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“Hold the elevator, please!”
Jimin instinctively shoves his foot in the closing door before he even recognizes the voice calling out to him. Looking up from his phone, he catches a glimpse of someone struggling with an armful of bags and leaps forward to snag two that were in imminent danger of tumbling to the floor. “Aish,” Jimin laughs, moving aside to make room for the new arrival. “Let me help you.”
His neighbor gives him a sheepish smile. “Hi Jimin-ah,” Namjoon says as he shifts the remaining bags in his arms. His face peeks between the bags, flushed pink from the cold, dimples creasing his cheeks. “Thanks for waiting. And for grabbing those.” He nods toward the bags in Jimin’s hands, and the motion tilts his hat, covering his left eye.
Jimin laughs and shifts both bags into one arm, reaching up to fix the wayward hat. He nudges it back up over Namjoon’s brow and gives it a little pat. “Hyung,” he says fondly before stepping back, “you’re such a mess. What are you doing?”
“I decided to do some baking today!” Namjoon says. “I don’t bake often. Or ever, really. So I needed to get some ingredients.” He looks down at the bags in his arms, and then over to the two Jimin is holding. “I guess I didn’t realize how many things I was going to need. I’m a little intimidated, to be honest.” His forehead wrinkles in a worried little frown, and Jimin wants to melt into the floor. It’s cute. He’s cute.
Ugh. Stop it, Jimin.
He’s known Namjoon for a few years now. Jimin had moved into his new apartment three years ago with nothing more than a few pieces of furniture and a heart stinging from a bitter breakup. Namjoon had knocked on his door a few days later with a plateful of store-bought cookies and a welcoming smile on his handsome face, eager to introduce himself. The conversation between them had been shockingly easy, and Namjoon had quickly become one of his closest friends, never judgmental and sweetly supportive, always willing to settle in for a long conversation or to listen to Jimin vent about his day. Which is why he’ll never do anything to risk that friendship, no matter how big his stupid crush is.
Crush. What an insipid word for everything he felt for Namjoon. Jimin is pretty sure he’s head over heels in love. But in all the years that they’ve known each other, Namjoon has never dated. And Jimin is a coward who would rather spend the rest of his life pining for his neighbor than create a situation where Namjoon is no longer comfortable being his friend. He’s made his peace with it. Mostly.
They get off on their floor, and he follows Namjoon into his apartment, dropping the shopping bags onto the dining table. “What kind of cookies are you making?” Jimin asks, poking around in the bags. Sugar, flour, baking soda… the items kept multiplying on the table. Wow, Namjoon really did need a lot of ingredients. “Hyung, you didn’t even have sugar?”
Namjoon shrugs and continues unloading his bags, but Jimin can see the tips of his ears turn red. “I don’t really cook much. I’m not very good at it,” he mumbles, shoving items willy-nilly into his pantry. Jimin stifles his laugh when a box of cereal ends up next to a stack of ramen. "I'm trying to get better, though," he admits shyly.
"I'm sure you do just fine, hyung," Jimin soothes, patting him on the shoulder comfortingly. "So, should I get out of your way so you can start on your cookies?"
Namjoon spins around. "No!" He looks startled by the volume of his own voice and clears his throat. "Um, I mean, you can hang out if you want? We can order lunch in while I bake." He looks at Jimin expectantly, eyes wide as he waits for Jimin's answer, and Jimin couldn't possibly say no.
"Sounds good to me, hyung."
*
Jimin stretches out on Namjoon’s sofa, socked feet tucked under the fuzzy throw that's draped over the back to puddle on the last cushion. Namjoon is decorating his tree, carefully placing ornaments among the branches as if he were designing an art show. They've made a mess of the kitchen, flour still dusting the table from where Namjoon had turned the hand mixer on full blast. Clouds of white billowed up, coating the table and Namjoon until Jimin had reached over and turned the thing off. They stood in silence until Jimin snickered, and then they were laughing, Namjoon reaching over with flour-coated fingers to leave a handprint on Jimin's face. Namjoon eventually finished the cookies, popping them in the oven before asking Jimin to order their noodles.
Now Jimin feels delightfully drowsy, belly full of jjangjangmyeon and heart full of longing. He closes his eyes and lets himself pretend that this moment of domesticity is his, but the deep rumble of Namjoon’s voice has him cracking his heavy eyes open again.
"Now, where did this come from?"
Jimin turns his head to see Namjoon staring down at the small box in his hand. It looks too small to be an ornament, and it's not until Namjoon takes it out that Jimin realizes what it is
"Hyung, did you buy mistletoe?" Jimin asks, delighted. He peels himself off of the sofa to stand next to Namjoon, taking the box from his hand.
"Eomma," Namjoon groans theatrically, cheeks tinging pink with embarrassment. "She's been worried about me lately. Thinks I'm going to die alone or something." He tries to snatch the mistletoe back from Jimin, but he holds it behind his back, turning away to shield it from Namjoon’s grasping hands.
"That's sweet," Jimin laughs softly. "Come on, let's put it up!" He ignores the soft sound of protest Namjoon makes behind him as he drags over a chair to stand on.
"Jimin," Namjoon complains, "this is silly."
Jimin climbs up onto the chair. "Look, you already have a little hook here! It's perfect!"
Namjoon comes closer and grabs hold of the chair back, keeping it steady. "Jimin, I don't even have people over," he says.
"Eomma knows best, hyung," Jimin scolds playfully. "See, I told you, it looks perfect." He steps back to admire his work, and the edge of his heel slips off of the chair. He pinwheels his arms, trying to regain his balance, but it's too late; he's already tipping backwards. He lets out a startled meep of alarm as he falls, but then there are arms wrapped around his waist, easing him safely to the floor.
Jimin heaves a relieved breath and turns to face Namjoon. "Thanks, hyung. I thought I was going to embarrass myself and land right on my ass."
Namjoon is quiet for a moment, his eyes roving over Jimin’s face before looking up over his head. "You’re under the mistletoe, "he says quietly.
Jimin's heart gives a massive thump before settling into a rabbit-quick pace. Namjoon has never looked at him like this before, quiet and contemplative. Jimin licks his lips and nearly dies when Namjoon's eyes follow the swipe of his tongue. "Hyung?" Namjoon shuffles closer, and Jimin nearly stops breathing. "Namjoon…" Jimin whispers, waiting, hoping.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Namjoon jerks back and whips his head toward the kitchen. There's a haze of smoke filling the room, and the smoke alarm continues to shriek. "Oh, fuck! The cookies!"
*
They fled the apartment after throwing open the windows to air out the smell of scorched sugar. The cookies had been burnt beyond any hope of saving, the bottoms a charcoal black. Namjoon was so despondent over his baking fail that Jimin suggested they go do something festive to lift his mood. Namjoon readily agreed, so they spent a few minutes huddled together in Jimin's apartment, searching local events before setting out to grab a taxi.
The holiday market they decided on is crowded, with groups of people meandering through the narrow streets. Fairy lights twinkle as the day shifts toward night, and the holiday tree in the center plaza is festive and bright. Market stalls line the streets, decorated in evergreen branches and red ribbons as the vendors call out to those passing by, inviting them to come and browse. The smell of cinnamon and spice permeates the air, and Jimin takes a deep, appreciative sniff before giving a happy sigh.
Namjoon is quiet beside him, and when Jimin slants a look in his direction, Namjoon's eyes widen before he looks away, scuffing his shoe into the snow. It would be ridiculously endearing if Jimin's system wasn't still keyed up from what he was sure had been an almost kiss and the unspoken knowledge that they were sharing what was traditionally considered a holiday outing for couples.
Well, Namjoon might be too shy to make the next move but he's not. He's been waiting and hoping for a chance like this, and he's not about to waste it.
"Namjoon-hyung, do you want to get something to eat? There's a tteokbokki stand over there. I know we had lunch, but we could always share?"
Namjoon perks up and smiles, his face brightening as he seems to shake off his uncharacteristic silence. They amble along the path, their heads swiveling to take in all of the stalls and wares.
"Oh, they have fresh bungeoppang!" Namjoon says around a mouthful of tteok, pointing at a tiny stall tucked in between two stalls selling goat milk soap and candles. He has a bit of sauce on his chin, so Jimin leans forward to wipe it off with his napkin. "I wonder if they have custard-filled?"
"Hyung, you're a mess," Jimin says fondly. "Finish your ttoekbokki first, then we can get something sweet."
Namjoon smiles and bites down on another rice cake before scooping a slice of fishcake into his mouth. He makes quick work of his remaining food, making Jimin laugh as they clear their plates before moving on. They stop at vendors that catch their eye, and Jimin buys himself a pretty little braided leather bracelet, asking Namjoon to help him clasp it around his wrist. Namjoon's fingers are warm and soft against his skin, and Jimin wants to throw himself into his arms right then and there. They get cups of hot chocolate and giggle at the mustaches left behind, melted marshmallows sticky on their lips. Their hands brush as they walk side by side, fingers half-curling around each other before slipping away, too shy to fully entwine. Jimin glances at Namjoon from beneath his eyelashes only to see him glancing back, the tips of his ears pink and cheeks flushed from the cold. They come to a stop in front of the tree, the soft glow of the lights creating a charming scene as the night darkens. There's a half-melted snowman off to the side, knit hat falling over one of his eyes as he gazes out at the groups of people who wander by.
"I can't remember the last time I made a snowman," Namjoon murmurs, carefully fixing the snowman's hat. "I think I was in my early teens?" He laughs suddenly as he turns to face Jimin. " I remember my sister and I had a snowball fight, and she pinned me face down in the snow. Then cried to my parents when I retaliated. Aish, what a brat she was."
Jimin grins at him. "My brother and I built one last year at our parents' place. Eomma was scolding us for being out in the cold, but then Appa came out to join us. She threw her hands up and made us soup for later, muttering the entire time about fools and their health." Namjoon tips his head back with a laugh, and Jimin feels so warm and happy in this moment. He and Namjoon had always been close, but this is the first time they've really had a chance to spend the day together like this, and Jimin is already addicted to the idea of many more days just like this.
"Hyung," Jimin says quietly, turning to face Namjoon directly. His face is lit by the colorful lights on the tree, his eyes soft and reflecting the shiny baubles hung on the branches, and Jimin doesn't think Namjoon has ever looked prettier than he does right now. "Hyung, can I tell you something?" His heart feels like it's going to beat out of his chest, and his stomach is fluttering with nerves, but if he doesn't confess how he feels right now, he knows he might never have the nerve again. He takes a sip of his cocoa and tries to make his brain work.
Namjoon looks at him intently, hearing the slight shake in Jimin's voice. "Jimin?" He reaches out and hesitates for a moment before taking Jimin's empty hand in his own. "Are you alright?" he asks gently. "You know you can tell me anything."
Jimin clears his throat nervously. "Namjoon-hyung, we've known each other for a while now. And we've been good friends, haven't we?
"Of course we have! Jimin-ah, what..?"
"Hyung." He takes a deep breath, then blurts it out with all the delicacy of a rampaging bull. "Hyung, I have feelings for you." Namjoon's soft gasp sounds exceptionally loud in Jimin's ears, so he plows on, desperate now to get all of his words out. "I've had feelings for you for ages, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But then today, you… I… we almost kissed! And I thought that maybe, maybe you actually felt the same? So I needed to tell you because I want to spend more days like this with you, and oh my god, please say something before I die of embarrassment," Jimin pleads. Namjoon's shocked face is staring at him, and Jimin is ready to flee, to gather the shreds of his dignity around him like a tattered cloak, but Namjoon's grip on his hand tightens, pulling him slightly closer.
"Jimin," Namjoon says quietly, eyes wide and glistening. "Jimin, I-"
Whatever he was about to say is cut off when someone collides into Jimin's back, jolting him forward into Namjoon's arms. It could almost be considered romantic if Jimin's cup of hot cocoa wasn't jolted along with him, sloshing over the rim and spilling all over the front of Namjoon's clothes, soaking his sweater and jeans, dripping down onto his sneakers.
Someone calls out a hasty apology as they scurry away, leaving Namjoon and Jimin staring at each other in shock. Struck by the sudden absurdity, Jimin bites his lip, trying to hold back the hysterical laughter building in his chest. He struggles to keep his face still and is mostly successful until he looks at Namjoon's shocked face again, then it's all over. He breaks out into a peal of giggles, leaning over to rest his head on Namjoon's shoulder while fighting to control himself. He hears Namjoon snort out a laugh, and then suddenly they're both laughing uncontrollably, leaning into each other as they wheeze and try to get themselves together.
Eventually, Namjoon shivers and they pull away, still grinning stupidly at each other. "Time to get you home, hyung, before you turn into a snowman like this fellow here," Jimin teases softly. They head to the market entrance and call a cab, quiet now as Namjoon's physical discomfort grows along with Jimin's sudden attack of nerves. He spends the cab ride looking determinedly out of the window, picking apart his hasty confession and dwelling on Namjoon's lack of reply while Namjoon tries to keep chocolate from smearing over the seat. They ride the elevator up in tense silence, and Jimin is about to slink into his apartment when Namjoon calls his name.
"Jimin-ah, won't you come to mine for a bit? I think we need to talk." Namjoon says softly, and Jimin feels his heart fall to his feet.
"O-oh. Yeah, of course," he stutters, tripping over his words, fingers twisting the hem of his sweater.
Namjoon's apartment is cold, but the air is fresh and crisp, no hints of smoke remaining. Namjoon excuses himself to change, and Jimin closes up the windows while he waits. Namjoon had left the music on when they left, and now something soft is playing, a song about only wanting their love for Christmas. It hits a little too close to home, that melancholy pining, so Jimin steps forward to turn it off, only to pause when he sees Namjoon watching him from the hallway.
The air feels thick when Namjoon flicks his eyes above Jimin's head. "Jimin-ah, you're under the mistletoe." It's nearly a replay of earlier, only now the moment feels electric. Jimin flushes, but before he can move, Namjoon strides forward to cup the sides of his face. "Jimin, can I kiss you?"
He's only able to give the tiniest nod before Namjoon's mouth is on his. It's an exploratory kiss, soft and unhurried as Namjoon's lips move over his own before deepening slightly, the barest brush of tongue tracing the plump lines of Jimin's lips. Namjoon keeps it gentle, tugging Jimin closer to tuck into the line of his body, and everything turns warm and syrupy slow. He'd like to keep kissing Namjoon forever, but eventually Namjoon pulls away, still cradling Jimin's face as if he were something precious. Jimin opens his eyes to find Namjoon looking at him with so much fondness that Jimin can't seem to catch his breath.
"I didn't get a chance to confess back," Namjoon says, smiling wryly. "I wanted to tell you how I felt while you were glowing under the lights, your cheeks and nose adorably red from the cold." Jimin scrunches his nose, and Namjoon bops it gently with a finger before pushing the bangs back from Jimin's forehead. "I never thought a day like this would come, never thought the feelings I had could possibly be returned like this. Because I've had feelings for you from the moment you answered your door and accepted my sad offering of store-bought cookies." He kisses Jimin's forehead, his nose, his cheeks, and Jimin nuzzles into him like a cat. "Thank you, my Jimin, for being braver than me. And for giving me a chance to care for you, as more than just a friend."
"Hyung," Jimin chokes out, overcome with emotion. He stretches up on his toes and kisses Namjoon again, off-center in his haste to be as close as possible to the man standing before him under the mistletoe. He's so unbelievably happy that he wants to pinch himself to make sure he's not dreaming, but Namjoon is pulling him over to the couch to flop down for cuddles.
They stay wrapped up in each other for the rest of the night. Dinner ordered in turns into watching Christmas movies, snuggled under a throw, coffee in hand as they talk about which parts are their favorite. Halfway through It's a Wonderful Life Namjoon turns to look at him.
"Hey Jimin? What would you like for Christmas?" he asks softly.
Namjoon's hand is warm in his, their thighs pressed together under the cozy throw. Jimin can't think of a better Christmas gift than this, so he turns his face into Namjoon's neck and sighs. "All I want for Christmas is you."