Chapter Text
The confession wasn’t in words. For better or for worse, it came in the form of a chaste kiss on the lips. Ivan’s lips barely touching Till’s, making his stomach flip.
They were at a party Sua was hosting for their graduation. Everyone was there, and Ivan had inevitably dragged Till along with him- saying something about how if he was going to have to suffer through it, Till would have to as well. Somehow they ended up on the staircase at the front of the house, hidden from the huge group of students in the kitchen playing beer pong.
Till was confused. That was not a new feeling for him, especially when it came to Ivan, but this was a new level of indistinguishable behavior on his part. Why would Ivan kiss him?
“What was that for?” Till asked, words falling from his lips before he could think them through properly. That came off way more hostile than he’d wanted it to.
“What do you mean ‘what was that for’?” Ivan turned the question back on Till.
“Why did you kiss me?” His fingers flew up to touch his lips. His face was heating up. What was going on with him?
“I thought it was obvious.”
Obvious huh?
Ivan spoke again before Till could say something, “Sorry, I overstepped.” Ivan turned on his heel and started to leave.
“No-“ Till reached out to grab Ivan, but his friend had already slipped away, running down the stairs like nothing had happened.
It took Till a second before he moved, almost falling down the stairs in the process of running after Ivan. Why did Ivan never give him enough time to process things? Whenever they spoke- whenever Ivan said something important, he always ran away before Till even had the chance to process his feelings.
“Ivan!” Till yelled, running past some of the students who were drinking and playing some card game. Till ignored the dirty look some girl gave him when he almost bumped into her and ran after Ivan who’d decided to leave his house completely.
Till’s whole world stopped. It was pouring and there were people gathered around, someone in a car apologizing- Ivan was on the ground, blood spilled on the street around him mixing with the rain.
“It was an accident!” The driver was yelling now, but Till felt like he was underwater. He was seeing everything and nothing at the same time.
Till ran up to Ivan, falling onto the pavement next to him. “Iv?” There was a pause before Till spoke again, “You can’t leave me!”
“I’m sorry Till,” Ivan coughed, words coming out hoarse, “I’m sorry for everything.”
“What are you apologizing for?” Till asked. A part of him knew what was happening but he didn’t want to let himself believe it. Ivan would be okay. He had to be okay. “You did nothing wrong. Tonight we’ll go to my place and watch movies and tomorrow we’ll go get breakfast like we planned. Nothing's wrong.”
“I may have to take a rain check,” Ivan replied, lifting a hand and placing it on Till’s cheek. He rubbed circles on Till’s cheek with his pointer finger, his thumb absentmindedly running across Till’s lips. He couldn’t just lose Ivan. What would he do without him?
“You-“ Till tried, he could feel the tears building up- or maybe it was the rain getting in his eyes. “You can’t. You promised.”
“I’m sorry,” Ivan’s hand dropped, “Next time we see one another, I’ll be sure to make it up to you.”
Till picked up Ivan’s hand, held it close to his chest. He didn’t want to think about the words Ivan just said- the implications of the words. “You better stay with me.”
“I’m sorry Till.”
——
Till woke up in his apartment, eyes watering. He looked at his hands and they looked- well, normal. The last time he’d seen them they were covered in warm blood. More importantly, Ivan. Where was Ivan? What happened to him?
“You’re up early,” Hyuna commented as she walked by Till’s room. “Nervous for the first day of school?”
“First day of school?” Till questioned. It’d been the last day of school before he woke up. “Where’s Ivan?”
“You mean the head of the football team?” Hyuna asked as though her and Ivan weren’t close friends. “I have no clue where he is.”
“What do you mean head of the football team?” Till questioned, a bit indignantly. “Isn’t he like your best friend?”
“Are you okay?” Hyuna asked, leaning against Till’s doorframe.
“I don’t know,” Till replied. Maybe it was all just some big dream. Though, it all felt so real… How could a dream be so vivid? He’d just go along with it for now.
“Can you believe Ivan already has a scholarship?”
“He’s so dreamy… I wonder if he’s taken.”
The way people talked about Ivan made Till want to hurl. To most people Ivan was just this goodie two shoes, student council vice president and quarterback, but Till knew better. Ivan was a freak.
When they first met, Ivan chased after him like a cat chasing a mouse. Till had been determined to stay to himself and not get involved with many people. When he was younger, he’d involved himself too much with people, ending in him being a laughingstock- rejected by a cute boy and taunted for even thinking that boy would like him back.
Till looked down for a second and instantly got run into by someone, books spilling onto the pavement. If things were happening the same as they did before… He knew exactly the clutz who ran into him.
“Sorry!” Mizi leaned down to pick up the books they’d dropped, “I wasn’t looking where I was going-“
“You’re fine,” Till bent down to help pick up the books, holding out some of her books with a small smile. “Just watch where you’re going next time.”
“I was just late to practice…“ It was like her brain processed the words as she spoke, because suddenly she was frantic, “I have to go! I’ll make this up to you later, I promise.”
And that was in essence how he met Mizi.
From that moment on, she would continue to run up to him in the halls and sit with him at lunch. Before, he found this whole thing annoying, but currently, he was thankful that Mizi befriended him, since there’s no way in hell he’d be able to befriend her. The awkward goth kid trying to befriend the head cheerleader? That was just asking for trouble.
“Excuse me,” Till would recognize that voice anywhere. He whipped his head around so fast it almost flew off his body. “Who’s that you’re drawing?”
Seeing Ivan again after the whole car accident debacle was emotionally taxing. Till wanted to jump up and hug him, pull him close and apologize for everything he’d done. He wanted to yell at him for not letting Till have time to process anything. Instead, he blinked.
Till had been sitting on a bench outside the school doodling and without realizing it, he’d drawn Ivan. Till could feel his face heating up, so he looked away. “Just a musician I like.”
“Oh?” Ivan questioned, “I think it kinda looks like me.”
“In your dreams,” Till replied without very much bite in the words. He swallowed the urge to ask if Ivan was okay- the urge to ask so many questions Ivan had left him with. He looked back up at Ivan. “You must have a really big head.”
“Alright, alright," Ivan threw his hands up in defeat, “Just wanted to say I like your drawing, you don’t need to be rude.” There was a pause before Ivan continued, “What’s your name?”
“Till,” Till replied, “You?”
Ivan looked surprised by the question, but he answered anyway, “Ivan.” Another pause. “Nice to meet you Till.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Till’s words probably didn’t sound all that sincere in hindsight, but that was beside the point.
From there, things started to go as usual. Mizi continued to ‘bug him’ and Ivan and him occasionally would lock eyes when they crossed one another in the hallway. Not having Ivan around him, constantly in his orbit, felt weird. It felt like being naked in a snowstorm.
There were some developments… eventually.
Till was sitting in class, in his usual corner window seat, when Sua and Mizi walked in. Sua looked over to Till for a second, before acting like he didn’t exist. “Why do you keep sitting with that goth kid?” Her voice was dripping with jealousy. She probably thought Till had a crush on Mizi (he doesn’t).
“His name's Till, and he’s actually really nice,” Mizi replied, pulling out her textbook. Till was pretty sure she didn’t realize he sat a couple seats behind her, “You’d probably get along with him-“
“No thank you,” Sua replied. It stung a bit, but this Sua didn’t remember him. “The only person I need to get along with is you.” There was a pause before Sua added, “Are you gonna sit with him again at lunch?”
“Yes,” Mizi replied, “And you and Ivan should sit with us.”
Sua gave an exasperated look, “Fine.”
So he’d meet Ivan again at lunch. For some reason, his stomach did a little flip.
“Till!” As per usual, Mizi sat right next to Till at the lunch table, looking over his shoulder, “What are you drawing?”
“Flowers,” Till replied. “Anemones.”
“They look pretty,” Mizi responded, “I wish I could draw.”
“I can help you learn if you want?” Till said, but it came out as more of a question.
“No thanks,” Mizi replied, “I don’t think I have enough free time… with cheer, work, studying and spending time with Sua, I barely have time to breathe.”
“That sounds suffocating.”
“I like being busy.” When Mizi went quiet for a minute, Till looked up. “I hope you don’t mind, I invited some of my friends to sit with us.” They were already walking towards the table, so he really didn’t have much of a choice.
“That’s fine,” Till tried desperately to keep himself from staring at Ivan like he hung the moon and stars in the sky.
“Hi Till,” Ivan purred as he sat across from him at the table, “Fancy seeing you here.”
Ivan’s attention confused him. When they met before Till had no clue Ivan existed and that’s what initially interested Ivan. This time… Ivan seemed interested without Till saying anything. Was it because of the drawing? No, if anything he should’ve been creeped out by it… “Uh, hi.”
Mizi raised an eyebrow, “You guys know one another?”
“Yes,” Ivan and Till responded in unison.
“Uh, kind of?” Till twirled his ring absentmindedly. He always wore a lot of jewelry. Ivan had always teased him about it, asking him to borrow it even though it didn’t really suit him at all.
“Is this who you’ve been talking-“ Sua started, but Ivan shushed her before she could finish the question.
“So,” Mizi said, drawing everyone's attention, “You know Ivan- and this is Sua.” She gestured to both the siblings as she spoke.
“Hi,” Till tried awkwardly.
“Hello,” Sua gave him a forced smile. Before, they’d been pretty good friends, bonding over how annoyed they were that Ivan and Mizi were seen as a couple. Now, there was this air of distaste in the way she stared at him. If Till hadn’t seen her embarrass herself many times (like Christmas 2021; where she’d gotten drunk off her ass and tripped when bringing food to Mizi), he’d have been intimidated.
“What kind of bands do you like?” Ivan asked.
“I listen to a lot of different stuff,” Till responded. “I can make you a playlist if you want?”
Maybe that was too forward? They weren’t that close yet.
“Really?” Ivan scooted over a few seats to get closer to Till, “That’d be really cool.”
“I mostly just listen to piano music,” Ivan told him. Till already knew this, obviously. He showed Ivan plenty of music throughout their friendship- though he was pretty sure some of the songs Ivan only tolerated to appease him.
“There’s this piano rock artist you might like,” Till told him, “I’ll put him in the playlist-“
“We need someone else to join the student council,” Till was interrupted by Sua talking to Mizi a bit too loudly, “Does anyone on your cheer squad want to join? It’d look good for scholarships.”
Mizi put a finger to her chin, “I’m pretty sure none of the girls have enough time to join…” She shrugged, “Why not ask Till?”
The words sent a shiver up his spine.
“Good idea,” Ivan cut in with a smirk, “Then we could spend more time together.”
“I don’t really want to-“ Till started, only to stop when he saw Sua glaring. He paused for a second before asking, "When's the first meeting?”
He didn’t join the student council before, since in all honesty he’d rather gouge his eyes out than sit in a room with all these goody two shoes fake smiling at one another, but alas.
“After school today,” Sua’s fake smile was back with a vengeance.
He made his way to the student council room after school- or well, more accurately Sua picked him up during his last class and dragged him to the club room. Before he’d only really seen it to fetch Ivan so they could hangout after class.
He recognized Hyuna’s boyfriend in the room, glasses on with his eyes glued to the computer in front of him.
“Luka, we’re here,” Sua said as they entered, hanging her bag on one of the chairs at the long table in the middle of the room. “We found another member.”
“Oh?” Luka didn’t look up from his computer. Hyuna had talked a bit about Luka being a writer, but Till had never really seen his devotion to the craft before. “Is it one of the cheerleaders?” Till’s eyes narrowed as he heard Luka refer to him as ‘it’.
“They’re not a cheerleader but they are one of Mizi’s friends.”
“Uh, hi-“ Till started, finding a place to sit at the table. “It’s Till.”
Luka’s head whipped up, “Aren’t you Hyuna’s roommate?”
“Yes…” Till replied. He forgot that in this timeline Luka didn’t know him all that well yet (not that they knew one another really well before).
“Hyuna has told me a bit about you,” Luka admitted. He had the tendency to light up when Hyuna was mentioned- or even was tangentially involved in the topic he was discussing. “I have to finish what I’m writing though-“
“What are you writing?” Ivan asked. If Till remembered correctly… Luka was writing something he didn’t particularly want to know about.
“Nothing that concerns you-“
“Oh come on,” Ivan walked over to where Luka was and leaned over his shoulder. Till felt sick to his stomach for some reason. Why was Ivan getting so close to Luka? He never did that before. They’d been good friends before, but Ivan kept his distance from anyone besides Till. “Tell me.”
Luka shut the laptop, “Forget it. I’ll write later.”
Ivan laughed. Till missed hearing his laugh. It was breathy and light, it made Till’s stomach flip for some reason. Ivan had been making his stomach do a lot of gymnastics lately.
“What do we even do as a student council?” Till asked, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.
“Well, currently we’re planning a back to school festival,” Sua told him. Till remembered this festival; his class did a maid cafe and Ivan picked on him relentlessly for his outfit while sipping on the cheap tea they were serving. The class had forced him into a maid dress when one of the girls was out sick for the day.
“The classes all have booths or rooms for the festival,” Sua continued to explain, “I heard someone in our class talk about a maid cafe, but I’m not sure if the teachers will greenlight it.”
Tragically, they will.
When Hyuna entered the student council room, she looked at Till like he had two heads. “Why are you here?”
“Supposedly, he’s joining the student council,” Luka replied, ignoring everyone else’s existence. Hyuna was probably there to bring Luka something, since she wasn’t on the student council.
“Who convinced him to join?”
“Sua or Ivan probably,” Luka told her.
“I did,” Ivan grinned. Sua looked unamused. As much as it’d seemed like Sua was who got him here, Till had to admit befriending Ivan was his real motive in joining.
Hyuna scooted over next to Till, whispering a little bit too loudly, “Do you have a crush on Ivan or something-“
The words hit a nerve that Till hadn’t realized he had.
“No!” Till blurted, looking over at Ivan. Ivan was wearing this confusing smile. The smile looked devilish and teasing but there was this fakeness to it that Till didn’t like. “It’s not like that.”
Sua sighed, “Let’s just get to the meeting.”
Till didn’t exactly hate student council as much as he thought he would. It was actually a bit comforting to have a mandatory club with Ivan. He didn’t really understand how he and Ivan were still becoming friends when Till wasn’t disinterested and Ivan wasn’t tap dancing on his last nerve.
“So we’re doing a maid cafe?” One of the kids that people call ‘Acorn’ asked Sua. Till was sure that had to be short for something, but he wasn’t sure what. Eventually Mizi realized Till was in this class and started to ‘bug’ him there as well.
“Yes,” Sua replied. She didn’t seem too keen on the idea, but that would change when she eventually realized she’d get to see Mizi in a maid costume. “You guys will be running the kitchen.”
“I’m so excited!” Mizi leaned on Sua as she spoke. “A maid outfit is going to look so cute on you! I’m gonna try and find a pink outfit to match my hair…”
Till saw the wheels turn in Sua’s head in real time. Sua’s smile was like a solar eclipse; it was rare and so painfully awkward it could hurt your vision. Ivan’s real smile was just as rare but strikingly beautiful (at least to Till). “I’m excited too.”
“We need to plan out a menu,” A girl (whose name Till forgot) mentioned, pulling out a notepad and pen. “What do we think about coffee and tea?”
“Maybe we should add lemonade too for people who don’t drink caffeine?” Mizi replied.
Till decided to just lean back and watch as the class went over drinks and outfits. Eventually he put in earphones and allowed himself to zone out a little bit.
Of course, he ended up thinking of Ivan.
When did Ivan start liking him romantically? What about Till did Ivan even like? What was Ivan thinking… kissing him and running away?
And most importantly: How did Till feel about Ivan?
“Till, what do you think?” Mizi asked, snapping Till out of his train of thought. She was leaning against the desk next to his, a big smile on her face.
He had no clue what they had been talking about, “I have no complaints.”
The more time Till spent with Ivan, the more they fell into step- into the rhythm they were in before. It was all going well until… well, until it wasn’t.
“Do you want to come over and play video games after school?” Till thought they were finally at this level of friendship. Maybe he was wrong.
“No thanks,” Ivan replied, a fake smile on his face. Normally, Ivan would invite himself over. It’d been just a given that when Ivan didn’t have practice he’d come over to Till’s.
“What? Are you busy?” Till asked, hoisting his backpack up on his shoulder.
“No,” Ivan answered. He sighed, “I just don’t think we should have that kind of relationship.”
The words hit Till like a bus… pun unintended. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t think we should be friends.”
Till should have seen this coming, with how much the order of events changed. “Oh.” Till wanted to argue, to express the gut wrenching feeling coming over him, but this Ivan didn’t owe him anything. Till felt tears welling up, so he looked down at his feet, “Right… Why would someone like you want to be friends with someone like me?”
Maybe him and Ivan being friends before was just a fluke.
“I didn’t-“ Ivan started, but Till turned away before Ivan could get the words out. He refused to cry in front of Ivan- or this Ivan.
Thankfully, Hyuna was with Luka for most of today, so Till could just listen to sad music and cry. Till had just expected that Ivan would want to be his friend just like before. He assumed they’d fall into step… He thought they already had.
“You look like a mess,” Hyuna commented when she got home. The words made him want to cry again. She threw her bag on a hook near the door and walked over to where he was curled up in a ball watching stupid reality TV.
“I’m fine,” Till replied. He definitely wasn’t fine.
Hyuna stared at him as though she could look right into his soul. She sighed, “Do you want some hot chocolate?”
Till gave in and accepted her kindness, “Yes please.”
A few minutes later, Hyuna walked in with a cup of hot chocolate, “So, are you gonna tell me what happened?”
Till debated it for a minute. The whole thing was a childish reason to be upset. “I thought Ivan and I were friends, but I guess he doesn’t want to be friends.” Without the context of their close relationship before, the whole thing sounded kind of pathetic.
The smile on Hyuna’s face dropped, “Then fuck him. You deserve better.”
Till didn’t want ‘better’. There was no better than Ivan in his opinion. Ivan had been there when he cried his eyes out after bombing one of his first concerts. He’d been there when Till came out, when he told his mom. Ivan had been a constant.
“I-“ Till started, pausing for a second before adding, “I should’ve expected him to not want to be friends with me. I’m just some emo loser.”
“That’s just not true,” Hyuna replied, sitting next to Till and pulling him into a hug. “You’re a talented musician, a passionate person and a caring friend. Not even close to being a loser. Ivan’s the loser.”
Till ignored the urge to argue. “Right.” He took a sip of his drink, flinching when it burnt his tongue.
The worst part of this whole situation was how Ivan just pretended like nothing happened. Student council meetings were awkward- though Ivan didn’t act any differently- he still smiled at Till and made slightly more than platonic remarks. Till wanted to scream at him, but instead he just stuck to Mizi or Hyuna’s side and ignored Ivan.
“Is something wrong with you and Ivan?” Mizi asked one day at lunch when Ivan was at practice. Till noticed Sua’s ears perking up at the question.
Till frowned, “I don’t really want to talk about him-“
“Did he do something to hurt you?” Mizi asked, suddenly very serious, “I will beat him up. I know I don’t look strong, but I can pack quite a punch when I try.” She punched her left palm with her right hand.
“My brother is an idiot,” Sua jumped in. She was being surprisingly nice to him. “He speaks very fondly about you.”
“Oh really?” Till laughed bitterly. What the hell was Ivan even doing? “Could’ve fooled me.”
Sua and Mizi exchanged a look. “What happened?”
Till wanted to be more firm in denying the issue, but their concerned looks made Till feel almost obligated to answer, “I invited him over and he said we shouldn’t be friends.”
“What?” Sua looked shocked. Till had missed seeing her emotions. “I’m gonna kill him-“
“No,” Till held his hands up, “I should’ve expected him to not want to be my friend. We’re from different worlds.”
Sua raised an eyebrow.
“What do you mean ‘different worlds’? That’s bullshit and you know it.” Mizi swearing wasn’t the most common occurrence, but she had the tendency to drop some foul language if she was mad. “Ivan has been nonstop bugging you. You should be more mad!”
Till was furious, especially after what Sua said, but he didn’t have the right to be this mad. “I am mad, but he has the right to not be my friend if he doesn’t want to.”
“Why not try talking to him?” Sua suggested. She leaned on Mizi’s shoulder. “He’s not the most straightforward, so he may just be pushing you away.”
Till took a bite of his food, pushing through the nausea he felt. “Yeah.”
It’d been a while since Till had been bullied. Maybe it was because of Ivan protecting him. Till was backed up against a locker, trying to keep his cool as some dudes yelled in his face. It felt like something out of a kids show… truly pathetic.
“Pay up,” One of the guys said, holding out a hand. Till had used the last of his money on lunch. Till tried to run, but the guy grabbed his hands and pinned them above his head. How the hell was he supposed to get out of this?
Till glared, “I don’t have any money with me.”
“Then we can just take-”
“Hey,” Ivan’s voice boomed from behind them. Till hadn’t seen him this mad in a long time. It made something in Till’s stomach flip. “What are you two doing?”
The guy dropped Till’s hand like he’d been burnt. “Oh hey captain!”
Till rubbed his wrists. Thankfully they didn’t hurt too badly.
“What were you two doing?” Ivan asked again. His expression was an unnatural deadpan. Ivan was always (fake) smiling, so it was more than a bit frightening when he wasn’t.
“Nothin-“
Ivan backed them up against the lockers, “Leave him alone or you’re off the team.” Till wasn’t sure that Ivan could get them removed from the team, but that was beside the point.
“Right-“
“Great,” Ivan plastered on a fake smile, but there was a hint of something crazy left in his eyes. “Glad to see we’re on the same page.” Ivan grabbed Till’s hand gently and pulled him away, “Let’s go.”
“What are you-“ Till tried, but Ivan didn’t reply or let go of his hand. Once they were out of earshot of the bullies, Till tried again, “Hey! Answer me!”
Ivan pulled them into an empty stairwell. He was cornering Till similarly to when he’d kissed him before, “Sorry about that- about them.”
“I’m used to it.”
“You shouldn’t be-“ Ivan argued. It pissed Till off beyond belief. It didn’t help that he couldn’t stop thinking about Ivan’s confession before, about how he’d ran away without letting Till process things, about how he died in the rain on the street as Till cried.
“Why do you care?” Till spit the words out with as much venom as he could muster, “I thought you didn’t want to be friends.”
“I-“ Ivan started. “I was just doing what’s right.”
Ivan wasn’t the type to do ‘what was right’ unless it would benefit him. It’s not that he was a bad person per se, he was just extremely passive. He did what people expected him to, even if it exhausted him or put him out. He did what he could to fit in. The only real outlier of this was Till.
Till scoffed, “When have you ever cared about what’s right?”
“You’re talking as though you know me,” Ivan commented, a mocking half grin on his face.
“Oh give me a fucking break,” Till rolled his eyes, ignoring Ivan’s comment. The words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them, “Maybe if you gave people time to think- or gave them a fucking chance to know you, you’d be able to drop the goddamned act for once.”
Ivan stilled. The words obviously hit a nerve.
Till realized what he’d said and suddenly needed to be as far away from Ivan as physically possible. He pushed at Ivan’s arms. “Can you move? I want to leave.”
“I’m sorry,” Ivan said, looking down. Till stilled, looked right at Ivan.
“For what?”
“I lied. I want to be friends,” The words came out in such a vulnerable way, it was almost like Ivan was a glass pane and the smallest mistake would break him.
“Then let’s be friends,” Till was still mad, but all he really cared about was being Ivan’s-
Ivan pulled Till into his arms, completely tearing him out of his thoughts. Till hugged back hesitantly, patting him on the back. It only took him a minute or two to melt into Ivan’s touch. “Are you busy today?”
“Why? Don’t you have practice?”
“Does that matter?” Ivan asked.
“Yes,” Till replied, pulling away from Ivan, “You can’t skip practice. We can hang out after.” He paused, before realizing this version of Ivan didn’t know his address or his number, “Give me your phone, I’ll give you my number and text you my address.”
“Fine,” Ivan handed over his phone, “Will your roommate mind me coming over so late?”
Till started entering his number. Hyuna shouldn’t mind, but after Till’s complaining about Ivan, it may be a bit awkward. “She’ll be fine with it.”
“Okay.”
Till knew Ivan’s number by heart, but to save face he sent himself a text from Ivan’s phone. “I’ll see you later?”
“See you later.”
Till had some pep in his step as he walked out of the school building that afternoon. As he walked through the parking lot, he saw Ivan at practice and gave him a little wave. Ivan smiled and waved back, getting interrupted by one of his teammates jumping on him. Something about the exchange felt like everything was falling into place.
“Luka’s coming over today,” Hyuna told Till when he got home from school. “I hope that's okay.”
Well, it’d be a full house tonight. “Ivan’s coming over too-“
“You mean Ivan who you were just crying over?”
“I wasn’t crying,” Till argued, he hung his bag up near the door. There was a pause. “We made up.”
“Well, as long as you’re happy,” Hyuna sounded hesitant, but after a moment she perked up, “We can have a double date-“
“Date?” Till blurted. He didn’t hate the idea. Hyuna gave him a knowing look. He hadn’t even spoken about Ivan all that much. “When is Luka coming over?”
“In a few hours. He’s at the GSA meeting,” Hyuna explained. GSA?
“What’s a GSA meeting?” Till recognized the acronym, but he never found out what it stood for.
“Gay straight alliance-”
“But he’s not-“ Till questioned, taking off his coat.
“He’s an ally.”
“He’s queer passing.”
“Exactly,” Hyuna turned back to the TV. She picked up the remote and turned the TV back on. “Find out what Ivan’s pizza order is, we can order it when he’s on his way here.”
Till already knew Ivan’s order, but he’d ask for optics.
Till: what time are u going to be here? also what type of pizza do you like?
Ivan: Are we ordering pizza? ( º﹃º )
Till: yeah. hyuna is having luka over, so we’re all gonna have dinner together
Ivan: Alright. I like just plain pizza. d=(´▽｀)=b
Till remembered Ivan liking mushroom pizza. Was he the one who showed Ivan mushroom pizza or was that always Ivan’s pizza order?
Till: that’s boring
Ivan: Fine. You decide on a topping for me. I’ll be over around 5
Till: okay will do
Till was antsy. Normally when Ivan was at practice Till found himself writing a song or drawing. Today he was more nervous than usual- he couldn’t focus on anything he normally would. He decided it may be a good idea to clean his room.
He and Hyuna’s apartment was 2 floors, the top floor with their bedrooms and bathrooms and the bottom floor with a living room and kitchen. It was relatively large for an apartment.
“Fuck,” Till blurted as he tripped over some of the stuff on the floor. He quickly cleared off the floor and put away his drawings in a drawer in his desk. There were too many drawings of Ivan- it’d make him look obsessive.
Was Ivan even going to come into his room? Usually they went to his room and played video games, but with all the changes, he couldn’t really count on usually anymore, could he?
Ivan: I’m on my way. (*＾▽＾)／
“Ivan’s on his way-“ Till said excitedly as he ran down the stairs. When he reached the bottom step he looked over into their living room and was met with the sight of Hyuna and Luka making out on their couch. Till turned on his heel, “Never mind.”
Hyuna pushed Luka aside haphazardly, “Come back here.”
“No, stay upstairs,” Luka cut in. Hyuna slapped a hand over his mouth and he rolled his eyes.
“Let’s order the food,” Hyuna suggested. Till stopped and turned around again. She got up and pulled out her phone, “What do you guys want?”
“A mushroom pizza and an onion pizza.”
Hyuna nodded, tapping on her phone a little as she walked out of the room. After a couple seconds, she spoke, “Hi, I’d like to order a pizza…”
“So you and Ivan?” Luka questioned, staring at Till like he was looking at a particularly interesting blade of grass. He had bright red lipstick on his face, drastically contrasting his light skin and bleach blonde hair.
Till grimaced, “So ‘me and Ivan’ what?”
“Are you two a thing?” Luka asked bluntly. He pulled out his phone and looked at himself in his camera before wiping- or trying to wipe red lipstick off his face.
Till didn’t want to answer that. He wasn’t sure what Ivan wanted, let alone himself. “Why do you care?”
“I don’t,” Luka deadpanned. “Just trying to be friendly.”
“I see.”
There was a long silence before Hyuna walked back into the room and sat on the couch again, “Come sit Till.”
Their living room consisted of a big couch and two recliners all facing an average size TV. Till hesitantly walked and sat at the recliner furthest away from the couple. Before Ivan, he’d gotten used to being a third wheel, but it’s not like he enjoys it. Ivan made it so he never had to be a third wheel again. Till was thankful for that.
Right as he sat down the doorbell rang.
“Oh, Ivan’s here,” Hyuna muttered.
Till jumped back up and half ran to the door. He took a deep breath and opened it.
“Hi,” Ivan waved awkwardly as Till opened the door.
“Thank god you’re here,” Till grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house. Till was grateful he finally would no longer be third wheeling. Ivan hung his bag near Till’s and followed behind him.
“What-“ Ivan started, before he was met with Hyuna and Luka sitting on the couch. Hyuna gave an awkward little wave. “Didn’t know we were on a double date-“ Ivan joked.
Till pulled his hand back as if he’d touched a stove. He could feel his face turning red, “Just take a seat.”
Ivan took a seat in the chair he’d normally occupied when he’d come over before, which caught Till by surprise. Maybe little things are just meant to happen the same- or Ivan decided to sit there because it’s closest to the door, who knows.
Till was tempted to sit on the side of the armchair Ivan was on, but this Ivan didn’t know him that well, so he sat on the other side of the room on the other recliner.
“I’m getting Till withdrawals,” Ivan said casually, as if it wasn’t the craziest thing to say.
“I’m literally right here-“
“Not close enough,” Ivan pouted like a dog whose toy was taken away. Days before Ivan was saying how they shouldn’t be friends and now he was acting like this?
“Down boy,” Hyuna cut in. Till wasn’t used to Hyuna arguing against Ivan’s antics. They’d been pretty close in the last timeline, “You better not lead my roommate on.”
Till choked on air, “Hyuna-“
“I won't," Ivan said a bit too seriously. He paused and took a breath, “I just thought he’d be better off not being near me-“
“Shouldn’t Till be the one to decide what’s best for himself?” Hyuna asked. “Plus, you seem like a nice guy, why would you think he’d be better off?”
“Can we change the topic?“ Till blurted. He was thankful for her friendship, but it was embarrassing to have her questioning Ivan. Ivan technically hadn’t done anything wrong before, so he shouldn’t have any outside forces lecturing him.
Ivan’s logic was very flawed though- him thinking Till would be ‘better off’ was insane even for his delusional self loathing personality. They’d have to talk about that later…
“I heard your class was doing a maid cafe-“ Hyuna did as Till asked- though she brought up the one other thing Till didn’t really want to think about.
“Ugh,” Till groaned, “Don’t remind me.”
Ivan chuckled at the remark, covering his mouth with his hand. Till glared and they shared this weirdly knowing look.
“You’re just going to be cooking in the back right?” Luka asked, head in his phone, barely paying attention to the conversation. Till wished he was just going to be cooking. He wasn’t a good cook- not even close- but that was preferable to what he knew would happen. Maybe the changes in the timeline would cause him to not be stuck in a dress?
“That sounds easy enough,” Ivan said.
“What are you guys cooking?”
“No clue,” Till hadn’t been paying attention and the last time… He’d had other problems to focus on. He couldn’t help but remember the look on Ivan’s face when he’d walked out in the stupid maid outfit. What would Ivan’s face look like this time?… and more importantly, why did Till even care?
The pizza came soon after and Ivan loved the mushroom pizza just like Till knew he would. After some time Ivan and him retreated to Till’s room, closing the door after them.
Ivan looked around, his back to Till, “I like your room.”
“It’s not-” Till started. His room was covered ceiling to floor with band posters and art, “You don’t think it's too much?”
“Not at all,” Ivan replied. He turned to look at Till, “On the contrary, I think it’s attractive.”
“Attractive?”
“It shows how passionate you are about your hobbies,” Ivan told him. “It’s admirable. Your passion.”
If Till remembered correctly, Ivan’s room was the exact opposite of his: vacant walls, minimalistic furniture and full colors. The brightest thing in the room usually was his bright red football jersey.
“You think I’m admirable?” Till questioned, “You don’t even know me that well.”
“I don’t need to know you well to admire you.”
The words hit Till in a very complicated way. Admire him? How so? Why was Ivan saying things like that? This Ivan shouldn’t be this interested in him- since Till wasn’t ignoring him like last time.
“Plus,” Ivan spoke again, “I want to get to know you better.”
“Are you sure you want to get to know me?” Till asked, “You could talk with anyone- plenty of better people.”
“Better people?” Ivan questioned. “You’re the best in my opinion. I want to know you.”
“You’re confusing… The logic behind your actions doesn’t make sense to me.” Till knew Ivan better than most people, but he’d never been able to fully read Ivan.
“Do you want to get to know me?” Ivan avoided eye contact as he spoke, looking down at his shoes.
Till already knew Ivan like the back of his hand.
“Yes. I do.”
The next day, Ivan met with him in front of the school. They got a few weird looks, but Ivan didn’t seem to notice… or if he did notice, he didn’t say anything about them. “Can we hangout again today?”
“Can’t get enough of me?” Till asked.
“Nope,” Ivan replied, “I need more of you or I’ll get withdrawals.”
“We’ve only been talking a few weeks,” Till reminded him, “Plus, I have a test to study for.”
“I can help you study.” Ivan had tried to help him study before, but it usually ended up with them playing a game or something and getting no work done.
“Sure.”
At lunch, Till sat with Mizi and Sua again. Mizi was looking at him as if he’d grown two heads and she wanted to study the anomaly for science. “How are you today?” She asked.
“Are you and my brother better now?” Sua asked. She almost looked worried, underneath her usual deadpan expression.
“I think so,” Till took a huge bite of his food, ignoring the awful cafeteria plasticy taste. “We hung out last night.”
Sua made a face, “That explains so much.”
Till and Mizi both raised an eyebrow. In response, Sua shook her head.
“What explains so much?” Till recognized Ivan’s voice and turned around to look at him. Ivan was giving Sua a threatening look as if to say ‘If you say anything else, I will kill you’. He took a seat next to Till and leaned on his shoulder, “I’m tired.”
Till was used to Ivan not understanding personal space, “Maybe you should go home and take a nap after-”
“No,” Ivan argued. “I just need to sit here for a while, recharge.” Maybe Till should have realized Ivan’s feelings for him from the beginning. Maybe it’d always been obvious, to everyone except him. Till peaked down at Ivan, eyes closed, half asleep on his shoulder. He couldn’t help but feel a bit mesmerized by the way Ivan’s chest rose and fell. Ivan was alive- leaning on him like he always did.
“I think they’ve made up,” Sua whispered (loudly) to Mizi.
“They seem even closer than before…” Mizi muttered back.
Sua actually whispered something in return, that she did not say loud enough for Till to hear.
“Your eyeliner looks pretty,” Ivan muttered, looking up at Till. The words took Till by surprise. To be fair, he wasn’t trying to look pretty, but the compliment made him blush anyways. It didn’t help that Ivan was looking over at him with puppy dog eyes.
Sua made a gagging noise from where her and Mizi were sitting across the table, but Till was too entranced by Ivan to pay her any mind.
“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” Ivan asked when Till didn’t reply right away.
“No,” Till replied, “I just think your eyes are pretty-”
Ivan’s eyes widened as Till slowly realized what he’d said.
Till decided to backtrack instantly, backing away a little bit as he made an excuse, “I meant to say shitty-”
The twinkle in Ivan’s eyes made it obvious Ivan didn’t believe what he said, but Ivan did frown at the loss of contact. “My pillow-”
“I’m not your pillow!” Till said a bit too loudly. A couple people looked over and Till instinctively hid closer to Ivan. For some reason in awkward social situations he just gravitated to Ivan.
Weeks passed like that. Ivan would come over and they’d play video games or pretend to study while discussing their days. Ivan quickly became almost as clingy as he was in the prior timeline, leaning against Till and hugging him from behind- it’s just that this time, Till understood the implications of those actions and it made him self conscious.
“Till!” Ivan ran up behind him and pulled him into a hug.
“Hey!” Till replied, “You almost knocked me over-“
“I’d never let you fall,” Ivan assured him, nuzzling into his neck. Till’s face must have been bright red. People were most definitely staring.
“You’d probably have fallen on top of me.”
“So, I’d top you-“ Ivan joked. Till couldn’t see his face from this angle but he could imagine the evil glisten Ivan probably had in his eyes.
Till covered his mouth, “Shut up.”
Ivan licked his hand, but Till ignored it. He was used to Ivan’s tactics. Plus it was just a bit of spit, no big deal. “Let’s go to my house tonight,” Ivan’s words were muffled by Till's hand. “We can order dinner out.”
“Yeah sure.”
Ivan’s house was just as big and gaudy as Till remembered it. There was a family portrait hung in the center of their hall with two parallel sets of stairs on either side of it. Ivan led him up to his room and Till pretended he didn’t already know how to get there. “My room definitely isn’t as personalized as yours.” Ivan was turned away from Till as they walked up the stairs and into his room.
In the last timeline, Till had brought life into Ivan’s room- gifted him posters, drawings, photos and Ivan had gladly hung them up- turning what was a minimalist grey room into something with some personality. He’d even helped Ivan paint the walls. He’d have to do that again this time. “I don’t mind.” Till decided his first mission was as follows, “Let’s get a photo together.”
Ivan turned on his heel, “A photo?”
“Yeah,” Why was he so surprised by the request? “I want to get a photo of us together.”
“Okay,” Ivan still seemed hesitant but he moved next to Till as he whipped out his phone.
“Smile-“ Till ignored the bunny ears Ivan put over his head. In the last timeline, they took many photos together, but the first photo they took had still been his wallpaper.
“Send me that,” Ivan requested. Till was already on the text screen, inserting the photo.
The first time Till had been in Ivan’s room he’d asked about every little thing; from Ivan’s huge TV to his very empty bulletin board. To be fair, they spent most of their time at Till’s apartment.
“You can sit down wherever you want,” Ivan told him. Till was already plopping down on Ivan’s bed like he lived there. He probably should’ve been a bit more hesitant in Ivan’s space, but he knew Ivan wouldn’t mind.
“I’m going to buy you some posters,” Till mentioned as he looked around the room. He missed the personality that he’d helped create before.
“I thought you didn’t mind that my room is dull,” Ivan pointed out.
“I don’t mind,” Till reiterated, “But I think it’d be fun to decorate it together… if you want to, that is.”
Ivan was giving him a look that he couldn’t really decipher, “I do… I do want to, I mean.”
“Good.”
More time passed and before Till knew it, it was the day of the school festival and things were going as expected. One of his classmates had gotten sick, so the group was panicking.
“We’re going to be short one person,” Sua said to the group of maids. They all looked shocked and sad, especially Mizi. Last time, it was her pleading look that made Till give in and help them out.
“Till,” She asked, just like last time, “You wouldn’t help us out, would you?”
Till did exactly what he had before: laughed awkwardly. “What do you mean?”
“You’d fit perfectly in our extra maid dress,” Mizi told him. Sua was behind her sporting something in between an evil smile and a glare.
“I don’t think I’d be a good maid-“
“No one else will fit in the outfit,” Sua commented.
Till sighed. Last time he’d been a bit more against this whole situation, but he already knew the outcome. “Fuck it, sure.”
The maid dress was itchy and didn’t fit him all that well, but Mizi and Sua dressed him up the best they could, putting some makeup on him to compliment the look. The other maids helped them grab stuff and watched intently from the corner. For some reason Till couldn’t help but think of Ivan seeing him in this. What would Ivan think? The whole thing was so embarrassing.
“There!” Mizi smiled as she finished putting on his lip gloss. “You look beautiful.”
“My brother’s gonna love th-“ Sua mumbled, cut off by Mizi lightly elbowing her.
“Let’s go out there and kill it!” Mizi exclaimed excitedly.
The day was long and Till was getting much more positive attention this time around. There were both guys and girls complimenting him, asking to get a photo with him (Till wanted to decline, but everyone else was allowing photos so Till gave in).
At some point during the day, the football players who’d cornered Till before appeared in the cafe. Till stayed where things were being prepared, “I’m not serving them. Fuck that.”
Sua was looking at him with a puzzled look, before it seemed to click in her head, “I’ll handle them.”
Till adjusted his skirt, seeing as it was constantly riding up. ‘My brothers gonna love th-‘ Sua’s words rang out in his head. Ivan was a freak sometimes- saying weirdly crude stuff and flirting with Till, but Till hadn’t thought- Well, that’s just it- he hadn’t thought it through at all. Ivan’s freak behavior had been just another sign Till had completely overlooked before.
“They’re gone,” Sua commented as she walked back in the kitchen. “Can you take table three?”
“Yeah,” Till replied, walking out. Of course table three was… “Hello master.”
Ivan was grinning ear to ear, “Hello darling.” The pet name made Till’s heart skip a beat. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Ivan-“ Till warned, dropping the act for a second.
“Do a spin for me,” Ivan said, placing his elbow on the table and resting his chin on his hand. He was having too much fun with this.
“I will kill you,” Till reminded him. The words he said hit him slowly, along with the image of Ivan actually dying. He probably shouldn’t make that threat again.
“No you wouldn’t,” Ivan replied with so much confidence, it made Till want to scream.
“What are you ordering?” Till asked, pulling out his stupid little notebook to take orders.
“Are you on the menu?” Ivan’s words were so smooth and calm. Till tried to cover his face with the notebook so Ivan couldn’t see the blush forming.
“You want to eat me?” Till questioned, raising an eyebrow.
Ivan grinned, “I’d love to.”
“So, we’re talking about cannibalism?”
“Sure. We’ll go with that.”
“Master,” Till said a bit too sultry, but perfectly firm, “I’m going to need you to actually order something.”
“You pick for me,” Ivan replied, “I’ll have whatever you think I’d like.”
Till knew exactly what Ivan would like, but he wasn’t supposed to know that yet. Maybe he could chalk it up to a lucky guess. “You love making things overly complicated.”
“I’d argue I’m doing the opposite.”
Till rolled his eyes and walked back to the kitchen. Ignoring the feeling of Ivan’s eyes on him.
Sua had an evil grin on her face as Till walked back to the kitchen, “So, how was table three?” She’d obviously sent him there on purpose just like last time.
“Fine,” Till replied, trying to catch his breath and think about anything besides table three. He wrote out an order for Ivan and handed it to the people preparing food. Ivan liked chocolate, and mocha coffees. He had a bit of a sweet tooth.
“Ivan looked happy to see you,” Sua commented, ignoring Till when he glared at her.
“I guess so,” Till replied. Ivan just was teasing him, that’s all. “Not sure why.”
Sua blinked a couple times, surprise very evident on her face, “You don’t know why?”
“I don’t.”
“Anyways,” Sua changed topics like a train derailing, “Till, you can go on break now.” It’s like Sua knew he’d go spend his break with Ivan. The rebellious part of him wanted to just leave the cafe and do something no one expected, but he fought that urge in favor of sitting across from Ivan.
Ivan raised an eyebrow.
“I’m on break,” Till informed him, “Feel special I’m spending my time with you.”
“I do feel special,” Ivan smiled gently. Till missed seeing this smile of his. “Am I special to you?”
“Of course you are,” Till told him, kicking him a little under the table. “Idiot.”
“You’re special to me too,” Ivan told him. There was a pause. “I like the maid dress on you-“
“Shut up,” Till blushed, absentmindedly playing with his gloves.
“All you need is a pair of cat ears-“
“In your dreams.”
“It’s almost like you’re reading my mind.”
“What are you talking about?” Till wasn’t following this crazy train of thought.
“I was inferring I do dream of you in a maid outfit with cat ears.”
It took Till a few minutes to actually process the words. His brain went absolutely blank for a couple moments before he blurted, “Huh?”
“Anyways,” Ivan, just like his sister had minutes before, changed the topic with the speed of a cheetah chasing after its prey, “When do you get off? We could go around to the other booths together.”
Till looked at the clock, “I get off in about an hour.”
“I’ll wait here until then,” Ivan told him, “Admire the view while I can.”
Till narrowed his eyes, “You’re acting freakier than usual.”
“Says the one in the maid costume-“
“I’m filling in for someone!” Till argued. “It was your sister and Mizi who forced me into this.”
“I may have to send them thank you letters…”
Till groaned, “You just like watching me suffer.”
“Only under specific circumstances.”
It was hard to actually focus on waiting after that. He could feel Ivan’s eyes on him like he was in the hot sunlight- burning his skin. He would occasionally look over at Ivan, and Ivan would give him a little wave in return. It made Till even more self conscious.
“I’d like one of the strawberry teas-“ some football dude ordered, sitting across from a girl Till didn’t recognize. He paused, looked behind Till and then spoke, “You know the captain is staring at you right?”
“Of course I do,” Till deadpanned, “He’s been staring at me for like a half an hour at this point.”
“I’ve never seen him so invested in a person before.”
“It’s almost like he has a crush on you-“
Till felt stupid at how much the word crush made him jump. “Crush?” Till put up his hands so quickly he almost dropped his little notebook, “It’s not- He doesn’t-“
The football dude looked lost in thought, “Just don’t hurt him. He’s a really good guy.” Till dropped his hands and blinked a couple times. He’d never hurt Ivan purposefully. Ivan was too special to him.
“I know,” Till replied earnestly, looking down at his notebook with a smile. He played with his pen a bit as he spoke, “Trust me, I know.”
“So what did Ash talk to you about?” Ivan asked when Till was finally off and they had the chance to walk around.
“Ash?”
“My teammate- the one you took an order for earlier?” Ivan leaned over into Till’s space, “You guys were talking for a while-“
“Not really. I was just taking his order…” Till told him. He didn’t feel like explaining they were talking about Ivan. It may go to his head too much.
Ivan hummed in acknowledgment before changing the topic, “So where do you want to go first?”
“To be honest, I have no clue what the other classes are doing…”
“I heard there was a class doing a haunted maze,” Ivan mentioned. Till wasn’t a fan of scary things, but Ivan was the type to just laugh at them. “Want to go there?”
He didn’t, but he would just to make Ivan happy. “Sure.”
The haunted maze wasn’t all that haunted. There were some people in costumes, but it wasn’t exactly enough to scare Till. The only thing that was bothering him was the jumpscares.
“Are you afraid?” Ivan whispered to him, leaning his head down so he was right near Till’s ear. There was pretty loud spooky music playing in the maze.
“No,” Till replied.
“Then why don’t you go first?” Ivan suggested.
Till didn’t want to lead them around, but he didn’t want to admit to disliking the jumpscares. “Fine.”
It took about two minutes (and one jumpscare) for Till to migrate behind Ivan. Thankfully, Ivan didn’t say anything about it.
“If you’re afraid you can hold onto me-“
Till gave an unimpressed look, “In your dreams.”
“I already told you I dream of you in cat ears and a maid-“ Ivan started.
Till put his hand over Ivan’s mouth, “Not here.”
“So we can talk about it somewhere else?” Ivan’s words were muffled.
Till groaned, moving his hand, “No.”
Ivan frowned- not a real frown, but a playful one. Till gave him a smile and took his hand, determined to get them through this maze as fast as possible so they could do literally anything else.
“Want to visit some of the food stalls?” Till asked when they (finally) made it out. They’d earned a free voucher for food by making it through the maze.
“Sure,” Ivan replied, swinging their hands as they walked. It made Till realize he hadn’t let go of Ivan’s hand- “This way.”
“Right,” Till followed Ivan as he led them downstairs and to the outside area of the festival. He was still holding Till’s hand lightly, giving Till the opportunity to let go if he wanted to. “What are you hungry for?”
“I’m open to anything,” Ivan replied. “How about some takoyaki?”
“Let’s see if they have it.”
People were staring. Till could feel eyes on Ivan and him. He could hear the whispers, though he tried to ignore them. The insecure part of him wanted to ask Ivan if he really wanted to be friends with someone like him, but he knew how Ivan would answer anyways.
In the past timeline, Till let his insecurity win. ‘Why are you friends with me? Isn’t being my friend like social suicide?’
‘I’m friends with you because I like you. No one else’s opinions matter.’
Ivan was always so conscious of how he presented himself, but for some reason when it came to Till, he didn’t care what anyone thought.
“People are staring,” Till blurted.
“Let them stare,” Ivan replied easily. Ivan was always so confident, so sure of himself- Till had always been a bit jealous of that. Ivan squeezed his hand, “They’re probably just jealous I’m holding hands with someone as gorgeous as you-“
“They’re definitely not thinking that,” Till responded, rolling his eyes. “They’re probably thinking something along the lines of, ‘why is Ivan with that loser?’”
“You’re not a loser.”
Till almost snorted laughing, “Yeah, okay.”
“I’m serious,” Ivan said with a stern look on his face, “People just don’t know you, that’s all.”
“I don’t particularly want them to know me,” Till mumbled.
“I wish I was like that,” Ivan replied. “I always feel like I have to impress everyone… like I have to do well so that people like me. I feel like my value lies in how others see me-“
“You don’t have to impress me,” Till said. He took a deep breath, “I don’t care if you're perfect. I don’t care about your social status, how others see you- I just want to be with you.”
“That sounds a lot like a confession-“ Ivan went back to teasing him.
“Jerk. I was being serious-” Till argued, letting go of Ivan’s hand and giving him a gentle whack on the arm.
“I know,” Ivan interrupted him with a sentimental smile on his face. He was looking down at his (now empty) hand, “It means a lot to hear you say that.”