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Damon was bawling his eyes out in front of his best friend Eva and Kai and Diana Eva sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "This is the fourth time you've broken up this week isn't it time you for real move on??"
The debater shook his head and slammed his hands on the table in front of them, "No... No you're right, Eva...! I need to move on!"
Kai yawned, "You said that last time dude" he nonchalantly scrolled on his TickToco as he clearly didn't gaf abt the conversation at hand as he and Eva both knew that Damon was whipped as a horse but Damon kept yapping, "I mean it for real this time. No more of This Wolfgang Akire bullshit. I don't care about him, I never did! I was just pretending because I'm nice like that."
Both Eva and Kai raised their eyebrow at the nice part. Is this bro fr rn
"If he's gonna break up with me on Christmas then that's on him!" he stood all tall and mighty as if he had declared war, "I don't care anymore! I gotta live life for myself! FUCK MEN"
Diana clasped her hands together "See that's the spirit! You shouldn't let one guy ruin a jolly holiday such as this! C'mon guys, let's celebrate already Damon already said he wasn't gonna go back to him and I trust him on that <33" she said excited in that Dianaly way "He's got a mind of his own, it's his choice what to do with his life! Plus, I think they both just need space"
Eva rolled her hair "whatever. Fine. Who's opening the presents first"
"OOH ME" Kai jumped up almost immediately but Eva told him to sit his ass back down and he did
Long story short the Christmas jolly was jollying and the gang was actually having fun for once no more of that stupid Wolfgang to ruin the vibes. Seriously what was his deal anyway? "Damon isn't allowed to voice his opinion because he's a tsundere" MY ASS, Damon huffed to himself. Why was he even dating that douchebag anyway. All he ever did was ragebait him into arguing with him when that idiot couldnt even mop the floor. Did the lawyer think this was all a joke. That he could just break up with Damon whenever he wanted cuz he knew that Damon would forgive him.
...
Well. Yes. BUT NOT THIS TIME. Damon was a new man. A new snake. He had already blocked the damn lawyer. He was going to prioritise one thing and one thing only: his friends.
"Because friendship is magic!" Diana giggled, holding up a mug of hot chocolate The 3 others did the same and clanked their mugs together in solidarity. Man Damon was one lucky guy. Nothing could ruin this moment.
The evening went on as usual, fun chatters, card and board games, Kai Eva and Damon arguing over who won that, (Diana did but she was too nice to admit that (her lesbian ahh said Eva won) ) and overall just nice vibes. And thus it was time for everyone to leave the little gathering at Diana's place.
Well, 'everyone' including Kai and Damon, as Eva wanted to stay a bit longer. So they bid their goodbyes and went on their way.
As they were walking under the moonlit streets Kai put his hands behind his head "Man, I totally won that shit..."
"We're not doing this again."
Damn right they weren't doing this again. Because god forbid anything go smoothly when Damon Maitsu is around amirite ladies and gentlemen-
Wait what is tha—
WOLFGANG AKIRE FELL FROM A TREE ATE SHIT AND GOT RUN OVER BY A TRUCK.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?????" Kai shrieked
Damon blinked slowly, and squinted. Did he see that right...
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IS HE OKAY?! JESUS CHRIST MAN" Kai panicked and ran over to where Wolfgang's... Corpse...?????????? Was????? It didn't even look like him anymore... He was all.... Disfigured and stuff...
Damon lifted a hand to his chin and began to think, "No... This can't be right... It's a Wolfgang thing to cause a distraction and shift focus—"
"HOOOOOLLLYYYYYYYY SHIITT HE'S FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"... From the MAIN EVENT!" Damon exclaimed and pointed an accusatory finger at the tree Because there was for sure something BEHIND IT!
...
...
...
...
"C-C'MON DUDE! This isn't the time for Sherlock Holmes role play! Your ex is dead over here, call 911—!"
"Tsk tsk... You got me..."
They both froze at the sudden familiar voice. Damon gulped. Omg. He didn't think this far ahead. Kai stared. was absolutely dumbfounded and poked the 'Wolfgang corpse' only to find out that it was... A dummy???? "Uhhh Damon... Why am I getting deja vu..."
The real Wolfgang appeared from behind the tree with a bouquet of roses, "Damon-chan...,"
Damon's jaw DROPPED to the ground, as did Kai's because what the hell is happening right now. So many questions were a jumble in Damon's head. How did Wolfgang know he was here. Did he plan this. What was happening.
"W-W-Wolfgang-kun....?"
Suddenly it started snowing, the lights from the street lamps accentuating the lawyer's features so handsomely, his hair blowing in the wind like the elegant prince from a fantasy novel, and his beautiful purple orbs... Oh no why did he look so gorgeous like this??!!! It wasn't fair!!!! What was he even doing?! Weren't they exes?!
Wokfgabg got down on one knee and smoothly took Damon's hand into his own,
"Please take me back, I didn't mean it, Damon.. What I said about you kind of being a nuisance and an asshole and a thorn by my side and an annoying little prick and an arrogant jackass who wants nothing but to elevate his opinion over others and your cooking being mediocre at best and me not feeling anything for you that you're just a fling to me and that I hate your very existence and that you make me want to be straight and you being sort of a disgrace to your title?" he handed the bouquet to Damon, "That.... Wasn't me. I was childish, I was rude, stupid, condescending... But I've reflected, and I have realized that I've been projecting all along. I've thought about what you mean to me........... And I can't live my life without you, babygirl.... </3 I mean it...!"
Kai raised an eyebrow. "You're not serious are you. How can you say that and think he's actually gonna consider taking you back. Damon let's go—" he grabbed Damon by the arm, but he didn't budge "... Damon?"
The debater scoffed, "Y-You're right... You're not good for me, Wolfgang-sama... But..."
A moment passed, Damon let out a shaky breath he didn't realize he was holding. He couldn't help the tears trickling down his rosy cheeks from his sparkly green orbs as he pursed his lips, not knowing how to gather his thoughts properly. This was so strange... Out of all the breakups they had... This was the most genuine he's ever seen Wolfgang's soap opera half assed apology be... "I always provoke you, antagonize and talk as if you're beneath me... A-and I always shut down everything you have to say like all your ideas just because they don't align with my values.... So it's not just your fault that we ended up like this--" the debater suddenly hugged Wolfgang "I'm not good for you either, but that's what makes us so perfect...!"
"Babygirl...." Wolfgang let out a dumbfounded laugh, eyes widening, "Y-you're actually....?"
Kai gawked "???? WHAT. WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? What are you guys ON ABOUT!? TWO NEGATIVES DONT MAKE A POSITIVE!!!!!"
The bouquet fell from Wolfgang's grasp as he hugged Damon back, standing up to lift him up in his strong manly alpha arms, "You don't know how much I missed you, Damon.... Even though it's been a few hours I can't bare the thought on never seeing you again.... I ask this with utmost sincere and apology, Please be my boyfriend!" which made Damons heart melt even more "That's... The most romantic thing you've ever said to me... Oh my god... I love you so much... OF COURSE I'll be your boyfriend!!!!"
"I love you too..." They proceeded to make out right there. In public. In the cold winter night beneath moonlight.
Kai decided to bury himself in snow as a result. This was the best Christmas ever.
***
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU." Eva groaned in frustration, looking as if she was going to take her glasses and throw them against, the wall or something. But Diana held her back "H-Hey cmon-"
The gang™ had met up a few days later for some ice skating, but clearly Damon was too lovestruck to do anything so they opted to just go to his house instead and have their usual hot chocolate hangout. Damon rolled his eyes "Guys it's not even that serious. The breakup was nothing." he tried but that made Eva glare daggers at him "HE'S A CORRUPT LAWYER WHY WOULD YOU EVEN EXPECT BASIC HUMAN DECENCY FROM JIM"
"That's what I've been saying but like this dumbass keeps going back! Moth to a flame type shi" Kai, who recovered from his hypothermia was wrapped in a blanket looking like a teletubby as he watched TV. How ironic
Diana as always tried to difuse the situation "Okay, okay, I think we all need to relax. I get the frustration but— I've said this before! Damon can make his own decisions and if he thinks Wolfgang is good for him then who are we to judge? :D"
"I don't think he's good for me but thanks Diana you're the goat"
"Y-Yeah! Uh... Lemme rephrase that: If he thinks Wolfgang is... His person, then who are we to judge? :D"
"Lithium car battery."
...
Everyone in the room, even the fire from the fireplace, froze. Except for Eva bc she was the one who said that ominous line. Damon suddenly felt his blood run cold, because why the hell did that line alone feel familiar to him? "W... What are you talking about...?"
Eva kept her stone-faced expression for a moment before snorting, "I'm joking. But I'm not dealing with this anymore." she grabbed her coat from the sofa and draped it over herself, "Wherever that idiot is, I'm going to have a talk with him. Don't worry about it."
"W-Wait! I'll come with you!" Diana said, already reaching for her jacket
"There's no need. I don't trust Kai to prevent Damon from doing something stupid so you should stay."
Diana looked a bit dejected, but thought it was for the best, so she nodded and the rest of them watched as Eva left the place supposedly to have a "talk" with Wolfgang. What could possibly go wrong between them? Damon did feel a little nervous but since this is a modern AU there's no way someone will actually wind up dead so who cares. Right.
It was silent for a moment, before Kai finally spoke up. "So how come the way you speak changes depending on if you're talking with us or with Wolfgang?"
Damon raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean"
"... Yknow. Wolfgang-sama. Your voice literally goes up a few octaves—"
"I don't know what you mean."
Kai suddenly smirked and started doing a mock-impression "Ooh look at me I'm the scary and intimidating Ultimate Debater blah blah blah— OMIGOSH W-W-WOLFGANG-KUN?! 🥺"
Damons eye twitched, his hand balling into a fist "I DONT SOUND LIKE THAT!!!"
Diana sighed "Guys please... let's not."
...
...
...
Well that was a shitshow.
Even if Wolfgang was most likely gonna get his ass handed to him, (serves him right) there was something special about hanging out with your friends and arguing with them about nonsense only you could argue about, even if you're the stupid one who causes all the arguments. Maybe the real Christmas jollying were the friends we made along the way after all. Amen brochachos