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Kagetsu stuck out his tongue to catch a flake of snow falling by his window. A snowfall to greet his favorite day, it must have been a good omen. Though he was awkward and uncomfortable actually being in the snow - he’d never quite gotten used to Elusian weather - he loved the sight more than even the cherry trees in Pale Sands.
“Zelkov, do you see it?” Kagetsu asked, turning back to Zelkov, who was in bed. Not asleep, never asleep, but simply staring at Kagetsu ever since he bounded out of bed. He held his head in his hand lazily, a gesture that didn’t suit him at all. Just being awake seemed to exhaust him, and Kagetsu tried to temper his excitement.
“It is a lovely day.” Kagetsu said, more subdued. Then he rubbed his arms, shivering as the open window brought in a gust of icy wind. He shut the window and hopped back onto the bed. “We’re off all weekend for the winter festival, too! Ivy and Hortensia and Goldmary and Rosado are going tonight, shall we attend it too?”
Zelkov rolled back onto his stomach, pulling the covers up further on himself. “You’d likely enjoy it. I can stay here.”
Kagetsu pouted. He got under the covers too so he could get close to Zelkov. He laughed when he tried to go in for a kiss, but Zelkov ducked away the best he could, and he only managed to get his stubbly cheek.
“It’ll be much more fun if you come too.” Kagetsu insisted. “We should do something together, at least, for my birthday. You cannot spend the winter festival in your room once again.”
“I have done it every other year.” Zelkov countered. “This year shall be no different. I can give you your gift before you go.”
“Nooo, the only gift I want is time with my beloved! We have to be together this year! You promised when you proposed to me that we would always be together.”
“That didn’t mean every single second.” Zelkov rolled his eyes. “The festivities will be more fun without my presence, trust me. I have a most stimulating book to keep my mind at bay.”
“Hmm… We can read together! I’ve been liking the Chronicles of Elusia series you showed me.”
Zelkov dragged his hand over his face, then flopped face down onto the pillow. Kagetsu looked on in concern. He only did that when Kagetsu said something extremely corny, like his infamous knock knock jokes and puns, but this time it was proper irritation.
“I’m spending today alone.” Zelkov snapped. “Do something else to entertain yourself.”
Kagetsu grumbled. Already his fantastic start to the day was getting dampened. Zelkov liked to be alone, and most of the time Kagetsu tried to respect and accommodate his fiance’s needs, but he had hoped he would force himself a little for Kagetsu’s birthday.
“It’s not really fair…” Kagetsu muttered.
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing!” Kagetsu sat up and threw the covers off them both, hastening to get ready. He knew trying to talk to Zelkov now would bear no fruit, so left early to give him some time alone.
Kagetsu pondered Zelkov’s mood as he ate his onigiri breakfast (a thoughtful and delicious birthday gift from Goldmary) and made plans with the princesses about tonight’s winter festival.
“Why is Zelkov always angry around the winter festival?” Kagetsu asked. He knew the girls knew too - Zelkov could hide it convincingly to most people, but Ivy and Hortensia had known him for almost a decade.
“I never found out.” Ivy said. “And never thought to dig deeper into it. It’s quite normal to be melancholy when the seasons change.”
“You were miserable your first winter here.” Hortensia added with a smug smirk.
It was true. Kagetsu had joined Elusia’s ranks in the summer, not realizing how little sunlight and heat the winters there brought. It had been a difficult adjustment.
“It cannot be that. Zelkov loves winter - and once the new year rolls around, without fail he starts to feel back to normal. It’s these days specifically he does not act right. Last year he stayed in bed on my birthday!”
“The whole day?” Ivy asked, taken aback. She was more shocked when Kagetsu nodded.
“I let him as I assumed he was just exhausted from our battles, but looking back it was very strange. Every year he’s like this. I asked why but he refused to give me an answer.”
Ivy put her hand to her chin. “You’re right it’s out of character. Even when he’s in a bout of depression Zelkov can usually handle his normal responsibilities… Whatever it may be, maybe it’s best if you give him time alone, Kagetsu. It’s probably important to him.”
“Or he is isolating himself.”
“Well… Yes, it’s probably that. But I’d rather you enjoy your birthday, Kagetsu. It’s the first winter festival Elusia has had in peace times since I was a little girl - I’d like you to experience it without inhibitions.”
Ivy’s words were kind, and Kagetsu responded with gratitude, but deep down he knew he couldn’t enjoy himself properly. Not if he knew back home Zelkov was miserable. He’d try one more time to convince Zelkov. In the meanwhile, he and the Elusian soldiers had a birthday cake to enjoy. Kagetsu would make sure to save a big slice for Zelkov.
*
Zelkov was still curled up in bed when Kagetsu came back. Kagetsu left Zelkov’s cake slice on the nightstand and loomed over him.
“You’re not sleeping.” Kagetsu stated.
Zelkov stirred. “Of course I’m not.” He lifted the covers a tiny bit, revealing a few assortments of journals and books which were keeping him occupied. “Though I wish I could to pass the time.” Zelkov looked over at his cake slice. “Thank you very much, but I have no appetite. You can take it.”
Kagetsu looked between his fiancée and the cake. “Do you mean it? Because I actually will.”
Zelkov waved his hand in a gesture of permission. When Kagetsu gobbled up the slice, he managed to coax a smile out of his gloomy companion.
“There’s a smile! My shenanigans never fail to charm! I’m sure I can make you smile more if you get out of bed and join me for the festival.”
Zelkov grumbled, then sighed and sat up a little. He wrapped the blankets around him tightly still, leaving only his face visible. He glared when Kagetsu got puppy-dog eyes at the sight (it was just too cute!), but it held no malice. “Why don’t we go for a walk?” He suggested. “I know a scenic route outside the castle which will also keep us away from the bustle of the festival. Is that a fair deal?”
Kagetsu leapt onto Zelkov. “More than fair! Thank you so much, Zelkov!”
Zelkov freed his arms from his little blanket shield to pat Kagetsu’s head. “I can show you something that lies at the end of the route. It might give some clarity to my… dour mood. Though I don’t wish to sully your birthday with my trash.”
Kagetsu shook his head aggressively, then shook Zelkov aggressively until he escaped the blanket entirely. “You could never! And I want to know why the winter festival always leaves you sad. You cannot keep secrets from me anymore, you also promised that when you proposed.”
“Ugh, I did, didn’t I? The foolish things love makes one do…”
*
Zelkov led Kagetsu through the forest behind the castle, a long walk made longer by the heavy layer of snow impeding their movements. Kagetsu made big, overdramatic steps in the snow, never having gotten used to marching in such weather, which amused Zelkov greatly. As Kagetsu had predicted, being out in the sunshine and nature helped Zelkov feel better. Holding hands probably helped too. Zelkov loved holding hands, though he’d only do it if Kagetsu initiated because Zelkov was too damn stubborn to admit to wanting affection. He’d give it, but only receive it if Kagetsu insisted on it. Then act like it was Kagetsu being clingy!
But him being so difficult was part of what Kagetsu loved about him. Indeed, the foolish things love made one do.
“Here.” Zelkov pointed to a tiny gap in the trees off the main trail. In other seasons it would have been a path, but it was fully obstructed by the snow. “There’s a shrine of sorts uphill. Come, and watch your step.”
Zelkov led him through the wayward trail, up to the top where there was a small clearing. At the clearing were three stones in a cross formation. Two big ones and a little one between them. They had garlands wrapped around them, and the nearby trees had a few bells and ornaments on them, making them strangely festive. A small teddy bear was on the middle stone, dusted with fresh snow.
“My winter festival creation.” Zelkov said. “I decorated it last night, as I do every winter festival where I am in the capital.” Zelkov walked to the middle stone and brushed snow off the teddy bear. “My family is buried far up north, near my home village. But since it’s too far north to travel to regularly, if at all, I made these tombstones to represent them when I came into Hyacinth’s service. Since no one comes by this part of the forest, it’s remained my secret family shrine of sorts for about a decade now. I sneak off when I have little else to do to give offerings.” He picked up the teddy bear. “My little brother died as a boy. So I make him a toy every winter festival.” He handed it to Kagetsu, who gave it a tight hug, warming up its frosty fur.
Kagetsu’s chest felt tight. Years together, and he never even knew Zelkov had a special place he went, let alone what was hidden there. He had wished Zelkov confided it to him sooner, but he withheld scolding him about it. What mattered was that he told the truth now.
“You know what happened to my family.” Zelkov continued. “I’ve told you what precisely happened once, and I will never say again. But there was a detail I withheld.”
Kagetsu had been the only one to ever hear, start to finish, every detail of that night. Zelkov had given bits and pieces to others he held close, but only Kagetsu got to know what exactly happened. All the exact details of the massacre, all the pain and trauma Zelkov had to endure from that day on. It was an honor, though a morbid one, to be the only person Zelkov trusted with so many vulnerable details. He never realized there could be more to it.
“December 22nd was the date of their death.” Zelkov admitted. “I cannot, however much I try, view this day with merriment. It was the night after the winter festival. Since so many goods were on display in our village, it was particularly tantalizing to the scoundrels. I never had the heart to tell you, knowing it would lead to your-” Kagetsu interrupted Zelkov with a big sniff, trying and failing to hold back tears. “Yes, that. You’re too empathetic for your own good.” Zelkov wiped the tears away with his coat sleeve. “I didn’t want to ruin a day you love so much. But now I have. So I apologize.”
Kagetsu shook his head. “I wanted to know what was wrong, and am happy I do now. Although I cannot deny it lowers my excitement for the day, we will find a way to make this day enjoyable for us both from here on, regardless of bad memories.” Kagetsu gave the teddy bear a little kiss on the forehead and set it back down on its place by the tombstone. “Why don’t we stay here? Have our own winter festival with your family? I have never met them, you know! Nor have you told me much about them. Tell me, would your little brother approve of me?”
“He’d love you. They all would.” Zelkov shuffled his feet in the snow, then plopped down when he cleared a bit of snow. Kagetsu sat next to him, practically in his lap. “If you truly do not mind missing the winter festival, an evening here with you could start a new, happier tradition.”
“A fantastic idea!” Kagetsu said, giving Zelkov a big kiss on the cheek. “From here on, let us spend the winter festival with your family. However far away they may be.”