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Xie Lian stood in the small kitchen of Puqi Shrine, stirring a pot of soup over the fire. It wasn’t anything fancy—just some vegetables he’d foraged, water from the well, and a handful of herbs that were only slightly wilted!
The steam rose in lazy curls, carrying the faint scent of spring onions and ginger.
He watched the bubbles break on the surface, the way the vegetables tumbled in the rolling boil. It looked warm. Comfortable. Embracing.
That looks nice he thought idly, still stirring. Being soup. Just floating there, warm and soft, not having to think about anything. No responsibilities. No worries about rent or food or whether that suspicious crack in the shrine wall is getting worse.
The soup bubbled cheerfully, completely unaware of Xie Lian’s existential crisis.
I wonder what it feels like he mused, tilting his head.
To just be… soup. Suspended in warmth. No solid form. Just existing.
It was a completely normal thought to have whilst cooking dinner. Perfectly reasonable.
And then before his brain could catch up with his hands, Xie Lian had lifted the pot off the fire and, in one smooth motion, dumped the entire contents over his head.
For a moment, there was just the sensation of boiling liquid cascading down his face, his hair, his robes. Vegetables slid down his shoulders. A piece of bok choy landed on his nose.
Hm he thought, standing there dripping with soup. That’s not quite what I expected.
“GEGE!”
Xie Lian blinked soup out of his eyes to find Hua Cheng standing in the doorway, his expression frozen in absolute horror.
“Oh, San Lang! You’re here.” Xie Lian smiled, a piece of spring onion sliding off his forehead. “Would you like some soup? I’m afraid I’ve spilt most of it, but there might be some left in the—”
“WHY DID YOU POUR BOILING SOUP ON YOUR HEAD?!” Hua Cheng was across the room in an instant, his hands hovering over Xie Lian as if he wanted to check for injuries but wasn’t sure where to start.
“I wanted to see what it felt like” Xie Lian explained reasonably. “To be soup.”
Hua Cheng stared at him. Just stared. His eye had gone very wide, quite wide actually, he should probably get his eye checked out for how wide it had gotten, and as well his mouth had fallen open slightly.
“To be… soup” he repeated slowly, as if that would help make it make more sense.
“Mhm.” Xie Lian nodded, and more broth dripped from his hair. “It looked so peaceful, just floating there. I thought it might be nice.”
“Gege.” Hua Cheng’s voice was very, very careful. “Are you… alright? Did you hit your head recently? Are you feeling unwell?”
“I’m fine!” Xie Lian assured him. “See? Not even burnt. The benefits of being a god.” He held up his arms, which were indeed completely unscathed despite having just been doused in boiling liquid.
“That’s—yes, I can see that you’re physically fine, but gege—” Hua Cheng seemed to be struggling for words. “Normal people don’t pour boiling soup on their heads. Even gods who can’t be burnt by it don’t typically—why would you—what possessed you to—”
“I just wanted to try it” Xie Lian said with a shrug, which caused a carrot to slide down his back. “Was that strange?”
Hua Cheng looked at him for a long moment. Then he pressed his hand to his face and made a sound that might have been a laugh or might have been a sob or might have been both.
“Gege” He gestured helplessly at Xie Lian’s soup-drenched state. “This might be the most baffling thing you’ve ever done.”
“Really?” Xie Lian considered this. “More baffling than the time I tried to use a sword as a fishing rod?”
“Yes.”
“More baffling than when I accidentally adopted that family of rats?”
“Yes.”
“More baffling than—”
“GEGE.” Hua Cheng’s voice was strained. “Please just—let me get you some towels. And a new pot of soup. That you will eat. Normally. Without pouring it on yourself.”
“Alright” Xie Lian agreed amiably. He looked down at his soup-soaked robes. “Though I suppose I should change first. These are rather damp.”
As he squelched towards his chambers, leaving a trail of broth and vegetables behind him, he heard Hua Cheng mutter something that sounded suspiciously like “eight hundred years and he still finds new ways to give me a heart attack.”
Xie Lian smiled. At least he kept things interesting.
Even if being soup had turned out to be somewhat disappointing, he would have to try another approach.
-----
Later, after Xie Lian had changed into dry robes and Hua Cheng had made a new pot of soup (whilst standing very deliberately between Xie Lian and the cooker), they sat together eating dinner.
“San Lang?” Xie Lian said between bites.
“Yes, gege?” Hua Cheng’s voice was wary.
“Thank you for not being too alarmed. I know that was probably strange to walk in on.”
“Strange is one word for it.” Hua Cheng set down his bowl and looked at him seriously. “Gege, are you sure you’re alright? Is something troubling you? People don’t usually have the urge to become soup unless they’re… going through something.”
Xie Lian thought about it. “I don’t think so? I was just watching the soup and thinking how peaceful it looked. How nice it must be to not have to worry about anything. To just… exist, warm and comfortable.”
Hua Cheng’s expression softened with understanding. “Gege, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can tell me. You don’t need to pour soup on yourself to escape your problems.”
“I wasn’t trying to escape my problems” Xie Lian protested. “I was just curious about the soup experience.”
“The soup experience.”
“Yes.”
“Gege, soup doesn’t have experiences. Soup is not sentient.”
“How do you know?” Xie Lian asked reasonably. “Have you ever been soup?”
Hua Cheng looked at him for a long moment. Then he stood, walked over, and gently kissed the top of Xie Lian’s head—the head that, just an hour ago, had been covered in boiling vegetables.
“I love you” he said simply. “And i'm ending this conversation"
Xie Lian beamed up at him. “I love you too, San Lang.”
“But please” Hua Cheng added, “no more pouring hot liquids on yourself. My dead heart can only take so much.”
“I can certainly try!” Xie Lian promised.
Which wasn’t quite the same as agreeing not to, Hua Cheng noted with resignation.
But then, that was just life with Xie Lian at this point.