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The first time, he was alone.
“Hey, Tsukishima-kun? Are you free after your volleyball practice?”
Tsukishima turned slightly, just enough to see the girl out of his peripheral vision. He remembered her vaguely as the girl who sat in the fourth row in his class: Sasaki Yui. She was kind of short. Long, black hair. Brown eyes. Cute, if you were into that sort of thing. Tsukishima wasn’t.
Tsukishima was into tall-but-shorter-than-him boys with brown hair, brown eyes, and freckles.
“No,” the blond boy easily dismissed the girl in front of him.
“Ah, oh. Sorry. Um, are you free tomorrow after school?” Sasaki shifted uncomfortably, blushing with her whole face and biting her lip.
“No.”
“Oh, looks like I have pretty bad timing then, haha,” she weakly chuckled. Her face fell, but she quickly picked it back up, pasting a determined expression on her face. She breathed in a little and then bravely asked, “When will you be free?”
Tsukishima wanted to roll his eyes. Didn’t she get it?
“Never.”
And with that, the girl muttered out an apology and turned away. Tsukishima huffed and then continued on to the gym. How tedious.
Yamaguchi was with him for the second one.
“Hey, Tsukishima-kun, can I talk to you alone?” A girl from the class next door asked after confronting the duo on their way out the classroom. Yamaguchi paused, forcing the taller boy to stop too. Tsukishima sighed; he really didn’t want to deal with this.
Tsukishima silently appraised her. Takahashi Lena. She had blonde hair, big eyes, and a big chest. She stood there with a hand on her cocked hip, the other hand playing with her hair.
She would be appealing to almost any guy.
Not Tsukishima.
Tsukishima didn’t like blonde hair or big chests. Quite the opposite actually.
“No. Yamaguchi and I are leaving for practice,” Tsukishima drawled. He made a motion as if to say “if you wouldn’t mind” and turned to leave. Yamaguchi anxiously shifted next to the tall blonde, glancing around and trying to make himself small as he joined him to walk away. Takahashi’s eyes widened slightly in disbelief, directing her gaze at the shorter male.
“You really are a homo,” the girl sneered at Tsukishima’s retreating back.
Tsukishima twisted his head to give her a fleeting smirk. She wasn’t wrong, after all.
The third time changed everything.
Volleyball practice had been miserable. Kageyama and Hinata had been even more energetic and annoying than usual, and had spent most of the practice yelling at each other and running around aimlessly. Nishinoya and Tanaka had also been extremely excitable. It seemed that everyone was trying harder and there were just so many exercises to do. Tsukishima was exhausted.
“I think my bones are going to melt off, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whined, scrunching up his eyes as he yawned. Cute, Tsukishima absently noted.
“Isn’t it supposed to be your skin?” Tsukishima tiredly asked, smirking a little.
“I don’t think it matters when I can’t feel either. My whole body is numb with pain,” Yamaguchi shook his head with a small chuckle. Tsukishima smiled back, ready to suggest the two go to the store when someone called out his name.
A tall girl with brown hair, brown eyes, and freckles stared at him when he turned around. She was so unbelievably drab, he couldn’t believe such a high school girl existed.
“Hey, Tsukishima-kun,” the girl nervously said, voice wobbly. Tsukishima just stared at her. She shifted on the balls of her feet and then back to her heels. She bit her lips, then took a deep breath before quickly confessing, “Tsukishima-kun, I really like you.”
“Sorry,” was all the blonde boy responded, voice bland and blank of emotion. The girl’s eyes welled up with tears but she nodded and then ran off. Tsukishima brushed it off and then started walking. Yamaguchi took a second but then jogged to catch up with the taller boy. Tsukishima was surprised to see that Yamaguchi’s face was scrunched up in something between irritation, sadness, and longing.
“What’s wrong with you?” Tsukishima demanded, causing the pinch server to tense up.
“Nothing, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi mumbled out, but his voice was tinged with defeat and bitterness. Tsukishima hoped that Yamaguchi wasn’t jealous of him or angry at him or something.
“Something is clearly wrong,” Tsukishima bit out impatiently. Yamaguchi made a pained noise next to him. “Tell me.”
“It’s nothing important, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi insisted. Tsukishima was not going to let this go though.
“It is.”
“Why?”
“Because everything about you is important to me,” Tsukishima breathed out. He kept his face straight, trying to seem collected and calm and cool. It worked, but he felt like the world had just dropped from underneath him and he wanted to throw up because he didn’t actually mean to confess just yet.
He had plans. Big, elaborate plans that included lots of pining and then gradual semi-flirting that somehow led into dating. He didn’t have the details exactly down, but still. Big, elaborate plans. Plans that did not include just randomly confessing shit like “everything about you is important to me” to Yamaguchi.
“You can’t just say stuff like that, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi eventually sighed, and his voice was colored with hurt. Tsukishima hadn’t expected that.
“Why not? It’s true. Tell me what’s wrong,” Tsukishima pushed.
“Don’t make me. You’ll think I’m pathetic,” Yamaguchi begged.
“I wouldn’t.”
“I hate it when you do this, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi scowled.
“Tell me.”
Silence.
“I was jealous,” Yamaguchi finally breathed out. “Now drop it.”
Tsukishima closed his eyes as pain shot through him. He felt like a huge claw had grasped his heart and was squeezing it slowly. He felt like his stomach was going to turn over. He felt like crying.
He had known of course. He had known that Yamaguchi was straight, liked girls. He had known that Yamaguchi wouldn’t like him. Tsukishima almost wanted to laugh at himself for hoping. He hadn’t hoped much, but one can’t help but hope at least a little.
“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi’s tentative voice rang out in the silence and Tsukishima had realized that he had stopped walking and was just staring blankly in front of him. Tsukishima breathed in. He would be cool. He would be cool.
“Sorry, was just thinking. Don’t be jealous of me. She was plain anyways, you could do a lot better,” Tsukishima said. He somehow managed to get every word out and his voice only shake a little. It wasn’t too noticeable.
Or maybe it was.
Yamaguchi was staring at him strangely and Tsukishima felt his cheeks heat up despite himself. He wanted to run away but that would be so telling.
“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi softly said. Tsukishima didn’t look at him, just kept staring straight ahead. Yamaguchi continued, “Tsukki. I wasn’t jealous of you.”
Tsukishima felt his body jolt with shock.
“Or, ok, maybe a little. But then again, who wouldn’t be? You’re so cool, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi teased. “But I wasn’t really jealous of you.”
“Then,” Tsukishima swallowed. “Then who were you jealous of?”
“I,” Yamaguchi gulped and looked skyward. His hands were clasped together and Tsukishima saw out of his peripheral vision that the brunette was shaking.
“I was jealous of her.”
Tsukishima couldn’t breathe.
“Why?”
“Don’t- Don’t laugh at me. Don’t let this ruin things,” Yamaguchi warned. The boy took another deep breath and then opened his mouth and slowly said, “I was jealous of her because she was allowed to. Allowed to confess to you. And because she looked sort of like me.”
Tsukishima drew in a sharp breath.
“I was jealous that she could confess to you but I couldn’t. I was bitter because she looked like me and you rejected her. It wouldn’t matter even if I was a girl,” Yamaguchi finished. His face was cherry red and he looked like he wanted to bolt.
“It wouldn’t,” Tsukishima started and Yamaguchi made a wounded noise but Tsukishima swiveled to fix his friend with a stare and keep him from talking or moving. Tsukishima needed to get it out or else he never would.
“It wouldn’t matter because I’m already in love with you like this,” Tsukishima ground out.
“What? Tsukki?” Yamaguchi stared at the blond boy with eyes as wide as saucers.
“And she doesn’t look like you. Not at all. You’re prettier. Or, handsomer. Or something. You’re better,” Tsukishima scowled as he felt embarrassment creep over him and his own face flushed.
“You better not be. You better not be mocking me,” Yamaguchi warned, but his eyes were shining.
“I’m not.”
“Then I’m- I’m going to- I’m,” Yamaguchi stuttered. He unclasped his hands. Clasped them again. Unclasped them. Let them settle to his sides to play with the hem of his shirt. The freckled boy bit his lip nervously and then the pink face of his took on something akin to determination. Yamaguchi took a step closer.
“You like me,” Tsukishima said in wonder. Yamaguchi seemed to turn even redder. Tsukishima said it again. And again.
“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whined petulantly. “Yes, I like you. Stop that.”
“You like me,” Tsukishima said again, smirking now as he confidently stepped up into the shorter boy’s space. He leaned down and brought up two hands to grasp Yamaguchi’s face and tilt it upwards. Yamaguchi looked like he was going to faint.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Tsukishima whispered and then closed the remaining distance and did just that.
Tsukishima never received another confession.