Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jisung is…

Well, for lack of better words, Jisung is a bit of a weirdo.

Not in a bad way. More so in a playful, energetic, likes to flirt heavily with his friends kind of way.

One of his favorite pastimes is asking his members for kisses. He’s not serious, of course… Though he wouldn’t necessarily complain if a certain someone wanted to kiss him back. But that’s not the point. The point is, he likes messing with the others and seeing just how far he can push before they run away or go in for the kiss. Of course, more often than not he’s met with neither of those results, and of course the members laughing in his face gets a little old, but Jisung is nothing if not persistent, so that doesn’t stop him from trying.

And try he will.

Jisung is squinting at his computer screen, eyes dry and tired after so long of not looking away. He lets out a long, loud breath, making it clear to everyone in the room that he’s bored.

Unfortunately for Chan and Changbin, they are everyone.

His two hyungs don’t pay any attention to the loud sigh since they are actually making progress. Jisung just sits there watching them, finally accepting that he’s apparently hit some kind of mental block. He just can’t seem to come up with anything worth putting down, and with a mind as hyperactive as Jisung’s can be, that results in some pretty intense boredom.

In true Jisung fashion, a silly idea pops into his head and a sly grin slides onto his face. He glances over to Chan, the person closest to him, and slumps in his chair. He pushes his feet into the floor so the wheels on the bottom of his chair start rolling in Chan’s direction. He scoots until the oldest finally looks up, eyes tired but curious, always ready to help when needed.

“Everything okay there, Sung?”

Jisung looks up at him with his signature boba eyes from where he’s still slouched down in his chair, sly grin hidden in exchange for an innocent pout. He makes his voice a bit whiny and cute, hoping to appeal to the other. “Hyung, I’m having trouble coming up with anything… I just don’t feel motivated.”

Chan’s eyes soften and he gives Jisung a gentle smile, one that always makes him feel a bit warm and fuzzy. “Oh, I’m sorry Sungie.” He reaches over and ruffles Jisung's hair in a comforting gesture. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

The question is so genuine and Jisung almost considers backing out. But that’s just not who he is, so he just keeps playing into it. “Well, there is something that I think could help.”

Chan just smiles a little bigger, eyes brightening a bit at the possibility of helping. Out of the corner of his eye Jisung sees Changbin looking up and leaning back to watch the interaction, curious as to what’s going on.

With the devious smile returning to his face, Jisung speaks. “You could give me a kiss!” He immediately pushes his lips out cutely, watching Chan’s reaction through squinted eyes.

For a moment Chan does nothing, says nothing, just staring down at Jisung. Then his eyes crinkle up and a giggle leaves his upturned lips.

“Ooh, Sungie, are you sure you aren’t trying to motivate me?”

At that Jisung perks up, a smug expression on his face. “Oh yeah? The thought of kissing me motivates you, hyung?”

Chan nods and glances over at Changbin, clearly stifling laughter. When he looks back at Jisung he says, “Yeah, motivating me to finish up here and head home for the night!” He bursts into laughter, Changbin's own loud, piercing cackle following. Jisung tries to look hurt, but he has to admit that that was a pretty good one. He gives in to the laughter that overtakes him as well, and the once silent studio is full of their gleeful sounds.

Once they calm down they decide that they really should head to their respective homes, a single glance at the clock on the wall telling them that it’s much later than they’d realised. They keep light conversation as they go, eventually splitting up when they reach their building. Each of them says a tired goodnight, waving sluggishly as their exhaustion catches up to them.

When Jisung walks into his and Minho’s shared apartment, it’s dark. He assumes either Minho is in bed already or he’s over at Chan and Jeongin’s place staying the night with his boyfriend. Either way, it doesn’t matter to him. He just walks through his home quietly, getting ready for bed and finally falling into the warmth of his mattress.

He falls asleep quickly with a faint smile on his face.

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Jisung plops down next to Hyunjin, watching the TV screen as Hyunjin scrolls through different titles. It’s their weekly movie night, so everyone has piled into one of the four dorms. This time around it’s Changbin and Hyunjin’s place since it’s Hyunjin’s turn to choose what they watch. He ends up selecting a drama, which makes Jisung laugh. “Hyunjin, you know it’s called movie night for a reason.”

Hyunjin just looks away from the episode selection screen to glare at Jisung. His dramatic, pouty voice doesn’t match the fierce look he’s giving Jisung. “Well I’ve been wanting to start this one, but I haven’t had time to. So unless we get a majority vote saying I can’t choose this, this is what we’re watching.”

No one argues with him, not really caring too much about what they watch as long as they can have a nice, relaxing evening. There are various snacks and drinks set up on the coffee table in the middle of the room, and everyone is spread around sitting or laying in different spots. Hyunjin, Jisung, and Chan are on the couch, Minho, Jeongin, Changbin, and Felix are sprawled on the floor, and Seungmin is in the armchair. There are blankets and pillows all over the place so they can get nice and comfy wherever they are.

Once everyone is settled, all lights, aside from the ones in the kitchen, are shut off and Hyunjin hits play on the first episode. Halfway through it’s clear that it’s an enemies to lovers trope, so Jisung decides he wants to tease Hyunjin about it.

“Aww, Jinnie it’s just like us. We went from enemies,” he snuggles up against Hyunjin's side before continuing. “To lovers. No wonder you wanted to watch this.” Jisung snickers as he watches Hyunjin side eye him.

“Only in your dreams, Jisung.”

Jisung pouts and widens his eyes, grabbing Hyunjin's arm dramatically. “You can’t deny what we have Hyunjin-ah!”

His teasing is cut off by a loud shushing coming from somewhere in the room. Jisung looks around to see where it came from, but all he sees is Seungmin staring at him and Hyunjin. There’s a weird look on his face, his eyes slightly narrowed as his eyes lock in on the way Jisung is clutching Hyunjin’s arm. After a moment Seungmin’s eyes raise and meet Jisung’s.

Everything feels quiet for a moment, Jisung’s teasing, the drama, the whispered comments and conversations around them, all forgotten. But it doesn’t last long. Seungmin blinks, shakes his head lightly, eyes widening. And he looks away. He glues his eyes to the screen of the TV and sinks into the armchair, pulling his blanket up to his chin.

Jisung watches him for another few seconds curiously, wondering what that was about. He finally looks away when there's loud laughter coming from where Changbin is laying on the floor. The others are laughing too. Something funny must have happened in the show. Again, Jisung notices a pair of eyes on him when he looks at the small group on the floor. Minho is looking at him, face refusing to give anything away. There’s almost a knowing look in his eyes, but Jisung can’t analyze it too much. Before he can even consider it, Minho looks away, not at all in a rush like Seungmin was.

He wanted Jisung to know that he saw.

But what exactly did he see?

Jisung sighs quietly, eyebrows furrowed as he looks back at the TV. He’s confused by everything that just happened. He tries to brush it off, but he can't help the way his eyes keep wandering towards Seungmin. He never looks back at Jisung, just stays curled up in the chair, almost completely buried under his blanket. It doesn't even look like he's paying attention to the show, his eyes just happen to be on the TV.

He’s momentarily distracted when Hyunjin leans forward to grab something from the coffee table. It’s a small box, and when Jisung squints to see what it is, he realizes that it’s pepero. Hyunjin opens the box and pulls out a stick, chewing on it as his eyes stay focused on the drama.

Jisung looks at the box for a moment, then reaches for it. Hyunjin lets it go without a fight, too focused on whatever is happening onscreen. Jisung peers into the thin box and grabs a stick, holding it up in front of his face. He turns to Hyunjin and taps on his shoulder. It takes a moment for him to tear his eyes away from the screen, but when he does, Hyunjin looks at Jisung questioningly. Jisung just puts the end of the stick of pepero into his mouth and wiggles his eyebrows at Hyunjin. The older just fights a smile as he raises an eyebrow at Jisung. Before Jisung can do anything else, Hyunjin raises his hand and pinches the pepero between his fingers, breaking it around the halfway point. He eats the piece he broke off and huffs out a short laugh, shaking his head with a small smile as he turns back to the TV.

Jisung pouts once again and eats the bit of pepero still dangling from his mouth. He decides to give up on his devious ways for the night, and really try to relax. By now most of the others have fallen asleep. Chan and Changbin are both snoring softly, Minho is curled up with his head on Jeongin’s lap, Felix is hugging a pillow to his chest. Jisung thinks he could fall asleep for a bit. So he turns back to the screen, resting his head on the back of the couch as he lets his eyes fall shut.

He can feel eyes on him, but he doesn’t look. All he knows is that they definitely aren’t Minho’s.

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“Hey guys.” Jisung walks into Felix and Seungmin’s dorm to see Jeongin and Seungmin sitting on the couch, facing each other as they speak. He doesn’t even have a chance to catch what they are talking about, because the moment he shuts the front door behind him, the two on the couch stop talking and turn to look at him. He sends them a quick smile and raises his hand to wave at them as he looks down to toe off his shoes.

Jisung came over to play games with his blonde-haired “twin”. It’s one of their few days with no schedules and he’s been wanting to try out a new game with the other. He wasn’t expecting to see Jeongin here as well, but it’s not too surprising seeing as he’s hanging out with Seungmin.

Seungmin is the first of the two to speak, his voice suspiciously subdued. “Oh, hey Jisung-ah. I didn’t know you were coming over today.”

Jisung looks up at him when his shoes are finally off and placed by the door semi-neatly. Seungmin doesn’t like the shoes to be all over the place. When his eyes reach Seungmin he is a bit taken aback by the sheepish look on his face and his neck that is slowly turning pink. He looks almost… Embarrassed.

“Yeah, I had planned to play some games with Lix since we have the day off.” He points between Seungmin and Jeongin, eyebrows raising a bit in amusement. “Did I just walk into something weird going on or…?”

When Jeongin registers what Jisung said his whole face scrunches up in disgust. “Ew, hyung, why would you say something like that? I’m not you.” Jisung just laughs at the maknae and walks into the apartment properly. He approaches Jeongin, wiggling his fingers at him and cooing. “Aww, don’t worry Innie I know you’re faithful to Minho-hyung.”

Jeongin’s disgusted face stays, but anyone looking at him could see the way it softens at the mention of Minho. Instead of saying anything in response Jeongin just scoffs and leans back into the couch cushions, pulling out his phone so he doesn't have to look at Jisung anymore. His ears are tinted pink though, so Jisung giggles and pinches one between his fingers before moving swiftly out of the way to dodge the hand that Jeongin is sure to throw out at him. When Jeongin’s fingers just barely graze the closest of Jisung’s legs, he huffs and opts to ignore him.

Pleased with his mischief, Jisung turns back to Seungmin. His face is carefully controlled into a blank expression, just watching the interaction between Jisung and Jeongin in front of him. Any trace of embarrassment has been carefully hidden away and Jisung silently questions whether he was imagining things. He decides not to mention it and just walks past the couch, heading towards Felix’s room.

“Alright, well I’ll leave you two alone. Don’t miss me too much.”

As he reaches the hallway he can hear Jeongin grumbling, “We definitely won’t,” followed by the quiet sound of Seungmin’s laughter.

About an hour later, when Jisung walks out of Felix’s room to find something to eat, he sees Seungmin and Jeongin still on the couch, both of them staring at their phones. He immediately starts scheming, trying to think up ways to bug them until he goes and rejoins Felix in his room. He has some time to come up with and carry out a plan considering the fact that Felix won’t allow him to come near his PC setup with any food or drinks.

You accidentally knock over an iced americano one time…

He shakes his head and gets back to the situation at hand. Messing with the maknaes.

When Jisung walks out of the kitchen, he does it quietly and nonchalantly, popping a chip in his mouth as he walks over to the couch. He joins Seungmin and Jeongin, sitting in the open space between them. He doesn’t say anything for a bit, just crunching on the small bowl of chips he has.

When he finally decides to speak up, he doesn't look up from his chips.

“Hey, Innie, do you have any good chapstick recommendations? I need to buy some but I've been thinking about trying a new brand.”

Jeongin looks up from his phone, a suspicious look on his face as he eyes Jisung. He’s already too familiar with Jisung’s antics.

“I do… I actually have a really good one I’ve been using recently.” He speaks slowly, eyes narrowing as he takes in Jisung’s nonchalance, too casual to be normal.

Jisung continues on, still munching on his chips in between words. “Do you think I could try some out?”

Jeongin’s face relaxes as the seconds tick by, starting to believe that maybe, just maybe Jisung really did want a recommendation. He shrugs. “Yeah, sure. I don’t see why not.”

He grins widely and quickly leans into Jeongin’s space with a kissy face. Jeongin just yelps and leans back, shoving his hand in Jisung’s face to stop him from getting any closer. “Hyung, what the hell?” His voice is a little annoyed, a little whiny, but his eyes… He looks a bit defensive which is not something Jisung really expected. Since his eyes are fixed on Jeongin’s face, he doesn’t miss the way the younger’s eyes dart somewhere behind him before looking back at his face.

Was he looking at Seungmin?

Before Jisung can think any more about that he responds to Jeongin. “I was just trying to get a little sample.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Jeongin.

“Never ask me for product suggestions ever again.”

Jisung pouts at Jeongin, then turns to Seungmin who already has his eyes on him, completely unreadable. “Seungminnie, do you see how mean Jeongin is being to me?” Jisung hears a scoff behind him and he can practically feel Jeongin rolling his eyes.

Seungmin’s face stays perfectly neutral as he shrugs and looks back at the screen of his phone. “As far as I’m concerned, you provoked him.”

Jisung just makes a sad sound and leans his head on Seungmin’s shoulder, looking up at him with shiny eyes. “But Minnie, how could someone as cute as me possibly provoke anyone?”

The sound of loud laughter behind him startles Jisung. He briefly lifts his head to stick his tongue out at Jeongin before returning to Seungmin’s shoulder. Jeongin just laughs harder at that.

“Jisung, I’m trying to shop right now. Get off of my shoulder before I remove your stuff from my cart.” Seungmin doesn’t look up as he says it, just keeps scrolling. But his words give Jisung another opening. “Aww, Seungmin, you’re buying me a gift? You must love me or something.”

He feels Seungmin’s body stiffen under his face. Jisung can’t see Seungmin’s expression properly from where he’s perched on his shoulder, but it takes half a second longer than usual for Seungmin to respond to Jisung’s teasing. “More like Christmas is coming up and I’m getting something for everyone. You aren’t special Han Jisung.”

Right, Christmas. He honestly hadn’t even considered that. It’s still two months away, but Jisung has always been more of a last minute shopper. He’s had to give a gift a day or two late more times than he would like to admit.

But that didn't bother him. What’s bothering him is those last five words. Just those last five words. They really hit Jisung in a way he wasn’t anticipating. He knows that Seungmin has pretty dry humor, knows that Seungmin’s words could be easily misconstrued by those who don’t know him. And that’s how he knows that Seungmin is just messing with him. It’s just banter. They do this all the time and Jisung has heard the exact same words from almost all the members at one point or another.

So why does it hurt like this?

He just shakes it off and sits up, eating the last few chips in his bowl before standing. It’s nothing worth getting wound up and overthinking.

“Okay, okay, I’ll let you guys get back to your boring afternoon.”

Jeongin pipes up. “Better than when you decided to be a pain in the ass!”

Jisung puts his bowl in the sink before going back to the living room. “Funny, cause as far as I understood Minho-hyung is the reason for the pain in your ass.”

Jeongin’s jaw drops as his ears and face turn red. Seungmin makes a gagging sound. And Jisung walks back to Felix’s room laughing at the mess he’s left behind.

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“Please hyung, just one little kiss! Even just a peck on the cheek?”

Minho looks at Jisung, unimpressed. His voice is flat and unwavering when he gives Jisung the same answer as every other time he’d asked. “No.”

“Pleaseeeeee?” Jisung is desperately holding back giggles as he draws out his plea and stares at Minho with the sweetest face he can manage. He already knows Minho isn’t going to budge, but that’s part of the fun of it.

He doesn’t expect Jeongin’s reaction though.

Jeongin’s head snaps up from his phone, eyes fierce as he fixes Jisung with a sharp glare. “Han Jisung, I swear if you keep asking… I don’t care if you guys are fucking soulmates.”

Jisung’s mouth drops open at the tone Jeongin used when speaking to him. He gets that Jeongin is a bit possessive (both he and Minho are, really) and probably just fed up with him asking so many times, but it’s not like Jisung is serious. Especially between Minho and Jeongin, that’s not a relationship he wants to mess with. Neither of them would bat an eye if they needed to knock him over the head for getting between them in a serious way.

 “Yah! That’s hyung to you, brat!”

Minho reaches over and smacks Jisung on the back of the head. “Don’t call my boyfriend a brat. Only I’m allowed to do that.” Jisung doesn’t even try to hide the disgust on his face as the corner of Minho’s mouth lifts up in a smirk. He turns to face Jeongin, trading the smirk for a gentle smile that does nothing to hide the warning in his eyes. When he speaks his voice is soft, but ominous in the way that it sends a chill down Jisung’s spine even though it isn’t directed towards him. “Jeongin, aegiya, if I hear you talk to Jisung like that again we’re gonna be having a discussion.”

Jeongin just huffs as he slumps even further into the couch, going back to scrolling on his phone. “Well if Jisung-hyung would keep to himself, we wouldn’t have an issue.” The words are mumbled, just barely loud enough for the older two to hear him.

“Aww, is my Innie jealous? You know I don’t want my lips anywhere near a face that’s not yours.” Minho speaks in a cutesy, singsongy voice that honestly grates on Jisung's nerves a little. He watches their exchange, torn between laughing at them or dashing out of their apartment. He’s leaning towards the latter. “You guys are disgusting.”

Both of them turn to Jisung with eyebrows raised. Jeongin responds almost tauntingly, an amused look in his eye that’s barely hiding the leftover annoyance. “Oh come on hyung, you know you wish you could be this disgusting with a certain someone.”

Once the words leave Jeongin’s mouth his thin eyes widen slightly, as if he’d said something he didn’t mean to say. Jisung just stares at him, unsure of what to say. He’s not wrong but… It sounds like he had someone specific in mind.

And Jisung doesn’t know how he feels about that.

The room goes quiet for a few moments as Jeongin and Minho glance at each other, looking as if they’re communicating something to each other, making a decision of sorts. It seems that they also don’t know how Jisung felt about it, their faces slightly apprehensive.

Jisung feels like he doesn’t really want to deal with what’s happening right now, so he begins moving towards the door. “Alright, well I’m gonna go so you guys can do your whole couple thing in peace.” He says it in a teasing voice, but it sounds just a little strained, the light laughter around the words a little forced even to his own ears. “I told Hyunjin I’d go over for lunch anyways. He’s tired of Bin forcing him to eat plain chicken breast.” He turns away from them to put his shoes on, but Minho stops him.

“Wait, Jisung-ah, stay a little longer. Hyunjin can wait.”

He stops in his tracks, holding his breath as he turns to face the two. Minho used that tone that makes it clear he won’t be argued with, no matter how soft he sounds. Jisung kind of wishes Minho would just let him go, or at least tell him why he wants him to stay.

“Hyung, I should really go. I probably should have already left-”

“Sit.”

This time he’s really serious. If his voice didn’t give it away, then the look in his eyes would.

With a quiet sigh, Jisung walks over to the armchair in the room. His nerves and slight discomfort are obvious as he sits on the edge of his seat and watches the couple where they’re both seated on the couch. After another long bout of silence, Minho begins talking.

“You know we’re here for you, right? Even if we don’t say it often, we do care about you.”

The words kind of throw Jisung off, but Minho has always been pretty random. If he thinks something needs to be mentioned or spoken about, he’s not one to beat around the bush and delay what he wants to say. He gets straight into it, even if it leaves everyone feeling a bit perplexed.

Once he gets his head together enough to speak, Jisung can’t help the joke that leaves his mouth, an automatic reaction to hide when things start feeling too real, too sincere. “Aww, hyung, what are you trying to tell me? Innie’s told me before that you guys don’t want a third.” His face is teasing as he tries his best to hide the real emotions just under the surface.

The two of them just watch him with the same sharp and unwavering eyes. It’s clear that they won’t let him joke his way out of this. Jeongin speaks up after the silence stretches a minute longer than is comfortable, and his voice is softer than Jisung expected. “Hyung, you don’t have to tell us anything. We don’t want to make you feel pressured or anything like that. But…we see you.” He pauses for a moment, letting the words sink in. “We know you through the teasing and the jokes. We just want you to be happy.”

Jisung is lost for words for a moment, mouth hanging slightly open as he stares at the two of them. Once he comes back to himself he just lets out a halfhearted chuckle, and when he speaks his voice is weaker than before. “I-I am happy. I am… You guys don’t need to worry about me. I’m awesome.” And he’s not lying, he really is happy. Jisung has amazing friends that he enjoys spending time with, a great career that allows him to do what he loves, supportive fans that he absolutely adores… But…

There’s always a but…

He can feel the truth wanting to slip out. It would be so easy. But he’s spent too long keeping it all locked away. He just has to keep doing what he’s doing and hope it’ll work out eventually. Or that he learns to move on.

Minho nods, understanding his struggle. Jeongin looks like he wants to push a bit more though, so he adds on one last thought before Jisung can escape.

“Don’t be afraid, Jisung-hyung. Things will work out.”

The words are heavy, loaded with some hidden meaning that would require a more intense conversation to unpack properly. Jisung nods slowly, thinking and rethinking. He wants to believe it, he’s just not sure he’s ready to. He can’t risk fucking things up.

“Thanks Jeonginnie, Minho-hyung.”

He gives them each one last grateful smile before turning and leaving the apartment, effectively ending the conversation. After that he’s not so sure what to do. He’s not really sure about anything he’s been doing.

And that terrifies him more than the brand new crack Minho and Jeongin just made in the silly shield around his heart.

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Jisung is shivering in his thick winter coat as he rides the elevator up to Seungmin and Felix’s place. It’s been cold out for about a month or so, but it always hits differently when you know Christmas is just around the corner. Now that they’re only about a week away, Jisung knows they can probably look forward to snow soon. And, even better, the reason he’s heading to the daengnyangz dorm is because Felix is doing some Christmas baking! Jisung has been recruited by Felix to be a helper—meaning Felix wants someone to chat with and taste test, because everyone knows Jisung is not very handy or helpful in the kitchen.

When he gets to their floor, he quickly walks down the hallway and punches in the code to unlock the door. Jisung opens the door to a gust of warm air, the smell of freshly baked cookies floating through the apartment. He takes off his shoes and coat, leaving them by the door, neatly of course, and heads to the kitchen where the warmth and sweet smell are strongest.

There’s a fond smile pulling on Jisung’s lips when he peeks through the doorway to see a focused Felix pulling a tray out of the oven, cute cat apron (gifted by Minho) tied around his waist and flour smeared on his freckled cheeks. Jisung just watches for a moment, takes in the chaos that Felix has a firm hold of. He measures ingredients with ease, whips around to put another tray in the oven before quickly setting a timer and turning back to the next batch of sweets he’s getting ready.

After a minute or two Jisung decides to alert Felix of his presence. “Hey Lix! Smells good in here.”

The blonde boy looks up from the mixing bowl in front of him, smiling brightly when he sees Jisung. It warms Jisung even better than the heat from the oven. “Sungie! I was waiting for you! What took so long?”

Jisung laughs sheepishly, scratching lightly behind his ear. “Got caught up at the studio. We were making some good progress and I kind of lost track of time.”

Felix nods and looks back down at the brownie batter he’s whipped up. “Oh okay! Well I’m glad you guys got some good work done. Hopefully all of you are done for the night?” Jisung sees one of his eyebrows quirking up expectantly. All of the members know 3RACHA well enough. They know it’s not easy to get them back to the dorms and relaxing in a timely manner.

“Well, you know Chan-hyung. Me and Changbin-hyung tried to drag him out, but there's always one more thing to work on.”

Felix shakes his head as he pours the chocolatey batter into a baking pan. “All three of you are such workaholics, but Channie-hyung…”

Jisung nods, understanding what Felix means. He really is the worst about resting and just taking care of himself overall. “I know, but there’s only so much we can do. Gotta let him do his thing.”

The other sighs and leans against the counter facing Jisung, arms crossed in front of him. “Yeah I guess so.” After a short pause Felix stands up straight and gestures at the sweets around the kitchen with a smile. “Alright, ready to taste? I’ve been working on all kinds of treats, so I hope you’re ready.”

Jisung smiles back at him and rubs his hands together, already eyeing a plate of fudge. “Yep! I’ve been looking forward to this all day.” He goes straight for the fudge and grabs a small square from the top, biting into the sweet, chewy, chocolatey goodness. The pleased sigh that leaves his lips as his eyes fall shut makes Felix giggle.

“There’s no way it’s that good Sung.”

Jisung pops the rest of the square into his mouth and opens his eyes, smirking mischievously at Felix. “You’re right. It’s not sweet enough.”

Felix’s eyes widen, moving to the plate of fudge and glancing around the kitchen like he can do something to fix it. “How is that possible? I followed the recipe exactly, it’s the one I use every year.”

Before Felix can actually spiral into a proper freak out, Jisung speaks. “It tasted fine Lix, but I’m in the mood for something sweeter.”

Felix stops running around the kitchen and looks at Jisung, relief evident on his face.

“Oh thank goodness.” His face relaxes back into a small smile. “Well there’s plenty of other stuff. I made a few different kinds of cookies, there’s some cake, I’ve got brownie batter ready for the oven…” He trails off and looks up at Jisung, waiting to see which is his pick. He just smiles at Felix and says the cheesy line that pops into his head.

“Well, you’re sweeter than sugar, so maybe I’m just in the mood for you.” He winks playfully and steps towards Felix making kissy noises.

What he didn’t see coming though, was Felix stepping forward and leaning in. He probably should have since this isn’t the first time he’s moved to reciprocate, but it never fails to catch Jisung off guard. When Felix keeps leaning in, hesitation nowhere to be seen, Jisung pulls his face away and stumbles back. He doesn’t stop until his lower back bumps into the counter and he is forced to stop moving. Felix opens his eyes and gives Jisung another of those blinding smiles, eyes crinkling up in the cutest way. His voice is teasing when he speaks, walking towards Jisung slowly. “What’s wrong Jisungie? You can dish it but you can’t actually take it when someone goes in for the kiss?”

Jisung can feel himself flushing in embarrassment, fumbling over words that never actually make it out of his mouth. His mind goes back to a few days ago when he had been hanging out with Minho and Jeongin.

We know you through the teasing and the jokes.

He can’t help but wonder if he’s taking things too far. If he needs to stop what he’s doing and just be honest with himself, with the people around him. But how would he even do that? How would he even begin to figure out the complex feelings running around in his chest?

For now though, he just gives up and lets his jaw drop as he watches Felix getting closer.

When Felix is right in front of him, just a small gap in between them, Jisung swallows nervously. Felix was right. He really can’t handle it when someone else goes for it. He waits to see what Felix is gonna do, his eyes boring into Jisung’s with a playful glint.

After what feels like hours to Jisung, Felix just dips his finger in some flour on the counter and pokes Jisung on the nose. He giggles and turns around, moving about the kitchen with ease once again, not at all affected by what’s just happened.

Jisung whines and slumps back against the counter, glaring at Felix. There’s no actual anger or annoyance in his gaze, but he can’t stand that he had been so flustered by the other. “What was that about?”

The blonde doesn’t look up as he continues working, filling piping bags with colorful icing. “Just giving you a taste of your own medicine. He smirks as he ties the one he’s just finished filling, seemingly oblivious to Jisung’s inner turmoil. “No one ever really messes with you like that when you’re playing. Figured you need it every once in a while.”

The sound of someone loudly clearing their throat catches both of their attention. Jisung whips his head around to look at the kitchen doorway, mouth drying as he sees the person standing there. He isn’t quite sure why, but seeing Seungmin standing there with that look on his face makes him feel like his soul has left his body. Like he’s been caught in the act, doing something he shouldn’t have done, doing something wrong.

But he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Jisung was just messing around with Felix, the same way he does with all of them.

So why is Seungmin looking at him like that?

His lips are drawn in a tight line, eyes alight with something that almost makes Jisung want to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. Jisung stares into those eyes, unmoving, like a deer caught in headlights. It feels like hours before Felix speaks, barely glancing over his shoulder to see who it is. When he sees that it’s Seungmin he grins. “Oh, hey Seungminnie. I didn’t know you were gonna be home this early!”

Jisung watches as Seungmin tears his eyes away to look at Felix, fixing his usual blank, unbothered look onto his face. “Yeah, my vocal training went well, so my coach decided we could finish up early.”

“Oh, nice. Want to try some of what I made? I was about to make Jisungie help me decorate cookies.”

Jisung feels his breath catch slightly when Seungmin smiles at Felix. His smile is so… “Sure. It all looks and smells very good Lix-ah.” He enters the kitchen and grabs a simple snickerdoodle, biting into it and humming happily. “Ah, yeah this is really good.” He ruffles Felix’s hair, not too effectively since it’s pulled up in a small bun.

Felix laughs lightly. “Thanks, Minnie.”

Jisung just watches as they talk and move around the kitchen, feeling almost like a fly on the wall. They seem so relaxed together, even more than they did before they lived together, just the two of them. And this is the first time Jisung is seeing them interact with each other outside of a group setting since they got their current dorm arrangements. Something about it makes Jisung feel… Odd. It’s cute to see, adorable even, the way they move around each other easily, speaking comfortably amongst themselves in a combination of Korean and English. But he also feels…

Jisung is brought out of his own head when Seungmin finally looks back at him, the leftovers of a smile on his lips after catching up with Felix about his day. His expression is almost a complete 180° from what it was when he first made his presence known, his face and tone teasing now as he speaks to Jisung. “I hope you don’t plan on burning down our apartment, Jisung-ah. There’s a reason Lix and I don’t work together here in the kitchen.”

A soft pout forms on Jisung's face as he responds, easily falling into his usual banter with Seungmin. “Seungmin, don’t you know me at all? I know I’m good at many things, but I also know that none of those things involve the kitchen.” He turns and grabs a cookie, showing it to Seungmin. “Unless it’s eating.” He shoves the cookie in his mouth, knowing his cheeks are probably huge because of it.

He sees something in Seungmin’s face soften a bit before he composes himself and laughs, shaking his head. “I guess that’s true. At least you know you can’t handle any actual cooking. Or baking. We want it warm inside, but not so much that we lose the roof over our heads.”

Felix giggles and looks at Seungmin again, offering him a piping bag full of frosting. “Since you’re home, want to help us decorate cookies?”

Jisung watches him, looking forward to his answer. Seungmin hesitates for a moment, a flash of conflict in his eyes before he responds. “No, that’s alright. I’m kinda tired so I think I’m gonna call it an early night. Gotta get some journaling in before I fall asleep and everything, you know?”

Felix nods in understanding. Jisung feels himself deflate a bit. He had hoped Seungmin would join them, even if just for a little bit.

Felix speaks again before Jisung can. “Okay. Did you at least eat dinner?”

Seungmin nods. “Innie was about to leave the company building when I finished up, so we grabbed something on our way home.”

Once again, Jisung feels like he’s a bit insignificant in the face of their domesticity. He isn’t completely sure that he knows what to make of how he’s feeling. Or that he really wants to.

“Okay, good. Get some rest then, Minnie. I’ll see you in the morning.” Felix sends him off with a smile.

Jisung speaks up just as Seungmin is leaving the kitchen. “Night, Seungmin.”

Seungmin turns and smiles, speaking warmly. “Goodnight. Get home safely, Jisung-ah.” He turns and disappears through the doorway. Jisung doesn’t look away from the empty space until he hears Seungmin’s door shutting quietly somewhere down the hallway.

Felix looks up at Jisung, holding up the piping bags. “Now, are you gonna help me decorate all these cookies?”

Jisung stares at Felix. Even if he wanted to process and talk about the truth, now just isn’t the time. Especially not when Seungmin is anywhere near. He pretends to sulk for a few seconds, then drops the act. “Okay, fine…” He grabs the red icing and watches what Felix does so he doesn’t screw his cookies up too much.

In the end, the kitchen is full of laughter. They both have icing all over their fingers and faces, and the cookies came out well enough, if a little silly looking. They save some without icing so the others can decorate a couple for fun as well.

Jisung helps Felix wrap up all the treats and put them into containers so they stay nice and fresh. There are containers for each of the four dorms, and even some to give to managers and staff because Felix is just kind like that. Before Jisung leaves for the night Felix shoves two big containers in his arms, telling him to share them with Minho.

“Thanks for coming over to help Jisung, it definitely made it a lot more fun since everyone else was busy.”

Jisung smiles and shoves his feet into his shoes. “It’s no problem, Lix. You know I’m happy to help whenever. And I wasn’t completely selfless in coming over, I did get to eat a lot of what you made.”

Felix just laughs and shakes his head. “True. Make sure you try to eat some actual food when you get home.”

“Yeah, I will. Hyung probably left something to eat.”

“Okay, good.” There’s a short pause while Jisung puts on his coat. “And sorry about earlier. The whole kiss thing? Just in case you were actually upset about it, I wasn’t trying to make you  uncomfortable or anything like that.”

Jisung looks at Felix, a bit taken aback by his apology. Seems like Felix wasn’t as oblivious as Jisung had initially assumed. “Oh, no you’re good Lix, I wasn’t upset. I’m just…” He pauses, trying to decide what the right thing to say is. He can’t help the way his eyes flick towards the hallway for a moment. “I think I just have a lot on my mind.”

Felix tilts his head, a slight crease forming between his brows. “You know, you can talk to me if you need to. Any of us really.”

You know we’re here for you, right?

Jisung smiles gently, a reassurance. “I know… I’m alright, I promise.” He picks up his containers of treats again. “I’d better get home. I need a shower. I think I have flour and powdered sugar in places it shouldn’t be.”

They both laugh loudly at that. Felix gives Jisung a sweet smile and watches him walk down the hall to the elevator. When the doors slide open Felix calls out a last, “Get home safe!”

Jisung waves and steps into the elevator, mind a little quieter as it begins descending. One heavy thought stays in his brain though, weighing him down.

He really needs to sit down and consider dealing with the truth. And maybe try to talk to someone about it.

❄️        ❄️        ❄️

Jisung stumbles over to the front door, on a mission to stop the incessant knocking that’s starting to match the pounding behind his eyes. He’s still a bit bleary eyed despite having been up for over 45 minutes, the late night he pulled crashing down on him the moment his alarm went off. No matter how long Jisung has been joining Changbin at the gym, being up so early in the morning never gets easier.

When he opens the door he’s met with a smiley Changbin, shiny eyes and pearly whites on display. Jisung really doesn’t know how he does it at the damn asscrack of dawn.

“Took you long enough to open up!” Changbin’s loud voice makes Jisung wince, and he feels the urge to bury himself back in bed with his hands over his ears. Instead, he just groans and leaves the door open, walking over to grab his gym bag and pull on his shoes. “I didn’t take more than a minute, you’re just impatient.”

Changbin watches Jisung with an amused smile as he almost falls on his face putting his shoes on. “Someone sounds grumpy this morning. Princess didn’t get enough sleep?”

Minho walks out of the hallway and into the kitchen, always an early riser. “He didn’t go to bed until three in the morning last night.”

Jisung finally gets his shoes on and stands upright, glancing back at Minho, who’s pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Traitor.” He looks back at Changbin who is still wearing that amused look and sends him a glare. “Screw you, hyung.”

“Ooh, feisty. I like it! Let’s put that energy into our workout today.”

Jisung sighs, tired and irritated. The truth is, he isn’t exhausted because he went to bed at three in the morning. In reality it had been much later, he’d just gone to his room at three. For days now Jisung hasn't had a restful night of sleep. He ends up laying in bed, staring at his dark ceiling. Tossing and turning as he tries to decipher exactly what’s happening to him. Waking up and wishing he could pull the covers over his head and go back to sleep.

At night, he’s plagued with thoughts of Seungmin, the way the younger looks at him when he’s flirting with the others, the way he said to get home safe a few nights ago. During the day, he’s faced with the reality of those things, seeing them happen right in front of his eyes over and over again.

And finally, after thinking night after restless night, after analyzing every interaction he’s had with Seungmin recently, he’s come to a conclusion. Something he’s known for years deep down inside of himself.

Jisung has feelings for Seungmin. Fluffy, sickly sweet, romantic feelings.

Now, he’s faced with the predicament of not knowing what to do with this discovery, this realization. All he knows for sure is that he can’t go back to how things were before.

Jisung is startled out of his thoughts when Changbin claps his hands together. “Alright, let’s go.” Changbin looks into the apartment at Minho. “See ya, Min-hyung.”

The older just hums as he sips his coffee, barely raising his hand in a goodbye wave.

With that, Changbin drags Jisung out of the warm apartment building and into the cold outside world. They walk towards the gym in relative silence. The combination of movement and the chill morning air helps Jisung feel more awake, so he’s in a slightly better mood by the time they reach the gym. The issue is that being more awake also means that his brain starts running in circles again, so his good mood doesn’t last long.

It doesn’t take long for Changbin to notice that Jisung is acting off. He’s less talkative, not really smiling or joking around, staring into the mirror along the wall without actually watching his form as he goes through exercises. Soon enough he puts down the weights he’s working with and speaks up.

“Jisung-ah, are you good?” He looks a bit concerned as he watches Jisung snap out of whatever daze he’s been in.

“Huh? I’m fine.”

Changbin keeps his unwavering eyes on Jisung, completely silent. And somehow that’s just what Jisung needed to finally say something.

He hunches over on the bench he’s sitting at, clasping his hands in front of him as he looks down at the ground. “Hyung… I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do.”

Changbin sits next to him on the bench, looking over at Jisung. “Don’t know what to do about what? Talk to me. Maybe it’ll help.”

Jisung lifts his eyes from the ground and looks at Changbin. He’s grateful that the gym is empty aside from them right now.

“I think-...” He takes a breath before finally saying what he’s never said out loud before. “I think I have feelings for…someone.”

Changbin nods thoughtfully before speaking again. “Okay. So what about that is bothering you?”

Before he can stop himself, words begin pouring out. “Well, what if he doesn’t feel the same? I can’t just go and ruin things like that because of a little crush. I…I don’t even know how serious I am about it. What if we got together and not long into the relationship I realized it wasn’t that serious? There’s too many things to consider. Too many ways this could go wrong if I let myself do anything about it. And like I said, all of that is if he even feels the same.” He pauses for a moment to catch his breath. He feels like he’s been running because of the intensity of his little outburst. When he continues his voice is quiet and more vulnerable than he has been with Changbin in a while. “Hyung, I can’t lose him. Even if it’s just as a friend. If I messed things up between us…I don’t know what I would do.”

It’s silent between them once Jisung finishes speaking, his heart and soul practically laid bare on the floor of the gym. Jisung waits and waits for Changbin to say something. He feels himself getting more nervous with every second that ticks by. Eventually, Jisung sucks in a deep breath and looks over at Changbin again, just to see that he’s staring at him. His eyes are soft and understanding, and Jisung can’t help but to relax, knowing that it’s okay that he finally talked to someone.

After staring at each other for a bit Changbin finally says something. “First of all, the fact that you’re freaking out to this extent tells me that you must really like him. Obviously it’s not for me to decide, you still need to consider and figure that out on your own, but that’s just what I think. Second of all, if this is affecting you this much, I really think you should talk to this guy, whoever he is.” Changbin gives him a serious look. “You can’t keep pretending that you’re okay when obviously you aren’t. Jisung, we all love you, and we’re here for you. When one of us is struggling, we all struggle. Because we’re a team. We’re a family. None of us are meant to go through stuff like this alone, because we have each other. You just have to trust that we’ll be here to help you pick up the pieces if things don’t go the way you want them to.” He stops for a second, then with a small upturn of his lips, “Even if this guy is one of us.”

Jisung feels his face heat up. “Hyung, wha-...”

“Jisung, I have a pretty good hunch about who it is.” Changbin taps his own head. “You forget that I know more than any of you realize. I may be loud sometimes, but I’m observant.”

Jisung’s shoulders slump slightly and he looks down at his hands. “Yeah, okay. But hyung, if you know who it is then you have to know that there’s no way he feels the same. There’s just no way.”

Changbin just sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “I can’t speak for anyone else, Sung. I can just give whatever advice I think applies. So, do you want to know what advice I would leave you with?”

He looks over at Changbin and nods, nervous, but hopeful that it will give him some kind of peace.

“Don’t be so afraid, Sung. Your fear holds you back so much. If you were truly as confident as you pretend to be sometimes, I think you would realize that some things aren’t really worth all that energy.”

Don’t be afraid, Jisung-hyung. Things will work out.

Lost for words, Jisung just nods again and replies with a simple, “Okay… Thanks, hyung.”

Changbin smiles at him reassuringly. “It’s no problem. Now, enough with the pity party, we have a gym session to finish!” He stands up and stretches his arms over his head.

Jisung laughs, actually feeling a bit better now that he’s talked to someone. Seems like he hasn’t put as much faith in his members as he should have.

When Jisung finally stands up, Changbin surprises him by pulling him into a bone crushing hug. He can’t breathe with the way Changbin has his arms wrapped around him. Jisung might have bulked up a bit after going to the gym more often, but he still isn’t any match for Changbin.

“Hyung,” he rasps out, tapping Changbin’s shoulders. “Hyung, can’t- breathe-...”

Changbin laughs and releases Jisung, slapping him on the back as he leans over to catch his breath. “Holy shit, hyung… I get that we had a moment, but you don’t have to suffocate me like that.”

“Ahh, I didn’t even squeeze you that hard. Now come on, back to work, for real this time.”

Jisung just watches as Changbin goes back to where he was before, picking up the weights he was using and continuing his reps. He just chuckles lightly and stands up properly, going back to his area to do the same.

For the first time in weeks things feel a little simpler, and later that night, Jisung sleeps a little better.

❄️        ❄️        ❄️

“Happy New Year STAY!”

All eight of the members look into the camera filming them, waving and shouting their final goodbyes and promises to see STAY in the new year.

It’s Christmas Eve and they’ve just finished filming for a New Years themed SKZ Code, set to be released within the next week. The company rented out a cozy vacation rental for the episodes, big enough for Jisung and the others to move around and play games in comfortably, then sleep paired up in rooms.

When they had first walked in, Jisung looked around in awe. Skijigi had done a wonderful job decorating the place to look nice and festive. There were all kinds of Christmas decorations up, along with tons of silver and gold New Years decorations scattered around the place: tinsel strung up around the place, a christmas tree in the corner covered in shiny ornaments, celebration hats and party poppers. Everyone could already tell it would be fun. And it was. They played games, sang songs, did their own fake countdown where they did a group hug and drank apple cider. It was something that STAY would definitely enjoy.

Now that they’re done, the camera crew and other staff are packing up their things. Since it’s Christmas, the company decided to keep the place for a few days, giving the boys a small break. It won’t be long enough to visit family unless they’re close by, but they’ll at least be able to have fun together. The only responsibility they have before the break is attending and performing at Gayo Daejeon tomorrow, but they can at least relax and hang out tonight, and after they finish up with that tomorrow.

Once it’s just the eight of them, Jisung flops down on the couch in front of the fireplace, nice and warm. He stretches and lets out a loud yell as he does it, gaining the attention of…no one. They’re all used to his weird sounds by now. Once he’s done stretching and getting comfy, he just sits there, staring into the fire.

His mind is tired after filming, but it still manages to pick itself up and move around the thoughts that have been turning in his head. Talking to Changbin the other day had given Jisung some peace. He knows that he should talk to Seungmin about what’s going on, tell him about how he feels or make some kind of move. But he has been left with the dilemma of figuring out what to say, what to do. Jisung has gone over many different scenarios, and none end well. If he pours out his heart, there’s a good chance he’ll ramble and say something weird. If he does some kind of gesture, Seungmin is meticulous enough about things that there’s a good chance Jisung will get something wrong. If he turns it into a joke, there’s a good chance Seungmin won’t realize he’s being honest.

So many options, and no right answer.

Jisung would never even admit to himself that he’s overthinking things to the extreme.

“Hannie!”

“Huh?” He looks away from the fire and towards the voice that had called him. Chan.

“Were you listening?”

Jisung stares at Chan with wide, confused eyes. Chan just huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. “We were saying that tonight we can just get some snacks, hang out, reminisce. Keep tonight chill since we have a busy day tomorrow.”

Jisung nods quickly. “Oh! Yeah, that actually sounds really nice.

“Alright.” Jisung watches as Chan looks around the room at everyone. “Now to decide who is going to brave the cold outdoors and get the snacks.”

Everyone groans, not wanting to be forced out of the warmth and into the freezing cold. Jisung isn’t even quite sure how it still hasn’t snowed by now. They end up deciding to send two people. Minho suggests that to keep it quick and simple, they split into groups of four based on their old dorm arrangements, and play rock, paper, scissors until each group has one loser. Wanting to get this over with quickly, they all agree.

Jisung quickly regrets agreeing when he loses.

It’s not so horrible though. Not when he sees that Seungmin lost as well.

Chan speaks up, voice loud enough to cut over the chatter of the other seven. “Okay then, it’s settled.” Jisung sighs as Chan gestures to him and Seungmin. “Our winners!” Leave it to Chan to try and put a positive spin on losing. “There’s a convenience store just down the road. Stay safe, and we’ll text you what everyone wants.”

Jisung whines as they’re ushered towards the front door to put on their coats and shoes. Seungmin is silently complying, never really one to do too much complaining. Jisung sees him grabbing a thick scarf to wrap around his neck, and he has to stop himself from acting like a lovesick fool because of how absolutely adorable Seungmin looks. Soon enough they’re bundled up and out the door, walking down the sidewalk, away from the house and towards the convenience store.

It’s silent between them, the cold night air making things feel calmer, stiller, quieter. It’s not awkward like it may have been any other day. Something about it is comfortable.

As they walk Jisung has the thought that this is the ideal time to do something about his feelings. They’re completely alone, the street practically deserted because of the chill in the air, none of their members around to interrupt. Even the ambience is perfect.

No matter how perfect Jisung thinks it is though, he can’t get rid of that nagging voice in his head, asking “what if”.

I’ll just do something on the way back.

It doesn’t take long before they reach the convenience store. They walk in, pile the snacks everyone wants into a basket, and bring it to the counter to check out and pay. Jisung pulls out his wallet before Seungmin can, swiping his card before Seungmin even has the chance to object.

When they walk out, bags split between the two of them, Jisung prepares himself for Seungmin to say something about it.

“Jisung-ah, I thought we were gonna split the payment. I lost too.”

Jisung just smiles gently. “It’s alright Seungmin. I don’t mind.”

Seungmin gives Jisung a look that he isn’t quite sure how to interpret, then looks straight ahead again, lips pressed together tightly.

They walk in silence once again, but it’s broken when Seungmin sneezes. Jisung giggles. “How do you manage to sound so polite when you sneeze?”

Seungmin just glances at Jisung with shiny, amused eyes, head tilting a bit as he sniffles from the cold. “That’s so random. How does a sneeze sound polite?”

“I don’t know, it just does. It’s cute.”

Jisung feels his face heating up despite the cold air around them. His words sounded too sincere, even to his own ears.

“Oh yeah, you think I’m cute, Sungie?” He sees that Seungmin has a smirk on his face, always too happy to tease. Jisung makes a pathetic sound, averting his eyes as they walk, trying to find something, anything else to focus on.

And then he sees it, just across the street from the house. His eyes light up as he stops walking, pointing up at the sky. “Seungmin-ah, look!”

Jisung keeps his eyes on the dark sky above them, watching as little white flecks fall through the air. More and more of the delicate flakes begin falling, landing on their faces, melting on contact. Jisung smiles widely and looks over at Seungmin. He’s looking up at the sky like Jisung was, eyes practically glowing at the sight.

Jisung watches as Seungmin speaks softly into the still night. “The first snow.”

He doesn’t take his eyes off of Seungmin when he says it back, voice almost a whisper, as if speaking any louder will shatter the fragile moment. “Yeah… The first snow.”

After standing and watching for a little longer, the two of them decide to get inside. Now that they’re not moving, they can feel the cold practically seeping into their bones. As they cross the street quickly and approach the front door, Jisung realizes that he’s wasted his opportunity. In mere seconds, they’ll be stepping through the threshold of the house, re-entering reality.

He has to do something now. No matter how stupid or rushed it is, no matter how badly it might go. All Jisung knows is that this is the moment.

Just as Seungmin opens the door and they’re about to walk inside, something small and green hanging just above the door catches Jisung’s eye and he jumps at the perfect opportunity.

“Ooh, Seungmin look!” He points triumphantly at the familiar green leaves hanging above them in the doorway. “Mistletoe! Pucker up Dandy Boy, by the laws of Christmas tradition you owe me a kiss.”

Seungmin laughs and rolls his eyes. “Laws of Christmas tradition? That has to be one of the stupidest things that’s ever come out of your mouth, and that’s saying something.”

A pout makes its way onto Jisung’s face as he stands there, looking at him with the biggest, saddest puppy eyes he can manage. Seungmin’s smile fades as he watches Jisung. He looks like he’s contemplating for a second, then he fixes an unreadable look onto his face. Before Jisung knows it, Seungmin closes his eyes and actually offers up his lips. Jisung stares at them, lost in the pretty pink that is emphasized by the chill night air. His heart beats a little faster at the thought of actually kissing one of his friends. No, not at the thought of kissing one of his friends. Even when Felix had played along, Jisung didn’t feel like this.

It’s the thought of actually kissing Seungmin that’s affecting him like this.

Seungmin, the boy that teases Jisung relentlessly and without mercy. Seungmin, the boy that always seems so indifferent and uncaring when it comes to relationships. Seungmin, the boy that has had Jisung by the throat since the first time their eyes met. Seungmin, the boy that Jisung has been harboring a pathetic crush on for years without even fully realizing.

Seungmin, the boy that is standing in front of Jisung, looking even more kissable than usual with his thick scarf wrapped around his neck, cheeks rosy from the cold, eyes closed, and lips all puckered up just for Jisung. 

When faced with a seemingly willing Seungmin, Jisung freezes and doesn’t know what to do. He was sure that he had thought up every possible scenario, but apparently he had missed this one.

Jisung might be about to ruin everything, but he really doesn’t know what to do. So, he turns to his go-to solution for awkward Jisung moments like this: Humor.

He gasps exaggeratedly, bringing his hands up to his cheeks. Jisung doesn’t need to pretend much to fix a look of flustered delight onto his face, but he really leans into it as he begins speaking with an excited voice.

“Oh, Minnie, if I knew that catching you under the mistletoe was all I needed to do for you to finally give me a kiss, I would’ve done it a lot sooner. After persevering for so long, my time has finally come!”

Seungmin finally opens his eyes, relaxing his face into an expression of playful annoyance. Though for a moment the annoyance in his eyes looks genuine, and almost like it’s accompanied by something like disappointment. Whatever it was is quickly hidden and Seungmin snorts. “Jisung, that’s not mistletoe. It’s a bundle of oregano.”

Jisung looks up at the little green bundle, squinting to try and see it better. Sure enough, the longer he looks at it, the less it looks like mistletoe. Just to confirm that it is DEFINITELY not mistletoe, he reaches up, raising himself onto his tiptoes to reach better, and rips the offending sprigs from where they hang. He opens his palm to examine them more closely, then brings them to his nose to smell them. Immediately he’s hit with the familiar savory, peppery scent of oregano. “Oh,” he responds dumbly. “It’s oregano.”

Seungmin raises an eyebrow with an amused look on his face. “That is what I just said.”

Jisung stays quiet as he stares at the leaves in his hand. His face is burning with embarrassment as he seems to have forgotten how to speak despite his brain running at terribly high speeds. He silently vows to stop flirting with his friends. This whole situation has been far too real for him, and it is proving to be bad for both his heart and his brain. After tonight Jisung hates mistletoe. If he hadn’t flirted with Seungmin because of the mistletoe (well, oregano, but he really thought it was mistletoe!) then Seungmin wouldn’t have played along, and if Seungmin hadn’t played along then Jisung wouldn’t have realized just how deep his real feelings towards Seungmin ran, and it he hadn’t realized how deep his real feelings for Seungmin ran then he wouldn’t be freaking out right now, and they would be inside, and everyone is probably wondering where they are, and, and, and-

A small voice cuts through the cold air, stopping his anxious train of thoughts right in their tracks.

“I wasn’t joking, Jisung. If you really want to kiss me so badly just do it.”

Jisung's eyes widen as he searches Seungmin’s, trying to figure out if he's serious or just teasing. But there's something there that Jisung can’t quite decipher, and his voice was vulnerable in a way that it very rarely ever is. It makes nerves crawl up Jisung’s spine, but it’s not as unpleasant as it was just moments ago.

After a minute with no response Seungmin rolls his eyes and speaks, almost all traces of vulnerability gone. Almost. “Whatever, I’m going inside. It’s too cold to be standing out here like this.” He turns to face the open door where they can hear their friends laughing about something.

It takes Jisung a moment, but he realizes that in the little bit of vulnerability left in Seungmin’s voice he could hear sadness. He realizes that when Seungmin opened his eyes after Jisung didn’t kiss him, there was a stroke of disappointment that he couldn’t hide completely. He realizes that Seungmin was never playing along. He just wanted Jisung to kiss him.

Before he can even process what he’s doing, Jisung drops his bag and grabs Seungmin’s wrist. The younger stops when he feels the firm grip and turns his head. This time it’s Seungmin’s eyes that widen in shock as he looks at where Jisung's hand encircles his wrist.

“Jisung, wha-”

He tugs on Seungmin’s wrist and surges forward, abruptly cutting off the words as he presses his lips to Seungmin’s cool one’s. Jisung lets go of his wrist, just to wrap his arms around the other’s waist to bring him closer. He can feel Seungmin’s eyes on his own closed ones, probably cross eyed because of how close they are. Jisung’s heart is pounding, wondering if he had been too impulsive, if he’d made the wrong move, the wrong assumption. But after a moment, Jisung feels as Seungmin finally melts into the kiss and his worries fall away. Their cold noses bump together as Jisung hears Seungmin’s bag fall to the ground. He can feel the younger slowly bring his arms up around Jisung's neck as if holding him in place, even if he’s not going anywhere.

It’s far from perfect, mostly thanks to the cold. Their lips are dry and chapped because of the bitter chill they had faced on their way to and from the nearby convenience store, neither of them can feel their fingers or their toes despite the many layers they have on, they’re shivering in each others arms since the warmth coming from the open door has been replaced by the freezing air from outside. But it’s so them. It’s silly and it’s awkward and it’s not too crazy but not too normal. It’s perfect for them.

They’re standing in the open doorway, snacks and oregano forgotten on the ground by their feet. They’re almost popsicles at this point, but they’ve never felt warmer. Nothing could ruin this perfectly imperfect moment.

Well… Nothing but one Seo Changbin.

“Yah! Why are you idiots leaving the door open and letting the cold… Oh, I see.” The words end smugly as Jisung and Seungmin jump apart, ears, noses, and lips red, all for different reasons. They look at Changbin who has a big shit-eating grin on his face, then look away because of the embarrassment of getting caught. They look anywhere that’s not Changbin or each other, faces and ears burning.

Before Changbin can say anything, Seungmin shoves past him, mumbling a quiet “shut up” as he goes.

Jisung is left with his hands in the pockets of his coat, staring at the oregano scattered at his feet. Changbin roughly pats Jisung’s shoulder. He hears the older say a short “nice work Sung,” before cackling as he picks up the fallen bags of snacks and turns to walk back to where everyone else is. But he can’t be bothered to worry about Changbin right now though. Once Jisung is alone, a smile creeps onto his face and he crouches down to pick up one of the oregano leaves. He pulls out his phone, peeling the case off as best as he can despite his numb fingers, and slips the leaf in before putting the case back on.

As he finally steps into the house, stealing one last glance at the flurry of snowflakes falling from the cold night sky, he can’t help the way his smile widens.

Jisung might hate mistletoe, but he sure does love oregano.