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Jamie is excited about the world cup for about fifty different reasons. The most simple is that it’s the world cup and this is the peak of Jamie’s excitement every four year period ever since he was old enough to understand what a football was. He could remember being five years old and sat on a bar stool far too big for him in the pub where his mum worked watching every match he could despite the time difference on the grainy screen behind the bar. Even now he had a cinema room in his house, that vibrating excitement at watching the England national team try and bring the trophy home never had faded. The next reason was that Jamie was not going to be able to sit at home and watch the games in his cinema room; he had been called up. Jamie Tartt was playing for England at the world cup. Tuchel had called him up at the last international window citing his fitness as the main reason; they were going to be playing in far different conditions in terms of altitude and temperature and so needed impact substitutions up front that had enough stamina to be able to bulldoze defenders even in the hostile conditions. Jamie had immediately appeared at Roy’s house, where he already knew because of course he did, and surprised him with an armful of sobbing striker. If it wasn’t for Roy’s training Jamie wouldn’t have been called up. The last reason was one that Jamie didn’t see coming even after he was called up.
“Dani!” Jamie yelled over the crowd as soon as his fellow ace entered Ola’s.
“Jamie Tartt! My enemy!” Dani yelled back, arms in the air in equal joy to Jamie’s. That was the last reason; England, Mexico, Algeria, Jordan. England and Mexico were in the same group and would be playing each other in the Group C opener in Mexico City. Yes they would be at opposite ends of the pitch as their respective country’s strikers and Jamie couldn’t even guarantee he would get on the pitch but there was a chance.
Jamie pushed though the crowd that then started to part for them as people noticed, to wrap Dani up in a massive bear hug. Jamie had been regaled with the stories of Mexico player Dani Rojas as soon as the groups had been announced but all it had done was increase his excitement. Jamie loved competition and the World Cup was an opportunity to face off against the best of the best, and full violence Dani Rojas was in that category. Jamie was relishing the opportunity.
It was the day before all of the international players had to report to their respective teams and AFC Richmond had booked Ola’s and put a blank cheque behind the bar to celebrate and send off Jamie, Dani, Sam, Colin and Moe on their call ups. The others were clearly excited and eager to prove themselves for their teams but Dani, Colin and Moe had played by international tournaments for their teams before and so knew the drill. Sam and Jamie however, they kept meeting each other’s eyes and seeing the same pure excited joy and bursting into laughter. Sam was occupying himself with keeping everyone plied with food and drinks whereas Jamie was occupying himself with clinging to Dani like a koala and talking his ear off with every world cup fact about either England or Mexico that he knew. The drink in his hand never runs dry somehow and Jamie knows that getting tipsy ahead of having to get to St George’s Park by afternoon the next day probably wasn’t the best idea but sue him. The Man City lads had arrived plastered to call ups in 2022, Jamie had put himself on duty to make sure they did get there despite his own lack of a call up, so it wasn’t entirely unheard of.
“I’m just so …” Jamie groaned, taking another swig of his raspberry gin and lemonade as he leaned half against the wall and half against Dani.
“Ready?” Dani suggested with a soft smile.
“Yeah? You know?” Jamie replied his face lighting up in a mirror of Dani’s infectious smile. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long and training for it and now it’s here. It starts tomorrow,” he laughed.
“I know at copa I was expecting to feel out of my depth and worried and panicking when the excitement faded,” Dani nodded.
“And did it?” Jamie asked, leaning his head on Dani’s shoulder.
“No. It was calm. I always get into …” Dani gesticulated his hands in a swirling motion.
“We call it Intense Rojas,” Jamie giggled.
Dani snorted. “Yes I think that describes it. Playing for my country, winning for my country it’s very important to me,” he explained.
Jamie nodded. It was the same for him; it was exciting and he would love being out on that pitch with the three lions on his chest, but more importantly it was a duty. The country was expecting good things from him and he needed to deliver for the team, himself, and everyone out there who supported them. It was a responsibility not just an honour.
“But I knew I would get like that but when boots hit turf, the weight lifted and it was peace. What happened would happen, I just needed to make sure I was the best me,” Dani smiled softly.
“I’m so excited to play against you,” Jamie smiled back.
“I will try not to murder you,” Dani replied, dead pan and stoic. Another giggle forced it’s way out of his throat. Ok maybe Jamie was a little tipsy.
“Like to see you try,” Jamie stuck his tongue out, breaking Dani’s fake glare.
They end up in the bathroom together continuing their inane conversation but Jamie didn’t want to leave Dani’s side yet. Lasso had said it when he arrived, the two aces. Jamie had scoffed and pushed Dani away initially but even now he had to admit that they were counter balances to each other. Dani was happy bubbly energy, Jamie was coiled spring energy and they both put all of it into football. They worked well together and when Jamie was in the mood like he was then where he was vibrating out of his skin, Dani was the best person to stop his spiral.
“Did you ever think when Ted Lasso walked in through the door that both of us would still be at Richmond and called up for our national teams?” Dani called out from the cubicle.
Jamie scoffed, peering into the mirror over the sinks to straighten out his hair as he waited. “Fuck no,” he laughed. “I thought I would be back to Man City at the end of my loan and would only ever see you fuckers on the other side of the pitch.”
“But we converted you!”
“Ruined me more like,” Jamie rolled his eyes.
“You wound me Jamie Tartt,” Dani pouted, full puppy dog eyes as he emerged and leaned past Jamie to use the taps. Dani’s weight pressed against his side and Jamie sunk into it. Dani was tactile and Jamie moved towards casual gentle touch like a moth to one of those zappy insect lights. He knew it would likely hurt him one day but he couldn’t help it. Dani was short but he had a centre forward’s body mass and it was grounding as the heat seeped into him. Dani shook his hands off over the sink and moved away to the hand dryers. Jamie mourned the loss of his presence like a piece of him had been cut off even though Dani was no more than a metre away from him. Maybe he was more drunk than he thought he was as his chest tightened without his teammate in contact with him. But he couldn’t chase him; Jamie couldn’t be that stupid. Dani was amazing and wonderful and so hot; his hair was effortless in a way that Jamie had been initially jealous of, the sun kissed hue of his skin glimmered in the soft lights, and his eyes were pools that Jamie could get lost in. Dani was one of his best friends, the person he would always gravitate towards.
“I didn’t really know you before you left,” Dani turned back towards Jamie and broke him out of his reverie just in time.
“No one really did,” Jamie muttered under his breath, looking away at the hurt in Dani’s eyes and the slight down tilt of his lips.
“But this Jamie is definitely an improvement,” he continued, the smile returning.
Jamie doesn’t really know what came over him in that moment. One minute Dani was saying a really sweet thing that had Jamie’s heart swell painfully in his chest. One minute they were so close together and Dani was smiling. One minute Dani turned towards the door to go. And then Jamie kissed him. It wasn’t a conscious decision; it was a need deep down in his chest that he was worried might eat him alive if he didn’t. If Jamie hadn’t been well on his way to inebriated then he might have been able to fight it but he didn’t. Dani’s lips were as soft as expected under his and the taste of the mango mojito that he had been drinking lingered mixing with Jamie’s raspberry gin. It was a combination that was made to be. Dani’s posture slackened and Jamie took the invitation to cup his hand on the back of Dani’s neck. His fingers twisted into the soft strands of hair as his eyes flickered closed. Dani’s hands wrapped around Jamie’s waist keeping them pressed together.
“Jamie,” Dani whispered as they came up for air. Jamie’s eyes stayed closed; if he couldn’t see the look on Dani’s face then he could imagine it was a good one.
“Jamie, look at me,” Dani sighed, pressing a soft peck to Jamie’s lips. The touch was so fleeting that Jamie wasn’t a hundred percent sure he hadn’t imagined it but imaginary or not, it bolstered him enough to inch his eyes open. To be met with Dani’s tender smile, and the anvil on his chest turned into butterflies inside it. “That was …”
“Yeah,” Jamie replied when Dani’s voice trailed away.
“We need to talk, about this, when we are both sober,” Dani stated and Jamie nodded along in a haze. That wasn’t a no. “But I liked it,” and then Jamie soared.
They didn’t have time to talk about it when they were sober before they needed to leave. Jamie had left the bathroom with ten times the vibrating energy he had gone in with. He had kissed Dani and Dani hadn’t rejected him; Dani wanted to talk about it and had said it was good. Jamie knew he was a good kisser but hearing that Dani liked it had cast all of his worries about everything away. Dani liked him, like liked him. Nothing could dull that high. But then they had both had to report for their respective national teams. In a blink, Dani was on a plane and Jamie was packing his car for the drive up to St George’s Park. Jamie would be following Dani out to Mexico in about a week for acclimatisation but they were enemies now, there was no space for relationship talk while preparing for a world cup opener on opposite sides to each other.
The England and Mexico teams are sharing the same hotel along with some of the other teams in their group as a home base. It made sense from a security perspective but it was hampering Jamie’s ability to deal with the new elements of his feelings for his friend. He seemed to be seeing Dani everywhere; at the gym, in the restaurant, in the lift, in the gardens. Wherever Jamie went, Dani seemed to be passing through. There was no fraternising with the enemy but even if Jamie wanted to, he couldn’t; Dani was in full international duty mode. Jamie had not been on the receiving end of Intense Rojas before but he had seen it on film and Zoreaux had talked about it endlessly. He had imagined what it would be like to face off against Mexico Dani almost as much as he had imagined what it would be like to face off against Chelsea Roy. In the hotel, Dani walked with a determined purpose; his eyes were solid and steely, his jaw clenched. It was hot. Jamie could admit that now because Dani liked kissing him. Dani usually floated with the energy of a golden retriever and Jamie loved that about him; it was an energy that fuelled Jamie, keeping him hopeful and operating when the thoughts got bad. Intense Rojas on the other hand was similar to Jamie in ways that had him predicting they would bounce off each other. They would not be their best selves around each other but it would be fun.
But they couldn’t. Not yet anyway. No fraternising with the enemy.
The game is upon them faster than Jamie was expecting. He got so caught up in the media and training and acclimatisation routine and then it was game day and Jamie was sat on the bench with just his tracking vest and the bib on; it was certainly different to sitting on the bench in February in Manchester. Jamie was struggling with the heat; he was spending all of the time in as little clothing as possible knowing that if he even tried to put his England shirt on for sitting on the bench, it would be sticking uncomfortably to him before he even got his hands on a ball. Jamie was never expecting to start but the heat had played to his advantage, Kane was not as young as he used to be and so Jamie got half an hour at the end of the game to run at the Mexican defence. He straightened his headband as he pulled on the number 24 England shirt; despite Sam being at the tournament up in Toronto, Jamie had stuck with his Obisanya tribute number. Jamie’s hair had grown out without him really thinking and when he sat down for his pre-tournament trim, he had got used to it. So his hair has been expertly braided up out of his face down the top of his head. Jamie was just feeling good when he stood on the sideline. There was a bone deep belief within him. Jamie was going to succeed. He was going to win. As the numbers 9 and 24 flashed up on the board, Jamie caught Dani’s eye across the pitch. His usual teammate was rocking on his feet as he waited for Kane to drag his feet over to the sideline. Dani’s stare was hard, intense in a way that made Jamie shiver but not with nerves. His jaw was tight and nose crinkled as they stared at each other. A smile rose on Jamie’s face as Dani’s expression tightened. His tongue flicked out and he winked, prompting a rumbling growl. Jamie’s face heat up as he darted out onto the pitch. It was time to show what he could do; and if he was going to get to show off for Intense Rojas too then that was an added bonus.
The game was everything. It was a horrifically messy 2-1 win for England but it was a milestone for Jamie. He got the winner. Jamie Tartt won the match for England at a World Cup. It wasn’t the type of goal you dream about as a kid; Saka’s cross whipped in and it deflected off a couple of Mexico defenders and rolled along the floor. Jamie was fastest off the line and all it took was a toe poke to nudge it over the line. If he had scored a goal like that for Richmond it wouldn’t be anywhere near his highlight reel but this was England. Jamie Tartt, England match winner … now that had a nice ring to it. He finishes the match, exhausted and sweating so much it was pouring off of him but took his time on the pitch before heading into the showers. One of the first things he did was hunt down Dani. His opposite striker was doing the post match routine of shaking hands and commiserating with his teammates when Jamie found him.
“Great match mate,” Jamie grinned, shaking Dani’s hand and moving to pull him into a hug like he usually did. But the Mexican stayed at arms length with a short curt grunt instead of his grinning celebration.
“It was. You performed well,” he conceded with a contemplating tilt of his head. “But next time Jamie Tartt, I will beat you.”
Jamie’s veins burned, radiating out of his palm where Dani had gripped onto him tightly after the game. He travelled through the celebrations in a haze through both the pure joy of winning a game for England and the excitement of playing against Dani. The celebrations went on into the night and his teammates did their duty and carried him through and plied him with a couple of drinks before they all remembered they had to be at film tomorrow. It was midnight before Jamie managed to escape the well wishers back to his room. But he didn’t go back to his room. He stepped into the lift, saluting to the rest of the party, and pressed the button for the Mexico team floor. When they had first got to the hotel, Dani had texted Jamie his room number. It was an unwritten understanding that players went into each other’s rooms at events like this and no one thought too hard about what was going on in those rooms; this wasn’t a school trip, they were all adults and could make good decisions. Jamie still didn’t want to get caught though; he was still an outsider on the England team. It was harder to get out of the national team than to get into it at the moment and Jamie wasn’t going to risk anything damaging this opportunity. So Jamie Tartt was in full stealth mode as he padded down the corridor towards the room number he had memorised immediately. They had promised to talk after the kiss and Jamie just needed Dani in this moment. He had everything bubbling inside of him and comfort only a couple of floors away. He needed Dani and that was expressed when his hand shook as it balled into a fist to knock on the door. Jamie swayed in place as he waited. Dani should be in his room, there was no way the Mexicans were out celebrating. Just as Jamie was about to turn and leave before he got caught, the door swung open.
“Hi,” Jamie squeaked, eyes raking up and down Dani’s figure. His hair was sleep tussled and eyes slightly red ringed from exhaustion. Light green pyjama bottoms hung low on his hips giving Jamie a view of Dani’s abs and hipbones that practically had him salivating. Jamie eyes were yanked back up and came to rest on the confused and stoic expression on Dani’s face. It would never feel normal to see him with a glower instead of a grin … hot though. In romance and sex, Jamie had very rarely felt on the back foot; he was the great Jamie Tartt and anyone should be honoured to have him in their bed and in their life. Keeley and Dani were the only people to date to make him doubt that.
“I …” Jamie started again, swaying nervously but he didn’t make it past that first syllable that time. Dani’s hand shot out and grabbed onto the neck of Jamie’s hoodie and yanked him forwards through the doorway. Jamie stumbled with him, only to be caught against Dani’s solid chest and their mouths colliding with each other. The first kiss in the bathroom had been soft and tentative but this was charged and passionate. Dani’s other hand snaked up Jamie’s back, leaving a tingling trail, to cup the back of his neck. Jamie was trapped, exactly where he wanted to be.
The movements of Dani’s tongue and the grinding of their hips together ridded Jamie of any coherent thought as Dani shuffled backwards with Jamie in tow, unwilling to part for even a moment lest this be a beautiful dream and evaporate in his arms. Eventually they do have to come up for air; Jamie’s chest is heaving as he pants in air and tries to kick his shoes off as they move. Dani’s grip tightens around Jamie’s hoodie and pulls it up and over Jamie’s head. It was hard to get undressed when neither of them wanted to lose the warmth of contact for even a second. Eventually with a lot of wriggling and growling from Dani, Jamie’s hoodie and trackies were discarded in different corners of the room. Jamie hopped on one foot trying to pull off his underwear as Dani yanked him into a another passionate biting kiss. Jamie could feel the blood swelling to the surface in his lip, it was going to take a bit of doing to explain that away to his teammates in the morning. This was not what Jamie thought was going to happen when he came to Dani’s room after the celebrations but he wasn’t complaining. Dani’s knees hit into the bed and the both of them tumble over onto the soft and springy mattress. It takes all of Jamie’s footballer’s flexibility and reactions to fall so he was straddling Dani’s hips, and arm either side of his head. Despite being the one over Dani, the fierce and fiery hunger in Dani’s eyes and stare told Jamie who was in charge of his encounter. The lightning shocks and heat was spreading, everywhere, with each in sync breath.
“Do you want this Jamie Tartt?” Dani hissed, his hands coming up and gripping, punishingly tight onto Jamie’s hips.
“Yes,” Jamie wheezed, his head bobbing so quickly he was giving himself whiplash. In that moment there was nothing he had ever wanted more than this.
“I will take you apart, have you squirming under my touch, take what is mine from you,” Dani growled, pulling Jamie down towards him to latch onto Jamie’s neck, biting and nipping at the skin as he spoke.
“Promise?” Jamie groaned, the heat now well and truly spreading downwards giving Dani a physical indication of how much Jamie did want this.
“You won’t be able to think when I am done with you,” Dani chuckled, licking over the already blossoming bruise on Jamie’s neck. That sound perfect.
It was perfect. Jamie laid blissfully sore and fucked out, sprawled on his front with his head pillowed on Dani’s chest. He let out a deep contented sigh, shuffling as he somehow managed to press himself even closer to Dani. He hummed, eyes flickering closed again when Dani’s hand reached up to card through his hair.
“I like your hair longer,” Dani commented, twisting the strands around his fingers.
“Is that what got you? The braid?” Jamie chuckled, leaning his head into the soft caress.
“It certainly helped,” Dani’s laughing exhale tickled and Jamie’s smile grew.
“Good to know,” Jamie sighed. He hadn’t felt this content and loose since Keeley. Sex had stopped meaning anything except for human content since he fumbled her; it was nice and all that but it wasn’t anything special, just a fun way to spend the time. But with Dani, the passion and the heat still pumped through his veins now. His muscles ached like he had run another ninety after finishing the match and he was going to have to find some make up or a turtleneck to hide the marks that Dani had left all over him.
“I’m usually a more tender partner. You just … that match, that goal,” Dani whispered. Jamie opened his eyes and looked up into Dani’s blinding smile. Intense Rojas was fun but this was his Dani; this was the Dani that had been rejected by an asshole with a twatish haircut and had responded with offering to play a game together.
“First the hair and now a scrappy toe poke, I’m learning a lot about what turns you on,” Jamie rolled his eyes.
“It was a beautiful goal…” Dani was interrupted by Jamie scoffing, “… because of the importance to you.”
“Yeah … yeah I guess,” Jamie blushed. He had been thinking the same thing the day before but coming from Dani it meant more.
“Even if it was against the run of play,” Dani muttered.
“Oh wow,” Jamie laughed. “Against the run of play, really, that’s what you’re going with?”
“If you look at the expected goals stat …”
“Expected goals really?” Jamie argued, “Why on earth would I look at expected goals?”
“I guess you were too busy with my dick in your ass,” Dani shrugged.
“Dani!” Jamie squeaked, his face flushed red like he was an old woman clutching her pearls. They both descended into peals of laughter and Jamie could feel any remaining twists of tension coming loose. This was where he was supposed to be.
Jamie tries to sneak out in the morning but Dani stops him with a hand around his wrist and a smile. “We still haven’t had that talk,” he shrugged. Jamie couldn’t argue with that and found he didn’t really want to. Having breakfast with Dani after a big win and a good fuck sounded absolutely perfect. Dani ordered their breakfast to his room in rapid fire Spanish and looked over at Jamie as he blushed while saying something.
“What was that?” Jamie asked when he hung up.
“I did not think of an excuse for why I was ordering two breakfasts in advance,” Dani muttered. Jamie couldn’t hold back the ripple of laughter. “It is not funny Jamie Tartt,” he whined. “We have to stay at this hotel and now they think I have a woman in my room after a match, after a loss.”
Jamie looked at him with raised eyebrows. “A woman?”
“You’re not just any woman,” Dani chuckled, pressing a kiss to Jamie’s cheek. Jamie preened, returning to the light red flushed colour that was becoming a lot more common in his life. “But I don’t want my teammates looking too hard at what we are doing in here,” Dani shrugged.
“That’s fair,” Jamie sighed. He hated that they had to sneak around but that was the way it was; both of them were in the height of their careers, there was no sense in tempting fate by allowing in the haters. Jamie also pulled out his phone and texted Stones that he was with the physios to work out the knot in his back he had been moaning about the night before. No one needed to know that Dani had well and truly worked the knot loose the night before.
“Ok, our chat,” Jamie sighed, swallowing his bite of toast dramatically. “Seen as though you are determined to talk about it,” he huffed.
“Yes. I don’t want to start this relationship without doing it properly,” Dani linked his ankle with Jamie’s. Any soft touch was a point of warmth for Jamie. It wasn’t something he grew up with in his childhood; his mum tried but she was so busy and his dad abhorred anything that could be deemed as soft. It was good that he had ended up in a career where fleeting contact was frequent.
“Relationship?” Jamie whispered.
“This is what you want isn’t it?” Dani frowned.
“Yes, yes,” Jamie blurted out, uncaring of the neediness that poured out of him.
“Good, I want to too,” Dani smiled. “Not just fucking, although the fucking was good,” his smile grew.
“Just good, I’ll have to up my game,” Jamie smile grew with his. “I do, want this. I really do,” Jamie nodded. His heart ached with want. Jamie had liked Dani as soon as they met; at the time he had tried to deny it and claim that such things were below him but the man was unhateable. Dani had seen the cracks in his shields and slithered in behind them. Now Jamie was allowing himself to feel those things, it was a lot more than just liking him. Lasso called them two aces, he wouldn’t know how right he was.
“So do I. In case that wasn’t clear,” Dani laughed. Jamie liked the reassurance. There were many people he had fucked and kissed and it hadn’t meant anything to him. It had been like a service; you want companionship or someone to go to an event with you, you fuck them and play up to what they want. It was how these things worked but he didn’t want it to be like that with Dani; Jamie just wanted to be with Dani without any of the mind games or posturing.
“Ok, good chat,” Jamie returned his attention to his breakfast.
“That was not … well that was some of what I wanted to discuss,” Dani shook his head fondly.
“I don’t know what else there is to discuss. We want to see each other, and fuck and hold hands and shit,” Jamie shrugged, his grin betraying his lack of nonchalance. He threw in the hand holding just to test the waters and Dani’s nodding loosened the chains.
“I assume we want to keep this private but what about families?” Dani asked.
“I would like to tell my mummy,” Jamie stated before he could think about it too hard. Now they were back in contact he didn’t want to keep anything from her anymore. He was so tired of secrets and trying to seem like a big man; he was Jamie Tartt, he didn’t need to be anything else for real this time.
“I would like to tell my family,” Dani agreed. But that had Jamie hesitating and it was clearly written all over his face with Dani’s pause and little inhale. “They will love you,” Dani reassured him, reaching across the little table to link his fingers with Jamie’s.
“I don’t know, I’m not good with parents,” Jamie muttered. Well the problem was that he was quite good with parents but not in the meeting your significant other’s parents way; in the way that often got him in trouble with friends and associates. Doctor Fieldstone said it was because he didn’t have much experience with conventional parental relationships as his mum was so close to him in age and his dad was an asshole. Jamie just blamed it on the way he was very hot.
“My parents will adore you. They will love anyone who makes me happy,” Dani squeezed Jamie’s hand again. Jamie used that grip to reach over and pull Dani into a soft kiss over their breakfast.
“We’re really doing this?” Jamie whispered against Dani’s lips.
“Yes,” Dani replied, pulling Jamie back into the kiss. Now how was he supposed to argue with that.
The phrase, you don’t know what you are missing until you find it, had never been so true for Jamie Tartt during the world cup. He was bouncing around on cloud nine and no matter the teasing from his England teammates, Jamie was not coming back down to the ground. England were cruising and Jamie was becoming a more regular feature and becoming one of the team in a way he hadn’t been before this tour. Keeley was getting call after call about now sponsorship and branding deals for when he got back. Roy and the lads were texting him about how good he was doing and keeping him abreast of the media back home. Jamie’s professional career was flying. And so was his personal life. He was spending all of his free time either with the team or with Dani. Mexico squeezed through the group in second place and Dani was their lead goal scorer for the tournament. Dani had promised that the intense and hot post match sex was not how he always fucked and had backed that up with the most tender and soft lovemaking in their rest day before they departed the home base for their round of 16 fixtures. Jamie had never thought he would use the word lovemaking with regards to sex but there was no other way to talk about what they did. He loved the cuddling and eating in bed together and would miss Dani like a phantom when he jetted off to Dallas and Dani made his way to Atlanta. This was what his life could be like and it had Jamie love drunk; playing football and then coming home to Dani to just exist together. It was wonderful.
Jamie knows that they are in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and it is not helped in any way by England making it to the final as he is finding his feet in a new relationship. Everything in his life is coming up Jamie Tartt and Jamie is not sure what he has done to deserve this. The final was against Spain which had everyone on edge but it was still a world cup final; Jamie Tartt had an opportunity to bring football home and it had his usual energy dialled up to a hundred. Mexico did not do as well and got knocked out in the round of 16; therefore Dani had decided to go back home seen as though he was already over this side of the pond. It was fine. Jamie was doing fine. He had got a little bit attached to Dani when they were living in the same hotel but they were still texting and once the international break was over they would be back together on the same team and the same city full time. He just had to make it through one more match. It was only potentially the biggest match of his life. No big deal.
England lose. 3-1. Jamie only made it on for the last ten minutes and didn’t make any real impact in that time. Jamie sighed, slumping down into the coach seat for the drive back to the hotel. They had to report for a debrief the next morning and some of the lads were planning to go out to celebrate making the final but Jamie didn’t feel like it. Honestly he wanted a hug from either his mummy or Dani; but his mummy was back in Manchester and Dani was in Mexico. Jamie scrolled through all the consolation messages from the Richmond lads and his Man City teammates. He didn’t have the energy to reply to them now and they would get it. There was one consolation text he did care about.
Dani: It was a good run
Jamie: Just one short, next time tho
Dani: there will be another chance. You’ve shown them why they should pick you
Jamie reacted with a heart and scrolled up to the pre-game messages. Dani’s good luck sat there with an image that Jamie desperately wanted to put as his lockscreen but couldn’t risk. Dani sat perched on a garden chair in a beautiful wooded area in a Richmond shirt; Jamie’s Richmond shirt. His smile was blinding and Jamie found his lips creeping up into a weak smile as well.
Dani: When are you heading to London?
Jamie: Dunno. Probably soon with the lads. Don’t want to hang around here with all the press
They weren’t needed back at Nelson Road for a couple of weeks and so some of the lads had decided to turn it into a holiday seen as though they didn’t have the victory parade to get home for. Jamie didn’t want to stay in the area of his defeat.
Jamie: You? I could do with a Rojas Hug
Dani: Come to me?
Jamie froze. His eyes widened and he read the text again just to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.
Jamie: Mate really?
Dani: I think we are past “mate”
Dani: And yes really
Dani: The Family Rojas wants to meet my boyfriend
Jamie pulled up his hood and ducked his head to hide the dopey smile and blush from his teammates. Boyfriend. That sounded really fucking good. But he was nervous. This would be the first time ever that Jamie had met a partner’s parents. Keeley wasn’t close with her family and she was the only other person he had felt anywhere near this close to. Meeting Dani’s family could be make or break in this blossoming new relationship.
Jamie: We haven’t even had a first date yet
Dani: That’s something we could remember if you come to see me
Jamie scoffed. He did really want to see Dani and he didn’t really want to go back to England and into the firing line for not bringing football home with him.
Jamie: Ok
Dani responded with an unintelligible string of emojis and gifs that Jamie just had to assume was excitement.
Jamie spent the whole of the flight and the hours drive from the airport to Dani’s family home fretting about meeting Dani’s family. Even the hug hadn’t eased his nerves, although as expected Dani was a fantastic hugger. He latched on like an enthusiastic koala and then melded into you with kind and slow breathing. It settled Jamie for the moment but they did have to separate for Dani to drive. Jamie pouted the whole of the way he was dragged to the car. After that, Jamie was too worried to sulk.
“You do not need to worry,” Dani repeated for what felt like the hundredth time when Jamie’s leg started bouncing about half an hour away from their destination.
“Telling someone to stop worrying has never worked to actually stop them worrying,” Jamie snapped and then groaned, throwing his hands over his face. “Sorry … I’m just …”
“Worrying,” Dani interrupted. “Mi cielo, they are going to love you,” Dani added softly. “I do.”
“But what if they don’t,” Jamie whined.
“Then I still will,” Dani took the opportunity of the long straight road to grab Jamie’s hand away from his face and press a kiss to his knuckles.
“What did I do to deserve you?” Jamie whispered, one of his inside thoughts creeping out through the non-existent filter.
“I don’t know yet. Maybe it’s your stunningly kind personality,” Dani beamed.
“Ha ha,” Jamie rolled his eyes but the smile returned to his face unbidden anyway. “I thought you were being nice to me?”
“I am always nice Jamie Tartt. It’s why you like me,” he chuckled.
“Love you,” Jamie corrected. They were doing everything out of order and Jamie couldn’t bring himself to care. If telling the light of his life that he loved him after they had only been sort of together for a month was wrong then why did it make Dani’s face light up like the sun. Jamie would do anything to keep that look there.
Jamie did not have to worry about the Rojas family not liking him. On the drive when Dani was telling him about all his sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews and a whole host of people that were basically family but not by blood, Jamie had been overwhelmed with the sheer scale of the operation. Jamie’s blood family was small and out of the people he actually liked there was his mummy and his aunt Denise and that was the end of the short list. But he understood community; he had more aunts and uncles that weren’t related to him than he had that were. It didn’t make actually meeting Dani’s any less daunting though. But when they pulled up and stepped out of the car, Jamie was immediately swamped with people introducing themselves with shaking hands and hugs. Dani’s family was exactly the group of people that you would expect to have raised Dani Rojas; a creature that bright and sunshiney must have been forged in an intensely loving family. They were amazing and Jamie never wanted to leave. It was overstimulating in the most wonderful way possible; Jamie was leaning into every touch and the smile was etched into his face. Dani barely left his side, hand linked with Jamie’s throughout, but as the night went on Jamie felt less reliant on Dani to hold him together. He didn’t need to be Jamie Tartt here; being Dani’s new boyfriend was more than enough for these people. He really needed that after the last month. Every time there was a glancing touch, someone brushing his arm as they refilled his cup or patting his shoulder when he made a good joke, Jamie could feel himself loosening and leaning into the casual comfort that he so desperately craved. His skin tingled and his heart pumped with every moment. These three days in Mexico might be what fixes him, what finally pieces him back together after years of being shattered. Jamie felt hot and tired and overwhelmed and in love all at once and just followed Dani around in a haze, soaking up any and all of the comfort he could get. He loved Dani and he loved this family. Dani’s suggestion to come here to get over the loss was working beautifully.
“I think my mother likes you more than me,” Dani chuckled as he dropped down onto the guest bed next to Jamie.
“Of course she does, I’m amazing,” Jamie smiled, his tired lidded eyes crinkling. Dani’s hand brushed Jamie’s cheek to pull his face over and guide him into a soft lazy kiss. Jamie’s whole body shivered as Dani cupped his cheek and deepened the kiss. “Dani, this is your parents house,” Jamie whispered with a teenage girl like giggle.
“They’re deep sleepers particularly after the mescal,” Dani laughed, his kisses now progressing along Jamie’s jaw and down his neck. “I need to get my hands on you. I didn’t imagine having you here and it going so well,” Dani purred.
“I don’t think we should…” Jamie argued but any thought was cut off when Dani expertly inched Jamie’s boxers down over his hips.
“It will be fine don’t worry.”
They could. It would be fine. Dani said it would be fine. Jamie was just really tired and it had been a lot in a couple of days but it would be fine.
“Jamie?”
Jamie blinked, clearing the fog out of his eyes and revealing Dani’s concerned face looking down at him. He hated Dani’s concerned frown, it just didn’t look right on his face.
“Sorry babe. Just tired,” Jamie forced an unconvincing smile to his face and leaned up to kiss Dani and get things kickstarted again. He was fine. He was just tired; although tired wouldn’t explain the tingling at Dani’s touch that had turned into full on lightning strikes. He felt like his skin was itching from the inside and there was nothing he could do to escape it and now his breathing was spiralling and …
“Jamie, I don’t think this is …” Dani’s frown had only grown despite Jamie’s assurances about how fine everything was. He was thinking the word fine too much.
“No no, come on,” Jamie reached up and bunched his hands in Dani’s t-shirt.
“Jamie. I don’t think we should,” Dani sighed.
“It’s fine,” Jamie snapped.
“Is it?” Dani tilted his head.
“Yes. I’m just, tired and a bit frazzled and shit,” Jamie rambled, dislodging one tensed up hand from around Dani’s shirt to run down his face. It wasn’t going to do anything to remove the tears from his eyes but it might disguise some of the inner turmoil. Dani wasn’t fooled.
“That’s fine. It’s been a big few days,” Dani nodded. He backed away, rolling off from on top of Jamie and Jamie physically felt his absence like a wax strip ripping off his skin. The tears started to build properly. This was so stupid; that day had been a beautiful and wonderful day and he was so happy. Why was he being such a little bitch about Dani wanting to fuck about it?
“I can do it,” Jamie whispered, flinching at how wet and feeble his voice sounded.
“I don’t want you to,” Dani replied, rolling up out of the bed. Now Jamie had fucked it; he was such a needy shit and Dani had found his line. Of course Dani didn’t want to fuck him when he was like this. “Come on. I’ll get us some tea and we need to see the stars. In London you don’t get the stars like we do out here,” Dani pressed down on the bed and levered himself upright.
“You don’t need to go,” Jamie’s hand lashed out and caught Dani around the wrist. He couldn’t lose Dani now, not with the taste of what could be still in his mouth. Jamie couldn’t imagine going back to Richmond and having to line up alongside Dani knowing what he had fumbled.
“I’m not going, I’m getting tea and you are meeting me in the garden when you are wearing trousers,” Dani smiled. His wrist slid out of Jamie’s grip and he stepped out into the darkness of the corridor. The tears were no longer hiding in Jamie’s eyes, they were running down his cheeks. Jamie rolled over, face burrowed into the pillow hiding his shame from the quiet and empty room. And he screamed, letting the pillow absorb all the hate and fear that he couldn’t let Dani see.
Jamie does eventually muster up enough courage to go outside. Dani couldn’t run, this was his house. Jamie also couldn’t run, he was in a foreign country in the middle of the night. Whatever chat Dani wanted to have, they were going to have to have. Dani was sat on the grass, two mugs next to him and looking up at the sky. Jamie did have to admit that the sky was beautiful. Jamie hadn’t seen the stars until he was travelling for games as a teenager but even those were often obscured by the clouds. This was like a map, illuminating their little secret wildlife hideout. Jamie dropped down onto the grass, folding his legs crossed underneath him and grabbing the tea. Something in his hands was good.
“Beautiful isn’t it,” Dani smiled, looking over at Jamie.
“Yeah,” Jamie smiled, much more dim and uncertain.
“I, I am very sorry.”
“What are you sorry about?” Jamie frowned. This was not how he was expecting this to go.
“I should have seen you were uncomfortable and didn’t want to. I didn’t and then I joked,” Dani sighed.
“Babe, it was nothing yeah. I was just tired and felt weird. Like I was wired but also not. Sex would have been fun,” Jamie shrugged, his free hand rubbing up and down his trackies, desperate for something to get rid of this infernal tingling itch.
“Do you like sex?”
Jamie startled. “What?” he squeaked, a moment needed to make sure he had actually heard that right. Jamie Tartt was fucking amazing at sex; he had no bad reviews. Had he been bad for Dani?
“Do you like sex?” Dani repeated, tone even and soft.
“Of course,” Jamie snapped.
“If I gave you a choice, I don’t want you to think too hard about it. But if I said that we could walk back in there and cuddle and kiss and I’d play with your hair. Or we could have sex. What do you want to do?” Dani explained, sipping his drink as if he was being so innocent not throwing a grenade at their own feet.
Sex.
It was sex right. Jamie would want to have sex because that was what Jamie did. But as he tried to get his lips to form that simple word he just couldn’t do it. A choked attempt at the one syllable word was as close as he got. The problem was that the first option sounded heavenly. He really wanted that. The thought of the soft tender contact and falling asleep slowly with Dani wrapped round him was bliss. He did want that more than sex. Could he have that without having sex first? Was that even on the table?
“We don’t have to have sex to be together,” Dani stated as if it was that simple.
“I want to have sex,” Jamie argued.
“I don’t think you do,” Dani countered. “I think that you see your partner does and you do it for them,” he added.
“That’s …” but Jamie’s immediate denial faded away. Because that was exactly what he was doing … but wasn’t that what everyone did at times? “Isn’t that how it works?” Jamie asked, feeling stupid. It was like he was a teenager asking his RSHE teacher what a wet dream was not an adult talking to his boyfriend.
“It is not. You can choose to do that, if you want to have sex because it is a nice thing to do with your partner not because you are feeling horny, but you don’t have to just because your partner wants to,” Dani explained. That felt like something someone shouldn’t have to explain but Jamie sat there, running those words through his mind as he tried to fit them together into something that made sense. Sex was how you got close with someone you found hot. That was factual. If Jamie wanted the soft then they had to do the fucking first. He thought that was factual too. That was how it worked on the island. That was how it worked with Keeley. That was how it worked with all his flings. Jamie wanted the cuddles and the blissful fucked out aftermath; to get to that point he needed to have sex. But Dani was his boyfriend now, Jamie was pretty sure they weren’t breaking up, and Dani was saying Jamie could just ask for the soft stuff if he wanted it.
“Can we just go back to bed and cuddle?” Jamie asked, his voice carrying softly with the light breeze. Dani’s face lit up and Jamie couldn’t help but give in to the infectious smile. Dani’s hair was still lightly damp from the shower and curling at the ends. This wonderful man was his; what had Jamie done to get so lucky.
“Of course we can. I would really like that,” Dani smiled, springing to his feet. The cup in his hand sloshed and tea dribbled down onto the grass as he tried to recover it. Jamie laughed, each exhale loosening the vice around his chest he thought he would forever be cursed with. Dani reached out his free hand towards Jamie. He looked at it for just a second, musing on what he had been gifted from the man he loved. It was freeing. Jamie could just exist in who he was.
“I don’t think I like having sex,” Jamie blurted out as he stared at Dani’s lithe and soft fingers.
“That’s ok,” Dani beamed. “We don’t have to.”
It was that simple.
It was that simple and Jamie felt like he was flying.
He was Jamie Tartt.
He didn’t really like having sex despite being mind blowingly good at it.
He was Dani Rojas’ boyfriend.
He was Jamie Tartt and he was happy.