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In a studio apartment in Houston Texas, a college freshman and a few cardboard boxes were currently swapping glares. Xeno was glaring at the box for holding his lack of productivity over him.
And the boxes were just propped up against the wall. Though one had a Christmas tree sticker glaring right back at Xeno.
Even after finals week wrapped up, and he had been on break for a week, Xeno’s nervous system hadn’t caught on to the message. Some days he’d wake up at 6, or from a nightmare about missing an assignment. The break felt even more daunting by the fact it was a month long instead of the usual 2 week one he was used to.
His mind felt tired but his body knew it should be doing something which often resulted in him sluggishly going through the same monotonous day. He told himself he’d start applying to summer internships over the break but now he found himself on the couch, zoned out on something. If someone asked where he was focusing on, he wouldn’t be able to answer. Occasionally upstairs would make a sound that signified the passing (or even exists) of time but other than that, nothing.
Xeno wasn't as dramatic as his counterpart, but if someone told him hours had passed, he’d have to think about it, but wouldn’t be surprised.
The whole final exam session he had motivated himself by thinking of all the free time he’d have by the end. Now that free time was here and he was tensely lazing on the couch. If he was any less stubborn, he could’ve fallen asleep by now.
Wait no, he had a reason for keeping his eyes open for so long. Even if he didn’t fall asleep, Xeno did normally rest his eyes.
Was something supposed to happen today?
The answer caught up to his mind for a split second before quickly outpacing him. From the glimpse he got though, he felt it was something important.
Pushing himself up by his elbows Xeno looked at his front door of the studio apartment. If there was any sort of comedic timing in this world the door would swing open and whatever xeno was forgetting would come waltzing in.
…
I guess not.
Xeno let his arms slip and let his head meet the cushions under him.
Knock knock
“Hey Xe, I’m here,” The fleeting thought called through the door.
Stan was supposed to start his 10 days leave a week after finals wrapped up. Xeno had the date below his exams on his calendar and he looked at his calendar at least 100 times. He knew it was a week after. So why was Stan here now?
It’s only been……
… Oh right.
“Xeno?” Stan called again.
“Hmh, here, just- give me a second,” Xeno shifted his legs to the ground and pushed himself up.
It was one thing to be tired and able to sleep, and it was another to be exhausted mentally and sleeping to pass time. Xeno was currently experiencing the latter. Sure he had been counting the days since he last saw Stan but it hadn’t fully clicked that number also counted the passage of time.
Xeno turned the bolt and opened the door to Stan. “Are you here early?” Not even a “hello”. Perhaps not the most romantic thing to ask his other half after so long, but romantic declarations were never their thing.
“Ehhh got up to a 100 on I-45 if that's what you mean,” Stan shrugged as he stepped in. Notably stepping in a leather jacket and motorcycle helmet sure, but other than that nothing else that would protect him in case of a crash. Though he could harp on that later. “Uh Xe? You alright?” He had been staring.
“Yes I’m fine. Just had a long day” Xeno stepped back to the couch.
“Oh? Did you go out somewhere?” Stan asked, half way in the fridge.
“Something like that,” Xeno relaxed into the loveseat and let his head roll to the left.
“We can just stay in then,” Stan stood up straight with a mini soda can in hand. “And since when did you start liking Dr. Pepper?”
Their eyes meet in a lazy stare. It was probably the most eye concant Xeno had made all week. “I don’t. I bought them for you a few weeks back,” Xeno replied.
With a smirk, Stan asked. “When I told you I was coming home?” That sentence being a question was only a formality.
“Obviously,” There would be time for their normal back and forth over the next 10 days but for now Xeno was sure he was turning to sap where he sat.
Stan popped the tab of his drink and looked at the idle Xeno.“That bad?” Xeno gave half a groan in response. “Gotcha, here I’ll make us something for dinner. Whatcha got?”
“There’s ramen cups in the cupboard,"
“And when was the last time you made something other than ramen?” Stan smugly took a sip from the can.
Xeno thinks he recalls skimming a blog post about how if two people spend enough time around each other, they tend to pick up part of the other’s personality. He was glad to see he recalled it correctly. “I think there’s some eggs on the fridge door,”
“Omlettes it is,”
After a quick recap of the previous week, dinner, and Stan getting the dishes washed, Xeno was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He even felt his head dip a bit before quickly jolting back up. Of course once Stan came back his nervous system told him it was time to rest.
However, and to Xeno’s dismay, Stan seemed as alert as ever.
“So,” Xeno broke the silence. “I know it’s quite the ride down here. I’m assuming you’re tired?”
“Nah, ‘s only a few hours drive. Plus I picked up some coffee in Katy,” Stan shrugged, putting the last dish on the drying rack.
Of course, he had. “Not even to rest your eyes?”
Stan quickly flashed Xeno a smirk. “Nah, could probably stay up another… 6 hours or so,” Funny, considering it was already 8pm. “Plus, did you want to put up the christmas tree your folks gave us?” Even the thought of going through all that tape and carboard…
“Well I could rest my eyes,” Xeno stood from the dining table. “If you care to join me,”
“Okay okay,” Stan flicked off the kitchen light and followed Xeno.
The bed was diagonal from the couch and the window next to it. The curtains and blinds were drawn, that wasn’t enough to stop the harsh street lights from peaking in the otherwise dark room. In response Xeno had developed a habit of sleeping away from the window with a pillow in front of him. (To block out more of the light of course.)
Xeno molded himself to Stan’s side and rested his head on the other’s chest. With his free hand, Stan took Xeno’s hand and rested the hands on top of his heart. For a moment, they lived outside time and space. A second could be a minute, or perhaps they were floating instead of in bed. The point was, the two halves were connected again and everything felt still.
This was more like what Xeno had pictured this stage of their lives would be like. This day, the next, then the next, and more than just a week later.
“Are you actually resting your eyes or are you going to go to sleep like this?” Stan started to play with the ends of Xeno’s unstyled hair.
“‘Don’t know. I haven’t really done anything all day but, on the other hand, I’m pretty comfortable here,” Xeno replied, letting his jaw relax.
“Sleeping before 12? Who are you and what have you done with Xeno?”
Xeno huffed out a laugh. “Am I not allowed to miss my partner? Especially after waiting 106 days for him to come home?”
“Damn, ‘s been that long?”
That woke him up. “What do you mean?”
“Just didn’t keep count, that's all,” Stan answered all too casually.
“Oh really?” Xeno uncurled the arm under him and pushed himself up. “This coming from the same person who counted the days at that behavioral camp?”
It was dark and Xeno couldn’t make out Stan’s expression but he did hear Stan shift a bit. “That was different Xe,” Stan insisted.
“How so?” Xeno sharply asked. Again, the question was only a formality.
Stan sighed. “Cause I knew I’d come home at some point,”
This wasn’t the first time they had this conversation. Not even the second or third. “You’ll come home regardless,”
“Xeno,” Stan softly said. His voice was full of regret like Xeno had just lost someone. “It’s more than what I want. I will always want to come home, but sometimes things happen and I just want-,”
“I’ve told you we’re not discussing this,” Xeno cut in.
“It’s important Xeno,”
“It’s an excuse,”
By now both were sitting up on the bed, looking at the silhouette of each other. Their expressions were obscured but not unknown to the other. Stan with a defeated frown and Xeno with an annoyed grimace.
Time stretched as neither wanted to rehash the argument, but felt the weight of the topic pulling them down.
“I don’t want to talk about this now,” Xeno finally said.
“Fine. Let’s just go to sleep,” Stan said with all his previous energy drained out of him.
The blonde pulled the covers over himself and waited for Xeno to do the same. Only, Xeno wasn’t moving. “I think I’ll sleep on the couch tonight,”
“Xeno come on,” But Xeno didn’t say anything.
Xeno wouldn’t pretend this was the most mature response. He was definitely being childish but he just didn’t want to see Stan at the moment. And it wasn’t because he was mad at Stan. He was mad that they had to have this conversation. He didn’t want to look at the person he loved and picture a world without him in it.
“Fine, at least let me sleep on the couch. It’s your bed after all,” Stan started to move.
“No, you should rest. We both know you need it more,” Xeno slipped off the bed and headed towards the couch.
Crsshh
Xeno’s foot hit the pile of boxes on the way over and heard a few clatter to the ground. It sounded like there was some glass in there too.
Oh how perfect.
Judging by how much his toes hurt, he probably kicked the Christmas tree box. Again, Xeno glared at the knocked down pile of boxes.
Xeno threw himself onto cushions. “Course,” Xeno muttered to himself.
“You okay?” Stan asked.
“I’m fine,” Xeno tried to find a relaxing position as his feet hung off the armrest. “Just the boxes,”
He found a throw pillow for his head but realized he forgot to take a blanket with him. A second later his goosebumped skin realized it too. Cold, tired, uncomfortable, and with a stubbed toe.
This might as well happen. I try to relax and-
“Night Xeno,” Stan’s voice interrupted Xeno’s internal tirade. “Love you,”
Xeno took a second to breathe. “Love you too dear,”
The fan buzzed in a low mechanical hum as it spun cold air into the space. The hum was louder than usual and the cool air was enough to simmer off Xeno’s temper.
Day 1 done. Only 9 more left.
Stan checked his phone to see if any substantial time had passed. He had tried to make it a game. How long could he wait before checking his phone to see if any time passed? Though each time he checked around every 5 minutes. For the past hour
10:35 and…..
Stan looked next to him to see Xeno still dead asleep.
…Still out.
Stan had been sitting on the floor with his head leaning back on the armrest for the past hour waiting for Xeno to wake up. One he missed Xeno (despite him being physically next to him, and two, he wanted to finally talk this out.
It was rare for them to get into arguments. Let alone ones that lasted this long. Normally there was a clear compromise or some part of each other’s argument they could agree on, but on this issue, they had reached many stalemates.
“Hmhh,” Stan heard something that, for once, wasn’t coming from him. “Stan?”
Stan turned his head and saw Xeno slowly starting to stir awake. “Hey Xe,” Stan smiled.
The two shared a quick kiss.
Xeno softly groaned. “What time is it?”
“10:36,” Stan replied, not even pretending to look at his phone.
“Hgnnn slept in huh?” Xeno asked, trying to get his eyelids to cooperate with him. “Sorry. Could’ve sworn I set an alarm,” Xeno twisted his legs to the floor.
“It’s fine. Seemed like you needed it,” Stan teased.
Xeno sat up and stretched his arms above his head. “Yes, well I would like to some something productive today,”
“We could put up the tree,” Stan pointed to the toppled over pile next to him.
“Right the tree,” Xeno said with enough venom to rival that of a rattlesnake. “Let’s do that,” For a man who was asleep only a few moments before, Xeno was pretty quick getting up.
“Wha- Right now?” The blonde stumbled.
“Before it gets a head of us,” Xeno sat on the other side of Stan looking at the space between the wall and the loveseat. There was just enough space there for the medium Christmas tree. “Besides, it shouldn’t take that long,”
Maybe a bit of a set back on the whole “Talking about last night” thing but Xeno was right. How long could this take?
“I do need scissors though,”
“On it,”
After a lot of tape, being covered in fake pine, and a few zip ties, the Christmas tree stood tall on its flimsy plastic base. It couldn’t be any taller than Stan’s torso but sitting in front of it made it feel much more grand. Like how Christmas trees looked when they were kids.
“If I’m right, mom sent us some ornaments to put on as well,” Xeno pulled the remaining two boxes. “Wouldn’t imagine anything fancy but-,” Xeno opened the top of the box and paused.
In the plastic holder was supposed to hold 4 by 4 rows of glass circle ornaments. Instead a little less than half had been cracked. Some fully broken apart and others only shattered on the bottom like some kind of sick surprise.
“Of course,” Xeno muttered, picking out the few that weren’t cracked. His scowl deep enough Stan was worried it could get stuck like that.
“Come on Xe, it’s fine. I think your mom may have given us too many anyways,” Stan looked back at the box that hadn't hit the ground last night.
Xeno sighed. “It’s not just that. It’s- It’s…,” Xeno’s expression soured. “Never mind. Let’s just put the ornaments we have,”
Stan knew Xeno was stubborn. With others and with himself, and could make it hard for anyone to feel close to him. Sometimes even Stan felt like he was sitting with a wall between them.
“Xeno, I think we should talk about last night,” Stan blurted.
Xeno stalled for a second before taking an ornament out of a box between them. “I told you I have nothing to say on the matter,”
Maybe if it was any other topic Stan could accept that answer. “I know but I do and you’re not listening to me,” But not this one.
Xeno hooked the ornament on the tree. “I did listen, and all I heard was an excuse,”
“How is asking you to marry me an excuse!?”
“Because you’re too indifferent about your own life,” Xeno snapped his head to Stan. “You speed down the highway without much protection in case of a crash, your nicotine addiction, and besides all that, I know you. So why would I give you a reason to think dying was okay?”
For all the positives of having a partner you’ve known since you were 6 brought, it also meant they knew you instead and out. Xeno might as well have put a mirror up to him. “I see what you mean, but Xeno, it’s not just about what would happen to me after I die,” Stan tried to meet Xeno’s eye line. “Xeno, I will always try to come home to you. I’ll outwork everyone there so I can come home. But sometimes things do happen. God forbid I go into a coma or need someone to speak on my behalf… I don’t want that to be my parents. I want it to be you. The man I love,”
“I see your point,” Xeno finally met Stan’s eye line. “I don’t like it but I see it. But I need you to swear you’ll do everything in your power to come home,”
“Always,” Stan promised.
Xeno let his shoulders drop. “Fine, we’ll finish this and then go to the courthouse,”
Xeno never failed to make his head spin. “Oh- well I didn’t mean we had to do it now,”
“If we’re going to get married for convenience's sake, I would like to spend Christmas with my husband,” Xeno picked up another ornament. “If that’s alright with you?”
I swear Xeno.
“Yeah that’s fine by me,” Stan picked an ornament.
“Good, though I would like a proper proposal when you can,”
“Really? I thought you didn’t care for a proposal or even, honestly, marriage,”
“No, I was always sure I wanted to marry you,” Xeno put up the last in tack ornament up. “However, I’d like to keep my last name,”
Stan reached for the other box of ornaments. “Same, ‘think the alteration sounds cool,”
“Well there’s that solved,”