Archive of Our Own

How is one person supposed to feel after a heartbreak like that? Without there ever being a way to go back, no restart button in sight. Mistakes you’ll never be able to take back, or kisses never placed on lips. Can’t there be something out there to take back all of these errors, missed opportunities, away from my suffering heart? You were gone so fast, I wasn’t done loving you.

Megumi and Yuuji had been living together for a couple of years now, ever since they graduated from Jujutsu Tech, that is. After everything they’ve been through, it felt right to stay together, to breathe the same air every day. 

The two had fallen in love with each other early on in their lives, but due to the circumstances laid out for them, they kept those feelings concealed. Only ever acting on them when Sukuna didn’t exist in their reality anymore. Though there were times they wanted more than friendship in their earlier days, for the safety of each other and their friends, they kept them hidden.

Megumi had grown stronger and was put on even more difficult missions. Ones that left him restless after—never enough energy for romance at that time. 

Even though Yuuji was on the same difficulty level—a bit higher, but neither would admit it—he never seemed to be tired afterwards. Always trying to branch out to Megumi, reaching for some kind of affection, after their mission-filled days, but he was always met with absentmindedness and shallowness. 

They spent every morning together and every night together, but the middle was lonely. It was a completely different world for both of them, especially on duo missions. Always taking different approaches to the task at hand, and even ending up in vindictive arguments. Neither could recall a mission they went on together that didn’t end with words used as blades against their throat.

But the arguments never grew to a point of overwhelming hatred towards one another. They’d be left on the thinnest ice—about to crash through and take this relationship down with them.

This kind of distaste towards each other wasn’t from something the other did—nothing like being unfaithful to one another. It was due to the stress they were constantly under that interfered with how they treated each other. How they viewed the other’s strength and intellect was embedded in their mind after constantly feeling worthless themselves. 

But would they ever communicate these problems? Nope, that’s impossible for them, actually.

It felt as though they were in a time glass, the small minerals falling into a pile, determining how much more time they had left to spend together. How many more arguments were needed to occur until it was their last?

A collapsing love, doomed to fail from the start. There must have never been a chance for romance for two men who were never meant to meet, only encountering each other because of a curse. That would only lead to another curse, right?

—

A duo mission, one semi-first-grade curse, keeping a couple captive. It’s easy for them, or it would be normally.

“Yuuji, can you use that big head for once and not your muscles. Help those people, and I’ll deal with the curse.” Megumi shouted from afar, his hands in the gesture to summon Nue. “Or do you want to die with them?”

“Hey! Stop acting like we’re going to let these people die.” Yuuji snapped as he started jogging toward the couple that were curled up in a corner, scared. “We’re going to save you,” he reassured them, “don’t listen to that blunt asshole over there.”

Megumi scoffed, “I only said that because that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t start being useful.” He took a hit from the curse; it was some kind of lizard-looking curse, one born from stress and anger, most likely, but it had tentacles that swung around, knocking into things. That’s why he was trying to use Nue to electrocute and stunt it. 

Megumi went flying into a nearby bookshelf due to the impact. Spitting blood out and wiping it away, he was back up. Drawing a sword from his shadow and then letting the shadow consume him. 

Traveling through his shadow was a technique he learned back in his first year, now being a perfected tactic. Megumi emerged from the darkness behind the curse, slashing its head clean off. 

It ignited into dust and a purple smoke, and all of its remains disappeared with its main body. 

Yuuji crooked his head towards his sweaty black-haired boyfriend. He didn’t smile at him, only glaring. Upset because he didn’t get to fight, but also from the fact that Megumi was right. It started feeling like he was always right and always belittling Yuuji.

When Megumi walked over to check on the couple, Yuuji had already tended to any wounds that were inflicted. The air was thick, and it felt like the smallest spark of anger would engulf the entire place in flames. So they stayed in silence as they wrote up the report and went over the details of damage.

—

“You were this close to fucking up the entire mission. You know that?” Megumi slammed their front door shut.

They had just entered their apartment and had already started bickering. Not a minute in, and words are already being thrown around like bullets. 

The car ride back was cold, Megumi’s eyes being the most frigid of them all. When they first started dating, Megumi could barely keep his eyes off of Yuuji, always needing stimulation from just the sight of his appearance. Now it felt like icicles were popping out of his eyes, having a sharp touch too. 

“Are you kidding me? How did I almost ruin the mission?” Yuuji threw his phone on the counter; it clattered against the hard surface. “You’re the one who had to go all in control mid-fight, instead of discussing it with me beforehand.

Megumi laughed, not a joyful laugh but instead a shocked, quick ejection of sound escaped his lungs. “Jesus, you were so focused on using your brute strength to defeat the curse that you forgot that saving people is a part of the job, too. Isn’t saving people your whole life, or did you forget that, too? And I wasn’t the one who charged in like an animal, leaving no time or room to discuss a game plan.”

“I only wanted to fight and get the mission over with, so you could save those people,” Yuuji says, following Megumi into their bedroom, the sunlight shining in from their windows.

Megumi unbuttoned his jacket and began pulling his arms out, letting Yuuji’s words simmer in his brain. He side-eyed Yuuji, a glint of hatred gleaming out—Yuuji glared at him, and you could practically see the smoke shooting out of his ears. 

“I don’t always want to be saving people or doing the smaller parts of the mission. I’d like to kill the curse sometimes, you know.” He tossed his jacket onto the bed, then sat down to start taking his shoes off.

“You can defeat curses on solo missions. Why can’t we do it this way?”

Megumi's head snapped towards Yuuji, “What? Are you crazy or just that much of an idiot? I don’t want to stay back and watch you fight; it’s unfair to me if I keep my strength inside.” 

No longer feeling any desire to stare at Yuuji’s face for a single second, finding it repulsive. His eyes land on a pile of clothes by the door, right behind Yuuji, and his face contorts into a scowl. “And you can’t keep this place clean, even if it kills you,” Megumi scolded. “It’s not impossible for you to kill curses, but putting your clothes in the hamper is?”

Yuuji’s gaze was lost, confusion spilling from his corneas. The confusion morphed into a type of rage; he was angry because nothing made sense. 

“That’s not what we’re talking about right now. So I don’t see any kind of priority in discussing it at this very moment. I want to know why we can’t stick to a consistent plan or a topic of conversation, always trying to change the subject when you feel like you’re losing.”

“What the fuck,” Megumi regains his gaze into Yuuji’s eyes, they’re full of a desperation to harm. Nothing sweet hides behind those jade-colored eyes. “Are you kidding me, Itadori Yuuji? Do you truly think that little of me? I can handle a semi-first-grade, and you can handle taking care of people. Quit squeezing me down to nothing and belittling my strength.” 

Megumi kicks his shoe off, it thuds against the wall, and the second comes after. “And it’s important because it shows how dirty and unorganized you are as a human. And don’t you dare say I’m trying to change the subject because I’m losing, I’m simply adding onto the fire of errors you seem to enjoy making.”

Yuuji walked towards Megumi, grabbing his arm to pull him off the bed. His intent was unclear, but it wasn’t welcome. Megumi pulled his arm away, attempting to break free from Yuuji’s hold. He didn’t want to admit it, but Yuuji was stronger in this sense. There was no way he could break his arm away without causing serious bruising or without using his technique.

“I don’t belittle you to a weak shrimp, but it feels like you’re treating me the same way. Chopping me up to nothing but muscle that has no brain, and now to someone who can’t keep their place clean, which to you means I basically can’t breathe on my own.” 

“You’re dumb,” Megumi spat out.

“Wow,” Yuuji’s grip loosened on Megumi’s arm. “Great comeback, thought you were the best with words, but clearly, I was wrong.” 

With the sudden release of the strength holding his wrist, Megumi pulled away, slightly stumbling away and towards the window. 

“I hate you.” The words come out stiff and with zero resilience behind them. Megumi means them, wholeheartedly. 

Never in the many fights they’ve gotten into has either one of them said those three words. Because it still felt like there was some kind of love there. They still had good moments, at least in the morning or when work didn’t exist. But it seemed like there couldn’t be a them when their work was one of the main focuses in their lives. 

Balancing a healthy, loving relationship under these conditions—and assuming it would work, that they could be truly happy in life—was a disaster waiting to happen. A train wreck that would leave them aching and bloody, maybe even dead. 

There was no more time pretending that this was going to end well, that they could be together. Not after those words finally clicked in Yuuji’s mind. 

He raised his attention to the black-haired boy by the window. Megumi was looking at him, the sun shining against his back. Small appearances of tears started forming by the corner of his eyes, a scowl still stapled to his face. 

“Really? You hate me?” Yuuji scoffed, “That’s rich coming from you, seeing that I hate you more. As a matter of fact, I despise you and your entire existence. God, to think I was lucky for just being able to call you mine, how silly.”

“And here I thought you were equivalent to the sunshine breaking through the curtains, or that you were brighter than mornings, but nope. You’re far from that, and I can’t believe I thought you were.” Megumi spat out.

“Look, something you were wrong about, I’m glad you’re able to see when you’re incorrect about some things. If it were the right things, maybe this would have ended up different.” Yuuji walked closer to Megumi again, wanting the distance not to get in the way of his words. “You just can’t seem to tell when you mess up in life, but when it comes to everyone else, they’re failures. Do you think you’re that perfect, unable to make a single mistake your entire life, but look what happened after you chose to save me? Unchangeable events happened, and I bet you believe that it’s all your fault.”

“Yuuji,” Megumi muttered, a bit quieter than usual this time. “Don’t say it, please.”

“You’d be right, they’re all gone because of you.”

He didn’t need to say who was gone; Megumi already knew who he was talking about.

“Fuck you,” Megumi choked on a muffled sob, punching Yuuji in the arm. “Fuck you, fuck you,” he repeated over and over, “I hate you so much.” 

“You can’t hate the truth, Megumi, and you can’t escape it either.”

“Don’t call me by that name anymore, you don’t deserve to call me that. Not now, not ever again.” Megumi lifted his hand to wipe away his tears, but they kept spilling from his cold eyes. Those past icicles are now melting down to tears pouring from those forest-green eyes. His eyes darted to the window behind him, and then back to Yuuji.

The sound of glass shattering and it crashing onto the floor filled the room. After the sound settled, it was silent. Nothing was happening anymore, no more arguments and no more heavy breathing. Yuuji hadn’t realized how heavy his breathing had gotten during their fight, nor how his heart had picked up.

But now, there Yuuji was. In the middle of their bedroom, all alone. His heart and breathing never settling now.

His eyes slowly shifted to the window, a draft now in the room. The glass from the window was no longer intact; shards littered the floor, and blood covered the tips of the pieces still on the window.

When Yuuji’s brain clicked back into reality, he sprinted to the shattered window, holding onto the window seal. The sight below was one Yuuji would never wish for his biggest enemy to witness.

Lying on the concrete in a puddle of cherry red blood and slivers of glass poking out of his flesh was Megumi. The boy, Yuuji, had just spent ten minutes or more arguing with. The one he said he hated, even after all this time of wishing and waiting for the time they could be more than friends. 

Now he’s unmoving on the cold concrete floor, restless in his own blood. Yuuji can only hope that he’s still alive, and there’s a small chance of that. A sliver of hope that he can apologize to his face, make up for all the times they spent angry together.

Please, Megumi, Yuuji pleaded. Please be alive.

—

Megumi was gone, and the only one to blame was Yuuji. At least he blamed himself for losing Megumi. No matter how many times people told him it wasn’t his fault, Megumi was suffering and looking for a way out; they didn’t know the true story.

The story that was shared with friends and family was that Yuuji found him like that after a mission. They don’t know about the argument they had beforehand, or the words he said to Megumi. The ones he believed at the moment, and now all he wanted to do was go back in time and take them back. 

Take back everything. All of the insults and horrible things he once told Megumi during a heated moment. He wished to go back and banish them from the world; therefore, they could never infect Megumi’s ears. What he would do to reverse the clock, and try harder.

Maybe if they spent more time together? If there were more time, they would spend together as a couple, instead of coworkers doing their job. If they didn’t let their work consume their lives, would this be different? Would they have never had these kinds of arguments?

All these what-ifs won’t bring Megumi back, and they sure as hell won’t help Yuuji as he grieves. The suffering he now has to face for his own mistakes. For not giving enough when he had the time. 

The moments they missed out on, and the ones they couldn’t do again. No more kisses shared before drifting away into a comfortable slumber. Never seeing the pink dust of blush spread across Megumi’s cheeks after the smallest compliment. Their hands will never interlock again, holding each other in the palm of each other's hand. The way his nose twitched when he'd smile for a moment longer, the way he was so self-conscious about it, but Yuuji always loved it. 

He admired everything that Megumi viewed as a flaw in his appearance. The scars left by Sukuna, Megumi hated them more than anything. He wished he could claw them out of his skin and destroy the memories they brought with them. But Yuuji told him they were there as a reminder that he made it. That he’s strong enough to come back after something so horrific, that they don’t define who he truly is.

Sometimes they would see something that reminded them of each other, and snap a photo, or sometimes even buy it to surprise them. The countless books he saved to buy for birthdays or Christmases, now destined to waste away, never being purchased due to no longer having a place to go. 

A soon-to-be-forgotten feeling, one that Yuuji craved more than ever. His four-leaf clover, Megumi, was plucked out of his life by the hands of evil. Those hands belong to none other than Yuuji himself.

Regret, grief, and shame filled Yuuji’s mind. Nothing else mattered anymore, and nothing else could inhabit his mind. So full of thoughts, yet so desolate and cold.

Nothing else mattered in Yuuji’s life. Not anymore. Not when Megumi wasn’t there to fill up his space.

The next couple of weeks were spent in the apartment—no longer gaining the name home. Yuuji was allowed to take the first week off, but even when he was supposed to go back to work, he declined any and all missions. Finding reasons to stay away from anything that included fighting curses.

It was always advised to sorcerers not to grieve too long over the loss of a loved one, with the possibility of cursing said loved ones.

But that didn’t matter to Yuuji anymore. He was never meant to be a sorcerer, and that meant he didn’t know how to deal with things like this, the sorcerer way. 

Nobara would tell him about how he should handle these emotions, including: You don’t want to curse Megumi, do you? 

But what would cursing Megumi actually do? It wouldn’t bring him back, at least the chance was close to nothing. 

Yuuji could have some kind of ritual to bring Megumi back. Placing candles and his belongings all in the formation of a circle, chanting something. If that could work, Yuuji would do it in a heartbeat. But the energy for it would never come.

—

A month has passed, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. Yuuji worked a total of 4 missions, almost five, but he quit halfway through. That lonely, suffocating feeling has never left or even calmed down. It’s still there and worsening within the days.

On a random Tuesday, a day that Yuuji would spend lying in bed watching TV. An overwhelming sense of cursed energy fell upon the entire apartment, and his attention was broken. 

It was thick and hard to breathe in, like a cloud of smoke filled the airways. Yuuji’s never felt cursed energy like this since Sukuna was present in his life.

The source was stronger near the front door, but he was resistant to opening it and letting whatever was outside into the house. Whatever was out there couldn’t be much of a threat. Yuuji is a special-grade sorcerer, so if he needed to exercise it, he was more than capable of it.

Slowly twisting the knob and pulling the door open, standing in front of him was a familiar face. A familiar expression, scent, and aura—the cursed energy being the only thing throwing him off. It was Megumi, it had to be, or this was some kind of sick prank.

Megumi’s eyes were the same familiar green Yuuji remembered, the ones he loved having on him. The same ones he cherished like emeralds.

Yuuji practically jumped into embracing Megumi, pulling him close to his body. One hand sprawled through his nest of black hair—still messy but soft like cotton candy. His other hand finds home on his shoulder, squeezing it as he could disappear at any moment.

He didn’t try to hold back any kind of emotions. They all just started spilling out. Even if he tried, which he did attempt at composing himself, it failed. They’d spill out like how a cracked bottle's content seeps out.

Choking on his own breathing and wetting Megumi's shoulder. He was wearing the same thing he had on the day he died. 

“Megumi,” Yuuji managed to get that out before coughing from the sheer force of overwhelming sorrow and happiness. “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry about everything I said.”

Silence. Megumi didn’t say anything; he didn’t even move to look at or hug Yuuji back. He was as stiff as a board, cold like a million winter nights, too.

Except Yuuji refused to let go, to practically escape this moment—the moment he’d been dreaming for a month, and now it’s real. He promised himself, right here, right now, he was never going to take advantage of these small things ever again. 

He was lucky enough to get a second chance with Megumi, and that wouldn’t go to waste. He’ll tell him everything, give him everything, and not hold back anything.

“I love you, I didn’t mean anything that I told you that day. Can you ever forgive me?” Yuuji said, squeezing Megumi closer to his body.

The sensation of another human’s touch began to travel up his back. Finding its spot on the back of Yuuji’s neck, and the other holding onto his back. Megumi didn’t squeeze him closer, only moving his hands to find a spot to stay—a way to respond to Yuuji’s cries. 

Yuuji pulled away from the hug, keeping his hands on Megumi’s shoulders. Finally, looking at the one he loves, the one that came back to him. He looks off— it’s uncanny how he looks so much like Megumi, but there’s something that throws off the complete copy effect.

Firstly, Megumi’s face is paler, more sunken. There are dark circles around his eyes, and his cheekbones are defined. He looks malnourished and as if he just crawled out of the grave.

Resembling a cold winter night, the ones you would find yourself wandering the streets when your brain was too active, seeking a distraction. A winter stroll was captured perfectly in a human’s appearance. 

The shaded snow, the same color as his skin, his hair, the branches twisting out and extending to touch the sky. His aura is as cold as the wind that grazes your skin and clings for too long.

 Megumi’s eyes used to be a dull, safe green, never glimmering in any light. But as he stands before Yuuji, they’re shining like stars or the moon. The light spills out, his lashes acting as curtains and cutting through the light. They were the light from the moonlight’s illumination on those winter nights.

“You’re not Megumi, are you?” 

The creature standing in front of him didn’t say anything, only tilting his head in confusion. The corners of his lips started to quirk, changing into a smile. Yuuji could tell the smile was supposed to be comforting or genuine—reassuring at best. 

It failed to come across that way, though. He looked evil—the smile being the same one Yuuji saw back when Sukuna took over Megumi’s body. It’s jarring, unnerving, and leaves a gross taste in Yuuji’s mouth.

He can’t do anything about it, though. He refuses to let this copy of another out of his house—that other being the one he killed and loved.

“I- You aren’t him, I know that for sure,” Yuuji sighs, his grip on Megumi’s shoulders tightening. “But, I can’t bear losing you again, even if you’re a fake.”

A sob breaks through, and like the tick of a bomb igniting, he crumbles. Clutching onto Megumi and pulling him back into that familiar embrace from earlier. 

Tears streaming down his freckled cheeks, and dipping into the black-haired boy’s shoulder. Staying like this for a while longer than usual was okay; it was more than perfect for Yuuji. Indenting this touch into his skin like he was imprinting a deceased dog’s paw print—the intent to capture a memory.

They stayed like that for a bit longer, Megumi’s hands never reaching up to hold Yuuji. He didn’t complain, though; it was nice being the one holding Megumi, and so close to his heart.

Yuuji pulled away again, this time letting his hand trail to Megumi’s hand, interlocking their fingers. They were a similar cold to Megumi’s when he was alive, more frigid now and frail. 

He dragged him to the living room, where, to no one's surprise, it was a mess. Old food containers and dirty dishes littered the coffee table, while blankets and clothes covered the floor. Yuuji apologizes for the mess, tiptoeing over it like it’s the floor is lava, and brings them to the couch.

The TV had timed out and was showing ads for upcoming movies. Yuuji clicked the TV back on to what he was watching previously and sat down.

He was still holding Megumi’s hand, but the ice-cold figure attached to the hand didn’t budge. Refusing to take a seat, his eyes still glued to Yuuji. It was still creepy and now a bit unwanted, but it was Megumi. It was fine, right?

“You can take a seat, please,” Yuuji begged.

The statue-like boy obliged, collapsing onto the couch like a rag doll, his body jiggling around like Jell-O from the impact. His head went slack over the back of the couch, eyes now fixed to the ceiling.

Still not thinking anything wrong about this whole thing, Yuuji smiled. He was there, next to him again. He scooted closer, tightening their hold on each other’s hands and dropping his head to rest on his chest. 

The two of them stayed like that for a while, the time skipping by in seconds. Yuuji could really lose track of time when he was with Megumi. They–more like Yuuji, since Megumi was still a limp body–snuggled closer to the body next to him. Feeling everything he missed melt into his skin, comforting all those times he spent sobbing over what was gone.

Yuuji lifted his head to look at Megumi, his eyes lost. He kissed his cheek, slowly and tenderly. Attempting to get another reaction out of Megumi. 

Those green shining eyes didn’t falter, sticking to the very interesting ceiling. The taste of death lingered on Yuuji’s lips, which he rubbed out immediately after sensing it. Megumi’s cheek felt like it always did when he kissed it, but it left a different feeling this time. Compared to all the previous pecks on the cheek, leaving butterflies swarming around his gut, this only left him with a sharp pain piercing his stomach. 

Yuuji used his reversed curse technique on the pain, just in case the sharp stabbing in his gut wasn’t his imagination. 

He lifted Megumi’s hand, then let go to see if it stayed up. It fell with such force, slapping against the couch. Yuuji poked his side, seeing if he could get the man to jolt in pain, but nothing. Like he was numb to everything.

Yuuji stood up, staring at the man below him. Megumi looked unconscious, in a deep slumber where the outside world couldn’t interfere. In better terms, he looked dead, again. A sight Yuuji would rather never have burnt into his mind again.

To be safe, he spoke up, “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Without getting a response, he stumbled into his bedroom, the moon being the only source of light. Except not from the one window since it was covered by a wooden plank, a draft was still semi-there. 

He shut the door slowly and pulled his phone out of his pocket, finding a spot to sit on the floor next to his bed. Not really knowing what to do or who to call for something like this, he had to call the only person he could trust to tell about this.

“Yuuji? You haven’t called me in months, asshole.” Nobara hissed through the phone, clearly joking around, but it warmed Yuuji’s heart.

“He’s back. Nobara, I don’t know how, but he’s back.” Yuuji exclaimed.

“What? Who are you talking about? And more importantly, this is the first time I’ve heard from you in forever, and you sound,” she pauses, thinking for a moment, “alive. You sound like you’re living again.”

Yuuji giggles; he hasn’t done that in a while. “I’m doing better, but I’m worried about him coming back.”

“Again, who’s he?”

“Megumi. Megumi came back.”

Nobara doesn’t respond, but Yuuji swears he could hear the hitch in her breath and a small sniffle. He doesn’t say anything. He lets her think. Because how else should she respond to something like that? It’s something that needs to be stomached and thought through, not something that gets blurted out.

Nobara takes a deep breath, audible enough for Yuuji to hear. “What are you talking about, Yuuji? Megumi’s gone, you need to move on.”

Of course, she would say something like that, Yuuji thought. She had every right not to believe, because it was impossible. Out of this world, and it was sitting in his living room, breathing the same air as him.

“I knew you’d say that, which is why I don’t feel the need to fully explain how. Mainly because I don’t really understand it all myself. He just showed up at my door, and I didn’t have the heart to turn him away, not again at least.” Yuuji chuckles at the end, but it soon dwindles into a choked sob from earlier, finally breaking free. Tears are now dripping down his cheeks.

“Yuuji, stop blaming yourself for his death. You aren’t at fault. No one is, not even Megumi.” Nobara sniffles, clearly crying softly but trying hard not to show it through her voice. “He was suffering, and I don’t blame him for choosing the supposed easy way out. There’s nothing we can do now.” 

“You don’t understand,” Yuuji coughs out. “I did take part in his death, more than you know. He was only suffering because of me.”

Silence from the other end is all he gets in response, and the TV is still blaring from the living room. 

There was no doubt in Yuuji’s mind that he was the cause of all Megumi’s agony. Maybe that’s why he came back, but in this form instead. What if he came back to share that same pain with Yuuji, making him suffer? 

Cursing him just like Yuuji did all those years ago. It was a theory on how Yuuji cursed him–from his death, or from all those years ago in Shinjuku, when he spoke to a younger Megumi and told him he’d be lonely without him. Cursing him to forever be a part of Yuuji’s life so he could never be lonely without him. Either one was a fair answer as to why Megumi would come back. 

Now the outcome of his own actions is sitting in the house pretending to be the love of his life. If only he listened to those telling him to move on to avoid cursing Megumi, and being careful with his words, for they can have a stronger power than you think.

Yuuji’s train of thought is broken by another broken sniffle from Nobara. She doesn’t say anything still, only simmering in his words until she’s ready to speak. Her emotions drag Yuuji back to the fact that he’s talking to her about something serious, something that pains him. 

“I miss him,” Yuuji manages to get out, “I miss him so fucking much. I don’t think I can do this without him, and I think that’s why he came back to me. But he’s not him.”

“Yuuji,” Nobara’s voice is soft and comforting. “I miss him too, but you need to understand that if he actually came back, it’s not him. It’s a curse trying to take advantage of your fragile state. You need to kill it.” That last sentence comes out stern and stabs into Yuuji’s heart like a knife.

“But– Nobara, I can’t lose Megumi again. I don’t think I can lose someone I loved so much again.”

“I loved him too, okay?” Nobara snapped out, “You weren’t the only one who loved him or lost him. Fuck, I was one of his best friends, and I lost him, too. I know he would want you to kill a curse that’s wearing his skin like it’s a costume.”

Yuuji stays silent again, holding those words in his hands. His mind's been so clouded, he’d forgotten he wasn’t the only one drowning, and he was still sinking in this suffering. 

If Nobara could get better, then why couldn’t he? Maybe with the right source, he could get better. Not alone, that is.

Another clump of sad-ridden emotion shot up his throat, a gasp of air breaking free. Tears came with the air, and a headache from all the crying started to grow around his temple. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Nobara,” he repeated.

“Shut up, idiot. You have nothing to apologize for. Except for ignoring everyone for months.”

A hidden match of happiness sparked inside Yuuji’s heart. Everyone I ignored for months, my other friends. I’m so sorry. A smile twisted onto his face, and the crying changed into a happy mess of feelings.

“Yeah, I really do. But I need to deal with this curse first.” He slid up on the bed. “Do you want to hang out tomorrow? Go out shopping and get lunch at Splendid Sushi.”

He could practically feel the smile plastered on Nobara’s face as she spoke, “Are you kidding me? Of course I do.”

“Cool,” Yuuji pumps his fist in the air, “see you tomorrow? Oh, we can figure out times and everything later.”

“Sure, I’ll text you as long as you don’t keep me on delivered for weeks again.”

Yuuji chuckled, “I won’t, I promise.”

“Good. Love you, see you tomorrow.”

“Love you too.” 

The call clicked off, and the room was quiet again. The TV was no longer playing in the living room, and nothing came from there. The draft rustling with Yuuji’s hair left a small trail of goosebumps with it. 

Finally, Yuuji felt the waves of grief retreat back to the ocean. He could take a deep breath now and didn’t feel like his lungs could collapse or that he was fragile enough to shatter. 

He was working towards getting better, and after a long time of thinking there was no way out, he found one. Like a ladder, he scrambled just to get out of the deep end. Still feeling the water cling to his body, but it was an improvement. It was a start to finally moving on, even if it hurt to say.

Moving on felt like he was forgetting about Megumi, but Yuuji kept trying to remind himself that that wasn’t the case. He was moving on with Megumi still in his heart. Growing sounds better. Yuuji was growing into a new world, one where everything he once viewed was in a different shade. Except even saying he was growing sounded like he was getting rid of Megumi.

It felt as if no words could explain how Yuuji was improving himself, all while still keeping Megumi close to his heart, never letting him go. 

But for the first time in months, Yuuji was spending time with friends. Healing his broken state. The thought of having quality time with Nobara tomorrow—doing the things they loved as kids—filled him with contentment and delight. Ironically, spending hours in a shopping center carrying Nobara’s bags sounded adequate to heaven. It sounded perfect. Exactly what Yuuji needed.

Everything’s going to be okay, and there truly isn’t anything else to worry about. That’s what Yuuji believes, at least he’s going to start trusting in that until it’s true.

A thump from outside the door grabbed Yuuji’s attention. A creek and a new light entered the room following the thump. 

Megumi stood at the door, slowly turning to face Yuuji, still tilting his head back and forth in confusion. His lips parted, except this time, noise came out.

“Yuuji, we need to talk.” The words came out slow and broken, each syllable having a pause after.

Fear filled Yuuji’s body, from his eyes watering, to a shiver rolling down his spine, to his toes. He swallowed a lump in his throat, not wanting to answer the curse wearing Megumi’s skin. There was no way he could, not after talking to Nobara about killing that thing. The chance of him actually killing Megumi was close to impossible. Not again, not first hand.

The creature lurked closer, taking small steps to advance the distance between Yuuji. His eyes still glowing, but with a closer look—maybe the influence of the dark atmosphere—the sclera was a foggy white, nearly black. Those green irises stick out like a sore thumb.

“Yuuji,” Megumi said with a whine, with sadness in his tone. “Are you ignoring me?”

“No,” Yuuji blurted out, not thinking about his past objections to ignoring this curse. “I’m exhausted and trying to go to sleep early.”

“Tired from what exactly?”

“Work.”

“But,” Megumi pauses to tilt his head forward and narrows his eyes slightly. “You didn’t work today.”

“I worked from home and finished a report.”

Why was he responding to these questions? And why did he feel so scared about what could happen if he didn’t? 

The chance of anything bad happening was high, with all that cursed energy flowing out of the figure. But the chance of Yuuji letting it actually happen to him was where the impossibilities started to appear.

Yuuji was a gifted sorcerer, a special grade, the best of the best. His fighting abilities were seen by no other sorcerer, abilities brought in from his so-called normal life. But the most powerful component of his combat was his spirit. 

The way he carried himself in every fight. He was selfless, while also extremely disciplined. If he failed, he’d make sure he could take it back, fix his error, and do better. 

Never letting anyone die at his hands. Not because he’d hate to feel guilty for someone else’s death, but because they deserved better from him. No one deserved to die an improper death, and if Yuuji was there, he would do anything to make sure of it.

He was perfect for the title, the strongest, fitting the powerscales but also the characteristics of someone deserving of such a bold title.

So why did Megumi face the cruelest death in the presence of Yuuji? Had he really lost his skill in saving people? 

It seemed that the creature was just as curious for that answer as Yuuji was.

“Why’d you let me die? Is my blood still on your hands? I know it is, and I know you feel the weight of my death on your conscience.” No stutter, and not a single sign of emotion. The words were quick, and it sounded stern.

“What?” Yuuji crooked his head towards Megumi, unable to respond.

“You heard me, I’m dead because of you.” 

Someone finally said the words Yuuji’s been telling himself for weeks, but it doesn’t feel right. No matter the times he’s said it to himself, hearing someone else say it felt wrong. And to think that all this time, all those late nights blaming himself, wishing someone would believe him when he blamed himself, someone says it. It only makes him feel worse.

It’s not right or fair, but it’s deserved. It’s his punishment for the crimes he’s committed.

“No, I didn’t mean for you to die. I didn’t do it.” Yuuji pleaded, scrunching the blanket in his fists. No longer facing Megumi, staring down as tears poured from his eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to end that way, not like this.”

He was crying again, for Megumi. It seemed he was the only reason he ever cried nowadays.

Megumi walked closer to the bed. Now looming over Yuuji. 

Don’t look at me like that. He felt so small and weak under those eyes. 

“I’m gone because of you, Yuuji.” 

“Stop.” Yuuji cried.

“You can’t hate the truth, and there’s no way of escaping it.” 

Yuuji’s heard those words before. No. He’s said those words before. He said them to the boy in front of him, in this exact room, and in the same tone.

“Yuuji,” Megumi said softly, like he was trying to reel him in with a soft presence—trickery at its finest. 

When Yuuji didn’t look up, too afraid of what he might see, he felt an icy cold touch wrap around his wrist. Flicking his attention to it as the grip strengthened. 

He tried to yank it away—being able to break from Megumi’s grip in the past—but this wasn’t Megumi. The hold Megumi had on him was unnatural. 

Finally, looking up at Megumi and seeing pure spite spilling from his corneas. This must have been the same face Megumi saw. And Yuuji was so blind to notice the pain in Megumi’s face.

They were in the opposite shoes now, and it felt like Yuuji’s punishment, the curse he placed upon Megumi in action. 

He found himself lost in those glowing eyes, hypnotized. Only falling back into reality when that familiar cold hand started stabbing in his thick flesh, just by the fingertips alone. 

Yuuji weighed a good 80 kg when he was a teen, but now that he’s older, he’s gotten heavier. So there was no good explanation on how Megumi, weighing only 60-70 kg, could throw him off the bed, and crash against the wooden plank covering the window. From just holding his arm, too.

The sheer strength of Megumi’s cursed energy was almost enough to kill Yuuji. With his mind already distracted from the emotions swarming around like bees, he had no way of fighting back. Completely caught off guard, and now his body was now weakened.

He coughed, and specks of blood dotted the carpet in front of him. His head was spinning, and his body ached in pain. Attempting to pick himself up, to fight to do something other than lie on the ground in his own blood and pain.

Yuuji had just enough strength to set himself against the wooden plank, his head knocking against the wood as he tried to relax his body. Sitting with one knee bent up and the other chilling on the ground. His palms planted into the carpet, grounding him to this place.

Megumi practically spawned right in front of him, his head tilted down to burn his gaze into Yuuji’s skin. He felt weaker, physically and metaphorically. Powerless in this state.

“You can’t run away from your past, the truth. It’s going to be with you forever.” Megumi kneeled to meet Yuuji’s eyes, one hand resting on one of Yuuji’s knees. “Just like how I’ll be with you forever.”

His cold, thin fingers travel from Yuuji’s knee to his chest, creating a drag path in his clothing. Megumi lays his hand out, palming it softly.

If this were the real Megumi, Yuuji’s heart would have fluttered, maybe butterflies would swarm his stomach. Touch alone had Yuuji yearning for more, and feeling a comfortable nausea as his face heated up and flushed a bright pink. Now there was only nausea and a cold sweat.

Yuuji flicked his eyes up at Megumi, peaking at him through his hair that fell over his forehead. His throat was dry, and his face caked in tears. He was trying to mutter something, anything to get out of this situation.

The overwhelming surge of cursed energy was still present, crushing him at this point.

I wonder if I’ll still be able to hang out with Nobara tomorrow? Yuuji wondered, only focusing on the future now, and trying to use it as motivation to fight back. I hope Splendid Sushi still has my favorite, and I can’t wait to go shopping with Nobara. Even though she’ll make me hold all of her bags, like the old times.

“Are you ignoring me, Yuuji?” His fingers started to put pressure on his ribs. “I’d hate for you to do that.” 

“You’re not Megumi.” 

“Hmm?” Megumi quirked his head to the side in confusion. “What makes you think that?” 

The pressure building between Megumi’s fingers and Yuuji’s chest grew stronger. A twinge of pain sparked in Yuuji’s heart.

“He wouldn’t do this, I know that for sure,” Yuuji muttered. “Megumi would never harm me even if I failed him. Even though I messed up pretty badly this time, he’d rather rest than come back to punish me. He’s caring, even though he tries to act like that’s beneath him. He’s stubborn, too, and hates showing how he’s feeling. But Megumi saved me, and even though I saved him once, I failed to continue saving him.” 

Megumi didn’t say anything, and he didn’t remove his hand from Yuuji’s chest either. Only deepening his pressure on the other boy’s skin. 

Yuuji’s heartbeat gradually grew stronger, the thumping never faltering.

“Do you miss him?” Megumi asked.

Yuuji’s voice hitched, “More than anything.”

“I’ll let you see him again.”

Before Yuuji could say anything, that pressure changed into pain, a stabbing sensation. Megumi’s nails started to dig through the fabric of his clothes and into his skin.

When that wasn’t working, Megumi removed his hand from Yuuji’s chest; the weight lifted off him was enough to let him breathe. Right before a huge force slammed back in that same spot, this time, pain racked his entire body.

Blood spilled from his mouth, and his eyes widened. He was unable to breathe or move. Stuck with Megumi’s hand in his chest, clutching onto his heart, no signs of his tight grip stopping. 

Yuuji’s eyes met Megumi’s. They were so still, locked onto his prey like he was a predator. 

There were no words able to come from Yuuji’s mouth. Stunted, confused, and angry. The same spot he lost Megumi is the same place he’s going to die. Why was Megumi doing this? And how did he let this happen? He’s a special grade sorcerer dying like this. 

“Oh, Yuuji, this is truly sad.” 

It was sad. It was a miserable sight to see. Itadori Yuuji died the same way he did so long ago—different hands this time, not his own. 

Megumi’s fingers squeezed into the pumping organ, breaking the walls of the muscle. Yuuji’s hand jerked up to grab his arm, trying to use the last bit of energy he had to fight back.

“Stop trying to defeat me, it’s a waste of your energy.”

Yuuji didn’t back down from that; he squeezed harder on the black-haired thing’s arm. Only results in the pressure on his heart tightening.

This was it. He wasn’t gonna be able to get back up. Not this time. 

He’d have to find some way to apologize to Nobara for leaving her on delivered again. She’d just be even more angry at him. 

Somehow, he’d apologize to his other friends for ghosting them for a month. There was some way he could repay them for all they did for him. 

But it was somewhat okay. If there was such a thing as an afterlife, Yuuji would see Megumi again. The curse told him he would. But if Yuuji knew anything about curses, it was to never trust them. So he tried to keep his hopes down.

There wasn’t much to look forward to anymore, anyway. Every morning felt like a chore to just breathe, let alone pick himself out of bed. Eating meals alone was the most painful part of his day. Especially since he cooked for just him. 

Thump

Those shows and movies he never got to finish. The ones he refused to unpause, because Megumi wasn’t there to watch with him. 

The letters people sent, showing their remorse for his loss and wishing him better. 

This wasn’t better.

Thump.

Pictures littered the walls surrounding them. 

Photos from their first anniversary, the one where they spent it in Okinawa, even though Megumi hated the heat. They had their arms over each other’s shoulders, Yuuji’s head resting on Megumi’s shoulder, and holding a peace sign up. While Megumi had his other hand holding the camera, and he melted into Yuuji’s touch, his cheek squished onto Yuuji’s head. 

Another photo captured the sunset from Okinawa, Yuuji protested its beauty and made sure to put it next to their photo.

There were photos of each other, ones that were captured without the other one knowing. One where Yuuji was petting a dog they saw at the park, and another where Megumi was standing in the snow; the snowfall was heavy, and snowflakes clung to his hair. 

Their lives had been captured and were now covering the walls of their home.

Thump..

The shirt Megumi had on was tattered and worn out. Dried collar and fresh blood on the sleeves.

Megumi dipped into Yuuji’s space, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Yuuji had no energy to move, but a sizzle of energy came with the kiss. It wasn’t Megumi, but he’d never forget those lips.

Blood coated Megumi’s lips, a small drop falling down his chin. 

Thump…

As Yuuji took his last breath, and his eyes grew heavy before the light could fully leave them, he thought about Megumi. Even in his last moments, all he could do was think about Megumi.

Megumi retreats his hand from the hole he’s made in Yuuji’s chest. The blood soaks into his hand, and he admires it. His eyes flick back to Yuuji, whose head is now hanging down, cherry red blood dripping from his mouth. A single tear rolls down his cheek and mixes with the red.

With Megumi’s clean hand, he grabs Yuuji’s face. Holding his jaw and moving his face up so he could stare into those brown eyes one last time.

A forest used to be captured in those irises, but now the once sunny, brown hue felt covered in a grey fog. Losing that spark of color that once brought nothing but joy to the people around him. 

Megumi pulled Yuuji closer to his lips, leaving a blood-stained kiss upon his temple.

“Goodbye, Itadori Yuuji.”