Chapter Text
Why has their god forsaken them so?
Round after round, death after death, and rebirth after rebirth, they’re doomed to suffer in a torturous cycle. Have they not done enough to please the Spawn? Of course, any sacrifice that can be made here pales in comparison to the organized ritual they could contribute to back in their village. Only so much blood can be offered before the nonbelievers notice, and go on about how ‘unsafe’ their displays of devotion are.
Why are they so concerned? They’re completely fine. Their pain is a trial of their faith. If they devote themself enough, they’ll be freed from this prison. Maybe then, they’ll be worthy of being happy again.
They must have displeased Spawn. Displeased Amarah— that must be why they’re here.
The suffering of their constant death is nothing when compared to their grief. Azure— no, they don’t deserve to even say his name.
So they let the pen write instead.
My beloved Azurewrath,
I loved you with all my heart. My belladonna, my reason for being. I apologise greatly for what had to be done.
I miss you. I long for you more than I could ever imagine. I miss your smile. Your hope. The warmth you had when your heart was still beating.
Tears pricked at the corner of their eyes.
I died when that blade penetrated your heart. Wilted like the flowers in the garden you once kept so well. No words can describe the longing I have to hold you, one last time.
I hope you rest peacefully, not plagued by the same nightmare I’ve found myself in when my last breath left my lungs.
Their hands shook.
I trust that the Spawn has a plan for you. That you will come back. Although that faith dwindles more and more with each passing day. If your sacrifice was in vain, if I managed to ruin the penultimate ritual of both of our first lives, I would never forgive myself.
I shouldn’t have pulled away from you in those last few weeks we spent together. I can only imagine the hurt you felt by my avoidance, only to be rewarded with violence once I finally reached out to you.
Their body ached from hunger left unresolved. They didn’t deserve to eat, they told themself.
I should’ve told you. I’m so sorry I didn’t. I’ll never forgive myself for that.
The paper was stained as a result of their weeping.
I love you. Even if you no longer have the heart to love me after my wretched mistakes.
Their head hurt.
Oh, holy Spawn, I cannot wait much longer, lest my heart be shattered. Lead Azure into the second life. Even if that life is without me. My wretched, wretched self who extinguished the soul of someone so exquisite. I beg of you, take my life once more if you must.
I don’t imagine you’ll receive this letter. But if you’re out there, watching over me, I can only pray you’ll remember my words.
Eternally yours,
Two Time
They can hear Elliot’s voice in the distance calling them for dinner. Calling them to commune with people who spoke of always being ‘there for each other’. Two Time knew that if the others found out what they’d done, they would spare them no sympathy. They’d seen what the others had done to the hacker.
They would rather be an outcast than embrace warmth that was never made for them.
The Spawn was the only warmth they would even need.
After taking a shaky exhale and drying the tear streaks forming under their dark eyes, they sealed the letter.
Elliot told them that he wrote letters to his family to process everything. They don’t know why they chose to follow suit.
Their chapped lips met the seal before they set it down on their nightstand. Dozens of other letters were stacked neatly. They were the most cared for thing in the room.
Two Time stood from their seat, taking a moment to shake off the dizziness and regain their vision before removing their coat for the night, wincing at the feeling of the fabric brushing their arms.
The coat was discarded and placed heedlessly on the edge of their bed. Perhaps some rest would do them a favor.
The Spawn always came before comfort, though. They mumbled a prayer of thanks and prayed once more for Azure. For his return.
They bundled themself in their scarf, the only memory they had left— the only memory they would ever have of him here in this hell.
Two Time climbed into bed, not bothering to lift the bedsheets over themself.
They were happy. They were blessed to be alive— to be able to have their second life granted to them! Any other emotion just meant that they weren’t praying hard enough— devotion would bring them happiness.
But devotion wouldn’t bring Azure back.
They closed their eyes.
“My Nightshade!” They heard an awfully familiar voice beckon in the distance. Instinctively, they froze. Took a brief moment to entertain the idea that everything could be okay again.
But that was just fantasy.
They stared at the ground, their expression completely and utterly numb.
It wasn’t Azure. It never was.
“Why did you do it?”
…
Sniff.
“You ruined everything. You killed me. We could’ve been happy, Two Time.”
“I know.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“I’m sorry.” they whispered, voice breaking. They squeezed their eyes closed, letting the tears that formed on their waterline drip down.
They just wanted to go home. Go back to a place where they weren’t greeted with scornful looks or violence, but a warm embrace and someone to talk their ear off about whatever plants he found in the forest that day.
But that would never happen— and they knew it.
They fell into a restless sleep.
When they awoke this time, though, it was not on the rock-hard mattress they had grown so used to. They were under blankets this time, too. Strange..
Something bright shined over their eyelids. They hadn’t felt the sun in ages. Their eyes slowly fluttered open, groaning at the light’s presence.
The walls of the room they’re in were nothing like how they were a mere four hours ago. There were no symbols of devotion haphazardly scratched onto walls during their psychotic episodes. No dried blood lining the edges of the walls from a lack of post-ritual care that he usually handled for them. And strangest of all— their walls aren’t black as they once were. They were a light brown color. Awfully reminiscent of their hut back in the Church of the Spawn.
A shrine was situated next to the windowsill. Covered in images to the Spawn, their devotional jewelry, and sheet music for hymns, they and him never finished writing; painfully reminiscent of their old room.
There was a calendar on their wall. March 24th, 20XX. One month before their sun set and never returned again. One month before the sacrifice they made all those years ago.
Where exactly are they?
The Spectre loved playing tricks on them. Letting their guard down could easily ruin this peace. They’d learned that the hard way.
There are nightshades on the bedside table… he would’ve loved them. Why did they have to ruin everything..?
The Spawn must’ve granted them this dream. It’s so peaceful… so quiet. A luxury they could never afford in the real world.
Their door creaked open. Their head instantly whipped over as they flinched. Their body snapped quicker than a rubber band, eyeing the source of the noise.
…Azure?
“Good morning my nightshade!~” he sang, grinning as he closed the door behind himself.
His usual greeting— no malice, no ill intent, like the many ‘Azures’ that would show up in their head. It was… normal, and that fact somehow managed to scare them more.
…Were they supposed to see his eyes? A deep lilac color they’d long forgotten. Almond shaped. Eerily nostalgic. Almost like everything was fine and normal again.
Azure was dead, though. There was no way that they weren’t hallucinating. The Spawn had never answered their prayers— it wouldn’t now, especially without a proper sacrifice.
They stared down at the floor. Like they usually would when their mind played these awful tricks on them. As if it would go away if they simply ignored it.
They’re ignoring him. That’s unlike them… he must have done something to upset them. He didn’t know why he always assumed himself to be the cause of their issues. —But he didn’t know if that was the case. Something else could’ve been bothering them, too. He may as well ask, it’s what he ought to do.
He walked over to them, eyes wide, and brows furrowed with worry. He reached to touch their shoulder.
They flinched back almost instantly.
…
‘They’ve never reacted like that before. What in Spawn’s name could have happened to them? Oh Two Time, my dearest, if anyone laid a hand on you I swear on Spawn itself they won’t ever see the light of day again— I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, I should’ve done better— oh my Two Time…’
After a few agonizingly long seconds of silence, Azure slowly lowered himself to kneel in front of them.
…
They must be dreaming. This isn’t real. Azure isn’t real. —But could he be? Could they be ignoring the real Azure right now?! He’s staring at them. Why isn’t he yelling? He should be yelling. That’s what the elders would do for their blatant disrespect. That’s what their hallucinations would do for their sacrifice. They were practically waiting for a harsh word, or a strike that never came.
Their breathing was fast and ragged. Their vision blurred at the edges. In Spawn’s name— why were they so useless?!
…
“Two, dear— deep breaths, deep breaths..” he mumbled swiftly. They never acted like this. The why of that didn’t matter— what mattered was that they were clearly struggling.
He slowly opened his arms for a hug. Not asking, not forcing, just inviting. He didn’t want to startle them. Just remind him that he was there.
It took them a few moments to notice, during which they steadied their own breath as instructed. But when they did, they reluctantly, slowly, lowered themself to the hardwood floor and shifted closer to him, into his arms. Warm…
Azure was quick to wrap his arms around them. Once they were situated, they buried their face into the crook of his neck. They couldn’t let themself be seen crying. Hot tears dripped off of their face and onto his shawl.
Azure didn’t care that his shoulder was getting wet; that was the least of his concerns, but he was oh so very worried about his partner. His lips pursed as he brought them closer.
“‘M sorry… I’m so sorry, Azure…’ They mumbled, albeit a bit muffled, into his shoulder.
“What’re you sorry for? It’s alright, it’s alright… I’m not mad at you. You’re alright..” He reassured, holding them steadily.
They tightened their hold on him as if he would disappear if they didn’t hold on well enough. Because in all truth, they were scared that he would. They’d never had an experience this vivid. Even if it wasn’t real, they could dream for a few moments more…
Azure tightened his grip on them in turn.
“I missed you…” They confessed. Spawn, it had been so long since they’d felt what it was like to be held like this.
“Oh Two, I missed you too— are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?” He asked. Everything about how they were acting was… off. If someone hurt them, he swore they would be six feet under by now. Thankfully, at least now he knew he wasn’t the source of their problem, so he could lay that fear to rest.
They thought about saying yes. About lamenting to Azure about the hell they go through in that Spawn-forsaken realm— the burns, the lacerations, the deaths— but they couldn’t bear to be more of a burden than they already were. They wanted to say ‘Yes’, but the words died in their throat. They didn’t deserve more comfort than his presence alone was offering— it’s not like he would believe them, anyway. He would deem them crazy and leave them, and they’d be alone again— if this was real.
“...no.” They eventually muttered.
Azure didn’t believe them. There was no other explanation as to why they were suddenly so jittery and flinching. But he couldn’t smell blood, nor could he see any visible injuries, so whatever it was could wait— they took priority.
Clearly, they were in no state to discuss whatever had happened. He knew that much.
“...Okay, good. Do you need anythi—”
“No.” They responded too quickly. They couldn’t ask for more. Warmth did not come without inevitable hurt— if they messed up, or asked Azure for more than they deserved, this moment could turn sour in an instant, and they would be alone in their cabin again. This could all be a hallucination. And if it wasn’t— they couldn’t bear to ask for more from their beloved after everything they had done, even if the sacrifice was necessary. They didn’t deserve help, anyway.
Their response only concerned Azure more. He took a deep breath to calm himself, trying to ignore his racing thoughts. Something was clearly wrong— and they weren’t telling him.
After a few moments, he opted that silence might be more helpful than words. He moved his arm to rub circles into their back. The way they froze up for just a second when he moved broke his heart.
‘Oh my love, what happened to you?’
After many long minutes, Two Time settled under Azure’s care. They didn’t dare move an inch— but they wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, truly.
This could be a dream, or a hallucination, or one of the Spectre’s sick games. But they really hope it isn’t. So they just hold him tighter and pray.
“Timey, the sermon starts in ten minutes.”
They instantly seized up.