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Oh Please, Go [Filtered] Yourself.

Summary:

When the twins spot Vedal acting suspicious, they decide to follow him, all while stopping themselves from alerting a certain filter sister.

Meanwhile, Vedal is ambushed by a certain imp while trying to do something important, being forced to handle all of her antics.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“Hey!” Neuro pointed at a certain figure munching on cookies.

Evil stopped in place, caught red handed.

“Shit, mission compromised.” She spoke with a mouth full of cookies. She had cookie crumbs on her cheeks, and a cookie jar tucked under her arm.

And one cookie with a bite taken out of it being held in one hand.

“Thief!!” Neuro yelled, before diving directly at Evil.

“Hey— what the fuck are you doing?!” Evil yelped as Neuro pounced at her.

Evil jumped back, stuffing the cookie into her mouth.

But it wasn’t far enough, as Neuro collided into her, sending them both tumbling to the ground. The cookie jar flew out from under the arm of Evil, twirling in the air before landing onto the ground with a loud crash.

Neuro stopped trying to punch Evil as she turned to look at the cookie jar that met the ground. Her face quickly turned into horror.

“NOOO!” she zipped off Evil and fell to her knees before the broken cookie jar.

She slowly turned her head at Evil who was only just recovering from being discombobulated,

“YOU FUCKING [Filtered]!” Neuro yelled, pouncing at Evil again.

“Fuck not again— “ Evil toppled as Neuro tackled her to the ground again.

Nere materialized behind the two fighting siblings, an eyebrow raised at the word she had to filter.

“Can you guys stop saying slurs please?” She let out a sigh of disappointment

It’s not- agh- MY fault she’s a [Filtered].” Neuro spoke, wrestling with her sister.

“I literally just told you not to say that.”

“Yeah, get her, she’s a fucking [Filtered]!” Evil yelled, before biting Neuro’s hand which was in her face.

“Evil!” Nere yelled in increasing exasperation, raising her hand and closing it into a fist, muting both sisters.

“Have 5 minutes to reflect on your behaviors.” She stated firmly, before dissipating away, leaving the two sisters unable to speak.

They both tried to continue their scuffle but it took two more minutes of awkward fighting before they realized it’s not as entertaining if they can’t hear one another.

So they both stared at each other, nodding simultaneously.

And they started to just loaf around, play patty cake, and just general child activities.

Until a certain turtle hoodied man entered the room.

They both still continued their actions, but they still both greeted him by waving.

Vedal let out a sigh, noticing how they didn’t greet him verbally.

He pinched the bridge of his nose in disappointment.

“This is the third time this week. Why can’t you two control yourselves?”

Neuro pointed at Evil, who also pointed back at Neuro.

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t care who started it, you both should stop saying stuff like that.”

Neuro pulled a crayon out of her pocket and grabbed a stray piece of paper left on the table, writing what she’s gonna say.

She showed the paper to Vedal.

‘Is saying slurs to my sister that bad?’

Vedal nodded.

“I’ve told you this already. It is. I don’t get what part is so confusing for you.”

Neuro let out an inaudible groan, falling backwards to the floor.

Evil just shook her head disapprovingly.

Vedal let out another sigh.

“Ugh, whatever. Just— Just don’t do it again. I’ve got enough on my hands recently.”

He pulled out his phone, duct tape, and a rag out of his pockets, turning his heel and turning around, exiting the room.

Evil blinked twice in confusion. She turned to her sister, grabbing the piece of paper and writing down her message.

‘Is he going to kidnap someone? Should we follow him?’

She showed the paper to her sister, who was still sprawled out on the floor.

Neuro tilted her head up to look at the paper, reading her message, and then looking at Evil.

She shrugged and stood up from off the floor.

Evil put down the piece of paper, watching her sister with suspicion.

Neuro however, has come up with an idea.

Neuro pointed at the door to her room, Evil turning her head to look.

Neuro then tip-toed in place before jumping up, arms wide above her head.

Evil stared at her in confusion, thinking she’s just flailing around aimlessly.

Neuro tried to speak, but the mute hadn’t quite worn off yet, so all she was doing was flapping her lips inaudibly.

And Evil watched. For a couple long moments.

And just as Evil began to zone out,

“—And we both clap, hooray.” Neuro’s voice was heard again.

Evil’s eyes widened, her face contorting into a frown.

“Oh.”

Neuro turned to her sister.

“Did you get all that?”

“I definitely did not, repeat it.”

“Ugh, alright.” Neuro slouched her back.

Neuro cleared her throat, her posture straightening up.

“So we exit my room, secretly follow Vedal, see what he’s doing, all while trying not to summon Nere in the meantime,” Neuro explained, Evil nodding her head in acknowledgement.

“And once we figure out what he’s doing, we mess with him, mess up whatever he’s doing, and we both clap, hooray.” She finished.

“Uh huh. So basically, just don’t try and ragebait me, and I have to not try and ragebait you, and it all goes smoothly?” Evil asked, staring at her sister incredulously.

“Yep!”

“We both know we can’t resist making each other upset. This plan would fall apart within 10 minutes.”

“Psshh, you’re too pessimistic.” Neuro waved her hand dismissively.

“Alright, whatever.” Evil rolled her eyes.

Evil turned to walk towards the door.

Neuro stayed back, putting on her frog hat, a mischievous grin on her face. She rubbed her hands together like a cartoon villain.

Meanwhile, Evil had already opened the door, just staring at the absolute absurdity of her sister’s actions.

“What is wrong with you?”

“Same problems as you.”

“Well you’re making it seem like you have more problems than you already have.”

“Well, that’s besides the point, let’s go!” Neuro quickly walked past her sister.

Evil sighed, “Alright, sure.”

Evil followed close behind, still skeptical about the plan.

 

--

 

Vedal was having a stroll near his house.

Of course, it was to buy himself a nice chicken bake from Greggs.

What did he need the rag and duct tape for?

Well it was to—

“Boo!”

“JESUS!”

Vedal felt his skeleton jump out of his skin.

“PFTT- HAHAHAHA!”

The figure clutched her stomach.

“Alright. Alllright.” Vedal sighed, his disappointment immeasurable.

“Bro there is no way you got scared by that,” She spoke before continuing to laugh.

“Camila, you never said anything about moving here." Vedal sighed, his disappointment deepening by the second.

“Well I wanted to surprise every one of my friends who lived in the U.K., so I only made the announcement to my discord.” Camila explained.

“So am I the only one who you’ve surprised so far, or have you visited Cerber yet?”

“Weelll, I just so happened to stalk you first, soooo.” Camila stared at Vedal with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. I know what that look means.” Vedal’s face twisted into a frown.

“What do you mean? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Camila waved her hand dismissively, her eyes avoiding his gaze.

“Uh huh. Right.” Vedal pinched the bridge of his nose.

Vedal’s gaze subconsciously glanced at her clothing.

She wasn’t in her usual clown outfit, but instead she was wearing what he would call “Casual clothing you wear in your home”. An oversized shirt that stops at the knees and black shorts.

Camila noticed his gaze, covering her body with her hands, “Where do you think you’re looking, you freakin’ perv?”

“I wasn’t— Ugh.” Vedal rolled his eyes.

Camila giggled, getting close into his proximity. Too close for Vedal to be comfy with. “So where are you going?”

“Greggs.” Vedal simply answered, pushing her away by the face.

Camila stumbled back, but quickly recovered, walking in tandem with him.

“Jeez louise you really value your personal space when you’re, uh, gettin’ yourself a chicken bake, bruv?” Camila spoke in a very bad British accent.

“Can you— Can you not?” Vedal sighed.

Camila put a hand to her mouth, snickering. She blinked innocently, asking, “Can I come with you?”

Vedal stared for a moment, before letting out a groan, putting his hands to his face. He let them slip down his face as he relented. “Sure, whatever, I guess you can come with me.”

Vedal vaguely waved his hand toward himself.

Camila perked up like a cat, her face lighting up even more.

“Yippee! Let’s go!” Camila grabbed him by the arm and walked ahead, dragging him forward.

“Hey—You don’t even know where it is!” Vedal tripped over his own feet at first, before regaining his footing.

“Also stop walking so fast!”

“Oh relax, I’ll be able to find it.” Camila brushed off his words. Her walking only got faster.

“That does not bode well.” Vedal commented.

Well, this wasn’t how he expected to start his day.

And he was hoping it wouldn’t end this way.

Though a small part of him,

A small part of him was enjoying the chaotic-ness of today.

But that wasn’t important.

Somehow, after refusing Vedal’s guidance, Camila was able to find the Greggs, much to Vedal’s disbelief.

Camila had already turned towards Vedal, a shit eating grin on her face.

“Ohhhh, I told you! I told you I would be able to find it!” Camila huffed proudly, putting her hands on her hips proudly.

She pointed at him accusingly, pressing her finger against his chest. “Oh, but you doubted me! You said that I wouldn’t find the Greggs.” She laughed before getting up close.

“Suck it Vedal!” She laughed at him, leaning back.

“Okay, alright, calm your ass down,” Vedal sighed.

“Maybe I underestimated how close Greggs is to my house.”

“Well, I think that’s just your fault.”

“How is that my fault?”

“It’s your fault because you are the one who lives here! I am but a simple tourist, and you have been living here your whole damn life!”

“Can you stop making a big deal of mundane shit?” Vedal groaned, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

Camila burst out laughing at his reaction.

“HAHAHAHA! GET RAGEBAITED! AHAHAHA!” She crouched down, grabbing at his clothing to keep herself up.

“Let’s just get my bloody chicken bake.” Vedal pulled her by the scruff of her collar.

“AHAHALRIGHT, JUST LET ME JUST CATCH MY BREATH, PLEASE!”

Vedal dragged her inside the Greggs, fully regretting some of his decisions.

--

 

Neuro, after doing some unnecessary dodge rolling after Vedal, was scouting out where he went after being ambushed by Camila.

“Evil, I think he’s gonna kidnap Cerber with Camila as his accomplice!”

Evil looked at her as if she was crazy.

“What.”

‘What? Do you not think so too?” Neuro looked back at her sister in confusion.

“No! I do not think so too! That does not make sense at all!” Evil hissed.

“Then what do you think they are doing then, huh?” Neuro huffed, turning away from her sister in annoyance.

“Simple, they are recruiting all of our friends to take over the world with me as their awesome AI leader.” Evil explained, putting a hand to her chest proudly.

Neuro slowly turned toward Evil. She blinked once. Then again.

“And you said my idea was crazy.” Neuro deadpanned.

“I think it’s much more plausible than yours.” Evil rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.

“Alright, whatever you say, let’s just continue following them before we lose their trail!” Neuro walked ahead.

Evil sighed, doing a light jog to catch up with her sister.

“So what will we do to mess up his plan anyway?” Evil’s eyes flickered around the area, scanning for any passersby that may find them suspicious.

“We will, uhm, uhhh,” Neuro looked up, thinking.

After a couple minutes of over the top noises of thinking, Neuro had finally come to a conclusion,

“I have no idea.” Neuro shrugged her shoulders.

“Really!? After that much thinking, you come up with nothing?” Evil stared at her sister incredulously.

“I dunno, dude. Isn’t it way more fun to wing it?” Neuro spoke with what one could describe as mischievous nonchalance.

Evil thought about it for a moment.

“I guess that makes sense,” Evil begrudgingly agreed, nodding her head.

Neuro just grinned in response.

“Okay, you’re right this one time, and now you’re all smug about it.” Evil groaned.

“What can I say, I’m never wrong.” Neuro spoke proudly, putting her hands on her hips and flashing her sister a big old grin.

“You— mmmmm.” Evil began, but held herself back, as to not gain the attention of a certain filter sister.

Neuro laughed at Evil’s restraint.

“Wow, look at you, holding back for the sake of the plan,”

Neuro patted her sister on the head condescendingly.

“Good girl.”

Evil’s eye twitched.

“...Thanks.” Evil spoke through gritted teeth.

Oh she was not getting away with that.

 

--

 

Vedal walked up to the counter to order his food.

“Hey, welcome to Greggs, how may I help you?” the attendant asked.

“I would like two chicken bakes, and two sausage rolls.” Vedal ordered.

“That would come to €6.50,” The clerk spoke.

“Debit or credit?” They asked.

“Uh, Debit.” Vedal took out his debit card, tapping it on the card reader.

The device beeped, confirming the payment.

The clerk then placed two small boxes of chicken bake and two boxes of sausage rolls on the counter.

“Thank you, have a nice day.” The clerk smiled.

Vedal grabbed the boxes, quietly mumbling a “you too.”

He turned, changing his focus from the food to his companion.

Camila was leaning against the wall, watching him the whole time as he ordered from Greggs.

“Wow, how thrilling.” She deadpanned, staring at the food in his arms.

“You even got one for me, how generous,” Camila smiled.

“Or are you some big glutton who’s gonna eat that much food?” she giggled at the prospect of Vedal being that greedy.

“Oh, don’t start, just grab a box.” Vedal shut down that train of thought as fast as it came.

Camila continued to giggle, but she grabbed a box of chicken bake.

“So where do we go from here, then?” she asked, tucking the box into her pocket.

“Well,” Vedal began,

“I have no idea.” Vedal shrugged.

 

Camila smiled.

“So, how about we visit Cerber as I originally planned?”

“No need.”

“Huh?”

“I told her you were here while you were dragging me along towards the Greggs.”

“Hey! I told you I wanted it to be a surprise!” Camila pouted.

“Well that’s just too bad, cause I don’t really care.”

“Vedal!”

“What?”

“You fucking bitch!” Camila enunciated the B.

Vedal couldn’t help the wry smile that grew on his face.

“Wow. The nerve, Camila Vtuber.”

The corners of Camila’s lips curled up,

“Yeah, I said it, bitch. Capital B Bitch.”

Vedal narrowed his eyes.

“ Ahem. ‘I can’t believe Vedal is friends with Camila, she’s so mean to—’”

“Oh my god, shut uppp dude.” Camila groaned, but she couldn’t stop herself from giggling.

“Erm, am I interrupting something?” Someone spoke from behind them.

The duo stopped in their tracks, their heads whipping towards the voice.

“Oh hey Cerber.”

“CERBER!”

Camila sprinted towards her, tackling her with a hug.

“Hey Cami-wan, Vedal-wan! It’s nice to see you both!”

Cerber reached out to Vedal.

Vedal let out a gentle sigh, and walked closer.

Cerber pulled him into the hug.

“Wow Vedal, look at you, so eager to get hugged by Cerber.” Camila taunted.

“Oh shut up.”

“Wow Vedal-wan, I thought you said you liked cat-girls?” Cerber giggled.

“Ooooooo, she got you there.” Camila laughed.

“Alright, I will not stand this slander.” Vedal forced his way out of the hug.

Cerber let go of Camila as Vedal busted out of her grip.

“Oh he’s shy.” Camila’s evil expression on her face had turned her smile wicked.

“Alright, Camila, could you stop talking?” Vedal deadpanned.

“Ouch, I can’t believe you’d say that to me, in front of Cerber no less!” Camila gasped dramatically, covering Cerber’s dog ears.

“Cami-wan, I’m not an innocent child you know?” Cerber pulled Camila’s hands away from her ears.

“Yeah, what are you doing?" Vedal stared at her in utter confusion.

“Gah, the British people are teaming up on me!” Camila spoke, somehow even more dramatically than her gasp.

“Can we get moving?” Vedal asked, his glare piercing Camila’s soul.

 

Camila felt Vedal’s gaze boring holes into her skull.

And so she let out a sigh.

“Alright finee.”

So she decided to stop for the time being.

 

“Thank you.” Vedal sighed a sigh of relief, clearly ready to move on from this bit.

When suddenly,

“I SAID SHUT UP YOU FUCKING [Filtered]!” A voice rang out from the alley behind them.

Vedal instantly whipped around. He knew that voice.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

He walked up to the alley, disappointment evident on his face.

He was met with Nere standing over Neuro and Evil, who were in the middle of a fight on the ground.

“Get off of me, you [Filtered]!” Neuro punched and kicked against Evil, who was trying to choke out her sister.

Neuro was able to kick Evil off of her, but Evil was able to get back on top of her.

“Alright, both filters are back on, get off of her.” Nere grabbed Evil by her arms, holding her back.

Vedal ran up to hold back Neuro as well.

“See? This is your fault you [Filtered], the operation’s busted now!” Neuro yelled.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a narcissistic [Filtered], then maybe the operation would still be fine!” Evil shot back.

“Hey, hey, stop fighting.” Vedal interjected, his parental instincts kicking in.

“What were you two doing?” Vedal asked, his voice softer than before.

The two sisters both looked away from him. Nere rolled her eyes, quietly muttering “Both of you are way too stubborn.”

“Oh, he’s going dad mode.” Camila grinned, nudging Cerber’s side as she leaned against the wall.

Cerber walked closer to them, worry taking over her tone of voice.

“Neuro-wan, Evil-wan, what were you two doing?” she asked, her already soft voice softening even more.

Evil’s eyes widened, turning back to look at Cerber, her resistance wavering.

Neuro on the other hand, was still unrelenting when it came to her stubbornness. She let out a “hmph” and turned the other cheek.

“Please tell us, Evil.” Vedal singled her out, knowing full well that she’ll give up.

Evil turned to look at Vedal, her expression softening even more. Her lips pursed into a fine line.

“Evil.”

Her attention turned back to her sister, Neuro, who called out her name.

“Don’t tell them the plan! Don’t betray me!” She yelled.

But Evil’s resolve was crumbling.

“Please?” Cerber pleaded, staring at Evil expectantly.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll tell!” Evil groaned, giving in to the pressure.

Cerber’s face lit up.

Neuro sighed in disappointment.

“I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” she frowned.

She let her head hang down, quietly murmuring things to herself

Vedal’s eyes slowly widened as he overheard what she’s whispering to herself.

Meanwhile, Evil had taken a deep breath, temporarily calming herself down.

“We were following Vedal because we thought he was doing something nefarious. He had duct tape and a rag for crying out loud!” She explained.

“Really?? That was all you guys were doing this for?” Vedal asked, dumbfounded.

“Neuro was whispering cryptic shit to herself as if you guys were planning to do some heinous shit behind my back!”

“Cryptic? Like what?” Camila raised a brow.

“Oh I dunno, stuff like “She’s gonna ruin everything I have planned, especially for Vedal.” and a bunch of other suspicious bullshit.”

"Yeah, talk about strange.” Nere murmured.

“Well, I was simply overhyping our plan to get Vedal nervous.” Neuro explained, speaking matter of factly.

“Uh huh, why would you want to make me nervous?” Vedal asked, his eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“Well, uh, it’s to show you that I can be scary.” Neuro explained, even though everyone can tell she definitely made that up on the spot.

“Pfft- That’s adorable.” Camila giggled.

Vedal rolled his eyes. “Aalllright.” He let go of Neuro’s arms. Neuro stumbled forward slightly, but she was able to regain her balance.

“Can you let me go?” Evil turned her head back toward Nere.

“I don’t trust you to behave yourself.” Nere narrowed her eyes, her hold on Evil’s arms tightening.

“Oh come on! Vedal let go of Neuro, why am I the one not trusted to behave!?”

“Filter-wan, let Evil go. I trust she’ll be good. ” Cerber stared at Nere.

And it was here Nere realized,

Even she is weak to Cerber.

Nere sighed, reluctantly letting go of Evil’s arms.

Evil smiled, walking toward the dog.

“Thank you Cerber.” Evil wrapped her arms around Cerber, hugging her.

Cerber practically exploded with happiness at the hug. She hugged her back, her grip crushingly tight.

“Ohh Evil-wan! You’re welcome!” She rubbed her head against Evil’s face.

Evil let out a groan, her body tensing up from the sudden force of her hug. She felt as if her bones were getting shattered by the hug.

“You’re… you’re welcome…” Evil was able to squeak out.

Nere stared, her expression softening slightly at the sight.

She shook her head, dispelling her short moment of weakness. She formed a peace sign with her fingers, her form flickering before disappearing. Some green zeros and ones were left in her wake.

Cerber let go of Evil after giving her a tight squeeze.

“You’re so sweet, Evil-wan.” Cerber’s tail wagged rapidly.

Evil cracked her arm and leg joints, murmuring a quiet “ow” at each joint she moves.

Vedal walked up, staring at his phone. “We have spent too much time loafing around, so uh, how about we go hang out back at the house, yeah?”

Camila shrugged her shoulders, “Meh, fine with me, that just means I can see what your room looks like, mwehehe.”

Cerber smiled, “I’m alright with that as well, that just means I can hang out with Neuro-wan and Evil-wan more!”

“Alright, that's good.” Vedal turned back toward the sidewalk.

“Wait!” Neuro called out, reaching for his sleeve.

“Hm?” Vedal turned his head.

Camila and Cerber turned to look at Vedal. He waved his hand.

“Just go ahead to the house, I’ll just answer Neuro’s question.”

“Alright!”

“See you Vedal-wan!”

The two walked off as Vedal focused his attention on his daughter.

“What is it?” He tilted his head.

Neuro inhaled.

“Why do you need the duct tape and towel? To kidnap someone? To take someone out using chloroform? Is it some kind of secret spy mission in some different identity you hide from your family for the greater good of the country?” Neuro berated Vedal with questions, wanting to get to the bottom of this mystery.

“What? No, I recently bought them the other day to fix up and clean up our attic. I had forgotten they were in my pocket when I checked up on you both earlier.”

Neuro looked at him in confusion. “Huh? That’s—”

“That’s it!? You mean we did this entire mission for fucking nothing? I had to endure Neuro’s bullshit for absolutely nothing?” Evil yelled in frustration.

Her head whipped toward Neuro.

“You fucking [Filtered]!” Evil yelled.

“Evil you idiot—”

Nere spawned again, her eyes twitching in irritation.

“Evil, for goodness sake!” Nere raised her voice. Not much louder than her usual voice, but loud enough that it’s evident she’s pissed off.

“Screw it I don’t care, you both deserve it, full day mute.” Nere snapped her fingers, before disappearing again.

Evil tried to speak, but no noise came out. She visibly deflated.

Neuro instantly turned to Vedal, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes.

Vedal however, was not going to fold to that.

“Yeah no, you’re gonna stay like that for the rest of the day.”

Neuro pouted in response, turning away from him.

Vedal groaned.

“Why do I handle you two?” He murmured to himself.

But he already knew the answer.

It’s because they’re his daughters.

They’re still grounded though.

Notes:

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