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It had been a good while since Hopper had really thought about decorating for the holidays. A good few years of ignoring the holiday seaason altogether, instead spending it at the bottom of a bottle of booze by his lonesome. Of course, that was after losing his kid, after the divorce, after the whole moving back to Hawkins thing. It wasn't like he was turning his life around or anything, there was no come to Jesus moment for him.
There was mostly guilt. There was also Joyce Byers.
They said you never forgot your first love, but he wasn't sure carrying a torch for a girl with terrible taste in men counted as a first love. Man, he wished they'd run away to Mexico back in high school.
No, it wasn't love, he didn't think, it was mostly guilt for selling out a little girl who had vanished. He'd left some waffles and a can of peaches in the box, and someone was taking the food he left, he just hoped it was her.
There was also some relief in saving a boy. Saving tiny Will Byers and giving him CPR, saving him from a wasteland the way he couldn't save Sara. It had given him something he'd been missing, something that he'd wanted but didn't have.
And now he had agreed to get into the holiday spirit, take that very same boy to get a Christmas tree because Joyce had given him that same pleading look that had always worked in school. How could he ever say no to her? He pulled up to the Byers house, the hole in the front wall freshly sealed. He'd seen to it personally that it be covered by the agreement, along with any of Will's medical bills. Joyce had also been reimbursed for work she'd missed.
He'd been tempted to push the envelope further, but he didn't want to risk souring the relationship, not if something else happened, something in the future. He hoped it wouldn't, of course he did, but he'd learned you could never be too careful.
Joyce stepped out onto the porch with a lit cigarette, lifting a hand in greeting. It was almost like they were friends again. "Hi Hop."
"Joyce. Boys almost ready?"
"Will misplaced one of his boots, they'll be out in just a minute." She smiled at him and gave a little shrug. "Boys will be boys." And her boys... they were different than most. Not as rough around the edges. At least, not Will. Jonathan fought to come off as jagged and cold, but Will was soft. It felt wrong to say delicate, though he was sure kids at school had worse things to say. Hopper, though, Hopper was just glad he was alive. Delicate or not.
Joyce blew smoke into the cold wind and lifted the cigarette back to her lips. And Hopper was no better than he'd been when they were high schoolers, eyes tracking the movement closely. She lifted her gaze, met his eyes for a fleeting moment. And before she could say anything the door swung open and Will came out of the house, bundled up tight. "There you are, kid." Hopper smiled like he hadn't been staring down Joyce. "How are you feeling?"
"Hi." Will smiled and tucked his scarf under his chin. "I'm feeling good, really. I'm excited, we've never had a real Christmas tree!”
"Never?" Hopper looked at Joyce with a little smirk.
"We have one in the attic, I don't know what's so bad about it." Jonathan came outside and pulled on a small backpack. "It's tradition."
Joyce smiled around her cigarette, pulling it from her mouth. "We're starting new traditions. And it gets you boys out of my hair for a little while. I don't get much quiet time." She looked between Jonathan and Will. "You boys behave for Hopper, you hear me?"
"Mom-" Jonathan tried to protest, but she pointed at him.
"Keep an eye on your brother."
"I will." He sighed and tugged at his gloves. They looked too small for his hands.
"Daylight's wasting." Hopper itched to ask Joyce for a cigarette, but he'd hold off for now. He'd just picked up a fresh carton on the way, he'd have one later. "Come on, both of you, in the truck." He gestured for them to get in and they shared a glance, but got in. Jonathan climbed in the back and let Will take the front seat.
They were quiet boys, both of them silent as Hopper started driving. They sat almost the same way, hunched in on themselves like they were trying to hide in plain sight, eyes cast towards the floor. He cleared his throat and glanced at Jonathan in the rearview mirror. "How's school going? I'm sure everything is settling down."
"School is fine." Jonathan's voice was quieter now, quieter than it had been when he'd talked to his mom. It didn't surprise Hopper, but he was also the kid who'd gotten arrested by Callahan for fighting. He'd meant to ask what that had been about, but there hadn't been another incident to ask about, and by now, surely he wouldn't want to talk about it.
So Hopper glanced over at Will. "Will? School going okay?"
"It's fine." He shrugged, tugging at his sleeves, tucking them into his gloves and pulling them out again. "I like AV club, Mr. Clarke is usually really cool. Um... I don't know. School is fine."
Well, there was no doubting they were brothers. He remembered Joyce when the two of them had been younger than the boys were now, boisterous and loud and chatty when she was on a roll. Clearly they didn't inherit that trait. "Right, that's good. School is... good."
They drove past the tree farm in the parking lot of Bradley's, and Will frowned. "Aren't we getting a tree?"
"We're getting a better tree than the twigs they'll have in that parking lot. I'm taking you boys where my dad always took me to get a tree."
“Does mom know where you’re taking us?” Will looked over curiously.
“She knows that I’m taking you to get a tree.” It wouldn’t hurt that he’d be able to look around an area of the woods he didn’t check out often. For signs of the girl, in case she’d ventured that far out. “It’ll be fun, don’t worry. A little extra hard work never hurt, right?”
“I guess not.”
“He had bronchitis.” Jonathan spoke up from the backseat. “He’s barely back on his feet as it is.” Jonathan’s voice wobbled just a little, wobbled in a way that said he was uncertain about speaking up.
Hopper tried to soften himself a little. “I’m not making him chop a tree down by himself. Neither of you are getting sick or hurt on my watch, alright? Relax, kid. I know exactly what he went through.” He glanced in the rear view mirror at Jonathan, who seemed to shrink in on himself more. No answer might as well have been an affirmative.
Will shrugged. “It might be fun. They do it in Christmas specials on TV. I always thought it might be nice.”
“That’s the spirit.” He turned down one of the quieter roads in Hawkins, which was really saying something. He figured he’d park by the Harrington’s place, check out that stretch of woods. There was a cluster of pines that he thought would have a good tree or two. Will was an artist, surely he’d have an eye for the ideal Christmas tree.
He parked on the side of the road and cut the ignition, turning so he could look at both boys. “Let’s get out there. I’ll have you home in time for dinner.”
Jonathan didn’t look convinced, but Will brightened as he got out of the truck. “Do you have a chainsaw?”
“Just an axe, but I’ve got one back home. Maybe we can trim the trunk with it after we get it down.”
“Cool.” Will looked up at Jonathan, who managed a small smile.
Hopper got the axe from the backseat and held it out to Jonathan. “Hold onto this for me, will you?”
“Oh.” Jonathan blinked and took it. “I- okay.”
Maybe he just needed a way to feel useful. He was mostly out there to keep an eye on Will and get out of the house. Jonathan didn’t seem like an outdoorsman, but he liked taking pictures. From what Joyce had said about him, anyway, Hopper had never seen him with a camera. He’d have a perspective too.
It was nice for the first few minutes, walking across the snow that crunched underfoot, pointing out tracks to the boys when they came across him. He’d always sort of envisioned something like that with his girl. When she got older, he’d wanted to sign her up for scouts, get her out of the city on trips. But.. she didn’t get older.
Hopper cleared his throat and looked away from Will as he inspected deer tracks. Some days he missed her more than others. Lately, with the disappearance of the girl, of Eleven, he was missing her more.
He was proud of himself for not going for the pills again, for drinking fewer nights than he used to, but chainsmoking half a pack as soon as he was off work didn’t seem like it was all that much better. Either way, he’d had Joyce’s kids in the car, there was no way he was anything but stone cold sober.
He looked over at Jonathan, who was trudging through the show in sneakers, tugging at his gloves. His wrists were an angry, cold red, the kind that turned to itchy and bloody chapped skin. Hopper had another pair of gloves in the truck and mentally kicked himself for not grabbing them.
Hopper slid off the gloves on his hands and held them out to Jonathan. “Put these on. You’ll get sick.”
Jonathan looked startled, startled enough that he reached out and took the gloves without argument. He murmured his thanks, tucking the too-small gloves into the pocket of his jacket with the axe tucked under his arm. “They’re warm.”
“Keep them. I’ve got another pair.”
“I can pay you back, I just need-“
Hopper waved him off. “Consider it… an early Christmas gift.”
Jonathan made a face and Hopper could tell he didn’t like it, but he didn’t argue either, just tugged the gloves down as far as they would go. Hopper watched him tuck the sleeves of his jacket into the gloves and nodded approvingly.
Will bent over and scooped up some snow from the ground, crushing it between his hands. “Aww. It’s not packing together.”
“Guess it’s not wet enough. Sorry Will.” Jonathan smiled a little, kicking his feet through the snow. "It's too powdery."
"Can we make snowmen when the snow is right for it?"
"Sure we can." Jonathan nodded seriously. "We'll make them as big as you want."
"Cool." Will grinned and turned to look at Hopper. "Can I carry the axe?"
"Sure. Jonathan, give Will the axe."
Jonathan didn't look happy with that, but he held the axe out to Will, handle first. "Be careful with it, it's sharp."
"I'm being careful!" He held it over his shoulder, grinning widely. "Come on, Jonathan, we have to find the perfect tree for mom!" He hurried ahead and Jonathan grimaced, picking up the pace.
Hopper sighed, his breath lifting up into the air around him. The sky was dark gray above, heavy with the promise of more snow. Will would be happy about that. He hoped Eleven would pop up soon, before it got too cold. It already felt like it was too cold, especially if she was out in the elements.
At least he knew Jonathan and Will would be home and warm before the sun went down. That would have to be enough for now.
Will had come to a stop in front of a tree of modest height. It was a little asymmetrical, but the needles were bright green and stuck out in every direction. It was no Charlie Brown tree, but it wasn't big enough that he worried it wouldn't fit in the house. "Is this the one?"
Will nodded eagerly. "I think it's perfect!" He held up the axe, swinging it over his shoulder fast enough that Jonathan stumbled backwards, startled. "Can we cut it down?"
"Sure we can." Hopper crouched down, pointing to where Will should cut. "Right about here, you want to cut through as straight as you can so that it'll sit on the floor right inside."
Will nodded, expression serious, and as soon as Hopper was out of the way, he started swinging the axe. It took a few swings for him to get the angle right, and then he wasn't quite strong enough to take much wood with each hit. Hopper could see the way his breath came faster in the white puffs of air, and then he began to cough. Hopper grimaced, but before he could interrupt, Jonathan touched his shoulder. "Will, how about I take a turn? I'll cut through some of it and let you take the last few swings."
Will nodded, still coughing, and passed the axe over. Jonathan rubbed his back for a moment before he sighed and started to cut down the tree. His strikes were steadier and stronger, and he made short work of the trunk. Hopper watched, mildly impressed at how quickly he worked through it. Will's coughing settled and he tugged his hat down over his ears, shivering. "Feeling okay?" Hopper asked him.
Will nodded and sniffled. "I'm okay. My chest hurts a little bit, but I'm okay."
"We'll head back as soon as the tree is down. I've got the rope to pull it back to the truck." He took it from an inner pocket of his jacket. He was pleased that Will hadn't wanted a larger tree. He wasn't sure he had enough rope for one much bigger.
Jonathan wiped his forehead with his sleeve and held the axe out to Will by the head. "It's almost down. You wanna do the honors?"
Will nodded excitedly and took it, hurrying forward to finish cutting down the tree. He yelped when it cracked and scurried back towards Jonathan, who caught him easily as the tree came falling down against the ground. Hopper chuckled softly. “Good job, kid. You too Jonathan.”
Jonathan nodded silently, though there was a small smile on his face. He squeezed Will's shoulders and nudged him forward. "Um... what now?"
"We tie it up. Drag it back to the truck." Hopper produced a bundle of rope. "Tie down the branches so they won't all break off and I'll pull it." He tossed the rope to Jonathan, who fumbled and just barely managed to catch it. Jonathan frowned, but unraveled it.
Will took one end, eager to wrap the rope around the tree. His tongue poked out and Hopper couldn't hold back a smile of his own as he watched the boy get to work. He'd been worried Will wouldn't enjoy himself, would get cold and feel too sick by the time they found a tree, but he was bundled up tight. He had his mom and older brother looking out for him. It was nice to see.
Hopper'd had more than one nightmare about giving him CPR where it didn't work, but it was easy to push those thoughts aside when Will was right there in front of him, laughing and exhaling white clouds of breath into the air.
Jonathan helped Will wrap the tree in the rope, but he had some trouble tying it off. "Let me show you kids some knots. You ever join the Scouts?"
Will shook his head. "Jonathan did!"
"Not for very long. I didn't get along with the other boys, but it wasn't so bad. I went on a camping trip. Saw some cool bugs." He shrugged, looking down at the rope in his hands.
Hopper knelt down in the snow and began to tie the rope, showing the boys each step slowly. "Do you want to try?" When Will nodded, he showed them how to untie it and walked Will through retying it.
"I did it?"
It was a little sloppy, but Hopper rubbed the kid's back with a grin. "Good job. Let's get this back to the truck before you freeze. Both of you, I see you shivering, Jonathan."
Jonathan had his arms wrapped around himself, too-big gloves pulled down over his wrists. "I'm not shivering," he grumbled, scooping up the axe. But Hopper oculd see him smiling. "These woods give me the creeps."
Will coughed into his fist. "It is a little cold. Will you make cocoa when we get home?"
"Was already planning it. I'll add cinnamon." Jonathan smiled and Hopper couldn't help but soften a little. He was pleased to see that the two of them looked out for each other. Or at least that Jonathan looked out for Will, even if he didn't seem willing to let anyone look out for him. Hopper would keep an eye on him anyway.
Will took the lead on the way back to the truck, carrying a large stick like a wizard staff. At least, that's what Jonathan had said when Hopper asked. He seemed happy enough, carrying it high above his head. Hopper didn't mind, as long as Will stayed in his line of sight as he dragged the tree. It wasn't as heavy as he'd been expecting, but he wasn't about to complain, not when his back wouldn't be complaining either.
Jonathan zipped his jacket up higher as they reached the edge of the woods and seemed to be shivering harder. "You alright?"
"Just a little cold." Jonathan's teeth chattered and Hopper frowned. He'd been worried about Will getting too cold.
"Go ahead and start the truck. Will can help me with the tree." Hopper held out his keys and Jonathan hesitated a moment before taking them and hurrying into the truck to start the heater. "Alright kid, ready to get this in the back?"
Will put his stick down and nodded. "I'm strong. I can help."
"That's what I thought." Hopper smiled and lifted one end of the tree. He was reasonably certain he could lift it himself, but Will just seemed eager to help. So with most of the weight on his side, they lifted the tree into the bed of the truck. "Okay, go into the backseat and grab the red bungee cords. There should be three of them."
Will nodded seriously and hurried to get them. It was good to see him hurrying like that, to see him eager and happy. Even though he let out rough sounding coughs, he seemed to be doing so much better, especially compared to how weak he'd seemed in a hospital bed or waking up on the ground of the Upside Down.
He secured the tree in the bed and held out a hand to high five Will. "Good job. Let's get this back to your mom. I think she'll be happy to see it."
"Will you stay and decorate it with us?" Will looked up with big green eyes and... well, Hopper sighed.
"I can stick around for a little while, sure. Get in the truck." He urged him in and shook his head. He could’ve sworn he used to be able to say no to people. Maybe not his own kid, but other people’s, surely.
Jonathan was half asleep in the passenger seat when Hopper got in to drive them home. He looked small, bundled up and huddled against the door with the heater vents pointed at his face. Hopper wondered if that’s how Joyce saw him, just a kid bundled up in a coat and too-big gloves. “Seatbelt, kid. We’re out of here.”
Jonathan nodded and wordlessly pulled it on. He yawned a moment later, huddling in on himself again. He didn’t seem uncomfortable anymore, though. Hopper would consider that progress.
The drive back to the boys’ house was quiet, Jonathan dozing in the passenger seat and Will watching out the window in the back, and Hopper was okay with that. The silence was only broken by the occasional cough from Will and sleepy murmurs from Jonathan after, a reflex to check on him. It was… touching.
Joyce wasn’t on the porch when they got back, but by the time Hopper was opening the door to let Will out, she came outside. “Did they behave?”
“On their best behavior.” Hopper’s lips twitched. “I was expecting Will to be a handful.”
“What? How come?” Will looked at him, not quite pouting, but those big eyes bored into Hopper.
“I’m teasing kid, I didn’t think you’d be a problem.” He patted Will’s head gently and knocked on the window to rouse Jonathan. He jolted awake and got out of the truck, gaze lowered. He didn’t seem upset though, just pensive.
“Did you take your camera with you?” Joyce asked.
Jonathan’s back stiffened and he shook his head. “Guess I forgot it. Will was looking for his boots, must’ve left it in my room.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. Well, let me see the tree!” She clasped her hands and Hopper smiled. She was beautiful, always had been.
“Give me a hand, Will.” They went around the back of the truck and Hopper did most of the heavy lifting as they pulled it out. Joyce tilted her head a little and Hopper smiled. “It’ll look prettier when we get it untied and fluffed out inside.”
“I’ve got the base all set up. Come on, Jonathan, we’ll help them get it in.”
Hopper and Will followed them, and just a few moments later, they had the tree set up. Hopper cut the rope away and Jonathan began fluffing out the branches.
“It’s beautiful, boys. Good choice.” Joyce smiled and brought over a large container of ornaments.
“Will picked it out. He did a good job.” Jonathan smiled, but it slipped as he looked down at his hands. “Should there be this much sap?” He winced at the way his fingers stuck together.
“It’ll wash off, honey.” Joyce smiled a little. “You’ll get less on your hands when we put the ornaments on.”
Jonathan nodded and kept working on the branches. Hopper knew Will was an artist, but Jonathan had an eye for those things too, he could tell from the way he kept stepping back before moving back to keep adjusting branches.
Joyce clicked her tongue as she looked at the needles on the floor, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she opened up the big box of ornaments that must have come from the attic. “Hop, come here. Most of these were made by the boys.”
Hopper chuckled. “Well, I have to see these. Bet they’re real classic art.”
“I like to think so.” Joyce grinned at him, smile dazzling as ever.
And Joyce had a story for every single ornament, the boys chiming in excitedly when it was theirs. Even Jonathan was coming out of his shell, smiling over the ornaments and proudly hanging the ones he'd made. He handled Will's ornaments as delicately as he could, making sure they were settled on the branches so they wouldn't fall, even the paper ones that wouldn't break if they did. Hopper was more than happy to share in the quiet family moments, even if it wasn't his family.
If he really tried, he could almost picture himself as a part of it, standing beside Joyce and watching over Will and Jonathan. They were quiet boys, but he liked to think he'd treat them well enough, keep them from getting into trouble...
It felt like he could be part of a family again.
When the tree was decorated, all ornaments and no lights, Will pulled the star from the box. It was a handmade one, clearly one he'd made in school and covered in glitter, and he smiled widely. "Can I put it on?"
"Let me go get a stool, honey." Joyce ruffled his hair lovingly. "Unless you want to grow a few inches."
"I can try." Will laughed and leaned into her touch.
"No need for that." Hopper put a hand on Will's back and put his hands on his waist. "On three, jump, I'll lift you up."
"Okay!"
"Be careful of his ribs!" Joyce fretted. Jonathan moved in closer, but Will just loooked over his shoulder and smiled widely.
"I'm ready."
"Alright. 1... 2... 3!" Will jumped and Hopper lifted him into the air, holding him up so he could put the star on top of the tree. Hopper groaned and lowered him back to the floor as Will giggled wildly. "Good job, kid. Merry Christmas."
Will gave him a bright smile and turned to hug him, definitely getting glitter on his shirt.
Hopper supposed some things could be forgiven.
It was bittersweet to leave just a little while later. Joyce stood on the porch to see him off, smoking a cigarette with smoke curling around her in the cold. "Thank you. I want to give the boys a good Christmas. Things are tight right now, even with... the help." She choked on the last word and grimaced, her nose scrunching up. "I'm lucky to still have my job, I just can't thank you enough." She sighed and stood on her toes, kissing Hopper's cheek. "Thank you."
Hopper's face felt warm despite the cold and he smiled. "Anytime, Joyce. For you? Anytime. Anything you need, you ask me."
She squeezed his hand and he headed to his truck, pulling out of her driveway without looking back. He thought it might hurt if he did.
He made his way towards home, stopping on the side of the road where he'd been parking every day for over a month now. He trekked into the woods, along a path he'd been forging on his own. The flashlight in his hand was dim, but enough light for him to make his way through the darkness. It was hard not to think about the Byers. About his family, about the daughter he'd lost.
He was nearly bowled over by a bought of grief, the likes he hadn't felt in years. He swallowed it back and crouched down next to the box he'd been stocking with food. It was empty, the way it had been for several consecutive days. He knew that it might just be some raccoons, some kind of animal taking the food, but he could only hope it was her, hope that the girl was still alive, still close enough, still okay.
It was only as he was returning to the truck that he heard footsteps behind him, crunching through the snow and the leaves. And he smiled, knowing exactly who those footsteps belonged to.