Chapter Text
There I was, sitting in my bed staring up into space. They claim that this isn’t a place for mental people and that this place isn’t a hospital; but it is. I‘ve been here for long enough now to know. I knew perfectly well why I was here too. Sometimes it seemed fair and other times it seemed like Father was deliberately punishing me for what he did. Anger rises from within me so I stand up to walk around.
All the rooms are quite small but we’re allowed to decorate them in whatever way we wish and the nurses have no say at all. I heard someone had put nude pictures up and refused to take them down and so they’re still there. Last I heard at least. That person, whoever they were, might have passed the tests.
I walk past my collection of forks and shells and the small fish bones I scavenged and walk around again. I walk past my huge vanity covered in hairbrushes and makeups and dyes. I walk past the small metal bed covered in the same blue sheets. I liked the peaceful colour of them and just never had it changed. I walk past a small boat in a bottle, pride of place in my room and stare into it. I can almost feel the wind moving and the sea breeze. I can see the move of the rudder and the captain on its deck.
The captain was standing there, tall and proud and his dark hair was blowing in the wind. He looked exactly as a prince should look; handsome, regal and human! I wobble on my legs slightly and run to my bed and cry into my pillow like I normally do every night. It’s just too hard!
My favourite nurse finds me much later and takes me away to get some food. She calms me down and soothes me and promises that no one can hurt me in the canteen. In the canteen they’ll be no trinkets that hurt, no memories can be triggered that’ll make you cry there. Hesitantly I give in and using my walking device I slowly move around my room. I’m half tempted to look back at the bottle but a look from my nurse tells me that we need to move and that I shouldn’t be working himself up before I go to a public zone.
In all fairness it’s not that public. It’s just that all the inmates, (ok so it’s not a prison but there’s no escape), I mean, patients can eat together. It’s the only time I’ve interacted with them since I arrived about a month or so ago. I remember that night; hurt, betrayal, anger. That deep horrible anger when Father found out what I’d done. The sense of feeling so completely lost, so utterly alone in this universe with no one to turn to and no one who would love me. I remember stumbling to this place like a magnet. I thought it was perfect, a safe place where I could cry out all my problems until I was dry and ready to make up. Turns out things aren’t as simple as that.
I sit down at one of the plastic seats next to a small table, square so that we don’t have to look at others, and wait for my nurse to bring my plastic tray of food over. There are three other patients with their nurses sitting at this table. I could probably name them all from the board at the front. Well, that little girl is Lilo, I think she almost lost her sister and her only friend after a house fire went wrong. She refused foster care and was brought here instead. Poor kid; She’s only 8 or something now.
There’s a boy here too; another orphan. Well Lilo’s not quite an orphan but you get the picture. He’d been in an orphanage his whole life and he’s just a bit weird. I walked past his room once and it was open. I peeked in as I walked and it was covered with sciencey stuff or whatever it’s called and you always hear the strangest of noises coming from his room. I think his name’s Lewis or something. His hair is so bright that he wears a baseball cap every day. You can just about see the tips of his hair underneath but nothing else.
There’s another girl at the table too. I can’t remember her name but she’s Chinese origin and only seems able to speak in fluent Chinese all the time. I think they are trying to teach her English but I think she’s only agreeing because she knows she can never go home again. Apparently her parents cut her off because she chopped her hair off and ran away to war. Apparently she’s lucky to be alive. I feel some sort of empathy towards her. I wonder if her father had yelled at her too, causing your whole kingdom to rattle in fear and quake as though a sea monster had been awakened. Did he throw up your most treasured possessions and scream at your friends too I wonder? I look at her sad, empty face and decided that maybe I might ask my nurse about her.
Then there’s that Jim kid. He looks sullen and his nurse is staring at him very carefully, as though they expect him to run away at any second. I half wish he would. It would be nice to have some entertainment around here for once. Stop us thinking about our own problems for once and give us a laugh. But the staff here would never allow it. I can’t remember why he’s here, I just know that he’s kind cute but in a scruffy way and he intrigues me. I want to get to know him better but the nurses are fairly strict about interaction. I think they’re most afraid about suicides, escape attempts and basic bad mouthing towards the hospital.
But how could anyone bad mouth a place that had been taking such good care of everyone? I mean the medicine was fair; the actually seemed to care and the food wasn’t terrible either. I mean everyone seemed to be eating it from what I could see without turning in my seat and arousing suspicion.
I look down at my plate and have no idea what it is. I decide it must be safe enough to eat if everyone one else was eating it. I eat a little bit of the creamy stuff and it does taste creamy indeed. I try the orangey looking vegetable? It tastes nice too so I eat that. I use my fork and mash it into the creamy stuff - That just makes it taste nicer. I try the brown stuff, poking it with the utensil in my hand first. It doesn’t like nice at all. It’s slightly watered down sauce and the actual meat is all spindly like worms? I’m not very good at this language yet. I take a nervous bite and find that it tastes alright and begin to eat up. Soon the whole plate is clean and I am content. I dab at my mouth with a napkin like I saw people at the human palace doing.
“Nurse, What was that?” I ask with a small smile and a question in my eyes. I know this from constantly asking questions about my life to a mirror. Fat lot of use that does; they never reply to me.
“Dear, that’s mince, neeps and tatties.” She says in her crisp Scottish accent.
“What’s a neep? And how can I be a tattie if I just ate one?” I ask confused, again.
“Dear, a tatty is a silly person but that tattie that was on your plate was actually a potato. And neeps are turnips. I’m sorry that you didn’t understand my dialect.”
I smile and nod my head understanding. Neeps and tatties are foods which are different when not in Nurses’ language and a tatty was something I could be at times. I hear a chortle from the other end of the table and turn my head sharply to see who finds my ability to ask questions amusing. It was that Jim boy! I wanted to burn in the ground the amount of people that had turned to stare. The look on his face! I simply cannot believe him. I turn in my seat and stand up. I march out of the canteen with as much grace and dignity I can muster with a walking device and I could almost feel Jim being stunned speechless. A new feeling arouses from within me but I ignore it and continue to walk to my room with my nurse trotting behind me.