Chapter Text
First chapter
Nari Louisa Kim was 12 years old when her parents decided to move from Canada to South-Korea, back to their old home country. Nari had never been there before; all her family lived in Canada. All her friends lived in Canada. She didn’t speak a work Korean, her parents only spoke English with her. They spoke Korean with her relatives, but not enough so she could have learned it.
And now she was standing in front of a Korean High School in Seoul, scared and afraid what the future would bring. He mother pushed her inside the building, to closed door where her mother knocked. “Remember what I told you, you always bow to adults.” She whispered in Naris ear before they heard a voice from inside. Her mother opened the door and bowed to the woman inside, who was sitting behind a desk. Nari bowed quickly as well, not really getting why she had to do it. The woman smiled and started talking. Nari only understood “Hello” but the woman didn’t notice her confussion. Her mother answered in fast Korean and the woman stood up. Naris mother looked to her daughter and said in English. “That’s your head teacher Mrs Lee, she will show you to your class. I need to work, me or your father will pick you up after school.” She left the room before Nari could say anything in response and she was left alone in a room with a woman she didn’t know.
Mrs Lee approached her slowly. She started speaking in broken English. “Hello, I am your teacher, Lee-seongsaengnim. You are Nari, right?” The girl just nodded, she felt like crying but knew that it wouldn’t help and her parents would get angry if they found out. Mrs Lee nodded. “Good. Come, I show you your classroom.” She started walking out of the room and Nari followed her, her hands clutching her bag. The teacher led her to a big room where a lot of students were already sitting at desks, talking quietly with each other. They all got quiet when they saw Mrs Lee coming. They all got up and bowed deep, sitting down after it. Nari remembered suddenly that her mother told her to bow to other students as well, they could be older than her and it was better to be safe then sorry. So Nari bowed again and hoped it didn’t look as weird as it felt. The teacher smiled to the students and told them something in Korean, Nari only understood her name. When she finished, she smiled to Nari, pointed to an empty desk and left. Nari bowed again and walked slowly to the desk. The other student watched her, ot felt like there were staring at a new toy. Nari felt horrible and starred at the desk. Slowly the chatter started again, nobody came to her. She didn’t look any different than the others, maybe just her hair and clothes style but Nari was pretty sure that the teacher told the others that she didn’t understand a word Korean. A few minutes later another teacher entered the room. All the students stood up, bowed and sat down again. Nari copied them fast. The teacher, a young man walked to her and smiled. He started to speak Korean to her and she only understood her name, hello and that his name probably was Gim. She forced herself to smile and bow a little and said quietly. “Hello, I’m Lee Nari.” She knew that in Korea say said the family name first when you introduced yourself. The teacher nodded, walked to the front of the class and started teaching. It was geography, he was showing some maps during the lesson. Na-ri tried to pretend to listen, but she didn’t understand a thing and felt terrible. After what felt like three hours the teacher shut his laptop close and said something. All students stood up and bowed again. Nari quickly copied them again. The teacher left the room and the students started walking around the room, getting stuff from shelves or talking with each other. Nari sat down at her chair again and got her water bottle from her bag. She wished that she would wake up and it would just have been a terrible nightmare. But she didn’t wake up, instead she felt the looks from the other students again. She looked around carefully. The others were looking at her curiously, but gladly not with hate. Nari smiled a bit and got a few smiles back. The students probably didn’t speak a word English, her father told her that they could learn it later but it wasn’t mandatory.
Another teacher entered the classroom and the whole lesson went like the last one. Bowing, the teacher came to Nari but she didn’t even get the name this time. She introduced herself again in English and the teacher started the lesson. It was Korean probably, the teacher got every student a book and they started reading. Nari jut starred at the foreign letters, not understanding a thing. Her hands started moving, and she sat on them, forcing them to stay still. Nobody wanted to see that, her parents always told her.
In the middle of a speech from the teacher somebody knocked at the door. Nari was a bit startled, she wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings anymore really. The teacher stopped speaking and said some short words, probably telling the person to enter. The door opened after that and a woman entered. She gave the teacher a short nod and started to speak in rapid Korean. Nari thought she heard her name but that couldn’t be, why would anybody want to talk to her? The teacher nodded and pointed to her. Nari started to panic a bit. When somebody wanted to talk to a student in the middle of the lesson it wasn’t normally a good sign. She looked at the woman, bowed quikly and tried to not show her panic. The woman smiled and started talking in English. “Hello, I’m Pak I-seul, I want to show you the dorms.” Na-ri looked at her confused. “Dorms? Do I have to sleep here?” The woman sighed a bit. “It’s best if you just follow me, you’re parents are outside, they can explain everything.” Na-ri just nodded, not understanding a thing and feeling numb, her guts were telling her that her parents did something else what they liked but didn’t tell their daughter.
She followed Pak I-seul out of the classroom and out of the school building. She saw her parents standing outside with a few bags. She got even more anxious, her parents faces were oddly satisfied. When they arrived Na-ri didn’t even have the time a question, her mother started talking fast in English. “We didn’t tell you earlier but this school is a boarding school where you learn how to sing, dance and behave like a celebrity. The accepted you, we send them the tapes we recorded a few month ago. Here are your things, we have work in Busan, you can visit in the holidays maybe.” Both mother and father bowed quickly to Ms Pak and left in a hurry. Na-ri was too stunned to speak, scream or even scream. She knew that her parents were unhappy with being parents but she never thought that they would give her away so they didn’t have to deal with her anymore. She just starred at the space where her things were laying on the ground and her parents stood just seconds ago. Ms Pak started speaking again, slowly and quiet but it startled Na-ri non the less. “I’m sorry that you didn’t know. They didn’t tell you why they had to film you?” Na-ri shook her head and mumbled. “They said the videos were for my family, to show them how good I’ve become….” Ms Pak sighed again. Na-ri’s case wasn’t the first sadly where parents were sending their kids to idol schools so they didn’t have to be responsible for them anymore. She picked up one of the bags. “Lets go to the dorms, I can show you the dorms and introduce you to some other trainees, we have some who speak English and Korean so you can communicate with them.” Na-ri looked at her confused and took a bag. “What’s a trainee?” Ms Lee sighed again and Na-ri starred at the floor, very embarrassed, even if she didn’t do anything wrong but it felt like it for her. Ms Pak started to speak again. “A trainee is somebody, who trains to become a Kpop Idol. You are a trainee from now on. You learn how to sing, dance and perform and maybe you debut in a band one day. The company you train for is called JYP entertainment. You have to give your best and become better so the company is satisfied.” She started walking in another direction, away from the school. Na-ri didn’t know what to say after what Ms Pak just told her. Her parents expected her to become a Kpop singer. She knew that she wasn’t allowed to fail, her parents wouldn’t be happy with her. This was her only chance to have at least some kind of peace from her parents. They walked to another building, taller than the school. “This is the company buiding. The dorms, dance studios and some company offices are located here.” Explained Ms Lee while they entered and walked to the elevators. Na-ri looked around a bit. Photos of young people on stages were hanging at the walls, probably old trainees who had made it. The young girl focussed on the way again and entered the elevator. They exited at the third floor and they could hear a lot of people speaking, laughing or singing. Na-ri wanted to cover her ears, it was way too loud for her liking but her hand were full with her bags so she didn’t have another choice then to endure it for now.
Two older guys were walking towards them, bowing to Ms Lee. She smiled, stopped and spoke to them in Korean. Na-ri stopped as well, bowing quickly and kept her head down. Both guys listened to Ms Pak but they both noticed how stiff the bow from the new young trainee was. They nodded and Ms pak turned to Na-ri, switching to English again. “These are Chan-haksaeng (student) and Felix-haksaeng. They will show you the way to your room, I have to leave now.” She gave Na-ri’s bag to the taller boy and vanished. Na-ri just starred after her, feeling betrayed a second time already.
The older boy sighed and started to speak in English, for which Na-ri was kinda grateful for. “Hello, I heard your name is Na-ri, right? I’m Chan, or Chris, my English name and this next to me is Felix. I’m 18 and Felix is 15. How old are you?” He sounded calm, friendly. Na-ri looked to him, his face showed the same emotion which she heard in his voice. “Y…yes. I’m Na-ri, my English name is Louisa….” She took a deep breath, she felt like crying but couldn’t right now, that would be to embarrassing. “I’m 12.” She looked to Felix who smiled as well, a calm smile, curious maybe. Chris spoke again, suppressing a sight and a growl. The girl was the same age he came to the company and she understood even less Korean then he did according to the social worker Ms Pak. She was just a year older then his younger sister. He cursed the company in his mind for allowing this, for only caring for the money her parents were paying. “Nice to meet you Louisa. Felix can take your other bag, it looks quite heavy.” Felix grinned. “Of course I can, no problem” he said after he saw the unsure look from Na-ri. She slowly gave him the other big bag, carrying only her school bag now.
Felix started walking and Chan signalled the girl to follow him, he would walk last. Na-ri nodded, too exhausted for a proper answer and followed Felix. Chan was right behind them, his mind racing with questions how he could help this girl. Felix pointed at different doors. “The older trainees like me and a few others sleep here. The younger ones sleep a bit further away.” He wanted to fill the silence, to help Na-ri not feel more uncomfortable as she already was. He knew that Chris was already thinking about helping the girl. He wanted to help too, but he wasn’t sure if they would find the time and not fall behind with their own training. They arrived at a door and Felix stopped. “This is your room Louisa. I think you share it with at least one other girl, but I’m pretty sure they are all at school or practice at the moment.” Na-ri nodded and opened the door carefully. Inside of the room were two bunk beds. Felix and Chris but her bags in the room and Chris looked to her. “Try to rest a bit, lunch is in an hour. We will come, get you and show you the way, if you like.” Na-ri nodded slowly. She pressed out a quiet “Thank you” she wasn’t able to say much more, her throat felt like closing slowly. Felix and Chris smiled, nodded to her and closed the door again. Now she was alone, in a unfamiliar room, country and at the beginning of a career she didn’t choose. The tears were coming now and she let them.