Work Text:
I'll Be Saved By December
Inspired by 'Once Upon A December' from Anastasia
It was a complete downpour in New York two days later.
Lunch time in the Tower was usually a mish-mash of who was home. Pepper, Natasha and Jane all sat at the table munching on sandwiches while simultaneously doing something else. Jane was scribbling notes in her notebook, Natasha was scrolling through the news feeds on her phone, and Pepper was checking in on the stock market for Stark Industries.
All three women looked up when the sounds of squishy foot steps came from the elevator. Jane and Pepper were on their feet immediately as Darcy stumbled in, drenched from head to foot, her knuckles were scraped and a split in her bottom lip. Dropping her messenger bag Darcy groaned, “Damn was hoping for the boys. No offense, you know I love you all, you're just going to do the crazy frantic fretting thing right now.”
Jane ignored the words and focused on Darcy's blood shot eyes and slightly trembling lips. Rushing forward she grabbed the younger woman and dragged her to a chair. Pepper had left and come back with towels that were warm and super fluffy. Natasha waited until Darcy had a towel wrapped around her abundance of hair to ask, “What happened?”
Darcy wouldn't meet her eyes, she kept them focused on the table top. She really wished it wasn't these particular friends that were home to see her like this.
Jane settled a comforting hand on Darcy's shoulder, “Did you do that stupid thing again?” Darcy slumped a little farther down in her seat. Taking that as an admission Jane sighed, “I thought we'd worked you out of that habit. Go get changed, I'll explain it.”
Darcy couldn't have run fast enough.
Jane smiled apologetically at Pepper and Natasha, “Back when Darcy first started working for me she'd come to work looking like shit sometimes. I got worried and badgered her into telling me. She uses it as a coping mechanism when she gets overwhelmed by something.”
“What exactly is she doing?” Pepper's voice was quiet, her and Natasha were leaning in close. This discussion felt like it needed to be contained between them.
“You know how Darcy can basically make friends with anyone? She literally can make friends with anyone, including people that work in less than socially accepted circles. She's particularly reaches out to women in the, um, entertainment industries.” Jane blushed.
Natasha caught on, “She makes friends with strippers, and women that work the streets?”
Jane nodded and continued, “Sometimes when she's with them they hire her on as a means of security. She'll escort them to and from work. A lot of the time nothing happens, and even when it does her taser handles the situation pretty quick. Then there are times when the taser doesn't cut it.”
Pepper took a sip of her tea thinking all this over. To her it sounded an awful lot like what Tony had done. His PTSD had driven him to creating an armada of suits and nearly get himself killed. Natasha gave a small nod, “She's using the adrenaline from the security work as a means of keeping herself distracted from whatever is bothering her. She's not properly trained in self defense though is she?”
Jane shook her head, “After what happened when Thor first showed up we both signed up for some basic self defense classes. It never panned out.”
“How did you manage to get her to stop before?” Pepper and Tony both had to go through some extremes before he was able to admit he needed help.
“Oh you know, I got stupid with it and got stabbed, no biggie. Just makes you realize life isn't worth doing dumb shit. But I didn't really stop Jane. I just chose better gigs and started bringing another friend with me. Big, muscular guy named Robert. Idiots would take one look at him and run away without bothering to lift a hand. Which was fine with me since Robert is actually the most fragile man with muscles alive on the planet.” Darcy came back to the table with a mug of coffee. Dressed in her purple plaid pajama pants and a black tank top she looked a lot more human. She'd even taken the time to clean the split in her lip and wrap an ice pack around her knuckles.
Jane turned on Darcy with a glare, “Then why didn't you bring another friend with you this time?”
“Because this is the first time I've done a gig since we moved here. My friend Lark reached out to me about 2am saying she had some stalker asshole bothering her. Didn't exactly have time to go through Facebook and see which of my ex boyfriends was conscious that time of night.” Darcy's voice was hard, the sass barely there.
Jane opened her mouth to argue back but Natasha cut her off, “Are you going to keep doing this?”
Darcy's hands were tight around the mug, “Yes. Problem with that?”
“Yes.” Jane snapped.
“Not in the least. So long as you let me teach you some self defense.” Natasha's voice was calm, her stare unwavering.
Darcy seemed to hesitate.
Pepper mentally stepped back and assessed what was happening. If Darcy was truly just helping her female friends as a means of doing something distracting in a positive way, then getting lessons from Natasha would be immediately appreciated. Darcy's hesitation told both Pepper and Natasha that Darcy wasn't just looking for distractions, she was looking for small forms of self destruction.
Giving into the wisdom of it Darcy sighed, “Sure,if Jane doesn't mind me ditching her for a couple hours end of the day.”
“Not at all. But I want you to know that I'm not happy with you doing this still Darcy. It worries me. With or without Natasha's training.” Jane took hold of Darcy's hand in a tight grip.
Guilt pinching her heart Darcy rolled her eyes and pulled Jane into a hug, “I promise not to do it again without Natasha saying I'm good, and I'll bring back up.” Jane hugged her back fiercely feeling better for the reassurance.
From the corner of her eye Natasha caught sight of a slight a washcloth swaying. The windows were all closed, and the air vents weren't strong enough to cause fabric to rustle. Knowing of only one magic user in residence she wondered what Loki took away from this impromptu intervention.
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Loki had kept his side of the bargain. He'd returned one of her toys the following morning and had kept himself from intruding on her thoughts. Which wasn't much of a problem since Darcy hadn't fallen into a trance in the two days that had gone by.
It didn't stop him from keeping his senses tuned to her energy signature. Over the past few weeks it had become purely habit after so many rendezvous in her mind. He suspected he'd be tuned to her energy for the rest of his lift while in close enough proximity.
It was because of his senses that he was aware of her condition. When she returned home her energy level was dangerously low, and rather unstable. Vaguely curious he concealed himself in his magic and ventured out to the kitchen. He paused at the sight of her wet, battered form. His eyes zeroed in on the scrapes on her knuckles, the dried blood on her chin, and the weary signs of her expression. She looked much the same as any warrior on Asgard just come from battle. Something in his chest clenched with a low note of anger.'Someone has hurt her. Someone needs to be hurt in return.' This came from the part of his mind that had raged and rioted when he'd first been told of his origins. When he first learned of all the lies the Allfather had fed him since birth.
When she passed him to return to her room he saw the glint of fatigue, and self-loathing just barely hidden in her eyes. It distracted him enough not to follow after and to remain where his was to listen Dr. Foster's explanation.
The thought of Darcy, the same woman that tempted him, fought against him, and out maneuvered him in a battle of wits; going out and seeking physical destruction didn't fit with the woman he was beginning to understand.
He wondered what had caused her to return back to this means of well intended form of self destruction. For that was what it truly was, no matter how he looked at it. As someone who had done the same on a much grander scale, he could see through the false veil to the core of what it was.
A small vulnerable part of his mind secretly prayed that it was not because of him.
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Of course all the others noticed her bumps and damage and demanded to know what had happened. Darcy was thankfully spared from having to repeat the story as Natasha and Pepper shared a watered down version of the truth. The response this received was Clint offering her weapons training, Steve offering to assist in self defense training when Natasha got called away on missions, and Tony offering her a variety of easy to conceal weapons. Bruce merely offered to examine her current injuries and offer an ear if she wanted to talk about anything.
When Darcy fell asleep that night it was into deeper, darker part of herself that she had been trying to avoid for the past two nights.
~~~ ~~~~
Loki remained awake, his eyes skimming over old scrolls with knowledge about the different levels of the energy fields contained around a single individual. He wanted to understand as much as possible, he wondered if there were any applications to it that could be deemed beneficial in the future.
As his eyes trailed over a particular sentence he could just barely translate a sharp flux of energy caused him to internally wince. His eyes turned towards the direction of Darcy's room, his senses reaching through the walls and assessing the situation. What he found was troublesome.
Darcy's energy was spiraling out, where it was normally a soft hue of violet it was now an ugly black edged with purple. It was even more unstable than when she'd returned home.
The trouble came in the fact that he'd promised not to enter her unconscious mind for the next few days, one thing he prided himself on was keeping to his oaths when they were well deserved. At this moment though he desperately wanted to break that oath if only to see what was causing her disturbance.
When there came another even stronger surge of dark energy he noticed that it was beginning to effect the other occupants on the tower. Those that had been sleeping peacefully were beginning to enter nightmares, their energy going out flux. 'Her prolonged exposure to each of them has solidified enough of a connection to effect them from a distance when she's entirely out of balance. I suppose I'll have to investigate if no other reason than to prevent Banner from changing into his greener form in his sleep.'
This was the lie he gave to himself, rather than to admit that he was worried.
He closed his eyes and let his mind get sucked into the storm that was Darcy's energy.
~~~ ~~~~
Loki stood in a forest, the sky above was pristine blue with not a single cloud. From his place from behind a tree he peered out into a clearing that held a lake surrounded by a field of tall grass. This made no sense. This setting would speak of inner calm, not a raging storm that was causing Darcy to send negative energy out into the world.
There came a sharp yelp, a grunt, and high pitched laughter.
Keeping low to the ground Loki moved behind the tree line until he could make out three figures down near the lake. What he saw when he focused confused him even further.
There were three Darcys. One was dressed in a set of ridiculously overlarge purple overalls, her hair tied up in a pony tail. The other was dressed in overly large dark blue sweat pants, and a sweater, half of her head had been shaved. He was unsettled to see that the one dressed in purple had eyes that were black with sharp purple irises. The one dressed in blue had black eyes with muddy blue irises. These were nothing like the previous incarnations of Darcy he'd encountered before.
Laying on the ground between them was Darcy dressed in a plain white tank top and a white shirt. Her hair was cut short just above her shoulders.
White Darcy was covered in bruises and cuts, she was curled into a ball to protect herself. Purple Darcy lashed out, kicking White Darcy hard in the ribs. She laughed as White Darcy whimpered. Blue Darcy leaned down and grabbed White Darcy's hair to try and uncurl her body. Purple and Blue Darcy were talking, yelling, and sneering down at White Darcy but all he could hear was high pitching screeches that made no coherent words.
This was the cause of Darcy's unbalance, he was sure of it. Loki took a step forward and found a small arm blocking him. Looking to his right he found yet another Darcy. This one he knew. It was Blood Darcy, only in place of her genie outfit she was wore a single form fitting red dress. Her dark brown curls were pulled to the side allowing him to see her eyes were the normal white with blue irises. “You can't interfere. This is needed.”
“Perhaps you'd like to explain what exactly is happening?” He kept his voice level despite his own inner turmoil.
“You mean other than you breaking your promise?” She raised her eyebrows at him. He didn't bother answering and instead gestured to the brutality taking place down by the water. “All right I'll let this pass, cause it is pretty messed up right now.”
Lowering her arm to hug herself Blood Darcy explained, “That Purple Bitch is Darcy's self-loathing, the mopey Blue one is Darcy's depression. The white one is the real Darcy.”
Loki reeled back at the implications. What he was essentially witnessing was Darcy fighting with her mental anguish. The emotions that a person was said to figuratively fight against for happiness and peace, were solidified and given physical form. “Why would Darcy create them, and for that matter why doesn't she dismiss them instead of taking this beating? And which form of emotion are you?”
Blood Darcy smirked, “Was wondering if you'd catch on Smarty Pants. I'm a mesh up of her bravery, confidence, and sense of self worth. And she's been dismissing those two for weeks. You've been a lot of help with that. Nothing says distraction like a hot war of will power.”
Loki pinched the bridge of his nose, beginning to become confused, “If I've been helping her then why would she request my absence to fall victim to this?”
“You might have noticed that we don't really handle 'emotions' very well. She's confused about you right now and wanted the distance to figure it out. She also wanted to deal with them.” Blood Darcy nodded to the continuing violence being doled out by Self-loathing and Depression.
His jaw aching from clenching his teeth Loki grumbled, “I confuse her? And yet here I am having a discussion with one of her emotions while two of her other emotions beat her into further mental instability.”
“She'll be okay, it's not those two you need to be worried about. It's THAT.” Blood Darcy pointed over to a cluster of trees on the opposite side of the lake.
Squinting to see what she was referring to his eyes lands on a shadow that stood peeking from behind a tree. From what he could make out it was a little girl with no discerning features except for a pair of red irises.
Something about the little shadow girl made Loki uneasy. “Who is that?”
“It's not a Who. It's a What. That is Darcy's worst nightmare. A repressed memory from when she was a kid.” Blood Darcy, the embodiment of bravery, seemed to sound nervous about it.
Not fully comprehending Loki asked, “What damage will that memory do?”
“If Darcy isn't ready to handle it, she'll be destroyed. Self-Loathing, Depression, Hatred, Defeat, and Anxiety will rip Darcy into pieces to keep to themselves. When that happens Hope, Happiness, Joy, myself, and even Love will be destroyed too.” Blood Darcy's words left Loki numb.
It was a prophecy about Darcy's own mental health if he ever heard one. What she was describing he had experienced himself. That black hole of having nothing in his soul. Nothing to make him feel tethered to the world. He'd allowed himself to fall into space, thinking it would end everything so he could just be free from it.
His voice was a whisper, his words falling from his tongue without his consent, “What can I do?”
Blood Darcy seemed to relax, her rigid hold on the tree they were hiding behind lessened. “Just do what you've been doing. Look see, this is what you've been doing already.”
His eyes returned to the trio in front of them. While they'd been discussing the possible darkness to come something had shifted between the three incarnations. Depression had back away, Self-loathing looked as if she wanted to keep beating on Darcy. But there was now a soft light pulsing in a rhythm around Darcy. The light grew stronger, and the horrible screeches coming from the two negative emotions were suddenly drowned out by a swell of piano music.
A voice began to sing. Loki recalled the song from Darcy's collection, but the singer was not the same. As Darcy rose to her feet her bruises healed, her hair grew to its actual length and she stepped back towards the lake. Loki realized in awe that it was Darcy herself singing.
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory
Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Things it yearns to remember
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December
As her voice grew stronger the white light reached out and touched Self-loathing and Depression. Clutching their chests they melted away.
At the end of the song the light reached Loki, the purest sensation of gentle warmth rushed through him. It was such a shock to his own energy that he was sent back to himself.
~~~ ~~~~~
He woke with his hand pressed over his chest, his heart was beating with such strength that he felt his body vibrate with each thump. His other hand reached up to cheek and found tears. Memories of his happiest moments in childhood surged through his mind.
Forcing himself to break out of the swell of emotion he cast his senses back to Darcy. Her energy was stable and shone with tendrils of white mixed through the normal soft violet. All around him Darcy's renewal of herself had impacted the sleeping members of the tower. A small tendril of white touched upon each of them.
Settling back into his bed Loki had to wonder what exactly had happened. How had his curiosity and lust landed him in a situation that could lead to utter chaos? All of it hinging on the well being of Darcy Lewis.