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It was late. She knew that in fact, it was about half an hour until midnight. That means in about half an hour it would be her birthday. With a few lazy grunts the ultimate fashionista crawled out of her bed. Sleep came hard for her usually. Any sound could keep her up. On top of that it was perhaps the only day of the year that she wanted to sleep.
Junko Enoshima both hated and loved December twenty fourth. It was a duality of Despair and Despair, on one hand it was the day her Despair began which you would think is a good thing but on the other hand it was a Despair so great she can’t help but hate it. There's no fun in inevitable Despair as it has no hope. Thus it was a Despair in contradiction, You can’t have Despair without hope. Once you start getting into the contradictions of hope and Despair you have to start with a Zhaou, Hegel dialectical mixture: the thought of the concepts of hope and Despair brought to the philosophical forefront like that calmed her down a bit as it brought up the only other student who cares for such things her Nagito.
Goosebumps raged throughout her body. The fact that she wanted him here so badly was perfect for the kind of Despair that she wanted. Most Despair centered around her boyfriend was rotten and not unusable but missing him was a different story. Then her heart began to beat faster and her breathing became heavy.
Quickly a knock at the door broke her out of her stupor. The Despair of her Despair being broken was fine but it was nothing compared to missing Nagito Despair. Getting up and throwing on a robe she made her way from her bedroom to her front door. Junko had already decided she was going to be a vulgar asshole until whoever was interrupting her left. Putting on her best bitch face she quickly opened the door only for her face to go blank at the sight before her.
Before her was a similar sight she did not expect to see here. Her Ultimate Lucky Student crying hugging himself. His nose was bent out of shape, clearly broken. He smiled widely and his eyes looked manic. To most this was a look of insanity; she recognized it as being his mourning hope face similar to his happy hope face but she could tell the difference. The Despair emanating off of him was sickening she started to feel nauseous just looking at it.
Within all of a second she had snatched him by the arm pulling the Lucky student into her dorm and shutting the door. From there she embraced him. She heard mumbling under his breath.
“I’m sorry.” He was saying between sobs over and over. Pulling him even closer she maneuvered a finger up to lips.
“Shhh it’s okay you did nothing wrong.” Chances were the Christmas party with his class didn’t go well. His classmates decided to blow the powder keg right before her birthday. Probably something they saw as an act of kindness. Or perhaps it was Nagito Luck shenanigans
“It’s all my fault.” He mumbled as a combination of his own wear from the long day and Junko’s own soft whispers sushed him into a quiet silence.
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Christmas was a beloved Holiday to most, it was the top holiday in the west and the chinese new year was still king in the east. Though if he was being honest he was barely celebrated either. He never went to festivals and well christmas is a time spent with those you love and until recently he had no one to love. The cold winter days were mostly spent inside reading, but now he had two loves. His classmates are the next generation of Hopes to the world and Junko Enoshima the most talented person in the world.
Unfortunately life was complicated and there was a contradiction between his loves. One that forever tarnished any claim he should have to ‘ultimate luck’. Nagito was not good enough for Junko. Even though he’s her choice it doesn't make sense for her to choose him. The 77th class knew this and it created an underlying tension.
Nagito knew that it was only a matter of time but of course now was the time for this to come about. His Luck would make it today. He knew that they were drunk but that hasn't changed their thoughts, it just brought out the truth.
Some were nicer than others heck it sounded like Nanami even tried to defend him but there was no way she meant it. Anyone could tell what they had was an abomination. Princess Nevermind was asking him questions about them.
“How did you meet?’
“What do you do on dates?”
“What are you getting her for her birthday?”
Those didn’t really bother him, what hurt were the rebuttals.
“She came to you while you were under your tree, that doesn't seem like her?
“With how she looks is that really her diet?”
“Isn't that crown a bit small for her head?”
On the surface they were normal legitimate questions they should not have upset him. She has no way of knowing Junko’s advanced diets or the many rants she's gone on to explain why small hats are cuter. Nagito himself didn't know why she approached him that day.
Then Soda spoke up and the Ultimate Mechanic was definitely one of the most honest students he knew. Perhaps Nagito’s Lucks pension to mess with him is what caused it.
“I mean you just don’t seem like her type she goes on and on about carnivores and herbivores so I imagine she would want someone… stronger?”
That's when Nanami gave her thoughts. “Nagito and Junko are a bit strange but… someone who knows people so well would probably be good with someone who is hard to know… I think?” Her speech was slow and methodical in other words she was just trying to show unjust kindness.
At that Saionji decided to just tear off the bandage and get to the point. Her eyes got that dark viciousness normally only used to taunt (Junko says it’s bullying) Tsumiki.
“Oh come on we all know Nagito is puppeteering their relationship just tell me what blackmail you got on her? Did you get lucky and stumble across her nudes?”
That was a breaking point he felt the but in his chest boil over with something vial. It was not like Despair which normally ached but this burned it filled his brain with spurring images he felt a pressure on his body. He let out a broken and gruff laugh. All at once he knew he needed to get out of their, he didn't want their truth he wanted lies, he wanted Junko
Then he felt a force on the back of his head push his face onto the table.
“Peko!” Nanami yelled as the pain set in. He held a warm liquid on his face. It was clear his nose was bleeding but more than that he could see it clearly it was out of place no longer in its natural blindspot.
“He was about to charge.” Pekoyama said her voice seemed calm but he could tell the attack was on impulse. While the rational part of him knew she was in the right at that moment he had no rationality.
“Komaeda, shouldn't a man attack a woman? It was a bit vulgar but there is a legitimate question there. I mean I just don’t get what Junko could see in you.” Koizumi lectured with a familiar tone. He knows it’s well meaning he knows but the words were wrong unlucky place unfortunate time.
With that pandemonium broke out as everyone was giving an opinion.
“It just doesn't feel right in my gut.” Owari said.
“Such a bond between angel and demon is rare and a spawn of it would be an abomination.” Tanaka added though, sounding more matter of fact than angry.
“I think his nose is broken, that's a lot of blood.” Tsumiki panicked
“Don’t worry about that freak, pig barth, he was trying to kill me.” Saionji scolded
Slowly as they argued Nagito began to raise his head, his tearfilled eyes met with green eyes. It was the only person besides himself who was out of place at the party. Nanami’s close friend Hinata Hajime. His face looked contemplative. As their eyes met his mouth slowly started to open.
In that moment pain was gone, panic entered Nagito that he had not felt in years. The lucky student can’t bear to hear the reserve courses' condemnation. What right does he have? Both Hinata and himself shared a crime mingling with their betters even though he did it worse Hintata had no ground to condemn him.
Taking advantage of the chaos he jumped up and ran, luckily he didn’t trip. There might have been calls but in the chaos he couldn't tell. He darted out the room and down the halls.
Was someone chasing him? He didn’t care he had to run. He needed Junko, nothing else mattered at that moment. He knew it was selfish to be with her but he needed her, her words, her warmth even her touch he needed it.
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Junko kept him close and played with his hair. It was a pain to play with thanks to his luck knotting it, not even her analysis has found a solution. That just meant she could play with his hair for as long as he needed. Once her Nagito was calmed she was going to have Mukuro shove that katana up that sword woman's ass.
“I don’t deserve you.” Nagito interrupted her thoughts.
“I’m not an object to be deserved, I'm a human who gets to choose who I belong to.” She explained in her intellectual tone, primed to always cut through his false hate.
“I know you're not an object but as a person I don’t deserve your love. I’m the wrong choice” He tried
“No that's wrong, lots of people get things they don’t deserve. Ouma gets a class to terrorize that can’t hold a competent intervention and Byakuya's crazy adoptive brother got to become World Health Organization Director General. Lots of people willingly make the wrong choices Kyoko, Sayaka and my own sister all chose a lesser version of you but you deserve me like no one else ever has.” She whispered, holding him close.
“Why?” Nagito asked, a voice becoming rough from what she knew to be dehydration.
“I’ve said it before and I'll say it a quintillion more times. I want you, that's your achievement no one else has ever gotten.” It was true she had the occasional boyfriend but never like this. Most of the time she dated people she liked so she could cheat on them and ruin that connection, the Despair of burning a bridge but her connection to Nagito was something she could never burn, it was too precious to her. All Despair that would come out of it would be rotten.
“I don’t understand.” He choked out.
“Doesn't matter, we’ll get there.” She whispered, laying him down on her couch.
“I’m getting you some water.”
“Okay.” His voice was soft, clearly on the verge of being lost if this keeps up.
Getting a cup and the faucet was easy enough. She had cold water in the fridge but room temperature was better for the voice. A fact Sayaka loved to explain was her first and most scripted vocal tip.
I took a seat on his lap and handed him the cup “Here ya go.” Nagito drank like a man lost in the desert.
"Hey, slow down." She would rather he not choke.
"What we have is wrong." He began trying to continue where he left off. While his voice was confident it did not meet his eyes. The grayish green eyes were a spiral with Despair. Junko felt that terrible feeling in her stomach. She felt like she would puke, It had to be stopped.
Junko kissed him, it was long and passionate. She could see it in Nagito's eyes for a second disapproving classmate, a school of hope, terrible luck and boring analysis, hope and Despair none of it mattered. For an instant she made it all go away.
Breaking the kiss chain after thirty seconds she whispered in his ear. "We're wrong Nagito, I'm a broken despair junkie who can't get enough of you and you're a hope freak who lucked his way to the hottest gyaru in the world."
Nagito was silent for a minute clutching to her like he often would when his insecurities won, as if she would leave if he let go he finally spoke a few sweet words.
"Happy birthday Junko, I love you." The clock struck midnight at the perfect moment. What perfect luck.
Nagito brought her into a kiss with a vigor not normal to him. His touch became strong but affectionate and he took her. The only birthday gift she ever enjoyed.
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Nagito knew comfort while his Luck often took it away; it had yet to take away the memory of it. However if everything else went, the one thing he needed to keep in his mind was this.
Him and Junko wrapped up in eachother. Truth versus lies was a more nuanced version of Hope vs Despair. There was hope in an absolute truth and in the variety of lies.
Nagito knew what they had was wrong but it was right. Junko was their, months together and she was still around. His Luck happens but she just survives.
But he wouldn't, he's overdue. Some would say it's a miracle but having love makes it the worst Luck ever. Despite that he wouldn't give up Junko. It's selfish, she'll suffer but if she likes Despair…
No he had to break it off eventually. What they have can't last. These long nights can't last. The perfume she uses that brings him comfort can't last. Komaeda Nagito can't last.
The moment he began to shake and silently weep, Junko's arms stiffened around him. His girlfriend pulled him closer as she whispered in his ear. "Don't.” Her voice was absolutely the same force that broke down any attempt he made to push her away now holding him in place with her.
He couldn't, he was too weak, it was cruel luck to give a sick man like him Junko Enoshima. The best men couldn't fight it, how was he supposed to? How can someone who loves hope so much deny the greatest talent… That was the greatest talent wanted him, why should he question it?
Looking at the Fashionista, his head pressed into her chest he could see her whole face. Junko says upward angles are more attractive but she looked good from every angel Nagito knew and so did she and anyone with a bit of sense. A part of him still said it was wrong but he won't listen to it. He would have to tell Junko of his condition but not today. Junko hates her birthday but he will be with her this time she wants him and he’ll deliver. Nagito loved Junko and she loved him too.