina stood behind the nervous Kirishima in fear that he would end up exploding everything. But he wasn't that person anymore. Not after everything.

But honestly, the word 'jealous' made him realize something. Was what he was feeling jealousy? The way his body would tense up, and the way he would bite the inside of his cheeks, or the way his legs would suddenly feel restless against his own body? He would speak about it to someone, but he would rather die than talk about his feelings towards Izuku. What kind of feelings even were they? Everything was too confusing; he doesn't want to feel this way. But somehow, he doesn't want to lose the feeling he feels when looking at Izuku. The feeling of admiration from afar, the feeling of longing to hug him, touch him, hold hands with him. He doesn't want to go back to the way he was with him. God, what kind of guy are you, Katsuki? Friends? Really? Friends don't want to hold hands and kiss each other. What a fucking creep.

He would always end it like that. Force his thoughts to get together, he figured if he could just push the feelings and thoughts, he constantly had about Izuku away, then maybe he could forget about it. Even a for a little.

"It's a sensitive topic.. Mina." Kirishima tried his best to whisper to Mina, but based on how close they were to Katsuki, it didn't seem to work very well. Katsuki scoffed as he walked away with his hands shoved in his pockets. He didn't deny that it was a sensitive topic, because it was to him, and of all the things he didn't want to speak about, this kind of feeling was one of the greatest things.

.

.

. 

"Izuku's... outside, he ran after Uraraka." Someone had to break the awkward glances they had with each other, and who else would it be if it wasn't Kirishima? Katsuki didn't know what his expression was, but it sure was ugly. He hated them being together, and he didn't know why. Jealousy, was it? Really Katsuki? You feel jealous? He felt the way his body tensed up, his fists turn white, and his eyebrows furrowed. If he was already frowning, it got even worse. The way he looked was the exact same as all the moments he's seen Izuku and Uraraka together. It's been like this for who knows how long? 

"B-but! We were all planning on going after them! Right, guys?" Kirishima put both of his hands in front of him, almost like he was making a motion to try and calm down the tense situation. Katsuki turned his head slightly to the right, trying to hide his expression of being hurt. God, he was being such an idiot right now. And in front of almost the entire class 2A. Why did Izuku always have the power to make him feel like this? To make him feel like such a fool? For him? 

Everyone nodded, trying to put up their best smiles to brighten the mood. What a bunch of liars. You can't even give it to him straight?

"Yeah, we just have to find where they ran off to."

Before Katsuki could even think, it was like his legs moved on his own. Just like when he hugged Izuku that one day at the hospital. They always seemed to move it came to Izuku. Saving him, hugging him, running after him. What's next? Kissing him? Katsuki didn't even know how he felt about that. He wasn't even surprised he didn't feel disgusted by the image in his head anymore. He could hear the calling of his name as he ran out of the door, and he could see Aizawa stare at him with a slight hint of confusion as he was making his way towards the dorm.

Katsuki ran, he ran and he ran. 'It's not important, it's not important, stop running.' But his legs wouldn't listen, not until he found the both of them. Not until he saw them. The image in his head, it kept on popping into his head as much as he tried to push it away. There were some things that he just couldn't hide anymore. The two of them sharing a kiss, hugging, holding hands. He hated the idea. Gosh, what an idiot he was being right now. Use your head Katsuki, you should be asleep right now, going home and meeting your parents. But it hurt his heart to think while he went home, they had gotten closer, or even together, intimately. Is it so selfish to want to be that way with Izuku? 

Just ignore the thoughts, ignore it. You just want to make sure Izuku is okay, as a friend. You can't ruin everything you two have built together, not after everything, not after you finally got this far. He's just your friend; you're just checking to make sure he's okay. So why are you running? Running so far just to reach him? 

Get that thought out of your head, stop thinking. Stupid Katsuki, just think normally why can't you?

His breaths were getting harsher and harsher, his heart hurt, he had a pounding headache. He shouldn't be running like this. Not with his injury. He was sweating a lot, his eyes darting left and right to see if Izuku was there. He's not dead, he's okay. He's not confessing to anyone, he's okay. He kept on repeating those words in his head constantly. Trying to calm his breath down. 'For a few months, you'll have to take it easy. You were lucky enough your heart was able to start beating again, don't push it." He was always like this, careless when it came to Izuku. His vision was starting to separate, seeing two different parts of the ground. Everything was becoming blurry. He shouldn't have pushed himself this far, not when he only got out the hospital a while ago.

"You're my hero!" 

A dagger shot straight through his heart. The pain he was feeling physically was suddenly overthrown by the feeling of dread. He just stood there, not knowing what to do with himself, what to do with the sharp pain in his heart. Was it even from the injury anymore?

'Fuck, why did that hurt so much? Why... why does it feel like tears are going to come out of my eyes. Since when were you so sensitive Katsuki? What happened to yelling and fighting whoever was in your way?' His breaths turned from rapid to nothing at all. He couldn't breathe anymore. His vision started to blur more, but not from fatigue. It was from what he had overheard; he fought the urge to cry. Not again, he's already cried in front of Izuku. He was lucky Uraraka and Izuku didn't see him several feet away from the two of them, they were probably too stuck in their own little romance novel to notice him, right? Bullshit, everything hurts.

His eyes were wide open, lips slightly parted. Both of his arms were slumped to the side of him, not moving an inch. He had just ran all this way, but all of a sudden it felt like the only thing he could do was stand as still as if he wasn't there. Because that was what he was to Izuku while he was having his moment right?

"But I could clearly see how amazing you were! You had so much going for you that I didn’t have. All Might was my hero, but you were the one actually in my LIFE!"

He couldn't breathe anymore, no rising in his chest. 'I'm in your life? Fucking lies.'

What ever happened to that? He always thought he was Izuku's hero, that was the one thing he held on to for so long. He wanted Izuku to always be watching him, to stare at him from afar. To see his success, so he could call him his hero. But all of a sudden Uraraka was your hero now? Everything we've gone through, was it all just lies to you? Just a part of your story you could end up fucking forgetting about?

A slight movement in his eyes, he looked at Izuku's eyes. It was always his eyes he found himself staring at.

Katsuki knew they wouldn't always be together forever, but it hurt to see the moment right in front of him where their bond got spread apart because of this one moment. Because of someone.

He knew he was being petty, he should be happy, not broken at the fact Izuku was comforting Uraraka. They weren't even kissing Katsuki. So why did this hurt so much?

'You have to breathe, the doctor said to take it easy.'

Katsuki's breaths started to speed up to where he was breathing normal again, but he couldn't look at the two of them anymore. He knew he would end up getting over this and continue speaking to Izuku like nothing happened. Because he was always like that, just mindlessly following behind him, trying to grab his hand as he flew into the brightest light Katsuki couldn't manage to look at. He would continue to follow, even though it hurt him. And he would forget about the feelings he shoved deep down into his damaged heart, not until he could say it all, not until he understood them.

.

.

Everyone in class 2A managed to catch up to Katsuki standing alone in front of Izuku and Uraraka, they ran past him, making sure Uraraka was okay. But was it bad that he didn't care? Was it bad that he only cared for how Izuku felt right now? What kind of hero was he?

Kirishima put a hand on his shoulder, Katsuki snapping out of his thoughts and starting to softly sniffle while he darted his eyes away from the red-haired boy. Kirishima had a worried look on his face, like he always did—He looked like he was trying to analyze his face for any weakness, to see how he was feeling with just a few seconds of staring. Kirishima was one of the people that was able to tell what Katsuki was feeling, to know how to sort out all the emotions he felt. And he didn't know how to feel. To think that someone was able to read him like a book, it made him feel uneasy.

Kirishima replaced his frown with the slightest smile to make Katsuki feel a little better. Of course, it didn't do anything to him. He felt like shit right now, and he needed to take some space to move his thoughts out from his head. Because he would never sort them out, he would keep them hidden until the day he died.

"Say something to Izuku ?.. He might need it right now." Katsuki stared on him. If anyone else saw it, it probably would've looked like a glare. He looked back at the situation in front of him and walked slowly towards Izuku.

His legs moved with his mind this time, but only because he forced them to.

Izuku saw Katsuki walk towards him, hands shoved in his pockets. He didn't look like he went through anything at all when walking in. A few people of class 2A shot glances towards his way, remembering the way Katsuki had ran out of the dorms just to find Izuku. But Katsuki's expression wasn't full of hatred, or jealousy, or regret. He kept the same expression on his face as he always did. Stoic.

He continued to stare at Izuku, his eyes. He wanted to just hug him tightly, to do anything to show how he felt. But he didn't even know what it was himself. He longed so hard for Izuku. Bakugou Katsuki is bad at feelings.

"How are the embers?" Izuku had ran all the way to Uraraka using the embers of his quirk. And that infuriated him, why risk losing the last pieces you have of One For All just to help a girl? But Izuku was always like that, he always risked anything just to save someone. Even if it was one of the biggest things he held on to.

The question Katsuki asked caused everyone to look shocked. Oh, of course Izuku didn't tell them. Of course, he didn't explain or tell one of the biggest losses he's had his whole life. It was probably because he didn't want to burden them, right? Why can't he just say how he's feeling? Say when he's upset, when he wants to cry? It frustrated Katsuki, he didn't take care of himself. Just like All Might. That was how he became the greatest hero. Just putting a fake smile on his face and saying it's okay. 

Everyone's faces changed, Mineta crying like an idiot, it was all too much for Katsuki to handle. But all he could focus on was Izuku, the way he would smile sadly at the fact Katsuki had mentioned the embers to him.

Katsuki decided he would continue to hide his feelings, hide everything and shove it deep down his heart. If it meant he could continue to stay by Izuku's side, then he would be okay with it. Even if that path was filled with anguish and pain, if he could stay by his constant, it would be okay.

But he didn't think Izuku felt exactly the same. Their communication was horrible, always hiding how they feel just to make the other feel better. Neither of them was any better, and they couldn't help it. Because how would they know if they never share how they feel?

Midoriya Izuku and Bakugou Katsuki is bad at feelings.

They would continue to hide their feelings behind a label they call 'friends' and hope that they could stay the same way for the rest of their lives. Too scared to move forward with what they already think is the best they could be.

"I'll explain everything."

A path with thorns.