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"... Tell me, Darling. How is it that you celebrate?"
Nothing seemed to have prompted that question, but Darling felt used to the flow of conversation between the two of them by this point. They had some sketched-out theories and they had what equipment they'd been able to come across, and they had the stretches of time in which Darling would manage the physical scientific aspect of what they had to hand and Zane would watch him, fascinated, from various points in the room. From the other side of the table, sometimes, head leant against arms pressed to the table's surface and staring up at Darling as he worked; from over Darling's shoulder, leaning in and leaning close as he pointed at some element that had sparked a question. Or, as in this case, from the bed in the room, sheets and pillows pulled up and around him in order to give him the most comfortable vantage point from which to observe Darling's activities. (Darling wasn't sure how entertaining a subject he was to watch while fully consumed by a task, but nonetheless, it seemed to keep Zane entertained.)
The observation seemed to be Zane's own task. He would raise subjects with no prior instigation that Darling could tell, but based on thoughts that had clearly been percolating for quite some time. An offshoot of an offshoot, a thought based on a theory based on a dream from either one of them, tangents that Zane plucked from considerations and ruminations of months previous and brought, with the hazy tone of resuming a half-forgotten conversation, to Darling's attention. Darling felt used to this by now, or at least that he was getting used to it; his time before now, before all of this, had largely been spent with like-minded colleagues that were methodical, logical, or at the very least, consequential. Zane's manner of conversation didn't quite flow along those lines, but then, Darling would think, isn't that the point of all of this? Different brains, different minds. Different ways of thinking. The artist's way of thinking.
Darling thought of the Marmonts, sometimes. What Diana might think of Zane, if presented with him as study potential. The many ways in which Darling could envision how Jules might react. He kept those thoughts to himself, but allowed himself to be entertained by them, regardless. The thought, too, of being able to surprise them with something neither of them had known to even be able to consider - Darling knew it wasn't his area of research, but it felt selfish and delightful all at once to think of the things he could present, the things he could reveal, the looks on their faces--... all for the shared pursuit of higher truths, of course, but Jules in particular always seemed to get so irritable when given suggestion or direction regarding his particular projects. Like poking a bruise, Darling couldn't help himself. It's all in good fun.
(It was easy to think of them still there, at the Lake House, continuing on as they ever had. It was easy to forget, sometimes, even now--... he didn't know what had happened to the Oldest House, or those inside it. He didn't know what had happened outside of the Oldest House - the branch locations and other sites that, at the very least, his situation had severed him from. And it was easy to think that he'd been in this place for a long time now, because to him, he had, but that wasn't necessarily true for those on the outside-- and if there's even still an outside--)
It took Darling a couple of moments to hear Zane's words and process the question, trying to mentally tie it together to some previous reference before remembering, that's just not how Tom works. He turned on his chair to face Zane properly, glancing down at the equipment before looking up at him again with an apologetic smile.
"Celebrate?" He gave the nearest metal surface a small nudge with the back of his fist. "I think it'll be a while yet before we can enter that phase of operations..."
Darling watched as Zane smiled, having found what he'd said in some way amusing, then pushed himself up slowly, laboriously, from the bed. He steadied himself on his feet for a moment before padding softly across the room, reaching where Darling sat with a hand on his shoulder before turning the touch into hands crossed over both shoulders, pressing his weight against Darling's body as he did so.
"In general, I mean. Of course, I'd love to celebrate your successes with you...! However, I was simply... curious. You told me you'd been counting the days since you arrived here?"
Darling faltered. "Well, up to a point. As far as I could be aware of such things. There may be some margin for error in terms of my consciousness establishing--"
"More than a year, you said? Nearly two years?"
"As far as I can tell. Assuming my perception to be accurate, which--... it may not be, entirely..."
Darling felt aware of the number of discussions they'd had on this subject up to now - the way in which the place they'd found themselves could alter and shift based on perception, or effort, or other criteria they'd only barely scratched the surface of; having spent so much of his life previous at the Oldest House, Darling thought that he should perhaps be used to locations that would fluctuate and change depending on its own capricious whims. In practice, he wasn't sure that it really helped at all.
He was also aware of how fragile the concept of time passing really felt, now. He kept track, as only he could - and only he could, because for all of Zane's contributions to the topic, he could be frustratingly vague when he seemed to want to be. The only thing that Darling felt that he could be precisely sure of was the fact that you've been here a lot longer than I have. A lot longer.
Time that might be measured in decades, and yet, you're still here. You haven't made it out, yet. (That thought could be discouraging, but Darling knew that he couldn't let it discourage him. They were working together, now; two heads are better than one, isn't that what they say?)
This still didn't answer the question as to whether Zane's own perception of time passing was the same as his own, and whether either of their experience bore any relation to time passing elsewhere, but that was but one of many questions that Darling had set himself the task of answering; the only thing that could aid them would be to come to understand the nature of their surroundings, and Darling's curiosity wouldn't let him rest, regardless of how much time passed (or didn't).
"Hmm." Zane breathed his sound of amusement against the fabric at Darling's neck, keeping his head leant there as he spoke. "I'm only trying to be considerate - over that length of time, you would have experienced all kinds of things in your life before now, wouldn't you? Birthdays, Christmas... your American Thanksgiving... so, I was simply curious! What would Casper Darling do for those occasions?"
Darling pressed his hands to the table and leant back against Zane's figure; he had been staring at the current problem for quite some time now, and there was no harm in allowing Zane his tangents - after all, neither one of them could predict which line of conversation might lead them to the next spark of inspiration, the next breakthrough. Still, to be asked a question like that? Zane had spoken of consideration, but any question relating to before and circling the subject of things that may, now, be lost-- held the potential to be quite fraught with anything deeper than a moment's thought. As it was, however, that question gave Darling pause for different reasons than someone asking might have expected - the simple fact that he didn't know that he really had an answer. Certainly nothing that felt interesting enough to sate the inquisitive nature of Tom Zane.
"I, I suppose Thanksgiving would be the 'main' one? At least in terms of--... if nothing else, then Thanksgiving. Relatives you never hear from for the rest of the year otherwise. I'd say it's likely the most I travel in a year, if nothing else...! There's always--... someone, an uncle or a cousin or--... extended family, you understand. Always someone with invite Casper on their list of responsibilities. And I do enjoy it, I honestly do--! Only, it does end up being the time of year in which... the gap between your priorities and those of others becomes very pronounced, I suppose is one way of saying it."
"In what way?"
"Only that it might be seen as unusual to seem so dedicated to your work, I suppose. Of course, none of them can understand the intricacies of working for the Bureau - or even the broad strokes, if I'm perfectly honest. If I could explain even a fraction of the things we did there--... but I never could, of course. And so it becomes some kind of... family joke, almost. Casper and his secret government job. What did you do this week, Casper? Classified again, is it?... I'd barely know where to start, even if I could tell them, which, of course, I never ever could." He gave a sad smile, thinking back on those times. "I float into their lives, tell them nothing, and then vanish for another year." He glanced around the room. "... Or even longer than that, now."
Zane's hold tightened. "I don't mean to upset you. Is this a... sensitive topic for you?"
Darling laughed at the suggestion, albeit perhaps slightly too quickly to pass off his answer as being entirely genuine. "No! No, don't worry. It's been like that for as long as I can remember. Takes more than yearly visits to change a family dynamic, unfortunately."
"Then... Christmas?"
"I don't really--..." Darling wrinkled his nose. "After a point it feels like it's more for the children, doesn't it? I'll do my part, make sure those cousins and relatives get something fun in the mail, but it's not really--... the Oldest House never really sleeps, and there's always something to be done. And, strictly off the record, a time of year quite susceptible to paranatural activities, to be perfectly honest. It's fascinating...! If not, that is to say, exactly traditional. Someone's got to keep an eye on these things...!"
"Sometimes I feel exhausted just hearing you talk about your responsibilities at that place. I hope your contributions were appreciated...!"
The concept didn't sit easily within Darling's thoughts. "The reward is knowledge, Tom...! For all that there was to explore--... there was really no end to it. I'd have kept going forever, if they'd let me."
For a moment, Zane pulled back just enough to be able to take in the sight of Darling's face; the act of doing so caused a fond smile. "You light up just at the thought of it, don't you?"
"Well, it--..." Darling gave a rueful shrug. "I enjoyed it. That's all I can say, really."
"I hope they appreciated that of you." (Darling still wasn't sure it was ever something that called for appreciation, but didn't push the issue.) "Then, birthdays? Please tell me you'd do something for your birthday, at least...!"
"I--..." There was the urge, somewhat irrational, to not want to disappoint with his answer, despite it being another line of not really, if I'm honest. It had just never been something that felt like a priority; to think back on it, he wondered if he'd spent more time attempting to encourage Trench to celebrate his birthday than he ever had in consideration of his own - and Trench was certainly never a man to voluntarily indulge in anything so self-aggrandising as a birthday celebration (which just made the attempts to encourage him to do so all the more alluring). He thought of others, from the Bureau - people he saw regularly, people he saw practically every day, people even such as Marshall or Tommasi whose birthdays he felt he couldn't remember if his life depended on it. (Then there were those times when someone within a department might have brought sweet treats for some occasion or another, but not eating food that appeared unannounced with no further explanation was a lesson quickly learnt throughout the Bureau.) "I... would usually go to this one place near to where I am, with just the nicest pastries...! My little treat, just for me."
"Okay, okay, that's a start...!"
"If that's the start, then what's the end point?" Darling smiled gently, sensing Zane's already-rising enthusiasm.
"The end point? Let's see..." Zane thought about this for a few moments before leaning close again, pressing his lips just beneath Darling's ear. "It should be 'whatever you want', I think...! Whatever you want. Anything you desire. We'll make it happen. I'll make it happen."
"... That's very kind of you." Darling sighed gently, closing his eyes. "I'll have to think about it. Make a list."
"Oh, a list...? So many things...! So many, many things..." One hand at Darling's shoulder then slipped beneath the open buttons of his collar, leaving it quite clear what things it was that Zane was considering. "We'll have to work out when your birthday is. You'll have to tell me." (Darling's mind immediately set about trying to untangle that knot; last I recall, it was October--) "And if that's difficult to recall, there are... other things, too."
"Would you like to elaborate on that?"
"For example... I'd be, shall we say, a little offended if you were to forget the day we met."
Day 665. "Certainly a day that stands out in my recollection, I must admit."
"And so it would follow that a year on from that day would be--... an anniversary, would it not? Of our first meeting."
"An auspicious day indeed...!"
"We'll figure it out. We'll mark all those days. Your birthday. Christmas. New Year's. Our anniversary." Zane pulled back, his hands remaining at Darling's shoulders, a wide grin on his face. "We'll celebrate all of them! Here, just the two of us, with nobody to stop us!"
The enthusiasm with which he spoke was as catching as it ever was, but Darling couldn't help but think - to consider the prospect of celebrating a year since our meeting, right here meant, also, the inescapable thought of another year spent under this circumstance; that thought was not as terrible as it could have been and was now at least a more bearable prospect than it had been under the silence and solitude that Darling had previously experienced, but the thought occurred once more: You're still here. That time could pass as quickly or as slowly for the two of them as it liked, but you're still here, and neither of us have found a method of escape just yet.
Darling brought a hand up, clasping one of Zane's with his own. "Rather than that, or--... sooner than that, I should say, I'd like to believe that, perhaps... we might be able to celebrate our escape...!"
Zane paused for a moment, as if that concept hadn't occurred to him before Darling's suggestion. His expression brightened, then, nodding at the idea. "Yes! Yes, you're right--! Our escape - the grandest occasion of them all."
"I could--... take you to that pastry shop..." As he spoke, Darling realised that that idea maybe lacked the outlandish element that somebody like Zane might enjoy, but it had been the first thing to come to mind. Despite the mundanity of it, or perhaps even because of it, Zane's expression creased with joy as he considered the thought.
"I'd like that. I want to see all of these places - the ones familiar to you, the places that... hold meaning to you. The places that you like."
Not for the first time, Darling wondered about the practicalities of this - would the world really welcome them back so easily, like no time had passed at all? And for you, who might just have spent more time here than you ever did outside, and before--...? The thought of simply being able to take him to buy pastries felt incongruous, at best - and yet, it was still something like an aim, for the two of them. A small, normal goal, for two lives that maybe - just maybe - still held the ability to return back to the mundane habits and routines of a normal life.
"I look forward to showing you, then."
"And I look forward to you showing me...!"
Worry about what we do once we're out when we're out, and not a moment before.