Archive of Our Own ^beta

Zane loves the winter. He loves the muffled mornings waking up to a clean sheet of snow on the ground, the shimmering icicles hanging off the roof, that chill feeling in the air that made the whole world feel quiet and clean.

But even he knows that is not a popular opinion and that February is not an enjoyed month among most. People were sick of the mushy ice and the constant clouds and nobody was getting proper vitamin D which was making everyone quite irritable in his opinion.

Things aren't better at home even though they were trying to change that. Getting Nya back had certainly lifted everybody's spirits but dealing with everything they had walked away from after the war and rebuilding their home from scratch was - not easy to say the least.

Zane puts down his fork with a gentle clang. "The supervisor of the children's hospital called today. She is wondering if we could come visit. There are many sick and injured kids currently admitted she thinks would like to see us."

Everyone slows, the sound of utensils and chatter dropping. He waits patiently.

"What did you tell her?" Cole asks, furrowing his eyebrow.

"I told her I'd call her back tomorrow. I was not going to say yes without consulting all of you, considering our own emotional states at the moment." His voice pinches a little. "She said the past five months has held the highest amount of patients the Ninjago city children's hospital has ever documented before."

The atmosphere around the table got considerably heavier. Several pairs of eyes glance away.

"But I do not wish to pressure any of you. We can always say no and do it another time."

"How many- uh- how many kids?" Jay pipes up.

Zane swallows hard. "Over 5,000 more patients than average. So too many to count."

"Oh."

Lloyd pushes his plate back, determination unfurling over his face. "I think we should do it."

Kai and Nya exchange a glance. "Lloyd, are you sure?"

"Yeah." He nods, expression set. "We're not able to undo anything so now the best thing we can do is show up for those kids. So let's do it. What do we have to loose at this point?"

Zane looks around the table, meeting everyone's eyes. "Is that fine with everyone?"

It takes a moment but then he's met with a series of nods and yeah's. "Okay. I will call her back first thing in the morning."

…

Zane studies Pixal from across the room. 

She is sitting at the edge of their bed, back to the doorway, fidgeting with the silver bracelet she always wears on her left wrist.

He steps into the threshold, closing the door behind him and breaking the silence. "You have been quiet since dinner."

She looks up at him and smiles, but it is hollow around the curve. "Lost in thought I suppose."

"Is something wrong?"

She tenses, her hand clenching on her crossed knee, and he catches it instantly and easily.

He sits down next to her on the bed. Mirrors her position. Takes the hand that is clenched in both of his and opens her fist back up.

She stare down at the comforter and begins fidgeting with that in her fingers.

"I do not wish to damper your excitement.”

”You being honest with me will not damper my excitement. And you know you can be honest with me about anything."

She looks up at him. “Yes.” She whispers and he is heartbroken to find the start of tears glimmering at the corners of her eyes. 

“Anything.” He repeats.

She takes a deep breath. ”It is very admirable that you want you do this and go visit those children in the hospital."

He tilts his head to the left, taking in her words. "But?"

"I do not want to go with you."

“Okay. May I ask why not?"

"It is selfish but I just cannot. I am still recovering from the nightmares. The flashbacks. We saw so many injured and dead children during the war and  I cannot uproot all of that for myself again. I cannot look little kids in the eyes and tell them that everything is going to be okay when I barely know that for myself."

He stays quiet for a moment, processing.

She looks back at him. "Are you upset?"

"Upset? No, of course not. Pixal I -," he squeezes her hand, "I am proud of you for knowing your limits. For telling me."

He can feel her search his eyes for something. "I just need to know that you are okay to do this. Considering it hasn't been that long since everything happened.”

"I know.” He nods. “I am sure."

"It will not be easy."

"I know." He lays a hand on her cheek. ”That is why we are doing it. It cannot possibly be harder for us than it is for all the kids who are there every day."

"I know.” She hesitates. “But you are absolutely sure?”

"I am sure."

“I called Skylor. She has the day off so she said she will come over and make chili and I can fix her toaster in our kitchen so we can spend time together.”

He leans in. “That sounds lovely.”

She finally smiles. “Yes. I am looking forward to it.” 

She leans forward then, ever so slightly, and he takes the hint for what it is and kisses her. 

“Thank you for understanding.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Do you wish to lie down?”

“Yes.”

…

"Are you sure you're okay going in alone?"

Lloyd gently nudges Nya's iron grip off his shoulder. The sky is grayer than he would like it to be for this but he shouldn't have expected anything better for February. "Yes. I'm sure. There can only be one visitor at a time for this one and I'll be fine."

She bites her lip in concern. Her nose is red from the cold. "Lloyd, I'm just -"

"Worried. I know." He flashes her what he hopes is a reassuring, confident smile. "But I'll be okay."

Maybe Lloyd spoke too soon.

This is the thinnest, tiniest child Lloyd has ever seen.

He wants to cry immediately upon laying eyes on him. There are so many bruises on this little boy and he is practically drowning in a hospital gown, plastic tubes taped to his face.

Lloyd stops by the side of the bed, fingers grazing the bed rail, painful lump forming in his throat.

They should have stopped this from happening. He should have stopped this from happening.

"He was stuck under rubble for a couple hours." Lloyd nearly jumps at the voice to his left but relaxes a bit when he see's its not a threat, just a father, wearing jeans with a jelly stain and holding a cup of cafeteria coffee. "It wasn't heavy enough to kill him on impact but dire enough to cause internal bleeding." His tone is so dry, so grim, and Lloyd wants to peel the shame out of himself like the skin of a fruit and screech his throat hollow.

"Worst two hours of my life, thinking he was dead."

"I - I am so sorry." The words catch in Lloyd's tone but he forces them out. "He didn't deserve that. Neither of you did."

The boy's father takes a sip from his cup, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Don't be sorry." He squints and Lloyd shifts awkwardly. "I'm guessing you don't remember? That you're the one who pulled him out?"

Lloyd wracks his brain, trying to remember, but there are too many identical memories of him pulling kids out from under rocks and rubble. "I'm sorry. There were too many kids to count."

He nods grimly. Lloyd looks away.

He knew when he was trying to claw through rock with his bare hands, that this was all awful and horrible, and he shouldn't be pulling people who had glitter under their fingernails and grass stains on their knees out from under fallen buildings, but he couldn't think about that in the moment. He just had to act, had to survive, had to make sure other people got the chance to do so too.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers, and tears rise in his eyes. "I'm so sorry that I didn't get to him faster."

His father looks back up at him in alarm. "Don't be sorry. You were my son's hero. I owe everything to you. You saved his life."

Lloyd sure didn't feel like a hero.

He barely remembers feeling life in his hands. All he can remember is the weight of bodies that weren't moving anymore. The anguish when people came through the rubble and clutter and identified their loved ones. The way the realization punched them in the face, as he watched clumps of their heart get torn away forever in real life.

Sobbing had been indented so deeply into his brain that he remembers having to come home to their shell of a broken-down home, their cruel reflection of a home, and do it himself, whole body shaking.

His breath hitches. Not today, not right now.

The little boy opens his eyes around the swollen patches of skin. "Dad?"

His father comes over the side of the bed and carefully runs a hand over his hair. "Hey buddy. Someone is here to see you."

Lloyd pushes it all down, locks the box in his mind, turns back, and smiles.

…

A nurse with a row of rubber band bracelets leads Kai into the children's room on the left wing. "I thought it would be nice to have one of you in here. Lots of patients wander in at some point in the afternoon or other. Good change of pace from their rooms."

He nods, studying the walls that have so many colors on them it looks like something exploded. There is paper and tape on everything, Disney princesses and band posters and so many Superman cutouts his eyes are swimming in a sea of bright red and blue.

It feels like a lie, things plastered over the walls as purposeful distraction for the reason you're here and staring at them in the first place.

He's barely been in there for two minutes when a little girl wanders in. She is wearing a sparkly pink tutu, a refreshing change from the usual depressing hospital gowns and had a mop of thick, jet-black curls.

"Hi," he waves kind of awkwardly at her.

She stares at him from behind deep brown eyes.

"Hi." He tries again, sitting down on the fuzzy yellow rug that has clearly seen better days. "I'm Kai. What's your name?"

She continues staring. She doesn't look outwardly sick or injured, the way a lot of the other kids he had seen today did, but he had seen enough by now to know that didn't necessarily mean she was healthy.

She slowly lowers herself down in front of him. Then points to herself. "Myra."

"Your name is Myra?"

She nods, curls bouncing.

"That's a really nice name Myra." He smiles. "My mom's name is Maya."

She just blinks at him.

"How old are you?"

She holds up six fingers. "It was my birthday yesterday."

"Happy belated birthday. Six is a special one."

She doesn't really smile but she doesn't frown either, just keeps staring like she knows something he doesn't. "Are you the red ninja?'

"Yeah I um," he laughs, "I am."

"I don't like red."

"Oh." He scrambles to come up with something to say to this very intimating little girl. "That's okay. What's your favorite color?"

"Pink."

"You know pink is kinda just a lighter shade of red."

She glares at him with such intensity he almost wants to flinch.

She points to his eyebrow. "What's that?"

He touches his thumb to his eyebrow, rubbing it over the spot. "A scar. I've had it forever."

"Does it hurt?"

"No. It's just there. Doesn't hurt."

"Oh." She looks down at her lap, something behind her eyes flickering. "My eyebrows look weird too."

Her eyebrows did look patchier than most kids but he hadn't noticed until she pointed it out.

She points to his wrist before he can dwell on it and scramble for another answer. "What's that?"

He glances down at his wrist at the black hair tie she's pointing too. "Oh. Just a hair tie."

She tilts her head, seizing him up. "Your hair isn't long though."

"It's not mine. Its my sister's. Or my girlfriend's. One of theirs." He squints at it and then notices a faint strand of orange wound around it. He tugs it loose. "Nope, this one is my girlfriend's."

"How do you know?"

"Because her hair is like orangy-red so when it gets caught I can tell who's hair tie it is."

"Her hair is red?" Her eyes widen as if Kai just told her some magical secret. "I've never seen orange-red hair."

Kai smiles. "It's pretty cool. Do you want to see a picture of her?"

She nods so Kai pulls out his phone and shows her a picture.

"Oh." Her breath hitches, and Kai felt a mixed wave of love and pride. "She's pretty."

"Thank you." He laughs. "She is pretty."

"Not like me." She frowns and Kai's heart stutters then drops.

"My hair is ugly. And it gets tangled too fast. And frizzy." She frowns. "And I'm sick now so its falling out. The doctor said I'm going to be bald."

Oh.

Kai slides his phone back into his pocket, thinking fast. He studies her hair for a moment, and her kicked-puppy expression, and an idea comes to him.

"I braid my sister's hair all the time. Started when she was just your age. Do you want me to do something with yours? "

She looks up, thinks about it hard, then nods.

"You'll have to sit closer to me so I can reach."

"Wait!" She jumps up and runs off, then comes back a minute later with a pink hairbrush. It was missing some bristles and there were heart-shaped gemstones stuck to the handle but she handed it to him proudly, then sat right in front of his knees. "Brush it."

He does as carefully as he could, trying to avoid pulling too roughly on any of the curls. There is a smattering of swollen bumps scattered on her neck and she does a pretty good job not wincing when his fingers accidentally touch one.

"Do you want a braid or something else?" He asks.

"A braid."

He weaves it into a braid, fingers moving slowly through her thick locks, gathering it all up. There are small spots, invisible if you position the rest of her hair the right away or didn't look too closely from certain angles, that are bare.

She doesn't talk, doesn't fill the space with enthusiastic words like most kids, just sits there quietly, letting him work.

A clump comes out in his hands, almost too easily.

'Do I - do I give it to her?' He momentarily panics. 'No, that's fucking stupid, she's six years old!'

He tucks it behind his knee.

"Did you know you're not my favorite ninja?"

"Oh yeah. Then who?"

"The green ninja."

"Oh well you clearly have good taste because he's my favorite too."

"There." he fascinated the tie to the end of the braid with a flourish and let his hands drop. "Done. Do you want to see?"

She nods so he shows her in his phone mirror and watches as she turns her head side to side.

Her eyes widen. "Whoa."

She turns her head side to side, admiring his work and something in him melts.

"Do you like it?" He asks nervously.

She nods. "Yes. I do."

He tucks his phone away and smiles at her. "You look beautiful."

She looks up at him, eyes still blown wide. "I do?"

"Of course you do. You are beautiful no matter how your hair is or isn't."

It looks like her brain is stuck processing for a moment but then she lunges at him, arms locking around his middle, and squeezes. "Thank you."

Oh no, Kai is not emotionally equipped to do this without tearing up. "You don't have to thank me."

She holds on for a second longer, then springs back. "I changed my mind. You're my favorite ninja now."

"Oh yeah?" He hands the hairbrush to her so she doesn't notice him blinking back sudden tears. "You're also my favorite ninja."

She squints her eyes. "But I'm not a ninja."

"Maybe not, but you are very brave and sometimes that is all you need to be a hero."

Her face lights up. "I'm going to go show my mommy."

"That sounds like a good idea."

She runs, stopping to beam at him from the doorway.

Kai stays staring at the doorway where she disappeared from for a long time.

It didn't matter how much time passes or how old he gets. He still sees ghosts in the frames of little kids. He still sees Nya, soft smiles and sharp eyes, so bright and talented and loved by him it hurt.

He still sees Lloyd, twinkling expression and crooked teeth, putting dye in the washing machine and laughing at one of his jokes for real for the first time.

He still could feel the cracked ice that lived far under his fire, the panging feeling of being good but not good enough, the feeling of covering someone with your wings only to realize holes had existed in them the whole time.

…

"Cole."

He slows down his steps. "Yes?"

"I'm nervous." Nya clutches his arm.

"Why?"

"What if I say the wrong thing? Or stare weird or make the parents uncomfortable? What if they all think I'm horrible at this?"

"You're going to do fine." He pats her hand wrapped around his elbow. "Just don't stare at anything too long, avoid using words like 'sick' and 'injured' and 'death', and try to act as casual as possible."

She bites her lip. "But what if the parents can tell I've never done this before? What if they don't like me?"

He presses back a smile. "That's crazy talk. Of course they're going to love you. And I promise, they are way too tired to be judging right now. They're just going to be happy if we can make their kids smile."

"Okay." She takes a deep breath, stopping as the correct numbers come into view. "Okay, you're right. We got this."

"Oh my gosh! Mom look!"

The first thing Cole sees and hears when they step quietly into the room is a boy with shocking yellow-blond hair jumping up and down.

"Mom, mom, look! Its the Ninja!"

"I know honey. Pretty cool, huh?" There is a woman curled up on the seat by the window, wearing a faded sweatshirt. She gives them a tired smile. "Hello."

"Hi." Nya's hand drops from around his arm. "I'm Nya. This is Cole. The lady at the desk said this was Angie's room?"

The woman smiles again, in a way strangers do that say they already knows exactly who they are but will let them have the introduction for their own sakes. "Yes. It is. I'm Diane. This is my son, Parker."

Parker is bouncing around the room, sneakers squeaking, a ball of frazzled, flustered energy. "Angie! Wake up! You won't believe who's here!"

Her mother is gentler with it. "Angie. Sweetie. Some of the ninja are here to see you." She motions for them to come closer. "It's alright. She'll open her eyes soon. You can say hi."

Cole has to swallow hard once he gets a closer look at her in the hospital bed. She couldn't have been more than 7 or 8, but she looked so unnaturally small. There was harsh, dark red and purple bruising down one side of her face. She was wearing an oxygen mask with various cords and things stapled to the chest of the hospital gown that was clearly drowning her. Her frame was clearly frail, her body weak.

She opens her eyes under the mask. They are green, almost the same vivid shade as Lloyd's. He looks away again, something hot and persistent rising in his lungs.

Nya is by her side now, sitting in the empty plastic chair near the head of the bad. "Hi Angie. I'm Nya. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well."

It is hard to see but when Cole dares to glance back, he can swear he sees a meek smile forming under the oxygen mask that is too heavy for her young face.

He is interrupted then by a enthusiastic tug on his leg. "Can you really punch through a cave?"

A soft amused huff escapes him, and he gets down on a knee to be eye level with Parker. "If I concentrate and its needed, then yes."

"Wow." His eyes, mossy green just like his sister's, are shining, thoroughly impressed. He glances at Cole's forehead. "Does your scar really light up like it does when you come on the news? Or is that just on TV?"

Cole presses his lips together, fighting the urge to laugh and discourage him. "No it actually does."

"So it's not a special effect?"

"Nope. The real deal over here." He smiles, bumping his knuckles gently to the jagged scar creeping along where his forehead met his hairline.

"Wow." His whole face is glowing, like this is the best day of his life and he's never heard anything better. "If I get a scar do you think it will do that too?"

"Probably not." Cole tries to look serious while delivering this news. Better if the kid doesn't get any ideas. "And don't try to get a scar. I think your poor mom is stressed enough."

He glances at Diane, still curled by the window, who has appeared to have fallen asleep, head against the glass pane behind her. Her breathing is shallow, like her body is unable to fully rest, and Cole feels a jolt of empathy. He knows what its like to be so tired, so helpless and weighed down by life, dragging yourself through the days and performative hope, while someone you love is hospitalized and drained.

"Yeah." Parker's whole expression shifts, amazement and wonder sliding into solemn, clipped concern. "My sister is sick. Her face got bashed."

Cole's heart drops but he tries to keep traces of devastation out of his face."That must be really hard for you to see."

"Yeah. We were running in the street and then something was falling. I don't really 'member it but Mommy says that it's not my job to worry and Angie will be better soon."

It's not fair that such serious feelings and words are in this innocent kid. "Well she's right. It's not your job to worry." Cole takes a deep breath, more to steady himself than anything. "But it's understandable if you do. Worrying for your loved ones and wanting them to get better are normal feelings."

He nods seriously. "I want to practice my ninja moves with her like we used to but she can't get out of bed right now. The cords help her breathe. She can't be awake for very long. She gets tired. Mommy says her body needs rest and I have to be patient and quiet." He makes a frustrated sound, as offended by the words as a kid his age can be. "But it's boring!"

"You're very strong to be patient so your sister can get better. I'm sure she's looking forward to playing with you again too when she's better." Cole absolutely cannot start crying right now. That would be blowing it.

Parker grins, some of that infectious spark peeking back out at the compliment. "But I can watch movies with her! And show her my cool new moves so she knows what they look like for when she's better!"

"Showing her your moves sounds pretty awesome."

"Do you have a sister?" He asks curiously.

Cole pauses. He looks across the room at Nya, who is holding Angie's hand, the one with the IV stuck in it, talking to her quietly. He had known Nya was unusually nervous all morning. He had felt it in the way she had kept touching Jay's hand with the tips of her fingers over the counter at breakfast. He had felt it in the way she had been muttering under her breath in the car, almost rehearsing things she would say to the girls who were looking forward to seeing her.

It was a lot of pressure being the only girl ninja. He knew he could never fully understand but it wasn't hard to notice.

He smiles, turning back to Parker. "Yeah. I do. And she's pretty awesome."

"Do you practice  your moves with her too?"

Cole laughs and he doesn't bother to muffle it this time. "You know what? I do." 

He beams. "Does she also have earth powers?"

"Water powers."

"Like the water ninja!" He looks between them rapidly, obviously thrilled to be one to put this revelation together.

Cole ruffles his hair gently. "Just like the water ninja."

…

The air conditioner in the waiting room is on too high. It obviously doesn't bother Zane, he had only ever been bothered by cold weather after the fiasco that was the Never-Realm, but he can tell that it was cranked a little too much by the random rattling sound it is making.

"Are you alright Jay?" He asks. Jay keeps shifting on his feet, unable to stand still.

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay." He gave him a small smile. "It's just hard. Seeing so many kids. Struggling so much. It's so unfair."

"Yes." Zane bites back the weary sigh but it fights like a caged bird in his bones. "That it is."

"I remember seeing kids in the battle. And every time we saw a kid today my mind would try to trick me that I saw that exact one. But that's impossible. I just can't remember each and every one." He glances at Zane, a bit sheepishly from the way the spaces between his freckles colored. "Sorry, I don't know if I'm making any sense."

"No, it does." He clarifies softly. The AC gives another intrusive clang. "I keep thinking that if it is so hard for us to see these kids, I cannot imagine how hard it must be for their families to witness."

Jay blows out a breath, dull and defeated. "Yeah."

They lapse into companionable silence.

The nurse behind the front desk gets up and leaves, another one with a clipboard pressed to her chest taking his place. A request for some surgeon rings over the intercom. A couple murmuring in hushed voices passes through the hall.

The hospital is so dead yet alive at the same time, Zane muses. A strange place to exist.

Jay's phone beeps. "Its Nya. Her and Cole got lost on the upper floor. I'm going to go get them."

"Do you wish for me to accompany you?"

"No, that's okay. I know where they are. We passed it on our way. You stay here so I know which entrance to come too."

Zane nods and Jay disappears, typing on his phone as he blends into the hall.

The AC sounds like its getting more distressed. Perhaps Zane should tell someone about that.

A woman wanders into the lobby area. He notices. out of the corner of his eye, her gape at Zane like she is seeing some otherworldly thing.

Zane smiles at her and she seems to snap out of it. "Hello."

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry - I'm so sorry for staring." She rubs a hand over her forehead. "I don't know where my manners went, my brain has just been fried lately. I'm so sorry."

"It is alright. No harm done."

She tries to smile but it is clearly frayed thin. She turns around to the vending machine.

Zane watches out of his peripheral vision, while also keeping an eye out for the others, as she inserts a bill into the machine and taps some buttons.

A bag of chips falls down into the slot at the bottom and she kneels down to pick it up.

When she stands back up, snack in hand, she bursts into tears.

They are silent ones. Zane never would have noticed if he wasn't looking.

He walks slowly toward her, careful to not startle her. He could already tell before but now he can really see that she looks thoroughly spent and exhausted. Deep black rings are painted under her eyes, her hair a bit disheveled like it hadn't been properly brushed in days, and there are scratches littering her hands.

“Are you alright?” He asks softly.

“Yes. No. I just," she laughs awkwardly, the same awkward laugh Zane has heard a million times before when people were obviously not fine and pretending to be, and wipes her eyes harshly. "Sorry I just," the little bag of chips clenches so aggressively in her hand he's worried it will pop all over the floor,  "we've just been here for a long time. First it was the gunshot wound, then the lung infection from all the smoke inhalation, then his heart complications acting up, and now he needs a liver transplant." She laughs, merged with wet tears, even though nothing is funny. "My son, I mean. You may have met my wife and him. He absolutely adores you."

Zane quickly rifts through his memory banks and lands on the one of a pale little boy, the one with snowflake stickers all over his bedside table, who had been hooked up to multiple beeping machines. "Treatment for a wound and heart and liver failure," the nurse had informed them with a hushed tone, letting Zane and Jay in. "Be careful of all the cords and monitors."

As sick as he was, his eyes had still lit up like fireworks the second they came in. He had wanted Zane to show him his powers right there and then. His mom, a woman with hazel eyes underlined with dark circles just as bad as her wife, had shook Zane's hand in fierce gratitude.

"I remember him." He says. "He is an extraordinary little boy." Tears are still all over her face, even as she quickly tries to wipe them. He tilts his head, weighing his options. "Is it okay if I give you a hug?"

"What?" She chokes, looking confused. Her eyes fill again. "If you want too, yes, that's fine."

Zane wraps his arm around her. She has a stronger grip than he would have guessed.

She starts crying harder into his shoulder, and Zane tries not to think about how this looks, some random mother crying into the six foot tall Ice Ninja's shoulder in the children's hospital waiting room. "I’m sorry. I'm so sorry for all this. How humiliating."

It doesn't really matter how this looks. All that matters is the person in front of him, desperately in need for reassurance and care. Zane has never bothered with appearances and so far it has worked out great for him. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I haven't gotten a proper nights rest since it all happened. And I've been so stressed and," she inhales with a shudder, "my wife and I, have been trying our best but," her voice breaks anew, "I just don't know if that's enough anymore."

"Your son is extremely lucky to have the both of you. And it is okay if your best is different every day. You are doing an amazing job for your son."

She pulls back, but this time there is no awkward laugh and only relief in her eyes. "Thank you. It truly meant the world to him to see you."

"It meant the world to be able to visit him." Zane answers honestly.

Her hold on the chip bag isn't so tight anymore. She breathes out. "Thank you. And I'm sorry for that."

Zane just smiles, kind and easy. "Your son is strong and bright. He will be okay. But in the meantime, it is okay to feel overwhelmed. It is more than okay to be scared."

"Well hearing that from someone known to be so openly courageous certainly does make me feel better." She smiles again, but this time it is fuller, more genuine. "Thank you Zane."

"Anytime."

"I need to get back to him but don't tell my son I got to hug you." She jokes. "I'll never be forgiven."

He hadn't noticed it before but as he's waving and watching her go down the hall he realizes Jay has come up behind him.

"I thought you were going to find Cole and Nya?" He asks questionably.

"I was but they texted they found another exit so I doubled back to grab you."

"Oh." Zane blinks at him. Maybe it is the look on Jay's face but he feels sort of caught and shy. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"Nothing." Jay shakes his head, tackling back an obvious smile.

He shakes his head at him as they start walking toward the door.

"Zane? Did you know that you're the kindest person I know?"

Zane stops in his tracks, slightly startled. "No. I did not know that." 

"Well, you are." The smile breaks out over his face now. "Come on. Lets go home."

…

Skylor is in the kitchen, wearing leggings and a sweatshirt, humming to herself and stirring something in the big pot when Kai walks in.

He watches for a moment. Doesn't say anything to break the peace, just takes her in.

She turns around to put down the dishtowel slung over her shoulder and their eyes meet.

"Hi Sky."

"Hi," she smiles back at him and his heart lifts off the heaviness a bit. "How was it?"

"It was okay." He comes around the counter, tugging her towards him. "Sad though. It's never easy to see sick kids."

"Of course." She puts her left hand over his heart. "But I'm glad you guys went. Must have made a lot of kids really happy."

Myra flashes to mind, her glittering dark eyes and the way she gasped at her reflection in his phone camera. "Yeah." He studies her for a moment. "Do you know how pretty you are?"

She looks up at his face in surprise. "What?"

He repeats it. "I said do you know how pretty you are?"

She giggles, ducking her head with a light blush. "I'm literally in old sweats today."

"So? Still beautiful." He slides his hand under her chin and kisses her smile.

"Yuck."

They pull apart and Kai rolls his eyes.

Lloyd is standing in the doorway looking at them with disgust. "First Zane and Pix in the living room and now you two here in the kitchen! What happened to this house being a safe space?"

Skylor laughs, swatting Kai away. "If the chili burns now its your fault for distracting me."

He smirks. "Worth it."

…

"What on earth is going on here?" Nya sighs, longer and heavier than she needs too, at the sight of them.

They all freeze in their tracks in the middle of the hallway, the bedding they were pushing freezing with them.

"We're pushing the mattresses into the living room." Lloyd tells her cheerfully from where he's sitting on the half-sunken mattress.

"We?" Cole drops his side of the mattress onto the floor with a thump and Lloyd goes sprawling backward dramatically. "You've just been siting there adding weight!"

"I am helping you see how much you can carry!"

"We already know how much I can carry!"

"And yet we can't even move this mattress from one room to the next all together," Jay snickers.

Cole shoots him a look, bending down to pick up his corner again. "Its because the space is too small for me to do it properly."

Nya sighs again and then Zane appears behind her and mimics her tone. "What is the need for this?"

"Do you want the filtered fun version of the answer or the realistic one?" Jay deadpans, flopping down next to Lloyd much to Cole's chagrin.

"Realistic, obviously. The other one is a waste of time."

"Can we just stop talking and finish this so we can go to sleep please?" Kai flops down next to Lloyd now too and Cole groans.

Nya kicks Kai in the shin just to get a reaction. "Maybe if you weren't such a weakling you guys could get it done faster."

"Excuse me?" Kai looks so offended Nya can't help but smirk. "Weakling?! I can guarantee that I can bench press you!"

"Oh, please. No way."

"No more bench pressing in the middle of the hallway!" Zane shouts from where he's disappeared into the other bedroom. "There is not enough space and I am not wrapping up more injures from that!"

"Aww Zane, you're no fun."

"Can we just go to bed?"

"Okay, okay, we're going. Cranky, much?"

"Don't make me body slam you."

It took a few more minutes of bickering, Cole threatening to drop something on Kai's head, a stubbed toe, and a lot of pushing and pulling but eventually they fit all their mattresses into the living room and spread them out and set them up.

But then none of them actually got in them and instead all piled onto the couch under the big blanket they reserved for moments like these instead.

…

Zane turns the overhead light off, leaving the living room bathed in faint lamp light and its quickly making Lloyd sleepy.

Kai nudges his head which he knows is getting heavier on his shoulder. "Why don't you just lie down on your mattress? You're going to fall asleep like this."

"Mmh." He pulls his knees up to his chest, burrowing deeper into the cushions, and makes no move to lie down. "Stop wiggling around."

"My arm is falling asleep!"

"So tell it not too."

"Shh, he's sleeping." Jay swoops in them, tucking the blanket around his shoulders more firmly. "Let him rest." He smooths a hand through his hair. "He's tired."

Kai splutters in protest but then drops it. "Fine I guess I'll just let my arm go numb then." He's not actually annoyed though, that much is obvious from the way he cradles Lloyd's head and leads it to his lap.

Lloyd sighs, leaning further into Kai's body. His breath hitches softly in his chest as his muscles relax.

"Oh, this is where its warmest, huh?" Nya practically somersaults over Zane and Lloyd feels the bounce in the cushions as she neatly plops down on Kai's other side. "Scoot over."

Kai protests again but he lets her, flinching backwards when she slides her legs under his knee. "Holy shit, why are your toes always freezing?!"

"Its because she refuses to wear socks."

"As if you're any better Jay. Your feet are also always freezing and then you get in my bed to warm them up."

"At least I don't wear sleeveless shirts in the snow just to show off my muscles to an imaginary audience."

"Ha! He's got a point there."

The voices fade further and further away in Lloyd's mind. Sleep tugs at all corners of his consciousness. Kai's hand is buried in his hair and his next breath is deeper than the last.

He's asleep before Cole responds.

…

"Jay."

Jay stirs, the sound holding him back from slipping into sleep. "Hmm?"

"You awake?"

He groans, tossing an arm over his eyes. "No."

There's a rustling of blankets telling him Cole is turning over to face him.

"What is it?"

"Isn't it scary to think that so many kids died because of us?"

Jay stays quiet but then turns to face him, finding Cole's eyes in the dark. "Yeah."

"After seeing all those kids today I just can't help but think about how many more kids we buried. How many more kids we could have saved."

"I try not to think about it that way. Kids also lived because of us. And we tried our best to save those who did die." Jay sticks his hand out. Cole rolls his eyes a little but takes it.

"And for the record, nobody died because of us. More like what was happening around us. Which still sounds sucky but maybe I have to believe it for my sanity."

"Do you ever think about how much it sucks that so much in life is out of our control?"

"Yeah." Jay exhales, his shoulders molding into the mattress. "I guess that's just the deal we all get stuck with. Nothing is a guarantee. Things just kind of happen sometimes no matter how hard we try to make our lives the way we want. We can plan and plan and plan but it just doesn't work like that."

"Yeah."

"But I also think it works in the opposite way. So much is out of our control and that leaves room for amazing thing we can't even dream of to come our way."

That's actually a really good way to look at it.

Cole scoots closer, right on the line in between their mattresses. His next breath is a soft huff against Jay's shoulder. "We're pretty lucky I think. That even though shit happened, it led us all to each other."

Jay stifles a yawn, pulling the blanket up higher, letting it pool around them in a heavy, warm way. "Saying sappy stuff like that is my thing."

"Guess you'll have to share your thing now."

"Goodnight Cole."

"Goodnight Jay."