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“Eren-“
I choked on my own throat. He isn’t serious. I mean, he can’t be serious. Eren’s eyes narrowed. He looked out to the horizon, no, he looked beyond it. The intense expression on his face, it was like I didn’t exist, it was like nothing else did. Whatever thoughts once occupied his mind were drowned out by a powerful monolith erected in the center of his brain. My eyes widened and mouth hung agape, a reaction that I am certain went unnoticed by Eren. Honestly, he probably didn’t even notice I had said his name. I scrunched my face and lightly shook my head to regain composure. He turned to me, the roaring fire behind his eyes now in full view.
“Armin! What is left for us here!” Eren was almost shouting. “Nothing. Nothing at all! That’s why I need to come with me!”
I could feel my heart beating faster. The warmth from the blood rushing to my face emulated what I’d expect to feel from a fire burning as intensely as Eren’s. I fought the muscles in my face from returning to the same, bewildered expression I had just shaken off.
“Eren I- we- it’s too dangerous! We can’t go! I won’t let you go!” I shouted back.
Eren shook his head. It had been 6 days since the titans mysteriously disappeared. The horrific, lumbering creatures which once dotted the landscape, the ones that killed my parents, the ones that terrorized humanity for over a century, were gone. I almost wanted to vomit. How does something like that just disappear? How do I accept that this constant threat, that which has dictated the way we live our entire lives, has vanished independently of the will of humanity? Were our years of training to defend against the threat of another attack pointless? It has to be a trick, or a fluke, or a dream, or something we don’t understand. I don’t accept.
“We’ll die!” I yelled. “They’ll come back and then we’ll die!” I continued.
“What kind of life are we living now!” Eren raised his voice further. “We are fenced in, like cattle, everyday waiting, hoping they don’t break through again. This isn’t life, this is prison.”
Eren shook his head again. His expression now stone cold.
“I am going with or without you, Armin.” He stated.
I almost wanted to cry. It was like he didn’t care. Is Mikasa not enough for him? Life within the walls not enough for him? These questions pounded in my head, with the loudest, most selfish one at the forefront of my mind. Am… am I not enough for him? I don’t understand it. Why do I feel this way so strongly. He’s going to leave, he’s going to attempt to see the world, he’s going to die, and all I can think about is how upset I am that he cares more about this than me. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I was crying. Eren stepped toward me, but before he could say or do anything I yelled out.
“I’m coming with you!” I choked. “I’m coming with you. A life without you, I can’t live a life without you. I can’t let you leave knowing I might never see you again. I would never forgive myself!”
What was I saying? I knew he wouldn’t ever back down, his mind was too made up, but why was I so ready to go with him? To die with him? Eren took another step closer, then another, then we were practically breathing the same air.
“Eren-“ I faltered.
Eren leaned in, his lips locked with mine and I let them stay there. The pounding thoughts were drowned out by the pounding of my heart. After a few seconds too long I snapped out of it and jumped backwards. What just happened? What am I supposed to feel? Why do I feel so excited and scared and frustrated and-.
“B-b-but we’re both BOYS!” I blurted out.
END