Work Text:
December 20th, 2025
Choi Seunghyun leaned back against the velvet cushions of his couch, a glass of dark red wine swirling in his hands. His apartment was pitch black except for the glow of his TV as he navigated to where he knew the Melon Music Awards would be streaming.
Usually he would skip award shows like this. There was no use in watching idols he barely knew perform then receive awards he once would have gotten with his own band.
But that was long in the past. That was no longer an option when he cut himself off from the people he loved most. He was by himself now, rebuilding his idol life as a solo artist and not apart of Big Bang.
It had been eight hundred and eighty eight days since the last time he talked to Kwon Jiyong. It had been eight hundred and eighty eight days since he saw the perfect pretty smile on his perfect pretty face. It had been eight hundred and eighty eight days since he pushed a crying and dazed Kwon Jiyong out of his apartment, knowing it would be the last time he would ever talk to him in person.
Such a long time it was to go without talking to the person he once considered to be the love of his life. He wanted Jiyong more than anything, but he made that decision had he can't go back. The only way was forward now.
Of course he wasn't oblivious to the fact that Jiyong missed him too. All those reels liked about Seunghyun, moon pictures with GD&TOP songs attached, and of course his song Home Sweet Home.
Seunghyun had given up on convincing himself that he made the right choice leaving Big Bang and Jiyong. He allowed himself to indulge in the interviews and award shows and filmed concerts of Jiyong. He watched every single video he could find on the internet just to memorize that perfect pretty face of Jiyong. He seemed much better than before. Much happier, carefree, healthier.
Seunghyun couldn't help but wonder if Jiyong was moving on from him. That Seunghyun was just a figure in his past life and he's doing better without Seunghyun than Seunghyun is doing without Jiyong.
He would never know. There was no way of contacting Jiyong now. His socials still remained blocked on his main account, but he had a secret account he used to stalk him. This was the closest he could get to interacting with Jiyong. Behind a screen, using a fake persona, as a user Jiyong would never know was him.
This year was nothing short of successful for Jiyong. Seunghyun listened to all of his new songs the second it dropped on February 25th. Jiyong still had that musical talent in him. Seunghyun wasn't surprised. He wouldn't be surprised if Jiyong came out of the womb rapping and making beats on the spot. Jiyong was nothing less of a musical prodigy. So much talent stored in that incredible mind of his.
Sometimes it felt as if Jiyong was the shining sun, impossible to reach, and Seunghyun was just a mere fan in the crowd of hundreds of thousands of VIPs. He wasn't worth anything even close to Jiyong. His Jiyong.
It looked fucking easy for Jiyong to achieve so much within the year. His now-over tour became the highest attended concert for any Kpop soloist, surpassing no one else but himself. The King of Kpop, people called him. Seunghyun had to agree. He held the top three spots for the highest attended Kpop solo concerts. No one could come close to getting anywhere near his league.
And Jiyong swept up awards like it was no big deal. Okgwan Order of Cultural Merit? First Kpop idol and youngest recipient. Artist of the Year at MAMAs? First and still only soloist to win this, and now he did it a second time. His house must hold enough awards to fill a whole gallery.
Today, Jiyong was going to perform at MMAs. Seunghyun couldn't wait to hear Jiyong. Seunghyun smiled, seeing Jiyong's name flash across the screen as the stage dimmed and the crowd cheered.
The first song was Drama. As much as Seunghyun wanted to see Jiyong come out and sing it, there was only someone dancing to a short snippet of the backing track. Still, it was intriguing to watch him dance to the angelic music in the darkness.
It quickly transitioned to something more powerful. The animation of two men walking towards each other to form the Übermensch symbol was displayed on the screens, as red light poured from the stage. The screen lifted up, loud bass boomed from the speakers, revealing a tower of dancers in white.
Like how he started every Übermensch concert, Jiyong emerged from the ground, kneeling, turned away from the audience. Seunghyun stared, captivated, as the music and lights died, only leaving one beam of light directed at the back of Jiyong.
Then, the booming synth of Power filled the stage, lighting up the whole stage in neat chaos of flashing lights and fire and music. Jiyong stood up, rolling his back like he always did, and turned around to face the audience.
Jesus fucking christ.
Seunghyun always got mesmerized by Jiyong everytime he appeared on stage, but this was something different. His natural black hair was tucked under a fat black crown that was bigger than his own head. Only Jiyong could get away with wearing basically proclaiming himself as King.
Jiyong looked as young as ever, his face young and glowy under the stage lights, his mouth curved into a smirk, black Chanel glasses covering his eyes. And his outfit was perfect. Everything about Jiyong was perfect. A beautiful red feathered jacket, similar to his iconic red rose one he wore on tour, was snuggly fitted on his body, sitting on a top made of glittering silver jewels. The v-neckline was incredibly low, exposing that perfect curved collarbone. A fat colorful necklace wrapped around his neck, made entirely of shining gems and jewels. The black slacks fitted his legs perfectly, long and flowy and, Seunghyun had to admit, made Jiyong taller than he actually was.
Jiyong sang with that same power from 2015, performing like the stage was his. HIs voice was like heaven to Seunghyun's ears. His voice had to be one of an angels. Perfectly smooth and soothing and ethereal. He could simply stand there and the crowd would go crazy. The wind would get knocked out of Seunghyun everytime Jiyong showed up like this.
The cameraman was very helpful into giving plenty of close-up shots of Jiyong's pretty face, the way he sang into the mic, the way his lips curved into grins as he danced and sang. Who wouldn't be into a guy like him?
Seunghyun could almost get turned on just by watching Jiyong perform like that. All these years, and Jiyong still, unknowingly, got Seunghyun wrapped around his perfect pretty little finger. He could almost imagine Jiyong by his sides, phantom arms pulling him close to kiss phantom lips.
Power ended as quickly as it started, transitioning into Seunghyun's favorite song, Home Sweet Home. Jiyong was at the front of the stage now, taking the black crown off his head and casually throwing it to the side.
The intro to Home Sweet Home could literally kill Seunghyun. It was heavenly and beautiful and seraphic in every way imaginable. And it sounded so nostalgic, like a song from the 2010s. Seunghyun loved the way Jiyong brought back old music. As much as it made Seunghyun feel euphoric, it brought a sense of heart-wrenching ache and reminiscence to Seunghyun.
He watched as Jiyong sang the song he knew was meant for him. It was so damn obvious. Jiyong didn't even try to hide. Seunghyun knew Jiyong was bad at secrecy. He never succeeded in hiding any of Seunghyun's presents when it was his birthday. Jiyong could never hide a surprise. Either Jiyong just sucked at hiding, or Seunghyun was observant.
Jiyong moved around on stage, clearly at ease. So confident and smug on stage, something Seunghyun could never bring himself to do again. How did such a shy and introverted person manage to become a bold and extravagant idol on stage? Jiyong was really one of a kind.
Then came Youngbae's part of the song. Seunghyun loved the fact they worked on a song together despite the fact that they were all working on their solo albums. A video of Youngbae popped up on the big screens, his voice from the backing track filling the stadium.
The chorus came in a exploding entropy as the crowd went wild and the beat dropped. Jiyong didn't really dance with the backup dancers, though when they had just debuted, Jiyong was the first person to make sure everyone was dancing properly and synced up. Look at where he was now. Seunghyun had no complaints, though. Jiyong could do whatever he wanted and people would still love him. Seunghyun included.
"Your life? Still life." Seunghyun could almost feel Jiyong's gaze burning into him through the screen. That blatant reference to Still Life killed Seunghyun. The last song they worked on together. The last song Seunghyun sang with Jiyong.
"It's so nice, I missed you a lot." Seunghyun missed Jiyong too. How could not? But as much as he missed Jiyong, he could never put himself back out there. He can't back out of his own decision.
"You're welcome home where ever you are." Jiyong was always one stubborn guy. And a bold one. Seunghyun hated doubting Jiyong, but how could he be sure Seunghyun could go back to welcome arms and into safety?
The song ended with a finger heart from Jiyong as the colorful lights dimmed and music faded. Jiyong left the stage, and there was a dance break by Riehata and her group RHTokyo. She was the one that choreographed Too Bad that was released along with the other Übermensch songs back in February.
Seunghyun was never good at dancing. It was hard for him to control his body and create fluid movements like Youngbae did. He would constantly get yelled at by the choreographers when he was training to debut for lagging behind and tripping. It just about made Seunghyun annoyed that his bandmates could dance smoothly while he struggled to keep up. But they eventually gave up on trying to make the group synchronized when they really started to pop off. The fans loved their energy on stage despite their messy dancing.
Although Seunghyun wasn't a big of a dance person, Riehata's dance was still nice to watch as Jiyong changed outfits backstage.
Then Jiyong appeared on stage again, a remix of Too Bad starting to play as he walked on. Instead of the red jacket, he was now wearing a long black coat that perfectly framed his shoulders and cinched his waist. It was matched with a shiny silver kepi hat and a pair of thin clear, red glasses.
Too Bad was one of the most catchy songs Jiyong had written, Seunghyun had to admit. It was hard not to get caught up in the little dance that half the Kpop internet knew. And watching Jiyong perform it again didn't help either.
Halfway through the performance, Jiyong's glasses fell off, revealing those pretty eyes Seunghyun loved. Seunghyun sucked in a breath, mesmerized by those cat-like eyes in smoky eyeshadow. What a pretty sight.
Seunghyun was frozen watching Jiyong's dance break with Riehata. The way he moved was nearly seductive, his eyes sharp and inviting. Oh, how much Seunghyun missed Jiyong's body against his. Missed the curves of his body that fitted perfectly with his. Missed the slim and small figure falling asleep on his chest at night.
But all he could do right now was watch Jiyong, like another fan amongst others. Watch Jiyong's comeback while he lived in the shadows. Maybe once he released his solo album, they could possible reunite. Even then, it would probably still be uncertain.
Jiyong bowed to the audience, his eyes glittering, mouth curved in a small smile, then turned around, lights dimming again. Seunghyun shifted, taking a sip of the wine. He let the alcohol soften his edges and make everything feel lighter and blurrier.
A soft familiar tune played fron the TV. Was that Crooked?
It was.
It felt oddly nostaglic, watching Jiyong sing to a song from twelve years ago. This song did something to him. It reminded Seunghyun of all the memories they had years ago, all the tours and concerts and songs they did together. It reminded Seunghyun of being a reckless twenty-year-old with the sole dream of being a successful idol. It reminded Seunghyun of being free and young and fearless.
His stomach twisted, his heart ached, as Jiyong performed with a glint in his eyes, hiding an emotion Seunghyun couldn't decipher. From the outside, it looked like Jiyong was happy and having fun on stage, but Seunghyun knew Jiyong felt something else.
Maybe Jiyong missed Seunghyun too. Maybe the song also brought back memories for Jiyong like it did for Seunghyun. Maybe Jiyong missed the past too.
But like always, Seunghyun would never know. He lost the right to ask about Jiyong long ago when he left Jiyong himself. Now he had to deal with the consequences. Just because it felt like the right decision doesn't mean it did was a easy choice. Everyday he still thought of Jiyong and everyday he would regret his choice.
He still doesn't know if he made the right decision or not.
Seunghyun tossed that thought aside and relished in the music blasting from his TV. He let himself get swept in years of memories as a idol.
Then Jiyong frolicked over to where the other idols were seated, bringing the energy with him. They all stood up and started dancing and having fun. He watched as Jiyong gave the mic to a fellow idol, Zico, who sang into the mic.
This surprised Seunghyun. Nowadays, idols were no fun. They had strict rules and they all were, in a way, boring. Seunghyun saw the differences between his generation of idols and the new generation. The new generation would get criticized for any and everything that they would do. Seunghyun was glad he wasn't born in this generation. He would not have survived as a idol. But during his song, Jiyong seemed to bring that old energy back on stage, letting the idols dance and have fun with him while it was his turn on stage.
Seunghyun loved that about Jiyong. How he defied the 'rules' set by the media about Kpop idols. How he did whatever he wanted, broke every restraint, jumped outside the box. Jiyong was really one unique idol.
Jiyong returned onto stage and was about to finish his song when he twirled around, lifting the coat up, and revealing his 'Forever Young' tattoo. Oh god, Seunghyun nearly choked on his wine when that flash of ink lines showed up under his coat. He hadn't seen that tattoo in forever. Seunghyun loved all the tattoos on Jiyong's body. He thought it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. It seemed like he was right, having seen the tattoo again.
Seunghyun sighed, chewing on his bottom lip as the stage switched for the next artist. Now he just had to wait for the awards ceremony. He wasn't worried. There was no way Jiyong wouldn't get one, if not multiple, awards.
And Seunghyun was right. Jiyong was really the King of Kpop. Seven awards in one night, and three of them being Daesangs. There was no limit to what he could achieve.
And holy shit, Seunghyun swore he fell in love all over again when he saw Jiyong for the award show. He looked beautiful to say the least.
Not bold and sharp like he used to be in 2015, but more polished and feminine, like he finally found his true self. His suit was narrow at the waist, showing off that natural curve of his body, the neckline low, exposing a silver of his collarbone. And of course jewelry was stacked everywhere, on his neck, fingers, and ears.
He almost looked someone's rich aunt, but at the same time so damn young. He did not look thirty-seven. That outfit nearly pushed Seunghyun to straight up show up at his house and apologize for everything he did.
But he couldn't. He just watched in awe as Jiyong walked back and forth between his seat and the stage, collecting awards like it was a hobby.
It was obvious Jiyong didn't know what to give for his speech after collecting so many awards.. He still looked flawless, awkwardly standing there, trying to figure out what to say.
"Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, thank you," Jiyong smiled, holding yet another award in his hands.
Then he started reciting the lyrics to Home Sweet Home, which made Seunghyun all warm and fuzzy inside, seeing Jiyong like this.
"Well I said I would be back, and I never let you go, pick a petal off a flower, do you love me, nope?" Jiyong said, holding the green MMA award and the plushie. "Do you love me?"
"Of course I love you," Seunghyun breathed out, laughing internally. Jiyong would never know he still felt so strongly for him.
"Me too," Jiyong chuckled, then bowed. "Thank you."
And then the show ended, leaving Seunghyun dazed and slightly drunk and mesmerized. He hadn't felt like this in a long time. Something about that show today unlocked something in him. Maybe it was time to go back to his pretty Jiyong.
Jiyong was really the prettiest man he'd ever laid his eyes on.