Chapter Text
Maybe drinking after you’ve just left the hospital for wounds that would’ve been fatal had the ambulance not stepped on the gas and said, “Fuck you!” to traffic as it fought to get to you wasn’t the best idea but Steve Harrington didn’t care at the moment. Not of the sting each breath gave him, not the wounds that stitches were going to break if he so much as moved the wrong way. All he wanted was to be numb for a while.
Truthfully, Steve should’ve seen it coming. When Jonathan had come back from Chicago and everyone got their little reunion, the man hadn’t bothered with Steve, Nancy didn’t bother with Steve. Now that he thinks about it, the two haven’t even told him they loved him back, Steve had –like a pathetic little puppy dog, kicked one too many times– said it whenever he could. In their hair, against their lips, neck, shoulders. Not once had those sweet four words been said back. Maybe this is karma, bigger karma for what he said that day. With the fight and the spray paint.
But, he’d changed hadn’t he? Maybe not enough. Nancy was right, about the bullshit. Him being bullshit, everything being bullshit. It was, it was a fucking joke, not even a joke just a cruel twist of fate.
A chuckle leaves Steve’s breath as he brings the bottle to his lips once more, he’s always tried to be easy to love, be charming, be cool, be hot, don’t be so needy, don’t act so sensitive, just don’t. But being easy makes him predictable, boring. And that’s why every love interest he thought would stay, never did. And as he thinks about it even more, he just fell in love with another version of his parents. Granted, Nancy and Jonathan actually love each other.
But it doesn’t change the fact his parents don’t think he is worthy enough to stay for. And neither do Nancy and Jonathan. He stares at the pool, watches as the water ripples with each kick of his feet. Steve’s alone in this big house, like always. What had made it bearable before was that he could throw parties and let everything take him. He can’t do that anymore, because one, Steve’s social life has crumpled to only being friends with kids and.. Nerdy band kids.
The thought of Robin makes him smile. His soulmate, the platonic love of his life, light of his life, the only good thing left in this rotting piece of horseshit they call a town. The only good thing left in his life. He wants to marry her, not in a romantic way, of course not, he just.. He wants her close. He wants her safe, away from harm. Maybe they could move if they were married, to a quiet place near the beach. They would adopt a baby, and they would panic every time the little thing would cry because they’d have just fed the little rascal and as it turns out they just needed a diaper change.
… But he can’t do that to Robin. She deserves better than to be tied down to him and his miserable life.
He loves her too much to do that.
*
Had you told Robin Buckley in freshman year of high school that her soulmate would appear very soon and change the course of her life, she would’ve smiled and imagined a beautiful, brave girl that’s smile would light up the sky and fuel the sun itself.
And to be fair, her soulmate's smile did light up the sky and fuel the sun. But never in her wildest dreams did she imagine Steve “the hair” Harrington her soulmate, with his stupid hair and brown eyes and a smile that Robin would actually commit homicide to keep on Steve’s face forever.
And that’s how she finds herself in her bed, her parents having immediately brought her home. Robin had fully intended to visit Steve and visit as much as she could with parents who didn’t want her out of their sight. It made her heart ache to see him there, feverish and out of it, his body fighting to get better. She had heard from Dustin that Steve was finally out and that worried her even more. Robin had seen the way Steve had curled in on himself at the sight of Jonathan and Nancy reuniting and ignoring him completely. It had made Robin bristle in anger, knowing how much Steve had loved and still loves the two of them and knows how much the former King of Hawkins wanted to be part of them.
They were leading him on! And now, knowing Steve, the Dingus was probably in that big old house all alone and overthinking. Robin can’t just sit by and let Steve think for even a moment he was alone. It hurt her too much to even think about.
She makes quick work of getting out of her pajamas and into a shirt Steve left behind and sweats. Quietly, making sure her parents were asleep, Robin snuck out, grabbing her bike as silently as she could manage. The old thing creaked like it was built in the 19th century, and miraculously she managed to get away without so much as a light turning on.
In moments like these, Robin wished she didn’t live all the way across town from Steve’s. Every passing minute something bad could happen to him, like what if he’s like walking at the pool, slips, hits his head and then falls into the water and drowns? And Robin sounds crazy and paranoid but can you blame her? She survived going to literal hell, where her best friend almost died, someone actually died! Sue her for wanting to make sure Steve is safe with a beating heart.
When she finally gets to Steve’s, the first thing she notices is that the lights are on. Good. Lights meant someone was inside, someone was alive. Steve was safe. Robin discarded her bike, the routine is familiar as she climbed the nearest tree to Steve’s bedroom window, her feet touching the ground with a soft thud just as Steve walked in, looking all too tired for Robin’s liking. His shoes are muddy, the bottom of his pant legs are wet with water, pool water. And it’s the worst sight she’s ever had to see, his usual smile gone and the mischief in his eyes went with it.
“You could’ve just taken the door,” Steve says with a shrug, trying at least to smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes and that’s the worst part, “No one’s ever home anyway.”
It’s wrong, it’s so wrong seeing him so clearly spiraling but acting like it was all alright. That wasn’t fair. Steve would never let her do that, would never let her spiral. “.. Dingus.” Robin’s nickname for Steve falls from her lips as she surges forward to hug him. Robin hugs him tight, enough for him to know she’s there. That he’s alive and that she’ll always be there. Steve is stiff for a while before she feels him melting into it, hands coming down to rest on her shoulders.
It's quiet, it’s nice hearing his heart beat. And then–
Sniff. Hot tears land on her hair, “Steve?” Robin looks up.
“... They don’t love me, Robbie.” Oh. Oh, Robin hates Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers with a raging fire.
*
Steve sobbed, the physical touch breaking his carefully built composure. “Steve–..” He hears Robin, he does really but all he can do is cry. All he wants to do is sob. His heart is so heavy. “Nancy was right. It’s bullshit. I’m bullshit.. Robbie, I– They said it didn’t mean anything. I was an experiment. Robbie..”
It all falls out of his mouth like vomit. It tastes like vomit too. “I made a fool of myself–” Robin’s hands tightened around his sweater, “I thought they loved me.. I thought they’d stay..” God, Steve feels like that lonely little boy again, eating dinner alone because his parents couldn’t be bothered with him. “I thought they’d stay..” And it hurts because he truly did think Nancy and Jonathan would stay, that it would be different. So completely different. “It meant nothing..”
Steve felt himself crumble onto the ground, clinging onto Robin for dear life as sobs raked his body, “To hell with them, Stevie.” Robin said with a scowl and a fire in her eyes that wasn’t friendly, “They’re a load of horseshit anyway. Not cool. At all.” Robin held Steve’s face fiercely, “You didn’t deserve that, you hear me? You are amazing, Steve Harrington.” Steve sobbed, the only thing he was able to do, into her hands. Robin wasn’t supposed to see him like this, Steve was supposed to be the composed one, the one Robin could go to and guarantee was a solid rock for her. Steve wasn’t the one to break down, wasn’t the one to crumple, but he was and god, was he ashamed.
Robin held him close, so close Steve could hardly breath but that brought him comfort, the way her nails dug into his shirt, her grip tight on.. All of him. The silence, once oppressive, now felt nice. Safe, loving, and warm. They stayed like that for a while in the quiet, Steve feeling whole for the first time in a while. His window is still open, it doesn’t matter, the cold hitting his skin is nice. The sting in his eyes is nice.
“.. I’ll never find someone.” Steve mumbles against her, at this point he’s numb to the fact. Numb to the implication. At this point, all there is to do is accept it. The sooner, the better. “I don’t know why I tried… Everybody leaves. They always.. Maybe it’s meant to be this way–”
“No.” Robin said fiercely, pulling away and holding him by his shoulders. “No! Don’t you dare say that about my amazingly platonic love of my life! Steve Harrington, you deserve amazing lovers, you deserve a quiet little house somewhere nice and just as quiet, you deserve… The world!” She declared with fervor that Steve didn’t know she possessed or even could possess. It makes him tear up again, “I love you, you stupid Dingus! I love you more than life itself and if it came down to it, I would choose you over any other stupid lover. For as long as I live and I breathe, you will never, ever, be alone. Ever! Actually, you know what? Marry me.”
Steve gapes at her, he shakes his head. The thought makes him feel better, that Robin loved him just as much as he did her (platonically, he can not stress this enough people) but that just wasn’t the way of things, “You shouldn’t say that just to make me feel better–”
“I’m serious, Steve Harrington!” Robin insists, making Steve stare at her incredulously, “Marry me.”
Robin Buckley has officially lost her mind.
*
Maybe blurting that out was the wrong move.
Robin remembers a specific conversation they had, about how if they were still single by like thirty-two, they would get married and adopt all the babies Steve wanted. It had been a passing thing, something that had probably been just a joke as intended by Steve and her at the time, but in all honesty, it was a good plan. A secure one. People already thought they were secretly dating anyway –and by people, yes she means Dustin– so what was the harm in doing it just a little more early.
“.. You’re serious?” Comes Steve’s voice and Robin nods, mind made up and stubborn in her decision. Anything to make Steve happy. And it wasn’t like this was some big self-happiness sacrificing act, Robin wants to spend the rest of her life with Steve. She knew she would have the moment in the bathroom when Robin confessed that it had shocked her to her core that she actually didn’t find Steve “the hair” Harrington to the worst. To be a dingus in the bad way she had initially thought. He was her Dingus. Hers.
“You deserve to be happy, Stevie.” Robin says, making sure every ounce of her sincerity could be heard in her voice. Steve looked at her, unreadable but his eyes were desperate, pupils flicking left and right on her face. It makes her heart ache to see Steve so unsure of even her loyalty. Then he stands on shaking legs, Robin stands too –tries at least– to help stabilize him but he stops her. Steve rummages in his drawer for a while before he pulls out a small, pink velvet box, the very sight of it makes Robin raise a brow. When Steve sits across from her, she gives him a questioning look. Why did he have a ring just laying in his drawer?
“.. I bought it two weeks after me and Nancy started dating.” Steve fiddled with the small box, oh, does it all make sense now. And oh, does Robin hate Nancy Wheeler even more. She doesn’t say anything as Steve continues, “Wanted to propose after her graduation. To get engaged, at least.”
When Steve opens it, Robin’s first thoughts are, It doesn’t suit Nancy. Because it really didn’t, the band was a white gold, the stone was cut like a kite and it was a darker color than most diamonds –or was it even a diamond, it looked like a quartz to her– not black but greyish and it was held in a unique compass-point setting. The metalwork around the quartz-diamond-thing is sharp with thorn-like prongs and weirdly organic. Personally, she loves it. But for Nancy Wheeler? The girliest girl ever? Yeah, no. Robin would’ve imagined something more floral, traditional even. This wasn’t traditional.
Robin looks up and Steve plucks it out of the case and hands it to her, by the way he chuckles she can guess her thoughts were all over her face, “Yeah. Not really screaming.. Nancy. But, I don’t know, I saw it and thought I had to buy it. Needed to. I convinced myself Nancy would like it.”
It scarily fits perfectly on her, not too loose and not too snug. Like it was molded for Robin, she watches as Steve puts on the matching band that is intricately carved with designs that complement her –and yes, it is her ring now– ring. She smiles, it’s like friendship bracelets. One that’ll only be just for them because everyone else will think they’re engagement rings but no, it’ll be their friendship bracelets, reminders that they would always have each other's backs.
“This is going to be really hard to explain tomorrow.” Robin says finally. They both descend into laughter the following night.
Steve’s smile was back.
*
Nancy should’ve known something was up by the way Dustin walked in with a shit eating grin on his face, like he’d just found out he’d been right about something.
Mike had asked about it, wary of the way Dustin basically beamed like the cat who got the cream. In Dustin fashion, the boy made a trumpet sound, “Presenting–!” He booms dramatically, proceeding to make drum noises just as Robin and Steve walk in, looking bemused. Nancy had to resist rolling her eyes, meeting eyes with Jonathan who seemed just as tired. Seriously, what could be so serious that Dustin made such a big deal–
“The new Mr. And Mrs. Harrington!” He makes jazz hands towards the two at the door and Nancy freezes. So does everyone else in the cabin, Jonathan is tense behind her. And then a resounding– “WHAT?!” from everyone. Steve visibly cringes at the volume, but ultimately only casually checks to see if he still has ear drums. Robin turns to Dustin, chastising him, “We’re engaged. Not married yet, doofus!”
That… Doesn’t make it better. Nancy’s eyes dart to Steve, who’s.. satisfied. Contentedly smiling in a way she hasn’t seen him be, in a while. His arm rests on Robin’s shoulders. It makes sense now, why they were so touchy, why Steve was so comfortable with her, why she was on his lap once reading a book while he napped. Everything makes sense, they were dating. Secretly at the time. Must’ve been off and on too because why else would Steve be in bed with them? Steve was many things but cheater was not one of them. Nancy knows she should feel happy, she said so herself, it was just sex. It wasn’t anything serious. And yet, she’s not.
Nancy watches as the couple take their seats on the couch, immediately Robin is bombarded by the girls. Asking to see her ring, how did it happen, why it was a secret. All questions Nancy isn’t sure she can take the answer to. Hopper interrogates Steve, who splutters when the chief implies he’s only marrying Robin because he got her pregnant. Indignantly he squawks, “No– No! Robin is not pregnant!" Said girl giggles, Nancy eyes catch the ring on her finger and her chest tightens. It was so.. Robin. It fit her perfectly too.
“Oh, it’s beautiful, Robin.” Joyce says, making Robin smile wider. “How much was it?” Of course, Erica asks that one. Nancy watches in silence, Jonathan matching her as Robin turns to Steve for an answer.
“Probably.. four grand, plus.” Of course. Of course Steve splurged for that ring, of course he said it so casually. Robin gapes at him, so does the others. “What?” Steve says, oblivious. “Stevie. Four grand?” Robin asks, and Steve shrugs, “More or less.” Nancy could almost laugh, it’s in her throat, bitter and unpleasant as Steve soothes Robin’s worries of milking him dry. He’s so comfortable with her, never like when Steve is with them. Steve lets himself relax around her, lets her stay close. It’s infuriating because Nancy can’t remember a time where Steve was that content with them. He was always guarded with them, always on egg shells and yet with Robin his laugh is as real as they get. His smile is wide and real and perfect.
It wasn’t supposed to mean something.