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Aki relaxed as he felt the warm water envelop his entire body.
In that bathroom, all that could be heard was silence accompanied by a small drip of water right at the edge of the bathtub. Aki thought he would scrub it later.
At that moment, he felt too comfortable and relaxed in the water behind Himeno as he held her bulging belly and caressed it gently. Little by little, he closed his eyes to savor the moment and let Himeno rest after her recent, spontaneous orgasm.
“Aki.”
Suddenly, he opened his eyes and found her attentive gaze.
“We have to think of names” She said.
With those words, Aki sank into his memories. He thought that, from the beginning, he didn't mind if his baby was a boy or a girl. And so, as the months passed with that thought in mind, Aki realized at that moment that he hadn't considered the name of their future baby. He thought that would come with time.
But that wasn't the case.
“That's true” He concluded in response.
Aki waited a few seconds, wondering if perhaps Himeno wanted to add something else, since he didn't know what else to say. As if she had read his mind, Himeno spoke again:
“Did you have anything in mind?” She asked, “Any woman who has had a huge impact on your life?”
Himeno.
Aki felt useless the moment she was the first person to come to mind.
It was too embarrassing to say out loud.
“I don't know...” He replied simply, seeking a moment of silence.
However, Aki was not surprised to find once again that he could not escape that woman's keen intuition.
“You thought about something” She said affirmatively, turning her head slightly to look at him.
Although he tried to avoid her gaze, Aki knew it was hopeless.
“Not at all” He muttered.
After insisting for a few seconds, Himeno finally gave up and sighed.
“All right, you'll tell me someday.”
Although they had apparently settled the conversation, Himeno stared at him again and suddenly changed her casual and carefree tone completely.
“Aki. Just so you know” She warned him seriously, “I'm not going to name my daughter Makima.”
Aki felt intimidated by Himeno's seriousness. Not only because of her attitude, but also because she might think he was capable of suggesting such a thing.
“I wasn't going to say that” He defended himself.
After a few seconds of maintaining her accusatory gaze, Himeno withdrew it.
“Just in case” She murmured after returning to her initial posture.
Aki then wondered how it was possible that, after everything they had been through together, Himeno could even think of him that way. Even if it was part of his reality and his experiences... Makima was in his past.
She had been part of his life. But now his life was in the hands of another woman.
One with whom he knew he wanted to share his future.
Whether it was because of that moment of silence or her hormones, what Himeno felt was insecurity. Perhaps she was considering that, much to her regret, all those increasingly mundane and ordinary experiences were making her feel more human. And it was humane to feel insecure, vulnerable... even for reasons that, like that one, made no sense.
Himeno couldn't tell how long they had been silent.
But, as if she had conveyed all her thoughts to Aki, the man caressed the contour of her belly again to pull her closer to him.
“And you, have you thought about anything?”
Himeno put aside her previous thoughts, as if wanting to forget that someone like Makima had invaded her privacy without meaning to.
“...No” She replied after a while “It shouldn't be that difficult.”
“Are there no important women in your life?” Aki asked, following her own strategy.
“Yes, but I’d like our daughter to have a name that is uniquely hers”.
With that, Aki gently rested his head next to hers and fell silent again.
A name that was hers alone.
In the end, Himeno and Aki knew that they both had their flaws and shortcomings... something they didn't want to burden an innocent child who didn't yet know the hostile world around her. Their daughter didn't have to be like anyone else. She was someone new in their lives. Someone who represented a new beginning.
A new awakening, a new blossoming.
“Mmm...”
“What?”
The woman turned to look at Aki after hearing him.
“I think I've come up with something” He said, keeping his palm pressed against Himeno's belly.
“Yes? Go on, tell me.”
Aki ran his hands through his hair and intertwined his fingers in it. In his mind, he could only picture Himeno imitating those same movements.
Looking at him.
Telling him she was there for him.
That she always had been.
And that's why it couldn't end there. He knew he couldn't. And he wouldn't leave that hospital without them both.
He remembered the toy Himeno had bought after she insisted. He remembered that he had promised her they would use it when she was no longer pregnant. And now he wanted to keep that promise more than ever.
It's a promise. He thought as the fingers in his hair tightened irrevocably.
“Mr. Hayakawa.”
That voice was cloudy, distant, unfamiliar. Aki knew that, at that moment, he could only react to Himeno's voice. That was the only thing he wanted to hear.
“Excuse me, Mr. Hayakawa.”
Aki, still crouched on the floor, looked up and searched for the doctor's voice. He wanted him to talk to him about Himeno.
About his daughter.
And, at the same time, he didn't want to hear anything.
“Excuse me. Himeno has a second-degree laceration. This can happen to first-time mothers. We've given her four stitches, but it's not serious.”
Aki listened to his words as if he were speaking another language. It made him feel uneasy, uncertain, angry... And then he heard a completely different sound.
A cry.
And it wasn't just any cry.
“Himeno is out of danger. She has had a healthy baby,” He announced. "They are both fine”.
Both.
As if it took a stoic effort, Aki tried to make sense of all the sounds he was hearing. And a few seconds later, he got up from the floor.
“You can go see them now.”
The man didn't hear that last part, as simple as it was to understand, because Aki was already heading to the room to see everything with his own eyes.
When he went in to see Himeno, she was paying attention to nothing but the small bundle wrapped in her arms.
Something small.
Very small.
The man almost felt sorry for interrupting the scene, but his desire to meet the baby was too strong to resist.
So, Aki moved closer to them.
Even standing next to the bed, Himeno kept her eyes fixed on her baby, whom she held protectively in her arms.
Finally, she looked up slightly with a tired smile.
“Look what I have.”
She spoke in a faint whisper that contrasted with her cheerful expression.
When he looked closely at the baby resting on Himeno's body, he couldn't help but notice Himeno’s skin. It was so white. It was as if, suddenly, Aki was reliving what had just happened in the last few moments. The sheets were clean again, but it wasn't enough to erase the memory of what had happened.
That he had almost lost Himeno. Or his daughter. Or both of them.
“Did you just see a ghost?”
Himeno's voice brought him back to reality and he looked at their baby. Her eyes were closed. Her skin was wrinkled. Her tiny arms were trying to hold on to her mother's body. Her downy hair, which he could sense was black, was stuck to her forehead.
Anyone would say she was oblivious to the torment that had just taken place.
Aki felt like he was dying to pick up and hug his baby, but he didn't want to break the connection between the two of them. That was the moment when the little girl had to stay close to Himeno's skin to identify and remember her mother's scent.
For now, just seeing them calmed him. And knowing that they were okay. That it was all over.
Aki slowly sat down on the couch without taking his eyes off the girls.
“Himeno...”
Without letting go of the baby, Himeno looked at Aki, curious to see his reaction.
“She's our daughter” She reminded him, as if he didn't know.
Aki leaned forward and, resting his elbows on his knees, held his head in his hands.
“I know” He said.
His firm and convincing tone contrasted with his expression, which was completely flat as he still tried to take in the scene.
Aki just stared at the baby. She was only moving a few inches above her mother's body because of her own breathing. Then Aki thought about all the mixed feelings he had been experiencing for so long. That uncertainty, that fear, that feeling of vertigo in the face of the unknown, in the face of any potential danger.
And yet, Aki realized that the only thing he felt at that moment was happiness.
He was happy.
Relieved.
It was everything he could have wished for.
Himeno's voice brought him back to reality.
“Do you want to hold her?”
He looked at her, almost incredulously.
“Can I?”
“She's your baby too” Himeno reminded him, smiling.
Aki got up almost immediately, his eyes fixed on the girl. Then, trying to disturb her as little as possible, he gently held the back of her head with one hand and wrapped his other arm around her little body.
He moved with almost exaggerated slowness, making sure his grip was secure enough before proceeding to lift her up. Little by little, the girl ended up close to Aki's body. She stirred a little, having lost contact with her mother. However, she remained with her eyes closed and her expression unchanged. With the same slowness with which he had held the baby, Aki began to sit down in the same armchair from which he had risen. And so, he watched as the girl rested in his arms.
And he knew that, once again, it was only happiness he felt.
Himeno watched them from her bed, looking tired, unable to stay awake any longer.
“Sleep. You need to rest” Aki asked her as soon as he realized. “I'm not going anywhere.”
Aki knew that if he was so exhausted that he felt he could sleep for two days straight, he couldn't imagine how Himeno must feel. That's why those words were all it took for Himeno to fall asleep.
Despite the fatigue, the fear, the tension... Aki felt that just looking at the little girl made everything else fade away. He was with them both. And he didn't want to think about anything else.
Suddenly, by chance, the man glanced out the window for a moment.
Fortunately, they didn't feel the cold outside in the room.
At that very moment, without knowing when it had started, snow was falling.
And yet, there was nothing that could disturb that moment. No intrusive thoughts, no conjectures... There was nothing.
Aki looked back at the girl resting in his arms.
“Welcome” He said “Haru.”