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Somewhere nearby, a siren wailed. JD jerked in surprise, dropping the cigarette he’d been precariously balancing between two chopsticks, but caught it midair on instinct. He swore under his breath. Not only would his fingers now reek of smoke, but the fresh, round burn on his palm would give him away completely.
Frustrated, he tossed the half-smoked cigarette into the trash bin beside the bench, scooped up a handful of grimy snow, and scrubbed his fingers until they went numb. It was pointless: the tobacco scent still clung to his skin, if a little less sharply now. He shook off the melting snow and raked his damp palm through his hair, making it even messier than before. His thoughts circled back, helplessly, to the few options he had.
There weren’t many: either follow through or chicken out and hole up at home. Maybe skip class again and spend the whole day sprawled on his mattress, staring at the ceiling he’d come to loathe. And if he kept this up, Veronica would eventually get tired of waiting for him to stop being such an ass. She’d leave him for good. She’d find someone who actually deserved her, someone kind, who wouldn’t get jealous of her friends, her family, or even her college. Someone who’d have cheered with her when she showed him her acceptance letter instead of acting like a complete jerk.
JD groaned and buried his face in his hands. Squeezing his eyes shut until it ached, he pictured her cool fingers threading through his hair as she laughed and called him an idiot — then told him to get his act together, stand up, and fix the mess he’d made instead of wallowing in self-pity.
“You’re right, Ronnie,” he muttered. “I’m a complete idiot.”
He stood and shoved open the shop door.
A cheerful jingle rang from the bell above it. Inside, the air smelled fresh and faintly sweet. JD glanced around, bewildered — every surface brimmed with flowers whose names he didn’t know, most of which he’d never seen before. White, red, pink, yellow… even blue. He crouched to inspect the blue ones more closely: they looked like enormous daisies in an impossibly vivid hue.
“Looking for something special?” a friendly voice called from the back of the shop.
JD straightened too quickly, and as usual, his vision darkened. He stood frozen, waiting for the dizziness to pass.
“Yeah,” he finally mumbled when the silence had stretched too long, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “I need flowers for my girlfriend.”
“For Christmas? It’s still a bit early. Wait another four days or so,” the shop owner said warmly, stepping closer and wiping her hands on her apron. “Although gerberas hold up well, so if you’re set on it…”
“No, I already have her Christmas gift…” JD shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and looked at her hopefully. “I need flowers to apologize.”
“No problem, honey!” She winked and moved toward a bucket of long-stemmed white roses. “Alright, first tell me, how badly did you mess up? Are we talking ‘sorry I ruined your day,’ or more like ‘I completely screwed everything up’?”
“Definitely the second one,” he said with a nervous chuckle, scratching behind his ear. “I really hurt her. And… I know flowers won’t fix it.”
“But you’ve got to start somewhere, right?” She gave him another knowing wink and gently lifted a white rose from the bucket. “How about these? White flowers are perfect for saying you’re sorry.”
“I don’t think she’d like roses…”
“What does she like, then?” The woman drifted toward a neighboring display: plump, fluffy blooms in soft pink. “How about peonies? Or maybe a bunch of daisies? Simple, but sweet.”
“To be honest… I don’t know. I’ve never given her flowers,” JD mumbled, shrinking under her mildly disapproving gaze. Well, there had been those carnations, but that was back in his fourth life. And after that, he couldn’t even look at them without feeling sick. “I probably should’ve…”
He should’ve. In normal relationships, people gave flowers — not guns. They baked brownies together, not Molotov cocktails. In normal relationships, people made plans that stretched beyond *right now*, instead of getting stuck in the middle of goddamn nowhere, unsure if there’d even be a tomorrow.
He’d never expected to live this far into December.
JD shrugged and looked away, his mood darkening. With every passing second, the shop grew more suffocating: the once-fresh sweetness in the air now cloying and heavy, and his guilt swelling like a bruise. Maybe he should just take the peonies she’d offered and leave. Or those damn red carnations: she’d liked those, hadn’t she?
Suddenly, he craved a cigarette so badly it ached. He scanned the room irritably, then froze...
“That one,” he said firmly, jabbing a finger toward a shelf behind the counter.
The woman raised an eyebrow and gave him a puzzled look. “You sure, kid? Maybe something else would…”
“I’m sure,” JD cut her off, sharper than he meant to. All he wanted now was to get out of there. He yanked his wallet from his pocket and counted out the exact amount from the price tag.
“Well… good luck to you,” she said, chuckling as she wrapped his purchase in brown paper and handed it over carefully. “Don’t break it on the way, Romeo! And don’t let it freeze: December’s been mild, but still December.”
“Thanks,” he said with a crooked smile, pressing the package to his chest as he stepped back. “It’s not far. It won’t have time to freeze.”
He gave a quick nod and bolted out the door. It slammed shut behind him, cutting off the cheerful jingle of the bell.
A few blocks away, his confidence began to waver.
Breathing hard from the short sprint, JD slowed his pace and glanced down at the bundle clutched tightly against his chest. Honestly, the whole idea had been ridiculous from the start… Not to mention her parents were probably hosting some big holiday dinner tonight, which meant he’d only find a dark, closed window waiting for him.
He’d have to go home with nothing. He couldn’t bring himself to knock on their door and ruin their evening. He’d already ruined enough.
But the cold wind kept nudging him forward, insistent against his back. So he kept walking, until he reached the familiar low fence.
He pushed the gate open and, after a furtive glance around, slipped inside. As expected, the dining room windows glowed with warm light. One was cracked open, and through the narrow gap came the clink of cutlery and someone’s laughter.
JD hugged the stupid package tighter and veered wide around the house. Behind him, his boots left a dark trail across the snow-dusted cricket field.
Finally, JD made it. He looked up and offered a hesitant smile. Veronica’s window stood wide open, spilling a soft, golden light that caught the slow fall of snowflakes. Quiet music drifted from the radio inside, and if he listened closely, he could hear the gentle rustle of turning pages.
No matter what happened, she was always waiting for him here.
With a grunt, JD leapt and grabbed a low-hanging branch, hauling himself upward. A rough, breathless sigh escaped him. This climb was going to be harder than usual.
Inside, Veronica flipped back to the same page for the third time. She couldn’t focus—her thoughts kept circling back to JD and their stupid, stupid fight. She shivered and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders.
This acceptance meant everything to her. And he knew that.
He’d been the one to help her study, bringing coffee up to her room while she agonized over essays. He’d driven her to the post office and held her trembling hand as she mailed her applications. He’d listened — night after night — to her spiraling fears that no one would take her, then coaxed her into bed with quiet reassurances and silly distractions, just to quiet her mind.
So when that letter finally came his reaction had knocked the breath right out of her.
It felt like the ground had vanished beneath her feet.
Veronica tossed the useless textbook aside and slumped back in her chair, squeezing her eyes shut. She remembered the rush of joy that had flooded her chest, the way she’d shrieked and jumped on JD, waving that damn acceptance letter in his face. And how his expression had twisted instantly, eyes flashing something dark and frightening.
Then it all fell apart. Again.
They’d hurled accusations like weapons, each trying to cut deeper than the last, until, in a burst of fury, she told him to get out.
And he’d actually listened. Vanished, like smoke. No calls, no texts. Just endless, hollow ringing on the other end of the line.
With a low groan, she dropped her head into her hands. His disappearance kept dragging her back to that suffocating fear. More than anything, she just wanted him here. The rest… they’d figure it out. They always did.
Outside, a familiar branch creaked in the wind. Veronica snapped upright.
First came a strange, crumpled package poking through the window. Then hands. And finally JD himself. Alive and mostly unharmed.
He hauled himself over the sill with a grunt and leaned against the frame, catching his breath. When he finally looked up — guilt weighing heavy in his eyes — Veronica’s heart shot into her throat, and her palms went slick with sweat.
“You moving out?” she blurted.
“Ronnie, I’m so sorry…”
They spoke at once, cutting each other off. Veronica let out a startled, tearful hiccup and clapped a hand over her mouth. JD lunged forward, hands raised in a placating gesture.
“No, no... definitely not yet! The doctors said I can’t move for at least two or three more months,” he rasped, finally getting the words out between breaths. Veronica exhaled in relief, sinking back into her chair. “I’m here to apologize. I was an idiot. Please… forgive me.”
With a raspy, ragged sigh, JD pressed his knuckles to his chest and fell silent, shoulders slumped under some invisible weight.
Without a word, Veronica jumped up, grabbed a glass of water from the desk, and thrust it at him. He drank half of it in one desperate gulp.
“Thanks,” he murmured, the ghost of a smile touching his lips, but gone almost instantly. He looked away again, folding in on himself. “Ronnie, I didn’t mean any of that. I panicked. I acted like an ass… but I am happy for you. You deserve this. I’m just… terrified of losing you.”
“I know.”
“I mean, I get it if you... Wait, what?” JD blinked, stunned.
“I know, you idiot,” she said softly, cupping his face in her palms and holding his gaze. “I know you’re actually happy for me. I know you regret every ugly word you said. And I definitely know you’re a dumbass who thinks college is going to tear us apart.” She leaned in, eyes glinting. “I only have one question…”
“What?” His voice trembled slightly as he pulled her close. Veronica buried her nose in his chest with a quiet laugh. His new jacket still smelled like old books, cigarette smoke, and the first snow of winter — the scent that always meant home.
“Actually,” she pulled back just enough to dig her cold fingers into his hair and give a playful tug, “I have two... Where the hell have you been, babe? I nearly pulled the phone cord out trying to reach you!”
“Just… walking. Didn’t feel like going home,” he mumbled against her hair. “It’s shit there without you, you know that. And dad’s back in the bottle again, so I didn’t want to run into him.” He nuzzled her temple reluctantly, then added, “So what’s the second one?”
Her fists clenched instinctively at the mention of his father, but she forced them open, breathing through her teeth. He hated talking about this stuff; she was trying to be better about not pushing.
“What is that weird lump on the windowsill?” she said instead, changing the subject fast.
“Oh, shit! I totally forgot!” JD released her just long enough to snatch the package and thrust it into her hands with an awkward grin. “It’s… uh. For you.”
“A Christmas present?” She laughed in surprise, hugging it to her chest. “You’re a little early, there’s still almost a week to go. Should I open it now, or wait?”
“It’s not for Christmas,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, cheeks flushing. “I just… wanted to apologize properly. So I went into this flower shop and... look, this is gonna sound completely stupid. Can we just get it over with?”
Ronnie raised an eyebrow, tore off the brown paper and burst out laughing.
“JD, this is a fucking cactus!”
“Well, yeah!” he huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets defensively. “But it meant something. At least, I thought it did when I bought it…”
“What could it possibly mean?” She was trying so hard not to laugh, but her lips kept twitching upward.
“It was supposed to scream at you: ‘I’m a prickly idiot...” He paused, then let out a quiet breath and smiled — open and a little shy. “...but I promise to love you forever.’”
Veronica froze, staring at him with wide eyes. At that moment, he looked exactly like the boy she’d first met. Her breath hitched. A warm, fizzy feeling coiled between her ribs and her throat, spilling out as soft laughter.
Without breaking eye contact, she set the pot on the dresser and launched herself at him. He caught her mid-leap, lifting her off the ground and holding her tight.
“You know,” she murmured, tilting her head up with a glowing smile, “your cactus definitely nailed the first part.” She paused, eyes sparkling. “But you’re gonna have to prove the second one yourself.”
“I’m ready,” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. “For as long as it takes. I know I’ve been… terrible at life since everything happened. But I want to make you happy.”
“I already am, you dork,” she chuckled, leaning back just enough to meet his eyes.
Outside, night had fully fallen, and the snowstorm was picking up. The room was dim, but the desk lamp behind her cast a warm glow across JD’s face lighting up his eyes like twin stars in the shadows.
“So… am I forgiven?” he murmured, slipping his cold hands under the blanket draped over her shoulders.
“Was I ever not?” Her voice wavered just slightly. She tugged the edge of the blanket over his shoulders too. “Are you staying for dinner? My parents set the table for four.”
“Wait, they knew I’d come?”
“I hoped you would,” she said softly, smiling with quiet hope. “So… stay?”
“Of course, darling. I’m staying.”
He didn’t say anything else, but the words hung in the air like a vow.
They stood there in the quiet room. Soft music drifted from the radio. The clock ticked steadily, its second hand finally unhurried, as if time itself had decided to pause for them.
Veronica studied his face for a long moment, then sighed.
“I’ve got one more question…”
“Yeah?” JD tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and left his fingers resting against her cheek.
“Why the hell do you smell like cigarettes?”