Chapter Text
Kim Jungsu: a normal, well-adjusted twenty-four-year-old who is definitely over his high school situationship.
At least, it’s what he’d been telling himself – until said high school situationship waltzed through the front door of his teahouse one completely random Saturday morning, acting like his presence there was the most natural thing in the world. Jungsu doesn’t think he’d picked his jaw up off the floor the entire time Jiseok had been there, all while the younger happily chatted away with him like there wasn’t six whole years looming over their heads.
Maybe Jungsu shouldn’t have jumped the gun with how easily he’d asked for a second chance. It was hard not to – Jiseok was right there, still just as breathtaking as he had been all those years ago. Following their… kind-of break up? Falling out?? Jungsu had simply assumed the chances of him ever meeting the younger again were slim. Upon returning to their hometown and finding out Jiseok had moved away to the city, that slim chance plummeted to none. It really seemed that the only time anybody ever came back after moving away was if they’d ultimately failed in trying to establish a life elsewhere.
Like Jungsu.
The rejection wasn’t unexpected, but as far as Jungsu saw it, that was very likely the only chance he’d ever get to have Jiseok back in his life for good. What made matters worse than the bitter sting of it all, was the way Jiseok responded to being asked for his number instead. The teasing answer on its own? A hundred percent fine, if not the tiniest bit exasperating.
No, it’s the fact that for whatever reason, he’d deemed it totally good and normal to lean across the counter and punctuate it with a quick kiss, the brief press of his plush lips leaving a very stunned Jungsu to stare after him as he went on his merry little way.
Talk about mixed messages! If Jiseok’s response was simply a matter of trying to let him down softly, Jungsu would’ve been more than happy to accept the refusal graciously. Especially given their past – it’s totally understandable that Jiseok may not have really felt comfortable around him anymore! But throwing that chaste little kiss into the mix?
Grabbing a pillow, Jungsu smothers his face, screaming directly into the plush material. Almost a month had passed, and yet the events of that day were still endlessly looping in the forefront of his mind.
“Oh my god, shut up!” The thundering of Suyeon’s footsteps grew louder as she approached his bedroom, and before Jungsu knew it, an extra pressure was being applied to the pillow covering his face. He didn’t even try to fight back, just letting her go on with her murder attempt, maybe death would be the only way he’d manage to escape from this never-ending nightmare. “You’re gonna have to get over having the fumble of the century at some point.”
“I miss when you were all shy and sweet.” Jungsu’s voice is muffled behind the pillow, throwing a pout to his sister when she finally pulls the offending object away. Suyeon looks nothing short of disgusted in return.
“I had to grow up at some point, oppa, you should think about doing the same.” She puts a sickly sweet inflection on the pet name, plopping down to sit on Jungsu’s mattress. “Seriously, it’s been six years. Maybe it’s about time you accept that he was the one who got away and stop holding yourself back.”
Suyeon’s tone turned gentler, reaching up to rake her fingers through Jungsu’s hair, painted nails scratching at his scalp. She’d been with Jungsu every step of the way, as young as she was when she’d first met Jiseok. That whirlwind summer romance, the fallout of it all, Jungsu coming to terms with his own identity after the fact. Even more recently, when Jiseok had made a sudden reappearance in Jungsu’s life – and disappeared just as quickly – Suyeon had been the first person he told.
“I thought I had, but…” Jungsu sighed, closing his eyes. In those short few months they’d been something, Jiseok had carved a hole into Jungsu’s chest, staying just long enough for the wounded flesh to heal in his shape, essentially preventing it from closing over like a piercing removed too soon. There was no way for Jungsu to stitch the chasm closed, and the thought of trying to fill it with something else just felt wrong, like forcing a square through a circle hole.
Maybe that’s just how things were supposed to be, forced to reckon with the gaps left even when that space is eventually somewhat filled by something else.
Jungsu is drawn from his thoughts by a buzzing sound, quickly followed by a quiet little ‘oh, right’ from Suyeon. Cracking an eye open, he catches the tail end of her extricating his own phone from the pocket of her sweatpants, holding it out to him.
“Your phone was ringing like crazy out there, it was seriously starting to get on my nerves.”
All Jungsu catches of the number before the call rings out is that it’s not saved to his contacts, and upon waking the screen to get another look at it, he’s met with a seemingly endless bank of missed call notifications from this person alone.
“Must be a telemarketer or something.”
Mere moments pass before the screen lights up with yet another call, causing Suyeon to let out a long groan.
“Whoever it is,” she starts, leaning over to swipe a manicured finger across the ‘answer’ prompt. “It doesn’t seem like they’ll leave you alone any time soon.”
Shooting an unimpressed look his sister’s way, Jungsu raises the phone to his ear. “Hello…?”
“Kim Jungsu.”
Jungsu’s eyes fly open at the voice, shooting up from where he's lying to sit properly. He’d recognise that voice anywhere.
Suyeon raises a single eyebrow in question, but her eyes widen the moment Jungsu responds to the caller, shuffling to press her ear against the back side of the phone so she could listen in on the conversation. “Jiseok, hey.”
“Where are you?”
“Uhh…” Jungsu’s voice wavers slightly. Surely he’d remember if he’d made plans with Jiseok of all people, given how fixated he was on the younger. “At home…?”
“To think, I came all this way to visit my favorite teahouse, only for it to be closed.” Jiseok huffs, feigning annoyance, but his tone is playful. “Some business owner you are.”
“You’re in town?” At Jiseok’s bright little ‘mhm!’ Jungsu scrambles from his bed, throwing open his closet to change into something he hadn’t been rotting in for the past week. “Wait right there, I’ll come down.”
“It’s alright if you’re busy, I don’t want to disturb you or anything.”
“No! No,” Jungsu puts his phone on speaker and sets it down on top of his dresser, freeing his hands to allow himself to change faster. “Seriously, you’re not disturbing anything, I was literally just…”
“Bedrotting?” Jiseok giggles. Giggles! The sound of it has Jungsu freezing, t-shirt pulled half way down his body, before literally shaking himself out of his stupor.
“... Pretty much, yeah.”
“In that case, Mr. Kim, I’ll be seeing you soon.”
The line clicking dead prompts Jungsu to hurry up, pulling on some jeans and throwing a beanie over his dirty hair. Not ideal, definitely far from perfect, but good enough for an instant solution. He reaches out to ruffle Suyeon’s long hair when he passes her on the way out, making her laugh and swipe at his arm in retaliation.
“Good luck oppa, don’t fuck it up!” She calls out, causing Jungsu to stumble over his feet half way out the front door.
“Don’t swear!” Jungsu gasps, turning to widen his eyes in Suyeon’s direction. Clearly it doesn’t come across as menacing as he’d hoped, given the way she brightly laughs and shoos him on his way.
Right, Jiseok was waiting for him.
Coming up on the main street, Jungsu slows his near-sprint to a brisk pace. Wanting to get his huffing and puffing under control before meeting with Jiseok again, but not wanting to keep him waiting any longer.
He’d half expected the call to have been a joke on Jiseok’s part, but the thought is quickly squashed as soon as the teahouse is in sight. Sure enough, seated at his beloved antique iron garden setting with his legs kicked up on the table, is none other than Kwak Jiseok himself.
The sight of him has Jungsu slowing to a halt, stealing a moment to mentally process the younger before he realizes he’s no longer alone. Half of it is once again coming to terms with the fact that, yes Jiseok is real, and yes, he’s actually right there, but the other half… the way he’s dressed sends Jungsu’s mind reeling back to their high school days.
White button-down shirt with the sleeves pushed to his elbows, black slacks neatly hugging his slim waist, loosened black tie and worn converse sneakers – it’s close enough to their old school uniform that Jungsu could almost believe he’d somehow managed to step back in time, to that summer six years ago. Where Jiseok is different, though, is his face. He’s aged – of course he has, nobody stays the same forever – but he’s lost his baby fat, grown into his features. More handsome than he had been as a teenager, as impossible of a concept as an eighteen-year-old Jungsu would’ve believed.
“You wear glasses now?” Jiseok’s attention flickers up when Jungsu finally breaks the silence, acting as if he hadn’t been standing there taking in the sight of the younger for several minutes.
“I’ve always needed them,” Jiseok says, reaching up to graze his fingertips against the arm of the item in question, as if he’d forgotten he was even wearing them in the first place. They suit him well – big, almost-square clear frames, with the magnification of the lenses making his already-large eyes look impossibly larger. “Actual glasses are just better for staring at screens all day than contacts are.”
Jungsu hums, fishing his keys out of his pocket as he hopped up the few steps of the porch to unlock the door. “So you were always wearing contacts back then? I never noticed.”
“Nah, I only had glasses during school.” Jungsu doesn’t even have to look to know Jiseok is grinning, he can hear it in his voice. “I was just rawdogging life blind because I didn’t want to look like I was a nerd.”
“I hate to break it to you Jiseokie, but the only reason we even know each other is because of your reputation as a nerd, glasses or not.”
“Don’t I know it!” Jiseok whines, planting himself in the same bar stool he’d taken the last time they’d met. “Still known for being a nerd and absolutely tanked my prescription in the process.”
Jungsu busies himself with brewing a pot of the same blend he’d prepared for Jiseok last time, stealing glances at the man in question all the while. Gripping the edge of the counter to slowly spin his stool around, wide eyes taking in every little detail of his surroundings. Jungsu supposed it made sense, he’s sure there were more pressing matters on Jiseok’s mind than taking in the scenery the last time he’d been here.
“So, Mr. Kwak Jiseok,” Jungsu starts, sliding a teacup across the counter to rest in front of the man in question. Jiseok spins back around at the sound of clinking porcelain, eyes bright in giving the elder his full attention. “What brings you all the way out here on a Tuesday evening?”
“Felt like a sweet treat, thats all.” Jiseok says, stretching to reach for the glass jar of sugar cubes further down the counter. Jungsu grants him a small mercy, using his longer arms as leverage to bring it closer.
“You couldn’t get a sweet treat that wasn’t an hour and a half away from home?”
Jiseok doesn’t respond, opting to instead dump a few chunks of sugar into his steaming cup of tea, gently stirring it until they dissolved. The stretching silence has Jungsu worried that he’d said the wrong thing, he’s moments away from apologizing just to make the atmosphere dissipate when Jiseok beats him to it.
“I know I was kinda… fickle, I guess, the last time we met,” his voice is quiet, gaze fixated on the swirling ripple of the drink in front of him. “But I realized how badly I missed being your friend, I ended up getting impatient waiting to hear from you again.”
Right, Jiseok had said his number hadn’t changed, essentially putting Jungsu in a position to reach out under the assumption he’d never deleted it. Truthfully speaking, he hadn’t – it was just something he could never bring himself to do, even after giving up all hope of ever seeing Jiseok again. It was getting a new phone years later that had his contact disappearing, the data didn't transfer across properly, losing all traces of the younger to the technological void.
At the time Jungsu had just shrugged it off, taking it as a sign from the universe that it was time for him to finally move on, only for it to turn around and punch him in the gut that day Jiseok re-entered his life some weeks ago.
“Sorry I didn’t call sooner, I actually ended up losing your number.” Jungsu grabbed a rag to busy his hands by wiping at the counter, despite the fact that it was spotless from when he’d closed up the teahouse just hours prior. Anything to avoid having Jiseok bear witness to the mild sense of shame he felt about the fact. “I… never deleted it on purpose, actually. You know how technology can be sometimes.”
“Good thing I have your number memorised then.”
Jungsu’s head bolted up at the admission, eyes so wide he almost worried they’d fall out of his skull. “Wait, seriously?”
“Of course! I’m a genius, do you really expect any less from me?” Jiseok’s eyes sparkle in amusement, morphing into little crescent moons as he lifts his teacup to hide the lower half of his face. “Just kidding. I couldn’t bring myself to delete your number, either.”
“I’m surprised, considering…”
Jiseok hummed in agreement, casting his gaze down, away from the elder. “There’s been so many times over the past few years where I was close to reaching out, actually.”
Jungsu doesn’t say anything, more than happy to grant Jiseok the space to share his feelings. He almost looked sad, but not in the sense where it seemed like he was upset – more wistful. Like he was mentally going over each and every instance he’d thought of Jungsu since they’d parted ways six years ago, the pressing desire to hear his voice just one more time, even if it ended up being the last. Seeking closure.
“Have you ever been clubbing, Jungsu?” Jiseok’s mouth turned up in a catlike smile when Jungsu admitted that he’d only gone a few times during university, too busy trying to stay afloat between classes and work. “My friends and I would go out to gay clubs a lot while we were studying, sometimes when I’d have a bit too much to drink I’d end up in the bathroom, asking ‘should I call him?’ loud enough for everyone to hear.”
It’s a cultural phenomenon Jungsu had heard about before, albeit, it usually applied to girls. Asking strangers if she should call her ex, only for a resounding chorus of ‘no!’ to ring out from everybody around her, regardless of whether or not they were strangers or even knew the circumstances surrounding whoever it was she would be referring to. It makes sense, Jungsu supposes, that the culture would bleed through to guys who frequented gay clubs.
“Even though everyone told me not to, it didn’t change the fact that I always wanted to, so bad.” Jiseok sighed, placing his teacup back in its rightful place on the counter. “I never did because I was so scared of how you’d react.”
“I really messed you up bad, huh.”
“It’s fine,” Jiseok shrugged. “I mean, it’s not, but it’s been long enough that I don’t worry about it too much anymore… though I will admit, I was still a bit scared to come see you tonight.”
“Why…?” Jungsu tilted his head, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. Things had been fine when they’d reunited those few weeks ago. Sure, the way Jiseok had parted ways with him left him feeling a little bit insane, but for the most part everything seemed perfectly fine from Jungsu’s point of view.
“You know, since I…” Jiseok’s cheeks tinted slightly pink at the memory, raising his teacup to hide his face again, only to be disappointed to find it empty. “I mean sure, I found out that you’re gay, but that still doesn’t mean you’d be fine with me pulling a dine and dash on your lips before you could even do anything about it.”
“Oh! No, it was good, I mean not good- that doesn’t mean it was bad or anything! Just–” Jungsu groaned, frustrated, burying his face in his hands. “It surprised me but it wasn’t necessarily… unwelcome? It didn’t make me mad or anything.”
“That’s the funny thing about trauma, you know?” Jiseok rests his cheek on his palm as he talks, that same wistful expression from earlier overtaking his features. “I know that what happened back then was just the result of you being a kid trying to protect yourself, and that you’ve grown since then and there’s no reason for me to have still been scared, but…”
Trauma. It’s a heavy word, but that’s what it was at the end of the day, right? The fallout wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows on Jungsu’s side of things, but their non-breakup hadn’t really affected him any further than any other teenage breakup would have. Jiseok, on the other hand… Being physically pushed away, branded as abnormal, something to be ashamed of, painted as a villain who’d forced himself onto the elder, only to be left to face the fallout alone?
Jungsu had turned such a strong blind eye to Jiseok that he didn’t even know if his actions that day followed the younger outside of the library. Teenagers are ruthless, the chances that the classmate who’d stumbled across them would’ve weaponized the incident against Jiseok were uncomfortably high. The fact that Jiseok had made it through to the other side, made a successful life for himself, and was now working to repair his relationship with the very person who was responsible for what was possibly one of the lowest points in his life…
He’s stronger than Jungsu could ever hope to be.
“Ugh, I hate heavy topics like this!” Jiseok whined, breaking the oppressive silence that had blanketed them with the weight of their conversation. “Tell me what’s been going on with Su-ah these past years, girl drama is my favorite.”
Three cups of tea and a surprising amount of gossip later sees Jiseok hissing out a swear when he checks the time, slipping off his stool and throwing his messenger bag across his body.
“I gotta go, the trains are going to stop running soon.”
Jungsu blinks, casting a glance over his shoulder at the analog clock hung on the wall behind him. Sure enough, it was well past midnight at that point – it didn’t feel like he and Jiseok had been talking for anywhere near as long as they apparently did.
“Do you want me to walk you back to the station?” Jungsu asks, collecting their empty cups to place in the sink at the back of the teahouse. The residual leaves sticking to the porcelain would be annoying for future Jungsu, but current Jungsu was more than happy to just deal with it and clean them in the morning if it meant he could draw out his time with Jiseok a little longer.
“Um,” Jiseok’s already at the door, seemingly hesitating for a moment as he considers Jungsu’s proposal. Glancing at the clock once more, a pained expression washes over his face for barely a moment. “It’s okay, you gotta clean up and stuff so I can take myself down.”
Jungsu pouts at the response, he wants to argue that it can wait until later – it’s what he’d been planning on doing anyway. But he’s also conscious of the fact that the foundations of their rekindled friendship are still very fragile and Jiseok might not want him to escort him to the station, so he holds his tongue.
“Text me when you’re home?”
In lieu of a response Jiseok simply throws a goofy salute Jungsu’s way, before flinging the door open and sprinting into the night.
Almost two hours later, Jungsu is just barely managing to keep his eyes open, mindlessly scrolling through social media apps to keep himself awake. Even with drawing out his cleanup at the teahouse as much as possible, there was only so much counter wiping and stock sorting he could do, having to eventually call it a night and head home before he’d heard back from Jiseok. Jungsu was going to be totally exhausted by the time he woke up, but it’s fine. He’d already turned off his alarm and committed to opening the teahouse later than usual, it’s not like he’d be missing out on much business as it was.
Jungsu is dozing off when his phone buzzes in his hand, startling him awake. He didn’t even realize he’d closed his eyes in the first place, but he’s thankful that his sleep was shallow enough to be pulled out of it so easily.
[ Unknown ]
I made it !!
I’m sure ur asleep now but
I did promise
it was nice seeing u hyung :)
we should definitely catch up again soon !!!
goodnight jungsu, sleep well
Jungsu felt himself smile at the messages, endeared by the fact that Jiseok had so easily settled into referring to him as his hyung again after all these years. Tapping on the top of the screen, Jungsu quickly saved Jiseok’s contact information, returning to the chat log to send his response.
[ Jungsu ]
Happy to hear it
Rest well Jiseokie