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My dear El,
Today is graduation day. I put on a graduation cap that’s a little too big for me, and the very first thing I thought of was you. I’m sure you would have laughed if you’d seen me wearing it—just like the time I made those really cool glasses for you. It might sound strange to bring up something tied to memories that aren’t exactly happy, but to me, anything connected to you is worth every single second.
Everyone says this is supposed to be the happiest day. Maybe that’s true. But for me, it would only be complete if you were still here.
We all graduated, El. Dustin still talks as much as ever, grinning from ear to ear throughout the ceremony. Lucas looks so much more grown-up, as if in just two years he’s matured twice as fast. Will is quieter now, but I know he’s okay, in his own way. And Max—she’s recovering really well. She can walk, she can smile, and she was able to sit in the front row today. When I look at Max, I think of you. I think if you could see this, you’d be so happy. Don’t worry, El. Max is okay. Everyone is okay. We all miss you. But maybe… I miss you the most. Sometimes I still turn my head, as if you’re standing right beside me, asking me a thousand random questions. You’re still with me, aren’t you, El?
I’m doing okay. Really. I’m trying to live the way you once believed I could. I applied to the Literature program at Harvard. Sounds kind of stupid, right? But I think… if there’s anything that can help me hold on to you, it’s stories. I’m waiting for the acceptance letter now. Every time I see the mailman walk by, my heart beats a little faster.
Hopper and Joyce got married. The ceremony was small, but warm. Hopper and I talk more than we used to. Two men who aren’t very good at talking about feelings, yet somehow understand each other without needing many words. Maybe it’s because we both lost the most important person in our lives. That loss brought us closer, even if neither of us ever says it out loud.
El, there’s a word I don’t dare to say, to write, or even to think about. I can accept the fact that some losses can never be erased, but there’s one truth I will never accept—no matter how many times people try to tell me otherwise. I always hope that wherever you are, you’re no longer in pain. I hope you’re healthy, and happy, in the way you truly deserve.
If you can see this, I hope you know that we’re still living on, still loving each other, and still carrying you in our hearts. And my heart has always belonged to you.
I love you. Just like the very first day—maybe even more than that. If you can, please wait for me. And one day, when the time comes, I’ll find my way to you.
Forever yours,
Mike Wheeler