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The Doctor and Rogue sat by the open doors of the TARDIS, staring out into a colourful star system, playfully bickering as they cuddled up close.
“I’m telling you, Doc, that planet is called Citadelle-5,” Rogue argued.
“No, it’s called Neomars,” the Doctor insisted.
“Then why, when I landed there, did the Yossarian call it Citadelle-5?” Rogue countered.
“Oh, you’re gonna play that game, are you? Well the TARDIS says it’s Neomars, and I’m more inclined to trust her than your little cobbled-together birdbox,” the Doctor retorted. Then his expression became serious, and he reached into his inside pocket.
“And I’m more–” Rogue started, but he was interrupted by the Doctor shushing him and opening the psychic paper.
“Someone on Earth needs my help,” the Doctor said, standing up and wandering back to the console. “Christmas Eve, 2025. On Earth’s North Pole.” The Doctor paused. “You probably don't know what Christmas is. Human stuff. I’ll explain later. I've got a person to help!” He held out his hand, offering it to Rogue. An invitation. “Are you with me?”
“Absolutely,” Rogue said, and he took the Doctor’s hand. “And for the record, I do know about Christmas. Art’s race was descended from humans and they still celebrated a version of it. They still had some ancient digital video disks with Christmas movies on them. I know what it is.”
“Great. Brilliant! Fantastic! Alright then, my very good-looking friend, let's go!” The Doctor enthusiastically flipped switches and pushed buttons all around the console, and the TARDIS set into motion.
After a quick trip to the dressing room to change into warmer clothes, the Doctor and Rogue walked out, hand in hand, to see a highly decorated log cabin, with colourful lights hanging from the eaves of the thatched roof.
A fat, rosy-cheeked man dressed in red waited by the red-and-white striped picket fence and greeted the Doctor and Rogue with a smile and a wave. “Doctor! So good to see you, my boy.”
“Santa!” The Doctor greeted. He put his arm across Rogue’s back as he introduced him. “Santa, this is Rogue, he’s my companion.”
Rogue nodded towards the old man, who nodded back.
“Very nice to meet you, Rogue!” Santa said. “Now, Doctor, I really need your help. It’s a disaster! The sleigh broke down, my engineer elves are taking a look but it needs a lot of work. Rudolph, Comet, and Blitzen are all sick, the vet elves said they’ll need five days’ rest. But I’ve never missed a Christmas. Doctor, your TARDIS… can you deliver my presents for me?”
The Doctor thought for a moment. And then he nodded. “Yes, Santa. I can absolutely do that.”
“I knew I could count on you, Doctor!” Santa cheered.
Santa gave the two of them his bag of toys and a list of names and addresses, and they headed back to the TARDIS.
“Hey, if we’re going to be taking over for Santa, we should look the part,” the Doctor playfully suggested, walking towards the dressing room.
“I have a costume in my ship,” Rogue replied, following him halfway and leaning on the railings.
“Baby, I have an infinite wardrobe!” the Doctor argued. “I’ve got exact replicas of all of Santa’s actual clothes!”
“Mm. Still gonna stick with what I’ve got,” Rogue said, and he stole a quick kiss, smirking like he was so proud of himself.
The Doctor sighed, but he didn't stop smiling. “Alright, then. I suppose I’ll summon your ship back here.” He pressed a few buttons on the console and on his sonic, and within moments Rogue’s ship was next to the TARDIS.
While Rogue went back to his ship to change into his Santa costume, the Doctor went to his own wardrobe, dressing himself in a luxurious fluffy red coat and matching hat, and a very realistic fluffy white beard. He admired himself in the mirror for a moment, and then heard Rogue walk in, and turned to see him in a cheap Santa costume. He looked ridiculous. He looked beautiful.
“What are you wearing?!” the Doctor exclaimed.
“I knew this’d come in handy someday,” Rogue laughed. “Picked it up on a mission on a 51st century Earth colony. Might’ve stolen it from another traveller.”
“You bad, bad boy,” the Doctor teased, walking across the room towards him. “Looks like you’re gonna go on the naughty list.”
Rogue smiled and wrapped his arms around the Doctor. “Oh, no. Is Krampus going to eat me?”
“He might, you know,” the Doctor said. He kissed Rogue, the acrylic of his fake beard scratching his face. He pulled off both their fake beards and kissed him again, arm slipping under his Santa coat and setting around his waist. Rogue’s body was so warm, a consequence of coming from such a cold planet, and he felt so nice to touch.
But the Doctor couldn’t get too distracted with kissing the pretty bounty hunter. They had presents to deliver! So he pulled away from Rogue, reapplied his beard, and took a look at Santa’s list.
The Doctor and Rogue set off across the Earth, admiring the beautiful clouds, the sky full of stars, the dazzling Christmas lights below. When they got to the first couple of houses, the Doctor opened the sack and found that within it, there were many smaller sacks filled with each family's gifts. Santa clearly had access to dimensional engineering of his own. The Doctor took a bag and handed another to Rogue, and they each descended down the chimneys of two adjacent houses, set down the presents under the tree, rinse and repeat, as they travelled the world, laughing all the way.
“You know, all my stealth training really comes in handy here,” Rogue said, as he returned to the TARDIS to pick up more gifts.
“Yes!” the Doctor replied. “And you don’t have to talk to anyone. This is perfect for you, maybe you should be Santa Claus every year!”
“As long as I don’t have to sit with the kids at the mall,” Rogue said.
“No, honey. That can be my job!”
As they flew through London, the Doctor crept through the window of a familiar Notting Hill flat, and took extra care to be as quiet as he could.
But his attempts at stealth were in vain. Sitting in the kitchen with a vodka-lemonade was Ruby Sunday. When she turned around to investigate the noise, her jaw dropped.
“Doctor!” she exclaimed, running into his arms. “Oh my God, I didn’t expect to see you again – certainly not sneaking into my flat! I’ve missed you so much!”
“I missed you too, Ruby-Roo!” the Doctor said, hugging her back. “How are you? How’s your family?”
“We’re good,” Ruby said. “But what are you doing here? Dressed up in your big Santa coat?”
“Santa had to take this year off. Rudolph’s got a cold. So I’m taking over for him,” the Doctor explained.
“Santa is not real,” Ruby insisted. But she sounded unsure. “He’s not. Is he?!”
“He absolutely is,” the Doctor said. He reached into his sack of presents and brought out a large, heavy box wrapped in paper. “And he wanted you to have this, Ruby Sunday. Merry Christmas.”
Ruby made quick work of the paper, opening it to reveal a bright red keytar. “Oh my God. This is amazing. Thank you so much. And will you tell Santa I said thanks as well?”
“Yes, Ruby, I will. And you’re very welcome,” the Doctor said, giving her another hug. Then he clapped her shoulder. “Right. I’ve got to get back to my Santa duties. I’ll see you again soon, Rubes.”
She nodded, and he went back out of the window and back to the TARDIS.
“You were in that house a while,” Rogue observed, leaning his hip on the console while he waited.
“Sorry. I, er, got spotted. Had to explain myself. I really should get some stealth training myself,” the Doctor babbled. Then he sighed. “No. That was Ruby.”
“Oh. Well, let’s stop by again when we’re done,” Rogue suggested.
“Yeah. We can do that.”
With only a few stops left on their tour of the Earth, they moved quickly, keeping up their routine of picking up sacks of presents, entering the houses, and returning to the TARDIS for more, keeping the chatter to a minimum as they worked their way through the last houses and the bag of toys slowly became more and more empty. And then, finally, they delivered to the last house.
“Look at that, Rogue! We’re done!” the Doctor cheered as they finally returned to the TARDIS.
“I had a lot of fun here,” Rogue said. “Thanks.”
“Now we just need to go back to the North Pole, report back to Santa, and then we can go wherever you want,” the Doctor said. He wrapped his arms around Rogue’s shoulders. “Although…” He leaned in closer and batted his lashes. “We don’t have to rush back.”
“Yeah?” Rogue asked flirtatiously, setting his hands on the Doctor’s hips. “You have something else in mind?”
“Yeah,” the Doctor flirted back, and then he pressed a button on the jukebox. “Let’s dance!”
Rogue laughed, and danced around the console room with the Doctor as Slade’s Merry Christmas Everybody played on the jukebox.
Santa was very pleased to see them return to the North Pole that night, greeting them with a warm smile and a big hug.
“Oh, you wonderful boys, I really can't thank you enough,” Santa cooed. “Would you join us for Christmas dinner?”
The Doctor turned to Rogue, and they nodded to each other. “Yes. Absolutely, Santa Claus, we will. But… can I bring a friend… or two?”
“Absolutely, you can.”
Of course, when the Doctor said “a friend or two,” he meant Ruby, Belinda, Anita, Kate, Mel, and the entire Temple-Noble family including his bigenerated self. But there was plenty of room around Santa’s enormous dinner table, and more than enough turkey, tofurkey, and roasted vegetables to go around, and there was no better way to spend a Christmas than with lots of friends and the Clauses themselves at the North Pole.
Merry Christmas!