Work Text:
“AAAAAAAAAAH-”
Tis was merely an absolutely normal, usual, warm, fun, did I say normal already, and amazing Christmas day. Tsukasa Tenma and Rui Kamishiro were setting up their Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, a completely, totally, entirely normal thing to do for two raging homosexuals that have no sense of time whatsoever.
“RUI HURRY UP WE HAVE DINNER WITH THE LESBIANS IN TWENTY MINUTES AND WE BARELY FINISHED PUTTING UP THE LIGHTS-“
Very calm, collected, jolly, whatever, whatever, no?
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- LEN WHERE’S THE STAR AND WHY’S THERE A BANANA ON THE TOP OF THE TREEEEEEE–”
“I ATE IT.”
“YOU WHAT?!”
Must have been the wind.
The very jolly, calm, collected wind.
You could hear Kaito trying to sing “All I Want For Christmas Is You” in the background as Tsukasa bustled around the living room, trying to replace all of the Thanksgiving decor with Christmas, such as the stuffed turkey on the sofa with a metal snowman, which was in the right place, he promised.
See? Very time-efficient.
Rui was in the kitchen (why), making a bowl of something that smelled like burnt water and tin, humming something under his breath as he happily stirred the thing in the pot.
Rin chased Len around the dangerously tilting and unadorned tree, trying to get him to cough up the star (not Tsukasa) to put back on the tree. He screamed violently, pew-pewing a banana at his female counterpart.
Tsukasa died got imaginarily shot with the said banana-missile.
Meiko, Luka, and Miku were in the corner hoarding up seventy percent of the couch, discussing physics and the ups and downs of Rui and Tsukasa’s relationship. Girl Talk, as they said.
Rui finished putting the concoction in the oven, brushing the debris off his hands and onto his apron. His cyan-streaked purple hair was tied in a sorry excuse of a ponytail, complementary to his complaints of cutting his ‘amazing’ locks.
Len collapsed on the couch, sitting directly on the metal snowman.
“WOAUHGH–” the poor banan screeched, hopping back up– “TSUKASAAAAAA-”
Silver bells, silver bells~!
Rin snickered, pointing at the poor yellow-haired vocaloid, now crouching on the floor in pain. “Looks like you won’t be able to have kids now Len hehehehhehe-“
Tsukasa sighed, falling backward in a very dramatic faint. Oh, how his life was so hard, sad, depressing, words to make someone feel sad, etcetera. Rui appeared behind him, supporting the star’s falling body in his arms, somehow not dropping his husband.
It’s Christmas time in the city~!
“Tsukasa-kun, don’t go dying yet. I’m too scared to face Nene-chan by myself.”
“Rui, I really don’t know what you mean. I have been shot with a banana-gun, how could I possibly survive?” Tsukasa sighed, assuming the ‘maiden on her last legs’ pose.
Meiko looked up at the mention of a banana-gun. “I told Len not to bring his weapons. Did that brat disobey me again-“ Luka was quick to calm the other down once she saw steam rising from Meiko’s head.
Ringaling, hear them ring~
Len stood up, bowing deep enough to touch his nose to his ankles.
“I am so sorry, so so so so sorry Meiko-san, it will not happen again, I was wrong for bringing over what you specifically told me not to, this incident was my fault and my fault only, I accept any punishment you give me, and this humble disciple apologizes once more and promises it won’t happen again.”
“MEIKO-SAN HE BROUGHT HIS IPAD WITH HIM TOO-“
“RIN WHY WOULD YOU SNITCH ON ME?”
“KAGAMINE LEN YOU WHAT-“
Luka completely gave up restraining the unstoppable force of an angry girl-powered girlboss, sighing as she watched Meiko storm over, taking the bananan by the ear and dangling him.
Miku leaned over, whispering to Luka, who waved whatever the suggestion was off.
Soon it will be Christmas day~!
Tsukasa checked his watch, face lighting up as he did. “Rui, there's still enough time to decorate the tree!”
Rui nodded, lugging out the terrifyingly large plastic box filled to the brim with red, white, green, rainbow, holographic, etc, ornaments. Tsukasa cracked his knuckles, Rin and Len sat in the time-out corner, Luka and Meiko stared wordlessly at the abdominal ornament box, Miku and Kaito were drunk without alcohol, and Rui stared at his adorable husband.
Ah, what a happy holiday it was.
The couple cracked open the box, using teamwork, sheer stupidity, and sugar-induced speed to place the ornaments on the tree. After only a minute, one-fourth of the box was gone, a feat that no other could reproduce.
After only five-ish minutes, all of the ornaments were on the tree. Tsukasa nodded in acknowledgement of his good work, and Rui autistic-eyed at Tsukasa’s beaming face.
Rin, unnoticed to everyone, snuck behind the tree, trying to sneak off an orange-shaped ornament from the branch highest. She side-eyed Len, sticking her tongue out, as if to say, “haha lol I got my orange on the tree but not your banana haha”
Sadly, this orange was too high for her to reach, so she had to jump to get it. In doing so, she accidently pushed the tree over.
STRING OF STREETLIGHTSS-
The ladened tree tilted over, and guess who was directly under it?
- Len
- Kaito
- Miku
- Tsukasa
If you answered D, you *clap* are *clap* correct!
String of streetlights,
“Fuck- Shibal- Wo Cao- Kuso-“
Tsukasa stood under the tree, watching it fall in slow motion. His eyes widened, reflecting the perennial’s dropping silhouette. It landed on top of him, and he fell in slow motion under its ornament-covered weight.
Even stoplights,
Everyone rushed to help, except for Len, who was tied to the corner by Meiko, and Rin, who was also paralyzed watching it fall. Rui struggled trying to lift the tree, obviously, eat your vegetables kids! Meiko managed to lift the tree enough for Rui to reach Tsukasa to pull his beloved out.
Rui dragged Tsukasa into his arms, away from the offending tree.
“Tsukasa-kun, are you alive? Speak to me– what numbers will win the lottery? They do say people who are close to death have extraordinary luck–” he said, before receiving a slap from the Man Who Almost Died Under a Christmas Tree™
Blink a bright red and green~
“Wahh… sorry love~” the purplet pouted, placing a kiss on the blond’s cheek.
Said blond blushed, halfheartingly flicking Rui’s forehead. “Well, now our tree is out of commission. And the lesbians arrive in less than two minutes.
As the shoppers rush home with their treasures.
“Oh Rin, guess who’s dead now HAHA–“ Len giggled, from his corner– “Auntie Meiko, Rin almost killed Tsukasa! That warrants a worse punishment for her, right?”
“NOOOOO MIKU SAVE ME AAAAAAAAAAAAH-“ Meiko once again approached with the menacing aura of a tired aunt, this time directed to the orange-loving kid.
Hear the snow crunch,
Grabbing the orange-child by the scruff, Meiko dragged her off to where Len was tied up. She made them face each other, and stepped back to admire her handiwork.
“Have a friendly conversation until I say stop. If you do not comply, I will eradicate your Sims 4 saved slots.”
See the kids bunch,
Rin screamed, hurriedly shooting off an icebreaker to start their friendly banter.
“What’s your name?”
“I’M YOUR TWIN?”
“Fine. What do you have saved in your Sims 4?”
“You have an adopted child with Miku.”
“...”
“What? I thought you would like it-”
Len’s words were cut off as Rin’s arms shot toward his throat. Meiko, gratefully, grabbed her wrist before any murder could happen.
“That’s it. Say goodbye to your Sims 4 Ruikasa child.”
“NOOOOOOOO–”
Aforementioned Rui and Tsukasa stared, before going back to making out next to the underpaid tree.
This is Santa’s big scene!
___________
And above all the bustle you’ll hear!
Nene and Emu stood outside of the door, knocking several times.
Nene sighed, calling out to the people inside. “Tsukasa? Rui? Kagamine disasters?”
She tried a couple more times, before Emu kicked down the door, boisterously laughing. Her girlfriend (somehow) didn’t catch the attention of the residents inside, so said girlfriend had to scream above the gays, more gays, and one (1) screaming Kagamine child.
“WON- WON- WONDAHOY!!! ME AND NENE-CHAN ARE HERE, BUT YOU GUYS WERE TOO BWOOP-BWOOP TO HEAR US!!”
The chaos didn’t stop, so Nene stood beside Emu at the entrance.
Her poor eyes saw two gays interlocked, lips pressed togther, Kagamine Rin on the floor, wailing, Kaito and Miku drinking something, Meiko sighing continuesly, Luka taking pictures of the distaster and certainly not helping, Kagamine Len tied up and scared for his life, and a partrige in a fallen christmas tree.
Nene, being the most sensible one there, turned around and left, dragging won-won-wondahoy Emu with her.
Silver bells, silver bells!
So much for a happy, jolly, relaxed, fun Christmas.