Work Text:
"Sooo.." starts Cana, throwing her arms clumsily about both Freed and Laxus' shoulders and bringing them in close as if to whisper a secret.
It is clear it has reached the time in the evening when she starts asking invasive questions. She has an almost routine with it. She starts just at the point when she is drunk enough to ask these questions without getting embarrassed and coincidentally at that point everyone else is shit faced enough to answer them.
Parties at the guild hall always devolve into either a brawl or everyone gossiping like pre-teens. Freed sighs, he should have guessed they'd be her first targets tonight, what with all the fanfare about his and Laxus' relationship becoming public recently.
She continues at full volume, despite her secretive attitude Cana never fails to get the rest of the guild in on the conversation when this mood strikes her.
"How many times do you think y'all have done the nasty since *hic*.. yeah!"
Freed thinks for a moment, working the math out in his mind -he thinks vaguely that it's taking longer than it should- and then quite confidently states- "875... roughly"
Cana squints at him for a moment, then- "BWAHAHAHHA"
She falls backwards with her laughter, almost pulling the two men down with her as she goes. Charming woman, really.
Laxus -who had previously been avoiding Cana's eyes by, rather adorably, glaring at his empty flagon - whips his head around to look at Freed with his eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Strangely enough Freed is feeling the same types of looks from all directions right about now. He fleetingly registers that Cana's desired crowd has indeed formed, but that thought is tossed aside as the opportunity to lecture Laxus has presented itself.
Freed waves his hand and rolls his eyes "oh don't give me that darling, it's hardly like I've been counting" he scoffs
"Eight hundr-" someone starts, but Freed bulldozes over whoever it was to explain his brilliant reasoning to his boyfriend who still has that gobsmacked look on his handsome face.
"It's simple math! Look, on average it's about 2.5 times per week right? That's accounting for the erm...hiatuses and all the marathons. So that's 125 per year, times 7 years, so 875!" he concludes triumphantly.
Laxus, bless his heart, continues to stare incredulously. Now with eyes squinted, trying to work out the math in his own head.
"...I guess that makes sense" he finally mumbles.
"Wait wait wait! Seven years?!"
The someone from before, Freed has now identified it to be Gray, shouts.
" I thought you had only been together a couple months !!!"
General murmuring agreements from the crowd
Freed realizes that the alcohol might have affected him more than he thought. He squeaks and buries his face in his hands, sure that it has turned a bright red.
Cana chooses this moment to recover from her laughing fit just long enough to ask from her spot on the floor "So...who tops?" Before relapsing into her mania.
Freed peeks through his fingers to check on Laxus. He's a very private man and usually Freed is too but...oh who knows what got into his head tonight -liquor clearly- . Anyway Freed is slightly worried about Laxus' reaction to this little foible.
It turns out he needn't have worried though because as soon as he's helped Cana up from the floor, he shrugs, pats her on the shoulder and casually says:
"We switch"
Then he nods and walks over to the bar to refill his drink. Probably hearing Freed's hysterical giggles joining in with Cana's hearty guffaws as he goes.