Archive of Our Own

#

As Narumi rushed into his room, he carelessly threw his jacket on top of his pile of boxes. He had just returned from a spontaneous attack that had not fit into his schedule in the slightest. Kicking his shoes off, he headed for the bathroom. The paperwork could wait until tomorrow or the day after – Narumi didn't really care, and if Hasegawa did, he could do it himself. Now he had far better things to do. 

After a hurried shower – getting to Hoshina quickly or not, he didn't want to show up smelling of kaiju guts – and a change of clothes, Narumi sneaked out of his room with a small bag slung over his shoulder. Dodging people who only faintly looked like they wanted to engage with him left and right, he dashed out of the building. Before anyone could pin him down, he left the grounds of the Ariake Maritime Base altogether. Starting two hours ago, he was off duty. Not that anyone would care about that, least of all the kaiju and Hasegawa.

An agonisingly long bus ride later, he strolled into the base of the Third Division as if he belonged there – given how much time he spent there these days, that might even be partly true. No one batted an eyelid when they saw him. While their relationship was not public, rumours had spread like wildfire after both had repeatedly visited each other's bases. No one outside their inner circle dared to ask them directly, which suited Narumi just fine. It was their relationship, and not something they wanted to serve up to the world on a silver platter.

His first stop was Hoshina's room, but to his surprise, he found it empty. He left his things behind and set out to find his boyfriend. Narumi was already late; Hoshina couldn't still be working, could he? But come to think of it, it wouldn't surprise him much. Hoshina had a work ethic that bordered on self-sacrifice.

At his second stop, Narumi knocked impatiently and, as soon as the first syllable of a reply rang out, he threw the door open. Mina also didn't look particularly surprised as she gazed up from her papers. Dark circles rimmed her eyes, accentuated by the light. Evil never slept, so it was no wonder she was overworked.

He closed the door but remained standing there, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

"Mina," he greeted her with a nod. Since he had been here so often and had spent time with Hoshina and her, both voluntarily and involuntarily, even in their free time, they had started addressing each other by their first names. He liked her well enough, too. Not only was she a skilled fighter and a good captain, but she was also Hoshina's best friend. If his boyfriend ever did something stupid, Narumi trusted that she would try to stop him.

"Gen."

"So? Where is he?"

"You still have to ask?" Narumi rolled his eyes at her response. So he was still working after all. He snorted.

"What an idiot."

"Idiot? Look who’s talking," Mina muttered before sighing deeply. "But in this case, I agree. Maybe he’ll listen to you."

"As if." He blew his fringe out of his eyes. Immediately as he pushed himself off the wall, it fluttered back.

Before leaving her, he added with a quick glance over his shoulder, "You should stop too. Those dark circles don't suit you."

Narumi didn't wait for her reply, but trudged through the base to Hoshina's office. This time, he didn't even bother to knock. The first thing that caught his eye was a few empty coffee cups. Hoshina didn't even look up from the papers scattered across his desk and laptop. A few strands of his hair stuck out, the only sign of earlier frustrations. Narumi's heart skipped a beat as the sight of him extinguished the tension in his chest like a small ember. Nonetheless, the warmth spread beneath his skin. Although it wasn't the first time he had come by this week, and it had been a while since they had gotten together, he still felt that rush just from his mere presence. As if a parasite had burrowed into every single cell of his body – but it was a parasite he didn't want to get rid of.

Since his boyfriend was still ignoring him – or perhaps so engrossed in his work that he hadn't noticed his arrival – he had to resort to more drastic measures. He stepped behind his chair, wrapped his arms around his upper body and brought his face level with his. For a fleeting moment, Hoshina tensed. As soon as he turned his head and met Narumi's gaze, his muscles relaxed, and a smile spread across his face.

"Hey." After straightening up, Narumi kissed him once on the forehead and – simply because he could – twice more. Hoshina's soft laughter echoed through the room. He tilted his head back and slowly blinked at him, making it impossible for Narumi not to press his lips against his skin once again.

"Fancy seein' ya here."

"What are you still doing?" Narumi cut straight to the chase. If Hoshina said it out loud, he might realise how stupid it was. He rolled his eyes.

"Based on the context clues, I'm sure you can put one and one together."

"Sorry, I can't follow stupidity." Hoshina snorted, rolled his eyes again, and turned back to his notes. Unfortunately, when it came to provocation, he never jumped on it as quickly as Narumi.

"So, what are you still doing here?" he asked again, glancing at the papers. Some showed detailed graphics of the recently emerged Yoju, while others went into detail about the newly appeared Honju. Hoshina sighed deeply.

"Someone has to draw up the new training plans. As the kaiju evolve, we have to adapt."

"And that someone has to be you?"

"Well, some of us take our work seriously."

"And others have healthy boundaries," Narumi countered, eliciting another sigh from Hoshina. He rolled his shoulders and picked up his pen again.

"Ya may be right about that, but it doesn't change the fact that we need these training plans." Narumi's eyes narrowed. But that was a battle for another day; Hoshina had made up his mind, and nothing he could say would dissuade this stubborn fool. "Just let me finish this."

"If you insist." He gave him a meaningful look, so Narumi slumped down in the chair opposite his desk. Maybe it was the light, maybe it was the new perspective, but from his angle, Narumi could see faint smudges of ash under his eyes. He knew, however, that the marks wouldn't disappear if he ran his fingers over them.

"Do you want my help?" Hoshina smiled, causing his eyes to crinkle.

"No. Just sit there and look pretty," he said and blew him a kiss. Although it wasn't particularly flirtatious, his cheeks flushed, and his heart leapt into his throat. Hoshina's smile broadened. That cheeky bastard.

With the soft scratching of the pen on the paper as background noise, Narumi took out his phone and searched for the earlier attack. Unfortunately, they hadn't caught his photogenic side, but the headlines and articles made up for it. Captain Narumi saves the day. Minimal losses thanks to Captain Narumi. Apparently, however, he wasn't media-friendly enough. While he had gotten four or five articles, Mina had gotten nine the other day, even though she had only eliminated two Honju. He, on the other hand, had taken out four. Four!

Before he could start a whole tirade about what was wrong with that, Hoshina dropped his pen and stretched. Locking his phone and pushing it – and with it his displeasure – into his pocket, Narumi stood up.

"Finally done?"

"Yeah, thanks for your patience." Narumi snorted and rolled his eyes. As if he had had another choice.

"Whadday say? Let's get some food."

~

Narumi tossed and turned. Getting him to fall asleep on time was like trying to escape Earth's gravity without any equipment. He never had a normal sleep pattern, as others might call it. So it wasn't unusual for him to be awake at ungodly hours. Since Hoshina and he had been spending their nights together, falling asleep had gotten easier – but from time to time, it was still a matter of impossibility. And right now, not even the warm presence beside him could calm him down.

"I can't sleep." In the darkness and silence of the room, his voice rang out like a gunshot. The bed rustled as Hoshina turned.

"That's the third time this week."

"Yeah. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't sleep."

"Too bad," Hoshina murmured, his smile was clearly carried by his voice, "cause I definitely can. Good night."

"Soshiro," he whined as he reached for him and shook him. Hoshina chuckled softly. When light suddenly flooded the space, Narumi squinted his eyes.

"All right." Knowing that ignoring him would be futile, Hoshina relented. "I'll humour ya. What are ya thinking 'bout?"

"Hmm, a snack."

"That won't help ya fall asleep," he pointed out, but Narumi had already made up his mind. A snack was exactly what he needed right now.

"Oh, come on, please?"

"You're a grown man, ya can do whatever you want. You don't need my permission." Narumi gave him his best puppy dog eyes.

"But you have to come with me." Hoshina chuckled again as he brushed the fringe from his face.

"Why?"

"Because I love you." Until he reached his chin, Hoshina slid his fingers down his cheek and lifted it slightly. The warmth of his skin sent a shiver down Narumi's spine. He moved a little closer and pinned Hoshina's arm between their chests.

"Is that supposed to sway me?"

"Please," he murmured, kissing one fingertip after another. "Pretty please?"

Although Hoshina rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, he threw the blanket aside. Narumi happily put on his shoes and followed him through the dark corridors of the base. Light still shone from under some doors, but it was mostly deserted. So it came as no surprise to find the kitchen empty after the harsh artificial light had flickered on.

While Hoshina jumped onto the counter and made himself comfortable there, Narumi rummaged through the refrigerator. None of the leftovers really appealed to him, but since he had dragged them both out of bed for a snack, he grabbed a fruit quark. Better than nothing.

Leaning against the counter next to Hoshina, Narumi dug in. The slightly sour quark and sweet strawberries formed a perfect harmony. Since he was a nice person, he held out the spoon to him.

"Mhm, not bad."

"See? I told you a snack was a good idea." Bumping his leg against his side, Hoshina chuckled. Since he didn't disagree, Narumi took it as agreement. He offered him the spoon again, but he shook his head.

"You can have the rest."

After finishing the quark, Narumi quickly put the dishes in the dishwasher. Hoshina, unfortunately, had been right. He wasn't anywhere near being tired and ready to go to bed. He would go so far as to say that he was even more awake now.

As he turned back around and his gaze fell on Hoshina, he took in the scene completely. Him sitting on the counter in his black shorts and white shirt, the soft, lazy smile on his lips and his dishevelled hair. Even though Narumi had just had a snack, he suddenly craved another one. Before returning to his side, he licked his lips.

In his mind, a different scene flashed: Soshiro sitting on a different counter, in a room no one else would walk into. Wouldn't that be something?

"Hm?" Hoshina followed his movement and tilted his head questioningly. Narumi slipped between his legs, placed his hand on his neck and pulled him closer until they shared the same breath and their lips touched. Close, but not close enough. A mistake that needed to be corrected immediately. Sliding his hands under his oversized T-shirt, Narumi traced the familiar shape of his muscles. If he had even a little talent, he could sculpt them from memory alone.

"That," Hoshina murmured against his lips, his own curving into a smile, "won't help ya fall asleep either."

"Don't care." What did sleep matter to him when he could enjoy his boyfriend's company instead? Hoshina didn't stop him from leaning closer. He even wrapped his arms around his shoulders and returned the kiss with the same intensity. This was a dance whose steps and turns he knew like the back of his hand – and yet his heart was pounding in his chest. 

When Narumi tugged at his shirt, he finally pulled away from him. Hoshina leaned back far enough that he could no longer reach him with his lips. Under his grip, his abdominal muscles tensed. His rosy lips were slightly parted – not kissing them was a crime. Since his loving boyfriend had decided to tease him, Narumi pouted.

"I don't want to traumatise any recruits who might come in."

"Traumatise?" Narumi repeated, "My bare ass is a sight for the gods."

Chuckling, Hoshina cupped Narumi's cheeks. Their noses touched, but he refused to bridge the last bit of distance.

"Then maybe I just don't want to share it." A quick kiss to the corner of his mouth later, Hoshina pushed him away and slid off the counter. "Come on, I need to sleep."

"Fine." Not everything had to be a fight. Especially not when Hoshina was as tired as he looked. They had plenty of time later, when things had calmed down again. For now, Narumi was content just to be in his presence.

After a quick stop at the bathroom, they went back to bed. In the end, Narumi still couldn't settle down. Watching Hoshina fall asleep in his arms wasn't so bad, though.

#

Narumi swung his weapon, cleanly severing the Yoju's head, stabbing it in the core and shooting straight through it for good measure. The slimy body staggered for a moment before collapsing completely. After scanning the area, he lowered his bayonet. That had finally been the last one. He had lost track of how many he had killed, just as he had lost track of how long he had been here. Narumi exhaled deeply and flinched. Warmth ran down his cheeks. He didn't need to touch them to know that his fingers would be stained red.

Alone, the kaiju would've been weak, but they had attacked wave after wave. No matter how formidable Narumi was, if he encountered enough opponents, even he was bound to tire. However relentless they may have been, they couldn't match his ferocity. As the strongest and the captain of the First Division, it was his duty, but more importantly, the Third Division had also been called in. That had been the main reason Narumi had stepped up his game. Faster, stronger, better. Although his trust in Hoshina and his team had improved in recent months, sometimes he still couldn't extinguish the flame of worry before it consumed him. After all, his pale, blood-spattered face haunted his memories like a ghost that refused to be exorcised. 

As tiny needles of ice burned in his eyes, he closed them. It didn't change anything. Not the exhaustion in his bones, not the agony in his eyes. Since he couldn't allow himself even this moment of weakness anyway, he forced them open again after another deep breath. What had been sharp and clear before was now a blurry mess, colours blending together. In the distance, movement caught his eye. A humanoid silhouette approached, but Narumi was rooted to the spot. Only when he stopped directly in front of him could he make out a distinctive bowl cut.

"-mi. Narumi," the words sounded muffled, as if he were underwater, "Gen."

"Huh?" His vision returned to normal. Hoshina reached out towards him, but lowered his arm before touching him. After removing his glove, he placed his hand on his cheek. Familiar calluses, familiar warmth – Narumi leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering shut. As always, Hoshina tore down his walls. But it was okay, wasn't it? Right now, they were safe. Hoshina ran his fingers over the invisible lines under his eyes before gently wiping away the sticky blood. All the remaining tension in his body disappeared.

"You overdid it." Words, clear as glass, cut through the fog in his brain. It was less a statement than a reproach. Narumi couldn’t help but smile.

"You’re not one to talk." Instead of a clever retort or a grin, he was met with nothing but heavy silence. Hoshina frowned, opened his mouth, then closed it again. A muscle in his cheek twitched as he clenched his teeth. Before either of them could say or do anything, turmoil approached. Hoshina stepped out of his personal space and lowered his hand, leaving only the spectre of his warmth behind.

They weren't deliberately trying to keep it a secret. Their friends knew about their relationship, of course, as did some of the other Corps members – their respective presence at each other's bases was hardly something they could keep under wraps for long – but the population remained unaware. It shouldn't matter to them, so they never revealed it, and somehow, although Narumi couldn't explain it, they both kept their distance in public. Was it because Hoshina was his safe haven, and he wanted their bond to remain untouched and untainted by others? In this instance, Narumi wouldn't be particularly keen on the press dragging it out in the open.

"Gen?" He shook his head to dispel his thoughts. Enough of that.

"Will you come with me?" he asked quietly before anyone else could reach them. "Home?"

The hard worry lines around his mouth disappeared. A gentle smile took their place.

"Yeah, just give me a minute to talk to my captain."

They came to meet the others halfway through the debris and remains of the slain kaiju. While Hoshina went to Mina, Narumi stopped at his slowly gathering division. A certain blonde was already there. Before joining her, he studied her – from her blood-smeared face to the way she swayed gently. Other than that, she seemed okay. 

"Are you all right?"

"Captain. Yes, of course." In one fluid motion, Shinomiya brushed one of her braids over he shoulder, but he didn't miss how she clenched her teeth afterwards. For once, Narumi had the grace not to comment on it.

"Good."

When most of his division had gathered, he turned to them. "Good work, everyone."

All of them saluted.

"Let's get back to the base," Hasegawa proposed. Narumi cleared his throat.

"Just a second. Vice-Captain Hoshina will accompany us."

Narumi did not fail to notice the quiet grumbling from a few of the recruits – especially the newer ones. While Hoshina's and his relationship might've changed, what hadn't changed was the rivalry between the First and Third Divisions. So hearing Why wasn't surprising, but that didn't mean he would let that slide.

"Why?" he repeated, staring down at them with a piercing gaze – and with weapon No. 1 still in his eyes, he knew what effect that had.

"C-Captain?"

"Because I say so. That’s why." His sharp tone left no room for objection. "Show him more respect, he’s Vice-Captain for a reason."

The soldiers saluted again before shuffling away awkwardly. Narumi snorted. When he turned back to Kikoru, he found her already staring at him.

"What?"

"Really smooth, Narumi," she said, making him cross his arms.

"He's a Vice-Captain, that's a fact."

"No one meant any disrespect," Hasegawa interjected.

"Sounded awfully like disrespect to me." Both his Vice-Captain and Kikoru sighed in unison. Narumi huffed and turned away from them. Perhaps he had overreacted a little – Hoshina was hardly a damsel in distress in dire need of rescue – but still. Narumi hadn't forgotten how some of the other corps members had looked down on him. If they needed a reminder of how capable his boyfriend was, he would be more than happy to provide it.

Another sharp pain in his eyes made him squint, which certainly didn't improve his mood. Gritting his teeth, he turned to see where Hoshina was. Instead of his boyfriend, he was met with his own reflection in a broken shop window. The circles under his eyes stood out starkly against his pale complexion. Streaks of dried blood ran down the sides of his face, and his wildly tousled hair was littered with fine debris. No wonder Hoshina had been worried.

When he finally joined them, he raised an eyebrow, but Narumi just shook his head. Neither the time nor the place was right to talk. After they got into the helicopter, Narumi leaned his cheek against Hoshina's hair. And finally, the rage released its bite and withdrew its teeth from his skin.

~

Fresh out of the shower, Narumi sat on his bed and squeezed his eyelids shut. At Hoshina's insistence, he had been examined by the doctors. According to them, he was fine, only the after-effects of the use of a numbers weapon were still tormenting him. The pain in his eyes had spread to his brain, each heartbeat echoing in his temple as if he was being hit with a ball pendulum. Even the already dim light in his room was too much for him. But when the door creaked, he forced himself to open his eyes. Hoshina, his hair still dripping from the shower and a towel wrapped around his shoulders, slipped inside.

"How are your eyes?" he asked in a low voice. He had seen this condition too many times not to recognise the signs.

"It... hurts." Narumi detested admitting to his weakness, but he hated lying to Hoshina even more. Slowly breathing out, he closed his eyes and leaned against the chest of drawers behind him. This sucked. Instead of spending a cosy evening with his boyfriend, he had to deal with this bullshit.

The light that penetrated his closed eyelids shifted from grey to black. A soft rustling sound rang out as Hoshina sat down beside him. Cool, calloused hands cupped his face. As so often before, he ran his fingers over the skin beneath his eyes, and Narumi leaned closer to him. Rationally, he knew his touch didn't change anything, but his muscles relaxed nonetheless. His breath escaped like a sigh.

"I can get ya something cool for your eyes." Before Hoshina could let go, Narumi placed his hands on his and held them firmly in place.

"No." His voice was slightly hoarse. "Stay exactly like that."

"Okay."

After pulling Hoshina onto his lap so he could sit more comfortably, they leaned back. The silence was broken only by their quiet breathing. Although the hands had adjusted to his skin temperature, the touch soothed the storm trapped in his skull.

Narumi didn't know how much time had passed – it could've been minutes, it could've been hours – when Hoshina's hands slipped from his cheeks, and he slumped onto him like a dead weight. Carefully, he untangled himself and lay him on the bed.

"Sleep well," he murmured against his forehead before pressing a gentle kiss to his warm skin. He sighed, his breath a mere whisper against Narumi's neck.

The tempest still raged in his head and needles still pierced his eyes and yet he smiled. Although he stayed awake late into the night against his will because the pain would not let him rest, Hoshina's presence alone made it bearable.

#

Without blinking, Narumi stared at the screen. He hammered away at the buttons on his controller. He had been at it since noon, when he had rolled out of bed only to roll back into bed again. It was a rare day. Neither Hasegawa nor any alarm had disturbed him or his efforts to finally reach platinum rank.

"Almost there. Almost there," he muttered quietly to himself.

"Are ya?" Narumi flinched at the voice coming from the door. That small distraction was enough to break his concentration and cause him to lose. He rolled onto his back and tossed his controller aside. As soon as his gaze fell on Hoshina, his annoyance vanished. His boyfriend leaned against the door in all his glory. Instead of his usual attire, he was wearing plain black trousers and a black hoodie. He was already eye-catching in his uniform, but this casual outfit made his mouth go dry. When his wandering eyes returned to Hoshina's face, his boyfriend smiled.

"Finished for today already?"

"It's late." A quick glance at his smartphone confirmed his statement.

"Huh."

"I figured ya had lost track of time." After taking off his shoes, Hoshina turned back to Narumi and lifted up a bag. Even from the distance, he could make out a spicy smell, making his mouth water and his stomach rumble.

"You're an angel," Narumi said. While he stretched extensively, Hoshina placed a few boxes on the packages that served as a table.

"Am I now? Remind me of this when I wake ya up tomorrow morning."

"Devious." Hoshina just rolled his eyes as he handed him a box of noodles. Without wasting a second, Narumi dug in and only then realised how hungry he was. Sometimes he forgot to eat when he had a goal in mind – killing kaiju or, in this case, reaching platinum rank.

They quickly finished their dinner in silence.

While Hoshina filled the French press that Narumi kept in his room especially for him with practised speed, Narumi just watched him. How he could drink this stuff so late and still sleep like a baby had to be one of the greatest mysteries. The other was how he could make a simple black hoodie and trousers look so effortlessly elegant. He stared at him so intently that he could picture it: Soshiro making coffee not in this cramped space, but in a proper kitchen. Narumi had never wanted an apartment or a house. His accommodation in the base had always been enough for him. But lately, he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed more. Wanted more. A place just for them.

A home.

He scratched his burning neck and cleared his throat. How long had they been together? Six months? Seven? Narumi shouldn't rush into anything, even though he knew that even after another six or seven months, he would still feel the same way, he would still crave it with the same burning desire. All he had to do was ask.

"Do you want to do something?"

"Nah, keep playing. I have a book I haven't had time to get into yet."

While Hoshina changed into something more comfortable, Narumi plopped back down in front of his console and restarted his game. After turning down the volume a little, he cracked his knuckles. He had been so close before that he could still taste victory on his lips. Hoshina sat down next to him and rested his head on his back. When Narumi looked over his shoulder, he was holding his book in his slender fingers.

"Comfortable?"

"Yep."

Narumi chuckled and turned back to the screen. But even as he started hammering the buttons again and the adrenaline rose, he found it hard to concentrate with Hoshina's warmth seeping through his hoodie. Like fishhooks in his gut, his presence drew him in. It only took a few minutes before he gave up and paused his game again. Narumi rolled onto his back. Hoshina, now resting his head on his stomach, placed his book on his chest. The unspoken question shimmered in his eyes. With the intensity of a feather, Narumi brushed over his cheekbones before moving on to his hair. The silky strands slid through his fingers like water. A soft sigh escaped Hoshina's slightly parted lips as he closed his eyes.

"Mhm, that's nice."

"It's nice that you're here."

"Are ya trying to be smooth?"

"Do you want me to woo you?" Narumi asked, snorting, but he didn't stop caressing his face. With the same tender care and gentle caution with which a painter completes his masterpiece by perfecting the final details, he ran his thumb over Hoshina's lower lip. At the corner of his upturned mouth, he paused.

"Is this you wooin' me?"

"Is it working?" In the dim light, Hoshina's eyes glowed like dying embers. Slowly, he sat up. He placed his hand on his chest with his fingers spread wide before closing it with enough pressure that Narumi could feel his fingernails stroking his skin. A shiver ran down his spine. He licked his lips as Hoshina leaned down. Just a breath away from him, he paused.

"Nope, not at all," he purred in a low voice as he nudged his nose against Narumi's, "but I'm already in love with ya, so..."

Hoshina's lips no longer ghosted over his. Instead, the touch was now solid, and a captivating warmth flooded his mouth. Eagerly, Narumi cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer until their chests collided. Hoshina was only too happy to comply. They kissed until both of them were breathless – their lips burning and tingling.

"Looks like I won either way." Narumi grinned, causing Hoshina to snort and roll his eyes.

"Whatever ya say," he muttered before yawning. "I'm going to bed, and I'll stop distracting ya."

"Suit yourself."

Even when Hoshina left his room, Narumi didn't restart his game. Instead, he just lay there, brushing his hair out of his forehead and grinning like an idiot. His pulse fluttered like a cheerful hummingbird beneath his ribcage. Would he be able to handle that every evening? A rhetorical question at best, because what wouldn't he do to be close to him? 

All he had to do was ask.

"Have ya given up before ya even started?"

"I just wanted to make sure you could find your way back." Narumi sat up just in time to catch Hoshina, who purposefully dropped onto his lap, snuggled into his arms, and rested his head on his shoulder.

"I thought you wanted to sleep."

"Will now. Consider it an extra challenge."

"Fuck," he hissed and threw his controller onto his pillow. After his little outburst, Hoshina grumbled quietly. Narumi stopped moving and immediately looked down at the sleeping beauty in his arms. The light from the television flickered on his skin, almost as if it were using him as a canvas to paint flowers. Narumi's racing heartbeat slowed down the longer he stared at Hoshina – from his rosy lips to his softly curved eyelashes fluttering from his restlessness.

"Sorry, love," he whispered, gently playing with his hair to calm him down. However, Hoshina's quiet breaths deepened. After stretching like a cat, he rolled over, groaning and pressing his face against Narumi's shoulder. More than hearing what he said, he felt him murmur.

"What?"

He turned onto his back, rubbed his eyes and squinted up at him.

"Why're ya still awake?"

"Had to get platinum rank."

"Did ya finally get it?"

"No."

"Least ya can do is cuddle me back to sleep. Now."

"Are you trying to seduce me into a better sleep rhythm?"

"'s it workin'?"

"Maybe." Narumi sighed theatrically before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Let me go to the bathroom first."

Obediently, Hoshina rolled off his lap. Although his eyes were closed again, Narumi had no doubt that he would stay awake until he returned. Not wanting to keep him waiting unnecessarily, he hurried to get ready for bed. He was far from tired – but how could he refuse Soshiro anything? He spat out the toothpaste and washed his face. As he looked up, small droplets rolled down over the dark circles under his eyes. Well, a little more sleep wouldn't hurt him.

When Narumi returned to the room, Hoshina was curled up on the bedspread like a cat. As he had predicted, he opened one eye. A lazy smile played around the corners of his mouth.

"Hi."

"Hi," Narumi replied in a low voice.

As he slipped under the covers, his brain was too awake. The flashing lights had burned themselves into his memory, still swirling before his eyes.

In the end, even with Hoshina in his arms, sleep remained elusive.

#

Cold air prickled Narumi's skin. He stared up at the darkening sky, his breath escaping his lips in small white clouds that quickly dissipated. The silence on the snow-covered field was almost eerie – no car noises, no chatter, no hum of neon signs, no other humans. Here, reality was nothing but a distant memory. Crunching footsteps made him turn around.

"Come on," urged Hoshina, whose nose and cheeks, peeking out from under a thick scarf, were rosy from the cold air. "We’re almost there."

He took Narumi's hand and pulled him along behind him. He couldn't help but smile. Although it had taken some persuasion to lure him out of the cosy warmth of his own four walls, he was now glad he had done so. In the soft light of the moon, everything looked ethereal – the snow-covered field, the starry sky and, above all, Hoshina.

Neither of them often had the opportunity to leave the city. Given the imminent danger, it never seemed like a particularly good idea. How had they ended up here, hours away from Tokyo? Had it been Mina's suggestion to escape everyday life for an evening, or had it been Kikoru's teasing that had made Narumi say ‘yes’ in a fit of defiance? Did it matter? Now they were here, and he didn't want to be anywhere else. Narumi gripped his hand tighter. Hoshina laughed – a soft chuckle, unburdened by the responsibility that usually plagued them.

"I missed you," Narumi murmured. "You've been far too occupied with other things these past few days."

"Just a few days without attention and you're already complaining? But I've missed your face these past few days, too. After the latest attacks, things should finally calm down again."

After this statement, they continued on in silence. Heavy memories of rubble, blood and screams weighed on them. And what was there to say? The attacks had been terrible, the losses even worse – but Narumi couldn't shake the relief that it hadn't been Soshiro. That he had only suffered a minor injury to his arm. In a way, it was a dreadful thought, he knew. All those who had died had families too, people who mourned them, and he still couldn't stop feeling grateful that it hadn't been him.

"Enough of that." Hoshina's voice was deliberately light-hearted. "We didn't come here to... we have tomorrow off. Let's enjoy this evening."

"Yeah, you're right."

Hoshina turned his gaze to the night sky, and Narumi couldn't take his eyes off him. It was as if he had captured the stars in his eyes. The gentle smile smoothed all the hard lines on his face. For a moment, his heart just wanted to stop beating, so much love was pouring out of him. How could he keep all that inside? The thought of ever losing it, losing him, was unbearable. Hoshina looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Playfully, he tapped Narumi's cheek and said, "You're staring at me."

"I love you." Narumi swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, but brick by brick, a whole mountain was building up. "I love you, Soshiro. If anything ever- I need you to live. And if I could make them disappear, I would."

"Even if it meant fading into oblivion?" It was meant as a jest, but he couldn’t help but respond with utmost sincerity.

"If it meant you were safe, I would do anything. Being forgotten by the public would be a small price to pay for that."

Hoshina turned to face him. A cold hand on his cheek, a thumb tracing the curve of his lips, and then his mouth was on Narumi's. A conversation full of quiet, gentle longing unfolded between them. His lips rested on his, as a silent promise. Even after they had parted, they remained only a breath apart.

"We'll both survive this. And then we'll travel. We'll see the world. You and I, we'll- just imagine how happy we'll be when we have the freedom to do whatever we please. I can't wait to experience that future with you."

With the aching desire for this future to become reality constricting his throat, he kissed him again. If anything, Narumi needed him to be safe. That alone would be enough. And until that future was in their hands, he would seize every bit of happiness he could find. He would steal every second of Hoshina's time he could get. And he would make sure that they would both be there to live that future.

"Enough of that," Hoshina repeated his previous words. His voice was no more than a whisper, and this time he made no attempt to hide the gravity of his tone. Sooner or later, they would talk about their fears, about the uncertainty of the present and the anxiety it brought with it, but for now, Narumi pushed all negative feelings aside. The night was too beautiful to waste on them. Hoshina, who apparently had the same thought, stretched his arms out to both sides before letting himself fall backwards. In the moonlight, his smile rivalled the brightness of the snow. The longer he smiled, the more genuine it became.

"I won't nurse you back to health if you get sick," Narumi lied, staring down at him. Hoshina just laughed, grabbed a handful of snow and threw it at him. He leaned slightly to the side to dodge the attack.

When Hoshina sat up, Narumi reached out to help him to his feet. His grip was firm, even unyielding, and then he pulled him down towards him. Narumi lost his balance and fell, but caught himself carefully to avoid crushing Hoshina's injured arm under his weight. Before he could do anything, Hoshina flipped their position as if it were nothing more than one of their training fights.

The cold snow melted on his neck, making him shiver.

"If I get sick, you'll nurse me back to-" He didn't get any further before Hoshina's lips crashed against his. Narumi's eyes closed almost instantly. The cold and wetness be damned. When Hoshina's tongue slid into his mouth, a shiver ran down his spine again before settling heavily and burning in his stomach, demanding more. Kissing him was still like fireworks going off in his nerves. Kissing him was still like standing on the shore of a calm sea.

Hoshina's cold hands tangled in his hair and pulled gently. But two could play that game. Sliding his hands under Hoshina's coat posed no problem. When Narumi let his fingertips dance across his soft skin, scars and all, it elicited a sharp intake of breath from him. He sat up with a jolt. He chased his lips until he could no longer reach them. Breathing heavily, he sank back into the snow.

"You're fighting dirty," he accused his boyfriend, tracing circles on his hipbones with his thumbs.

"Me?" Hoshina gasped, in a futile attempt to feign innocence. "I’m not doing anything. I’m also not the one with his hands on your bare skin."

He was right; however, that didn't mean Narumi was going to let go of him. And why would he? The warm skin beneath his grip stole the breath from his lungs. But when Narumi was with him, he didn't need it. When he was with him, he was invincible.

Behind Hoshina, the stars that had brought them here in the first place shone in a ghostly white light. Even that couldn't compete with his boyfriend's beauty. No matter how much time Narumi spent staring at him, he never got used to it; he could never get enough of it. Of him. Of these overwhelming feelings of love and desire that he ignited in him.

Hoshina leaned down. Instead of kissing him, he nudged him with his nose.

"Fuck, you're cold."

"Mhm, then you'll have to warm me up." He knew he was just joking, as neither of them would be stupid enough to undress in the middle of the night in a snow-covered field in the dead of nowhere. However, knowing that didn't mean the desire coursing through his body faded. Their breath danced in little white clouds between their mouths.

"Don't tease me with a good time if you can't deliver." Hoshina laughed softly – a low sound that hit Narumi right in the stomach. He kissed him again, this time gently and deliberately.

"I'm sure I'll also be cold later."

As Hoshina pushed himself up to stand, his smile slipped, and he breathed in sharply. Every trace of desire to taste and caress his skin died like an ember in the snow. Now, Narumi was just cold. Though Hoshina tried to be inconspicuous, he saw how he cradled his arm against his chest. Rising to his feet, he stepped closer to him.

"How bad is it?"

"I'll survive." The words were as sharp as his swords, accompanied by the unspoken, like the bitter aftertaste of medicine. Others hadn't.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Does it matter?" Hoshina snorted. "It doesn't bring them back."

"Soshiro."

"Sorry." His shoulders slumped as he rubbed his eyes. When he lowered his hand, exhaustion had made its home in them. 

"Will it... ever end?" he asked, his voice cracking at the last syllable.

"Yes." Only crisp silence followed Narumi's reply. Either his conviction didn’t come across, or it didn’t convince him. Hoshina averted his gaze.

"Sorry. We’re supposed to be having fun, and I've- I’m sorry."

"Don't be. Not for this, not ever. I'd rather know what's going on in this head of yours." Narumi placed a hand on his cheek, and Hoshina leaned into the touch. For a moment, he closed his eyes and breathed in and out deliberately. Narumi's heart cracked a little at the sight. He deserved so much better than the reality they were forced to bear. They all did. But in the end, it didn't matter what they deserved; the unfairness of their situation didn't matter. All the blood and tears and pain and losses didn't matter. They were too young to deal with the responsibility thrust upon them. What prospects did they have? What awaited them? Too young for the future running through their fingers like sand, disappearing like smoke. Too old to hide from their duties.

Narumi swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. This wouldn't always be their reality. He had to believe that. He did believe that.

As Hoshina opened his eyes again, a warm smile spread across his features.

"What would I do without ya, Gen?"

"You'd manage."

"I would. But..." he trailed off, placed his hand on Narumi's, turned his head and pressed a quick kiss on his palm. "I wouldn't want to be without ya."

"I love you, Soshiro, I love you." Even those words were not enough to encompass the immensity of Narumi's feelings. And those words were also not enough to protect Hoshina from the pain buried in his heart.

"I love you too."

Narumi let him spin around once before pulling him close. Slowly, they swayed back and forth to a melody that only they could hear. Hoshina chuckled lightly, but followed Narumi's steps as if he knew that dance by heart.

As the night grew darker, the hour late, it got colder. When laughter was no longer what shook his body, Narumi stopped.

"Maybe we should go home."

"Home," Hoshina echoed. For a moment, his grip tightened. "Yeah, let's go."

As Narumi started to walk in the direction they had left the car, Hoshina slipped through his grip. Before he could turn around, he jumped onto his back. Narumi automatically supported him before he could slip off. Pressing his icy nose against the naked skin of his neck, Hoshina sent shiver after shiver down Narumi's spine. A half snort, half laugh escaped his lips.

"You dork."

The strong arms circling him tightened their grasp.

"Your dork."

"Exactly," Narumi agreed, smiling at the stars above. The horrors might persist, but so did they. So did the beauty this world had to offer. As dark as the times were, there was still hope, there was still light. And Narumi would hold onto it until his fingernails were bloody, until the last breath left his lips.

As Hoshina slipped a bit, he fluidly shoved him back up.

"So strong."

"Not called the strongest for nothing."

After Hoshina chuckled, only the crunchy sound of Narumi's feet on the frozen snow broke the silence. However, the quiet was no longer a thorn in his throat. It was calm and peaceful, enveloping them in a cold but loving embrace. They had walked a good distance, guided only by the moon and the stars above. Narumi was in no rush to bring them back to reality. If he could keep Hoshina away from the fighting, away from all the heartache that the inevitable losses would cause him, he would hold him right here. Frozen in eternal bliss. If it were an option...

Hoshina's grip loosened a bit, his cheek resting heavily on Narumi's shoulder. Deep breaths tickled his cheek.

"You're okay back there?"

"Mhm, just... tired," he mumbled, the words sluggish, heavy with exhaustion.

"You're not falling asleep, are you?"

"Mhm," he breathed against his neck.

Knowing about the attacks, it was concerning – him being tired enough, exhausted enough to fall asleep outside. He had probably pushed himself in training. That, combined with the recent onslaughts, had probably drained him of energy. And yet he'd push and push and push himself to reach new heights, to be better, to do more. Narumi gritted his teeth. His boyfriend and his stupid self-sacrificing sense of responsibility. He had a lot to say, and even more to complain about that, but by the time they had reached the car, he was fast asleep. Careful not to wake him, Narumi rummaged through Hoshina's pocket to get the car keys. When he put him in the passenger seat, he still didn't wake up.

Although Narumi knew how to drive, he didn't do it often. He rarely had an opportunity or reason to. Getting behind the wheel, therefore, felt strange, as if he himself were a foreign object. When he started the engine and drove onto the dirt road, he carefully avoided the potholes so that he could sleep well.

Too soon, the darkness was replaced by the lights of the city, which danced playfully across Hoshina's skin. His eyes moved beneath his closed eyelids, and a deep frown settled on his features. A soft groan escaped his lips and fogged up the window. Only after Narumi took his hand did he calm down again.

When they finally reached the Ariake Maritime Base and the guards let them through after recognising Narumi, he parked. Even then, he didn't wake Hoshina. Judging by the bruises beneath his eyes, he hadn't been getting much rest lately. So Narumi wasn't particularly surprised when he didn't escape sleep as he picked him up on his back and carried him inside.

Halfway to his room, they were stopped.

"Narumi?"

"Shh," he hissed as he turned around. The young woman started to retort sharply, but when her gaze fell on his sleeping boyfriend, her expression softened, and she fell silent. Kikoru came a little closer.

"Is he okay?" Her tone was low enough that it didn’t echo through the otherwise empty hallway.

"Just tired." None of the other soldiers needed to know about Hoshina's fears and worries; that wouldn't be good for morale. They had to be unwavering and remain hopeful even in the face of the greatest adversity. "How come you're still up?"

Given her appearance, he could've saved himself the question. Her training suit and sweaty hair were answers enough.

"I couldn't sleep, so I trained." In daylight, she probably wouldn't have admitted it out loud. But in the cold artificial light of night, it bubbled out of her. She looked too young, too lost – grief was written in her eyes. Even if he wanted to comfort her, what could he say? In the eyes of the world that had taken so much from her, his words were useless.

"Talk to someone. You don't have to shoulder everything alone."

She chuckled softly, but she couldn't fool anyone with that.

"Since when have you been so considerate and wise?"

"I've always been so considerate and wise," he claimed, snorting. Many people had misconceptions about him. Before he could elaborate on how great he was, Hoshina muttered quietly. The best sign that he should wrap things up and head to his room.

"Go to bed now. That's an order. Tomorrow, I expect outstanding performance from you again."

For once, Kikoru didn't argue and saluted.

"Yes, Captain."

"Good night," he said and continued on his way. Fortunately, this time they reached the room without interruption. The door closed behind them, enveloping them in soothing darkness.

"Mhm, Gen?" His sluggish voice slurred against his neck before he took a deep breath. "Where are we?"

"At home, you fell asleep."

"Home, so warm." Hoshina rubbed his cheek against his shoulder and snuggled up to him. His breathing slowed down again.

"Wait, I'll get you some dry clothes." He carefully let him down. Hoshina stumbled slightly and wrapped his arms around Narumi's waist while he rummaged through his wardrobe. More asleep than awake, he struggled into the offered garments, each movement a little slower than before, and then stretched his face towards him. Narumi laughed but immediately complied with his request and kissed him on the corner of his mouth.

"Go to bed, bowl cut."

#

As soon as the plane landed, Narumi was pissed off. Sending him out of the country – whether for a short period or not – had been a stupid idea from the get-go. They had asked him. As a formality. It hadn't helped that Hoshina was fully in favour of him leaving. What else could he have expected? Dutiful and responsible as he was, Hoshina took on every obligation thrust upon him, which now seemed to include forcing Narumi to comply as well.

Yeah, Narumi was furious when he landed, but when he thought about it, he'd been upset for God knows how long.

It had been weeks since he had last been in the same room as Hoshina. With all the recent attacks and their respective duties, they hadn't found the time. They had spoken on the phone regularly, but that was hardly the same as feeling his warmth and presence, hearing his voice clearly, kissing him. Unfortunately, his opinion about delegating his tasks hadn't mattered.

As soon as he was back, his superiors would get an earful, and then Narumi would take Hoshina on holiday – or at least visit him. Nothing and no one would come between them, not even Hoshina's sense of responsibility.

So to say that Narumi was in a bad mood when he left the plane would be an understatement. He had been told to be friendly and had even been given a brief crash course in international relations. So when the representative of the Korean Defense Force picked him up, he forced himself to smile and shake hands.

"Pleased to meet you. I am Shin Ha-Yoon, captain of the First Division of the Korean Defense Force."

"Narumi Gen, captain of the First Division of the Japanese Defense Force," he introduced himself, adding after a pause, "Nice to meet you too."

Why had they decided to send him? Yes, he was the strongest fighter, but the emphasis was on fighter. They should've sent someone with a little more people skills. Someone like Hoshina, Ashiro or even Hasegawa. Someone who was definitely not him – and preferably not his boyfriend, who deserved more peace and quiet. Why hadn't they sent Ashiro?

"The meeting starts in about two hours. So you have time to settle in," said Ha-Yoon, while she held the car door open. Narumi just nodded. Fortunately, she remained silent during the drive to the hotel as well. Forcing himself to make small talk would've been the last straw.

"You'll be picked up here in an hour and a half."

"Thank you." With that, Narumi was dropped off. After checking in, he reached his room, where he could finally shut himself off from the rest of the world.

Carelessly, he dumped his bag just behind the door. Being on the seventh floor, the view was quite spectacular. A crisp blue sky stretched as far as the eye could see. Between the buildings that spread out like a flood beneath him, Seoul was greener than he had expected, but all in all, boring. Turning away from the window, he flopped down on his bed and checked his phone. Five messages awaited him.

'Be on your best behaviour, Narumi.' Even through his written words alone, he could hear Hasegawa's warning tone. Rolling his eyes, he closed the chat without bothering with an answer. He wasn't so irresponsible that he needed to be reminded again. The ten times before his departure had been plenty.

'Good luck, you'll need it.' The message from his dumb disciple was just as stupid as Hasegawa's. He could be delightful if he chose to be. Just because few deserved his charming side didn't mean he didn't have it. Here, too, he didn't bother with a reply.

If all of them considered it a bad idea, why send him at all? To show Japan's might? In that case, he was their best bet. A bit more trust would've been nice, though.

'Hasegawa told me to tell you to be on your best behaviour,' Hoshina had written, followed by, 'But...'

Narumi rolled his eyes, a smile flitting across his lips before he opened the following picture. Hoshina grinned at him, winking and giving him the peace sign. I know you can do this, he had written on the picture. At least one of them believed in him. As always, he could count on his boyfriend.

After sending him a picture of himself, he rolled onto his stomach.

'I just arrived at the hotel,' he typed a short reply. Hoshina was online immediately.

'How was your flight?'

'Boring, I can't wait to get back.'

':D :D.' Three dots appeared, disappeared again, then he continued typing. 'Maybe we should take some time after you get back. Just a few days for you and me.'

Narumi froze and frowned as he read the message. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend more time with Hoshina, but something about it bothered him.

'That sounds great,' he replied, since there was nothing else he could do, a two and a half hours' flight away from Tokyo. 'I'll call you later.'

Better to get ready and be done with it.

~

After the meeting ended – just as boring and stuffy as the ones at home, with mainly old people talking in circles without coming to any conclusion – Narumi left the Korean headquarters. Although they had agreed to join forces to fight the kaiju that were appearing in the sea, they did not agree on what this cooperation should look like. In the end, it had been completely useless to have him there in person. Narumi wasn't above going home and announcing to the others, 'I told you so.' In fact, he looked forward to it.

A quick glance at his phone confirmed his suspicions. It was early evening, so Hoshina was probably still busy. Instead of returning to the hotel and calling him, he continued into the city. A rare opportunity that he didn't want to waste.

After passing a few parks and strolling along a river lined with trees, he turned into a shopping district. He wandered through the streets, passing cafés that Hoshina would surely like, and lost himself in the colours, sounds and people passing by. It was no different from Tokyo – people everywhere, chatting, laughing, carefree. Narumi put his hands in his pockets and fought his sudden contempt. How could they be so untroubled? How could the people of Tokyo be like that? When he and the entire Defense Force were risking their lives every day? He wasn't being fair; he knew that. But knowing this didn't translate into magically calming down. He had chosen to fight. These people had not; some of them could not. What good would it do if the general population were miserable day in, day out? Logically, he knew all this.

After checking his phone again for messages from his boyfriend and for any news of a possible attack in Tokyo – coming up empty on both counts – he put it back in his pocket. No point in worrying.

Narumi stopped at a street vendor selling all sorts of things, from snacks to small amulets to elaborate colourful bracelets. He ran his fingers over the soft material and the small flower-shaped knots.

"For luck and protection," said the vendor in halting Japanese, causing Narumi to look up.

"What?"

"The bracelets. For luck and protection."

"Ah." Narumi wasn't superstitious. He didn't believe in a higher power. However, he liked the idea of Hoshina having something of him that he could take with him everywhere. The red bracelet wasn't exactly the colour of his eyes, but he did love him in all shades of red.

"The red one, please."

"Good choice."

After paying and carefully placing the small bag in his jacket pocket, he continued on his way. Narumi had been invited to dinner with the other captains, but he had declined. Being nice only went so far, and he had had enough socialising for one day. He had planned to buy himself a gift if he had to participate in this whole charade. However, faced with the prospect of having to suffer through the whole thing again tomorrow, he just wanted to crawl into a hole.

He bought some noodles to go and returned to the hotel. The setting sun bathed the room in soft red and orange light. It was a beautiful sight, but somehow it left him with a heavy feeling in his chest. Narumi had little trouble being alone – in fact, he often preferred it to meaningless encounters. He blamed the sudden wave of loneliness on the fact that he hadn't seen Hoshina in a while. He had gotten used to having him around more often. Going cold turkey, so to speak, messed with his feelings.

To fill the emptiness inside him, he wolfed down his food, flopped down on the bed and took out his console. His phone remained silent for the rest of the evening.

~

It was strange. His bed was too big, too empty, too cold. He didn't like all that space. Although they didn't share a bed every night, he already missed Soshiro's warmth and presence. Instead of sleeping, he tossed and turned, rolled over and tossed and turned again. Getting him to fall asleep on time had always been a futile endeavour. The unfamiliar surroundings and his agitation certainly did not help. So as soon as his phone lit up, he immediately grabbed it. He squinted at the bright light and groaned softly.

'I hope you had a nice evening.'

Once he had read the name, he pressed the call button. His phone felt cold against his ear as he waited impatiently for someone to finally pick up.

"Yeah?" The voice from the speaker was monotone, dragging a little, but just hearing it made the tension in his shoulders melt away. As he closed his eyes, an image of Soshiro formed in his mind, from his high cheekbones to his mesmerising eyes framed by incredibly long lashes, to his enchanting smile.

"Hi."

"Gen," he said, sounding immediately more animated. "Everything okay?"

"Did I wake you?"

"No. No, I was busy. I only went to bed five minutes ago." Hearing this, Narumi took his phone away from his ear and looked at the clock. Five minutes ago? On a normal day without attacks, 2 a.m. was later than his usual routine. Since there had been no attack...

"Gen?"

Narumi hung up before switching to a video call. While the connection was being established, he tapped his finger against the case of his phone. In the artificial light of the display shining on him, Hoshina looked tired and pale. Perhaps it was the light that emphasised the dark circles under his eyes – since he hadn't seen him in so long, he couldn't say for sure. His grip on the phone tightened.

"Are you okay?"

Hoshina opened his mouth, closed it again, and averted his gaze before saying, "Yeah."

Narumi had had enough of fake smiles and pretence.

"So you expect me to just believe you, even though you're obviously lying? Cool."

A soft laugh escaped Hoshina's lips as he lay back down. Half of his face was hidden behind his pillow.

"I'm sorry. And... ya don't need to worry. I'm just tired, that's all."

"That better be all."

Hoshina chuckled again. As he picked up his phone and turned to the other side, Narumi caught a glimpse of a certain white shirt he knew all too well. A familiar sight, and it was precisely that familiar sight that made his emotions overflow. How long had it been since he had seen him in real life? How long had it been since he had held Hoshina in his arms?

"I miss you." And why should he beat around the bush? If there was one person he entrusted his heart, his vulnerability, his entire being to, it was Hoshina Soshiro.

"It's been two weeks, and we've spoken on the phone." Hoshina's smile softened as he rolled his eyes.

"So? I still miss you."

"How sweet ya are," he murmured. "When are ya coming back?"

"If everything goes smoothly, and with me being here, it will, then in the next few days."

"Well then, I’ll be counting on it." He yawned.

"Ha! You miss me, too."

Hoshina blinked slowly, his gaze wandering over Narumi's face, his smile as beautiful as the rising sun on a winter's day. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to bury his face in Hoshina's hair and hold him so tightly that their warmth mingled until he could feel his heart beating against his chest, until there was nothing and no one else but the two of them, locked in that moment, locked in eternal peace.

"Of course I do," the words were heavy, full of longing, leaving nothing but an equally heavy silence. Narumi smiled because he couldn’t do anything else. When he came back, he would take a few days off, spend every minute with him and make sure that everything weighing on his heart would vanish.

Hoshina was the first to break the silence. He cleared his throat and forced a smile. 

"So, how's Seoul? Bring me back a souvenir." To show he was just jesting, he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Ha, that joke's on you," Narumi boasted, also reaching for the strands of light-heartedness to weave them back into their conversation. "I've already got something for you."

Hoshina's cheeks turned a little redder. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep that not only made him a poor liar but also let his vulnerability bleed through. Or perhaps it was something else entirely, something he clearly didn't want to talk about. His expression stiffened.

"Y'know, I was just teasing. Y'know me, I'm low maintenance."

Narumi's own smile waned before it disappeared completely. A lump formed in his throat. It was always strange, always unsettling, always heartbreaking when Hoshina put his needs so far behind. When he recoiled from care.

"Just because you don't need much doesn't mean you don't deserve the whole world." His voice was soft, but the conviction in it blazed through like a beacon. "And if there were any doubts: you do. You deserve so much better than you're allowing yourself."

Hoshina took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were a little glassy; however, the smile softened the emotional blow.

"Thank you. I... I needed that."

"Always, love."

"So, how's Seoul?" he repeated his question.

"You'd like it here. Chic cafés, cosy parks... I'd like it more if you were here. Maybe we could go on holiday here?" They both knew that wasn't possible as long as the threat of the kaiju hung over them. Sometimes it was nice to pretend.

That they were normal young people.

That they didn't have any great responsibilities weighing on them.

That they were free to follow their hearts' desires.

Perhaps it was the late hour that made Narumi sentimental, perhaps it was the need to give them both a fantasy to hold on to, to comfort them – even if painting their bright future was like walking a tightrope, and they could both slip with every step.

"I'd take you on fancy dates. We could turn night into day."

"Mmm, that sounds lovely. I'd love to dance with ya all night and sleep in. Make breakfast together. A quiet life. That would suit me fine, as long as it'd be with you." Hoshina's smile was back. A little weaker than the ones Narumi was used to, but it was a start.

"How was your day? Did you have another training session with 10?"

Hoshina groaned and put a hand over his eyes. 

"That bad?"

"Don't even get me started. It still won't tire of begging me, or rather trying to order me to fight... well, each and every one. It's exhausting."

Narumi couldn't help but chuckle.

"Maybe I should fight you. That would put 10 in its place."

Lowering his hand, Hoshina's bright eyes appeared, as did his smile – slightly sharper than before, revealing his pointy little front teeth. A pleasant shiver ran down Narumi's spine.

"Oh," he purred, "are ya so sure you'd win? We'll see about that."

"Hmm, maybe I can go to the First and kick your ass when ya get back," Hoshina considered, then yawned.

"I'll give you a run for your money."

Snuggling deeper into his covers, Hoshina closed his eyes. The desire, the need to wrap his arms around him, came crashing back into Narumi's stomach. 

"I'll be home soon."

With his eyes still closed, Hoshina hummed.

"Can't wait," he murmured, already more asleep than awake. It didn't take long before the phone slipped from his fingers, plunging the display into complete darkness.

"I love you," Narumi whispered before hanging up. After making sure his alarm was set, he placed his phone next to him with the display facing upwards. Small white dots danced before his eyes after it suddenly went dark. He turned to the other side and stared into the empty space. Even without closing his eyes, he could imagine Soshiro sleeping there, the soft breath flowing through his slightly parted lips. Narumi pulled the other blanket towards him and pressed it to his chest. Now the space felt even bigger.

He couldn't wait to be back and hold him in his arms again. He couldn't wait to be home again to find out what – or who – was responsible for the shadows under his eyes. He was ready to fight anyone or anything to give Soshiro peace of mind.

Narumi, unable to calm the raging storm in his chest, lay awake for a while longer.

#

As soon as Narumi entered the Third's base, he couldn't stop grinning. He hadn't told Hoshina that he would be returning today; instead, he wanted to surprise him. He hadn't even made a stopover – since he had a few items of clothing in Hoshina's room, it wasn't a big deal.

He wasn't in his office, his room, or with Mina – so that left only one last place to check. And sure enough, when he entered the training room, there he was, dressed all in black. Narumi's heart immediately picked up the pace as he watched his fluid movements and the way his muscles moved beneath his tight shirt. As quietly as he could, he closed the door and leaned against the wall to enjoy the show from the front row. His mouth went dry, and warmth spread through his chest, his cheeks, his neck. Was there anyone else who looked so graceful while simultaneously being this strong? Narumi could stand here and watch him forever. Not a single second would be a waste of time.

But like all moments, this one was also fleeting. So when he stopped in his tracks, twirling his swords one last time for good measure, Narumi cleared his throat. As Hoshina turned around, he pushed his sweaty hair out of his face. Immediately, the crease between his eyebrows disappeared, and a bright smile spread across his face when he laid eyes on him.

"You're back." In no time at all, he crossed the room. Dropping his training blades, he cupped his face and kissed him. Narumi stumbled against the wall, somewhat caught off guard by his directness.  However, since it was Hoshina, he quickly recovered. He grabbed him by the waist and pulled him closer. As he opened his mouth, welcoming Narumi's tongue, his heartbeat jumped into his throat.

"Someone's happy to see me," he murmured, pressing their foreheads together.

"Been too long." Lying his hand on his chest, Hoshina tipped against it – one finger after the other, repeating the playful movement.

"Far too long," Narumi agreed before claiming his mouth again. He tightened his grip around his waist, pulling him even closer, until their bodies were flush against each other, until Hoshina's warmth was pressed into his skin. With every touch of his eager tongue, another wave of shivers rolled down his arms. Words could not express how much he had missed him – his lips on his skin, however, spoke of the longing slumbering in his chest. 

Both of them were breathing a little heavier when they separated.

"Close your eyes." Hoshina huffed but followed his demands. Before Narumi could go on with his initial plan, he froze. Having him this close in front of him – without the distraction of his lips on his – he could see how dark the shadows under his eyes truly were. They had gotten even darker.

"What now?" Hoshina asked, tilting his head and a smile playing on his lips. Narumi cleared his throat. Once they had retreated to his room, he would ask. 

For now, he gently took his arm and tied the bracelet around it with trembling fingers. The pulse beneath his fingertips was throbbing. As expected, the colour looked divine on his skin – another shade of red that Narumi fell in love with.

"You can open them." He didn’t let go of his arm.

"It stands for protection and good luck. I... wanted you to have something of mine that you could take with you everywhere." He was a little embarrassed to say such cheesy things, but the tender expression in Hoshina's eyes as he looked at the bracelet softened it. So did the thunderous heartbeat beneath his skin.

"Let's make a vow with this," Hoshina proposed, "to never go into a fight angry with each other. Always talk things through."

The request might be a little unusual, but far from unreasonable. And how could Narumi refuse him?

"Yes. It's a promise. Can we get some food? I just got back, and I'm starving."

"Sure."

As he was about to leave the training room, Hoshina grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. Warm lips pressed against his cheek. His breath danced across Narumi's skin, sending shivers down his spine.

"Thank you, I love it."

~

"This is nice," Hoshina sighed as he turned around. Droplets hung from his eyelashes like tiny sparkling diamonds. "What have I done to deserve that?"

Narumi snorted. "Since when do you have to earn my affection?"

"Anyway, thanks." A lingering kiss and a tired smile later, Hoshina closed his eyes and tilted his head back. The water crashed down on him, drawing wet traces from his cheeks down to his throat. Narumi followed the drops with his eyes, captivated by their mesmerising dance. 

"You're quiet today," Hoshina mumbled.

"Ah, I'm... a bit tired." It was not a complete lie. He was tired from his trip, from constantly having people around, but Narumi was never more awake, never more aware and focused than he was with him.

"Yeah. Me too."

"Let's go to bed then, bowl cut."

After quickly finishing their shower and getting ready for bed, they slipped under the covers. Narumi traced his cheekbone with his thumb before tugging him closer. Halfway, he met his lips – a short but sweet touch. Hoshina settled in his arms, his breath tickling his throat.

"Good night."

"Night," Hoshina murmured, the word already slightly slurred by the pull of slumber. For once, Narumi fell into sleep almost immediately.

~

At first, Narumi couldn't tell exactly what had startled him. When he opened his eyes, everything around him was still dark. Wrapped in a warm cocoon of his blanket, he lay on his side. Before he could fall back asleep, a sharp intake of breath anchored him in reality. Narumi waited a moment, but the heavy breathing did not subside.

As he switched on the light and turned around, he found himself staring into bloodshot eyes. The skin beneath them was dark and looked almost bruised – he had noticed earlier that Hoshina was exhausted. What he hadn't realised was that the reason behind it was also stealing his rest. 

"Sorry," his voice was hoarse, "I didn't mean to disturb ya"

"Hardly the point. What's wrong?" Narumi rubbed his burning eyes.

"I can't sleep."

"Yeah, I noticed that." Hoshina didn't answer, just averted his gaze and bit his lip. The fact that he couldn't sleep, and now this behaviour – Narumi was a little at a loss as to what to do.

"What do you need?" he asked. "What can I do?"

Hoshina hesitated for a moment, then moved faster than Narumi's tired mind could follow. His mouth was hot on Narumi's, his hand in his hair was cold. As much as he loved kissing Hoshina, now might not be the right time for it. Before he could deepen the kiss, he pushed him away.

"You sure this is gonna... help?"

"Oh? Ya don't want me?" It was probably meant as a tease, but the underlying gravity made his words falter. A heavy feeling dropped into his stomach.

"You know that's not true. You know how much I love and desire you. But-" Narumi grabbed Hoshina's hand before he could slide it under his waistband. However, he wasn't easily deterred when he wanted something. Narumi might be a little impulsive and hot-headed at times, but he wasn't an idiot. At the moment, Hoshina less wanted him than he wanted to avoid the conversation. What his tired mind hadn't considered was that a trapped wrist posed only a minor inconvenience for his boyfriend.

Hoshina swung one leg over Narumi, kicked the blanket off him and sat on top of him. Without wasting any time, he rolled his hips against him to intensify the contact.

"Wait, hold on," Narumi demanded, which had exactly the opposite effect. "Slow down. Wai-"

Once again, Hoshina's lips collided with his, and his tongue slid into his mouth. Narumi loved kissing Soshiro. He loved feeling his warmth, the electricity that danced across his skin when they touched, the pounding of his heartbeat. Normally, Narumi loved kissing him. Less so, however, when he tried to use intimacy as a means of dodging a much-needed conversation. Gently but firmly, Narumi pushed him away, keeping his hand at his chest to ensure the distance.

"Stop."

"Ya don't want me?" Hoshina repeated his earlier words and, as before, rolled his hips against him. Narumi suppressed a moan and tried to stifle his physical reaction to the friction between them.

"Thought so." Before he could kiss him again, Narumi flipped them over and pinned Hoshina beneath him. His exhaustion played right into his hands – holding him down was no challenge.

"Stop it. What's gotten into you?"

"Didn't I tell ya? I can't sleep." The smile on his lips was so forced that it hurt to look at it. Hoshina stretched towards him, but with his wrists trapped, he couldn't bridge the distance. Then, suddenly, the fight went out of him, and he sank back onto the bed, his muscles going limp. He sighed in defeat.

"I can't sleep, that's not a lie."

"But that can't be all." Hoshina looked away, pressing his lips together before sighing deeply again.

"It's... not."

Biting the inside of his cheek to restrain his impatience, Narumi slowly loosened his grip on his wrists, still somewhat cautiously. Hoshina made no attempt to move. 

"I... have nightmares," he finally admitted. For a moment, he was on the verge of laughing. He didn't know exactly what he had expected, but it had been something indescribably worse than this. It didn't take long for the laughter to die in his throat.

"Too many battles lately, too many casualties – it haunts me. It seems like it'll never end. But..."

He bit his lip, disappointment etched into the corner of his mouth, dragging it downwards. As Narumi sat up, he pulled him into a seated position. Instead of letting go of his hand, he tightened his grip.

"Come on, tell me."

Hoshina sighed again. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, the heat of his emotions had burned away, leaving nothing but cold ashes – just as bleak, just as dull.

"I'm overworked. I'm exhausted, but I can't- I can't rest. There's always more to do or train to..." He paused briefly. As he continued, bitterness swelled in his voice. "To become better, stronger. I have to become stronger. To keep the suit under control, to protect my team. To protect you."

"You're not weak!" Hoshina's lips twitched at this sudden outburst. But he couldn't manage a genuine smile.

"What if it's not enough? What if I'm not-" He fell silent and broke eye contact.

"You're not weak." The very thought was ridiculous, so Narumi could only repeat himself. Apart from being an excellent fighter, he was a strong leader and brilliant strategist. How could he think otherwise? Who had led him to think otherwise, and why would he believe them? Gently, he cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at him. Red-rimmed eyes met his.

"I know I'm not. I'm just... tired. So tired."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? About your nightmares? About all the other stuff weighing on your mind?"

"It wasn't a conversation I wanted to have on the phone. I didn't want to have this conversation at all. It... doesn't feel that great buckling under pressure. Shouldn't I be used to this after all this tim-"

"No," Narumi replied even before he had uttered the last syllable. "No. If you'd ever get used to all those deaths... it's too close to acceptance. And we can never just accept reality as it is right now."

"I know you're right. And... it's usually better when you're next to me." Hoshina shrugged, but the usual carefree gesture lacked any lightness.

"What are you dreaming about?" When only silence followed, Narumi pulled him closer and gently pressed their foreheads together. "Come on, tell me."

"Sometimes my suit goes haywire. Sometimes it's a fight against 10, but I'm not strong enough to keep it occupied for long enough. Sometimes it's- Mina dies. Okonogi dies. You die. I let you die because I'm not strong enough. Not fast enough."

"You won't lose me. And even if Mina may not be as strong as I am-" that at least elicited a laugh from him, "she's far from weak. And you're not weak either. Trust us, just as we trust you."

"I know." He sighed deeply. "I know. You're right."

"Damn straight I am."

Hoshina smiled and tilted his head. A warm, tingling sensation brushed his chest, no stronger than the flap of a butterfly’s wings, but the intensity was overwhelming nonetheless. "It’s good to have ya back, Gen."

Had he known how bad it was, Narumi would've forced the higher-ups to give Hoshina a few days off much earlier, because he himself wouldn't ask for it. A little more rest would silence the doubts that plagued him. A little more rest and he'd be the master of his emotions again.

Since sleep was out of the question, considering his racing pulse, he drew physical traces of his love on his skin to chase the shadows away.

The words were on the tip of his tongue, but now wasn't the right time for them. Soon he would ask. But for now, Narumi left them unspoken. 

Let's move in together.