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“Impossible!” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes.
“Wanna bet?” Nie Huaisang grinned and extended his hand towards him.
“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng huffed and ignored him.
“I’ll take that bet!” Wen Qing stepped forward and clapped his hand. “If you can make someone fall in love with you using your so-called infallible five steps.”
“I’ll do you one better,” Nie Huaisang shook hands with Wen Qing. “I’ll have someone else use the five steps to make someone fall in love with them…proving they can work on anyone!”
“On anyone, huh?” Jiang Cheng smiled suddenly. “Even on my loser brother?”
“Hey!” Wei Wuxian piped up, offended at being dragged into the ridiculous bet and catching a stray. “Not interested,” he frowned before resuming his nap.
“You’re on,” Wen Qing continued, ignoring Wei Wuxian’s protest. “If Wei Wuxian can get Lan Wangji to fall in love with him…you win,” she smirked.
“What?!” Wei Wuxian squawked loudly.
“Wei Wuxian!! Silence!!” Lan Qiren screamed from the head of the classroom.
Wei Wuxian startled and sat up on hearing their strict professor’s roar.
“What did I do!? I was sleeping quietly!” Wei Wuxian blurted before realizing his mistake.
Lan Qiren glared at him, his nostrils flaring. Wei Wuxian knew what came next. He stood up before the professor began summoning him.
“Get out,” Lan Qiren said a moment later, huffing indignantly.
As his friends suppressed their laughter, Wei Wuxian groaned and walked from the back of the class, past every row of students, until he was at the front. He glanced at the beautiful boy seated primly in the first row, his eyes fixed ahead, the model student of their class, the ace student who every teacher loved, the boy Wei Wuxian had fallen hard for from the first day of college, who also happened to be the nephew of the professor who hated him the most — Lan Wangji.
“Incorrigible,” Lan Qiren glowered at Wei Wuxian again before turning to the blackboard.
Wei Wuxian turned to flip off his friends, who kept signaling him about the bet, pointing at Lan Wangji, when the boy happened to look up at him, catching his lewd hand gesture. Lan Wangji stared at him in bewilderment and a partial frown, quite similar to his uncle’s. Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened and he quickly hid his hand behind his back and rushed out of class.
Fifteen minutes later, when the lecture ended, his friends found him sulking by their usual hangout, the stoop at the back of campus.
“So? Do you want to finally make a move on Lan Wangji or not?!” Nie Huaisang started without a preamble.
“Why would I do that?” Wei Wuxian threw him a look.
“Because you’ve been in love with him since the beginning of college?” Jiang Cheng punched his arm.
“And you pine and whine about him every day…and we have to suffer?” Wen Qing snapped.
“I promise it will work! And then you can have your dream boy!” Nie Huaisang begged. “Trust me!”
“It will never work. He hates me…just like that lao tu,” Wei Wuxian sighed and sank further into the ground, slouching over his bag.
“It will. And then he will looveeee you,” Nie Huaisang made smooching sounds.
“Come on, don’t be a chicken,” Jiang Cheng egged him on.
“Argghh!” Wei Wuxian waved his friends away. “Leave me alone.”
“If you don’t make a move soon, he’s going to start dating someone else…eventually,” Wen Qing said calmly, looking unconcerned and nonchalant.
That made Wei Wuxian sit up and pay attention.
“Yep, yep…that other teacher’s pet…what’s his name…he is perfect for Lan Wangji on paper…and Lan Qiren loves him,” Nie Huaisang added quickly. “I bet he wants him to be his nephew’s perfect boyfriend…”
Wei Wuxian clutched his bag tightly at the thought.
“So…?” Nie Huaisang asked and everyone stared at him expectantly.
Wei Wuxian imagined Lan Wangji and him together, holding hands, going on dates, kissing. It made him feel giddy and he smiled despite himself.
“Fine,” Wei Wuxian caved and looked at Nie Huaisang. “What are these five steps?”
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Step 1: Stage an accidental meet cute
Wei Wuxian peeked out the corner, followed by Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng below him, like three floating heads staring at the boy studying at the last desk in the library.
“Alright…he’s going to the stacks to find a book…” Nie Huaisang whispered. “You have to bump into him accidentally on purpose pretending to reach for the same book and stage a meet cute,” he stated confidently.
“What?” Jiang Cheng felt dizzy on hearing the long instruction.
“Be suave…and charming…and confident…” Nie Huaisang started dragging Wei Wuxian to the stacks.
“What?” Wei Wuxian asked nervously, feeling uncertain as they followed Lan Wangji.
“Think romcom…think teenage love…think hearthrob…” Nie Huaisang cheered him on before pushing him into an aisle after Lan Wangji disappeared into the adjacent aisle, looking for a book.
Wei Wuxian nearly tripped over his feet as the boys ran into another aisle, leaving him alone in his quest to win over Lan Wangji.
With a long exhale, he began walking down the aisle, peeking through the books as Lan Wangji browsed them from the other side. Wei Wuxian smiled and began enjoying himself, admiring the handsome face so focussed on the task at hand. When Lan Wangji paused in front of a book, Wei Wuxian bit his lips and braced himself. He reached out for it and grabbed the book just as Lan Wangji picked it up too.
“Oh,” Lan Wangji startled, his eyes widening on seeing Wei Wuxian. “Oh…” he whispered again when he realized who was on the other side.
“Oh…hi…” Wei Wuxian mumbled, his hands growing sweaty. “Sorry…I…was looking for this book too,” he tried to smile suavely. “What a coincidence,” Wei Wuxian made his voice deeper and leaned against the shelf only to misjudge the angle and stumble clumsily. “Aah!!” He yelped as he fell to the side.
He couldn’t break his fall and slammed into the floor just as Lan Wangji came running into the aisle, looking worried and confused.
“Are you alright?” Lan Wangji asked, kneeling before him as Wei Wuxian cursed inwardly.
“Ah, yeah,” Wei Wuxian chuckled sheepishly. “I’m…fine…” he dusted himself and stood up. “You…uhh…you can have the book,” he tried to salvage the situation.
“Oh…no, that is not necessary,” Lan Wangji shook his head. “You may have it,” he held out the book.
“No, no, I insist,” Wei Wuxian pushed the book back towards him. “Because you’re so cute…” he said before he could think, freezing in horror a second later.
He met Lan Wangji’s eyes with great difficulty, trembling when he saw the icy countenance. Lan Wangji got up silently and walked away without another word.
“So much for being a heartthrob,” Wei Wuxian sat down cross legged, his head in his hands. “Step one is a complete fail,” he mumbled just as his moronic friends joined him, laughing uncontrollably at what they had just witnessed.
“It flopped,” Jiang Cheng seemed to be enjoying himself.
“Trust me…it worked,” Nie Huaisang shook his head. “I saw the look on Lan Wangji’s face as he walked away.”
“Yeah right,” Wei Wuxian groaned and fell back onto the floor, cursing his stars.
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Step 2: Be their knight in shining armor
“No, no, no!” Wei Wuxian started walking faster. “This was a bad idea. You saw what happened in the library! He hates me even more now.”
“He doesn’t! Come on…trust me,” Nie Huaisang jogged to keep up.
“And what do you even mean ‘be a knight in shining armor’!?” Wei Wuxian looked confused. “Lan Zhan doesn’t need a knight in shining armor! He is more than capable of handling himself…didn’t you see how he shuts down Su Shit everytime he tries to put down Lan Zhan!?” Wei Wuxian smirked.
Before Nie Huaisang could respond, both boys stopped in their tracks as they saw Wen Chao and his gang of bullies surrounding Lan Wangji who looked utterly bored and frustrated.
“What’s going on?” Nie Huaisang wondered out loud.
Wei Wuxian frowned as Wen Chao circled Lan Wangji with an oily smile, eyeing him from head to toe, his friends laughing along.
“You’re lucky I chose you,” Wen Chao said snottily. “Every person wants to go to the formal with me as their date,” he smiled smugly. “And I…want you,” he paused in front of Lan Wangji and leaned in closer.
Too close.
“Hey! Wen Chowder!” Wei Wuxian barked and stormed towards them.
“Wei Wuxian!! Don’t mess with him…” Nie Huaisang hissed under his breath but Wei Wuxian ignored him.
“What makes you think Lan Zhan wants to go with you?” Wei Wuxian entered the circle and stood in front of Wen Chao. “He has much better options to choose from,” he crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“Who else will go with him?” Wen Chao scoffed.
“I will!” Wei Wuxian blurted without thinking.
Everyone fell silent and the only sound heard was Nie Huaisang’s long gasp followed by a soft squeal. Wei Wuxian pressed his lips in a thin line and swallowed, at his own impulsiveness and Nie Huaisang’s reaction.
“Whatever,” Wen Chao said after a long gap, visibly embarrassed and annoyed. “He’s no fun anyway,” he laughed and waved his hand in dismissal.
“Lan Zhan is fun…” Wei Wuxian grabbed Wen Chao’s wrist and twisted it, “with the right person,” his gaze darkened. “And you…” he twisted it harder as Wen Chao screamed in agony, “are not worthy of him.”
“You’re going to regret this Wei Wuxian!” Wen Chao howled when Wei Wuxian let go of his arm and retreated quickly with his gang just as Wen Qing and Jiang Cheng arrived at the scene, as well as Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen.
“Wangji!” Lan Xichen hurried to where they stood. “Are you alright? What happened?” He looked at Lan Wangji worriedly.
“I am alright, ge,” Lan Wangji responded slowly. “Wei Wuxian intervened on my behalf,” he added after a beat. “Thank you,” he turned to Wei Wuxian and met his stunned gaze.
“I…uhh…yeah…uhh…you…uhh…” Wei Wuxian stammered and stuttered, not expecting Lan Wangji to acknowledge him let alone thank him.
Before he could find any words, Lan Wangji turned and left with his brother and Nie Mingjue.
“Smooth,” Jiang Cheng put an arm around his shoulders and snorted.
“Wow…just wow,” Nie Huaisang stood before Wei Wuxian with a shocked expression.
“I know…I know…I messed up,” Wei Wuxian groaned and ran a hand down his face.
“Wow! What a fucking amazing way to be his knight in shining armor!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “This is going so well,” he patted Wei Wuxian’s cheek and dragged him to the campus cafe as everyone else followed.
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Step 3: Get trapped or stuck with them and create the perfect romcom moment to ask them out
“Okay that’s a long one,” Wei Wuxian sighed. “And…how on earth will I even do that?!”
“Leave it to me,” Nie Huaisang winked. “I’ve arranged it all.”
“What do you mean?” Wei Wuxian narrowed his eyes.
“Just go get the big box of costumes for my drama club rehearsals,” Nie Huaisang waved him in the direction of the storage closet behind the stage.
“I’m not even in the drama club…why should I run errands for–” Wei Wuxian protested but shut up when Nie Huaisang threw him a look. “Fine,” he exhaled and decided to do as he was told.
Wei Wuxian entered the tiny room overstuffed with boxes and shelves of costumes and props.
“Oh…great,” he eyed the mess. “It’s a shared space by every club…how the hell am I gonna find the one box he needs?!” He whined as he started rummaging.
A few minutes later, he heard the door open and shut and someone walked into the storage closet. They seemed to be searching for something too.
“Hey, do you know which boxes belong to the drama club—” Wei Wuxian peeked around the shelf, hoping the newcomer knew the space better than him but froze on seeing who was standing there, staring back at him. “Lan Zh-Zhan…?”
Suddenly he was very aware of how tiny the closet was.
“I…uhh…” Lan Wangji looked flustered and began taking steps backwards.
But when he tried to open the door, nothing happened. Wei Wuxian realized it was locked. And he knew exactly who had locked it.
“Huaisang!” Wei Wuxian whispered under his breath before stepping out and smiling sheepishly at Lan Wangji. “Hi…” he waved meekly.
“Hello,” Lan Wangji swallowed and tried the knob a few more times. “It seems…stuck,” he cleared his throat.
“Let me try,” Wei Wuxian walked to the door, holding his breath when he realized just how narrow the space was, and just how close he was to Lan Wangji.
He could see the sheen of perspiration above his lips, the way his ears were red, probably from how warm the closet was getting, and the way his eyelashes fluttered as he lowered his gaze. Wei Wuxian swallowed and resisted the urge to kiss Lan Wangji’s cheeks. He turned the knob a few times but to no avail. Obviously.
A painfully long silence settled between them and Wei Wuxian found himself at a loss for words, unable to break the ice; something that never happened to him.
“Thank you for standing up to Wen Chao,” Lan Wangji broke the silence first, his voice soft, making it feel all the more intimate.
“Ah, uh, no problem,” Wei Wuxian chuckled nervously. “Don’t thank me so seriously, Lan Zhan!”
“No one calls me Lan Zhan,” Lan Wangji threw him a look.
“Oh,” Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened as he realized his mistake. “So-sorry!”
“No need to apologize,” Lan Wangji looked away again and whispered.
Something changed in the air between them and Wei Wuxian had the distinct feeling Lan Wangji didn’t hate him quite as much as he thought.
“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian gathered his courage and steadied his voice, “do you think…would you…I mean…we could…” he fumbled over all the words. “What I’m trying to ask…” he took a long inhale and let it out as Lan Wangji met his gaze, “is…would you like to go out for a coffee or…dinner…or a movie…or tea…or something?” His courage oscillated with every microexpression that flitted across Lan Wangji’s face.
“I…” Lan Wangji’s lips parted and his ears turned redder.
But just then, the door jerked open suddenly and Mian-Mian stood on the other side.
“Oh, hello!” She smiled on seeing them. “I just needed to put this stuff in…” she looked at both of them before pausing. “Did I…is everything okay?” She eyed them worriedly.
“We were locked inside,” Lan Wangji said quickly before stepping around her and walking away.
Wei Wuxian made space for Mian-Mian and stepped out too but Lan Wangji had already hurried off.
“So how did it go?!” Nie Huaisang popped out of nowhere.
“I am going to kill you,” Wei Wuxian glared at him and walked in the opposite direction. “Thanks for nothing…he is going to avoid me forever now,” he grumbled.
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Step 4: Woo them on the most romantic date ever
Wei Wuxian threw pebbles into the stream, sulking alone. It was his favorite spot on campus, hidden away at the back, through a grove of trees. He had found it only recently when he had been following Lan Wangji one day. Not following, just watching. The boy had disappeared towards the library and Wei Wuxian had wandered past the trees and onto this spectacular sight.
He had discovered it just before he had agreed to Nie Huaisang’s ridiculous plan. And now it was coming in handy as he mourned all his stupidity and what a fool he had made of himself in front of Lan Wangji.
All at once, he heard some rustling and soft footsteps. Wei Wuxian looked up and saw Lan Wangji approaching with a surprised look on his face that probably mirrored his own expression. The boy was carrying a bag and looked cozy in his oversized sweater.
“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian stood up and dusted the back of his pants. “What are you doing here?”
“I…come here to read…sometimes,” Lan Wangji replied haltingly, looking around hesitantly. “I’m sorry…I disturbed you…I will take my leave—” he began retreating.
“No! Wait!” Wei Wuxian leapt towards him to stop him from running away. “You can have this spot. I was…I can leave,” he regained his composure as Lan Wangji looked at him in alarm on hearing his outburst.
“You…may stay if you wish to,” Lan Wangji said softly, looking away for a moment before meeting Wei Wuxian’s gaze again.
“Oh…are you sure?” Wei Wuxian blinked.
“Mn,” Lan Wangji nodded before proceeding to sit by a tree trunk.
Wei Wuxian watched him open his bag and take out a book, a thermos, and a dainty cup. It seemed like a ritual he was accustomed to doing regularly. Lan Wangji poured himself some tea from the thermos and opened his book to where the bookmark sat between pages neatly. Painting a pretty dainty picture.
“Would you like some tea?” Lan Wangji asked after a moment, looking at Wei Wuxian who still stood some distance away.
“Oh, uhh,” Wei Wuxian looked around in confusion, not sure what to do; he hadn’t received any instructions from Nie Huaisang on the next step since Lan Wangji had never officially said yes to an actual date.
“You…did ask me if I wanted to go out for a coffee or something…” Lan Wangji whispered with red ears and looked up at Wei Wuxian for a moment before looking away again.
Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat as embarrassment and excitement washed over him. Slowly, he walked towards the boy and sat down beside him, leaning against the trunk. He accepted the tea cup, the only one Lan Wangji had, and took turns taking sips of the soothing tea as Lan Wangji read quietly and he watched the boy, mesmerized and besotted.
For a not-date, the date was not bad at all.
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Step 5: Create the perfect moment to confess your feelings
“You did what?!!?” Nie Huaisang screamed when Wei Wuxian mentioned what he had been doing the previous day, and with whom. “So it worked?! My five steps worked!” He cheered and jumped as the remaining friends stared at them in disbelief.
“Well technically, it wasn’t a date,” Wei Wuxian mumbled.
“And you haven’t even done step five,” Jiang Cheng reminded him.
“And we don’t know if he even loves you yet,” Nie Huaisang nodded and sighed. “But he is falling for you! I know it!” He piped up. “I knew my five steps would work!! I am soooo gonna win this bet!”
“Bet?” A deep voice interrupted the group’s chaotic debate over the success of Nie Huaisang’s steps.
Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened and he turned to see a stunned Lan Wangji staring at them. Behind him, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue stood with deep frowns, glaring at Wei Wuxian.
“This was all for a bet?” Lan Wangji asked, his face now impassive but his lips trembled as he spoke.
“No!” Wei Wuxian jumped up and ran towards him. “They were all fooling around for a bet but I…it’s not like that, Lan Zhan!”
“Lies,” Lan Wangji said simply, his eyes shining even though his face looked aloof.
Wei Wuxian felt his heart fall to his feet as he watched Lan Wangji turn to leave. But before he could chase the boy, Nie Mingjue grabbed him by the collar and glowered at him.
“Leave him alone,” Nie Mingjue looked at him with barely concealed contempt as he threatened Wei Wuxian. “He is not a toy to play with!”
“I’m not playing around!!” Wei Wuxian yelled so Lan Wangji could hear. “I really do have feelings for Lan Zhan!” He exclaimed in frustration. “Lan Zhan!” He yelled louder when the boy didn’t stop. “I really do like you!! A lot! I’ve been falling in love with you ever since I saw you on the first day of college!” Wei Wuxian screamed at the top of his lungs.
Lan Wangji paused. Everyone fell silent. Wei Wuxian froze.
This was such a disaster.
“You–” Nie Mingjue growled, ready to give him a beating but before the smack could land on Wei Wuxian’s face, Lan Wangji was standing before him again, looking at Wei Wuxian with wide, if unsure, eyes.
“Da-ge,” Lan Wangji looked at Nie Mingjue beseechingly.
Wei Wuxian grunted as he was finally let go of and landed in front of Lan Wangji with an embarrassed smile.
“Do not say such words frivolously,” Lan Wangji said with an even tone. “Do not flirt if you do not have serious intentions,” he continued rather seriously. “Do not—”
“Ay! Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian groaned when he couldn’t take it any longer. “Do you really think I’d embarrass myself like this for fun!? I really do like you, Lan Zhan….a lotttt,” he looked at him pitifully. “Don’t make me say it a third time,” he rubbed his nose and looked down in mortification.
“Ew,” Jiang Cheng groaned in the back.
“Wow,” Wen Qing huffed. “Pathetic.”
“Yeah that was not as suave as the confession I would have coached you—” Nie Huaisang said but squeaked and hid behind his friends when Nie Mingjue turned his attention towards him instead.
“Wangji,” Lan Xichen broke the awkwardness. “Do you wish to…talk to Wei Wuxian further?” He asked simply, his smile polite but cold, sending a chill down Wei Wuxian’s spine.
“Mn,” Lan Wangji nodded and looked at Wei Wuxian with a bashful expression.
“Come on, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian felt a huge weight lift off his chest as he grabbed Lan Wangji’s hand and dragged him away from all the prying eyes and unwanted audience.
When he saw a small smile spread across Lan Wangji’s face, Wei Wuxian laughed and began running, leading the boy to their secret spot for a proper confession.