Work Text:
We didn’t even kiss
How could he ever say that to Rozanov? The idea was stupid, the most idiotic thing he could do. He so desperately wanted to send the text though. How could they not kiss? Even just once. It hurt more than he cared to admit.
He felt desperate for the other man. He suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe without him and he didn’t know what to do. His chest was tight and he started to pant. Something was wrong, very wrong. The elevator ride was slowing down and his head was starting to pound.
He needed to call someone, anyone. He pulled out his phone with shaky hands, trying to figure out the best option, he knew he couldn’t call Ilya, what would he even say?
His vision was swimming, he couldn’t see who he was typing to, all he could get out was “in elevator help” and pressed send. Next thing he felt was his back hitting the wall and tears welling up in his eyes.
-
It wasn’t long after Hollander left that Ilya started to regret letting the other leave the way he did. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling this way for the other, why him out of all people? How can you fuck your rival and not think about it every second of every day.
A few minutes into his spiraling thoughts he heard his phone go off with a quiet ding. He wasn’t sure who would be texting him this late at night. He dwelled on picking it up for a few minutes before standing up to grab it.
The message that popped up made his heart stop, it was from Shane.
“In elevator help”
Ilya was moving before he could even think. He was throwing on whatever clothes he could find on the floor from earlier escapades. He knew he would reek of what he did with Shane but he couldn’t understand why care less, Shane needed him.
It didn’t take long for him to be rushing out the room, straight for the elevator. The wait for it to come to the penthouse was excruciating. When the elevator dinged to let it know of its arrival Ilya was practically yanking the doors open. Once the doors opened he could see Shane, sitting in the corner with tears streaming down his face, hugging his knees to his chest.
“What is wrong, what happened?” Ilya was quick to get out, scared someone hurt Shane.
All Shane could do was let out heartbreaking sobs and shake his head. Words seemed to be hard for the other to say and Ilya couldn’t blame him.
“Hollander what is wrong, tell me.”
“You didn’t kiss me.” Shane said between sobs. It then became clear what was going on and it’s Ilya’s fault for not seeing it.
“Get up, we go back to hotel room.” Ilya said, his tone becoming more stern, hoping it would help.
Shane looked up at him with red rimmed eyes, he took a shaky breath and began to pull himself up. Ilya walked to him slowly, not wanting to make anything worse. He held out his hand for Shane, which the other was quick to take.
-
They were in the hotel room, sitting quietly on the couch for a moment.
“I’m sorry.” Shane whispered after his sobbing subsided.
“For what?” Ilya asked.
“For acting like this, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Not your fault, is mine, didn’t take care of you.” Ilya said sadly, this was fault and he would take the blame.
“Why would it be your fault Rozanov? I’m the one who was having a panic attack over nothing.” He said, Ilya could tell he was ashamed of what happened. His cheeks were red and his head was down.
“Hollander, look at me.”
Immediately Shane looked up, eyes wide and still wet with shed tears. Ilya grabbed his chin gently and placed a small kiss on the others lips.
“I’m sorry we didn’t kiss Hollander. That is my fault, not yours.”
Ilya saw Shane’s lip begin to quiver again and the tears had increased but he didn’t cry. Just nodded his head and leaned forward to rest his head on Ilyas chest.
“What’s wrong with me?” He asked in a whisper.
“It is called sub drop.” Ilya responded slowly. “It is when you drop in emotion suddenly and feel the way you’re feeling I assume.”
“It sucks.” Shane said back, he had so many questions but didn’t have the energy to ask them. He just wanted to curl up into Ilyas side and sleep.
“Can we just go to bed please, I’m tired.” Shane felt like he was begging, and maybe he was but he didn’t care.
“Yes Hollander whatever you want.” Ilya responded.
Ilya picked Shane up, ignoring Shane’s protest, and carried him towards the bedroom. He gently set him on one side of the bed and undressed him. Tucking him in Ilya joined the other in bed.
“So sorry Shane.” Ilya whispered.
“It’s okay Ilya.” Shane whispered back as he buried his head in the other chest.