Work Text:
He had been mulling over her upcoming date for days. And he was a total wreck. Going back and forth between accepting her wanting to go on a date with someone else, mourning the life he imagined them having, being filled with self doubt that, that life wasn’t even possible in the first place. And trying to think of what he could do to keep it, try to keep her, missing her before she was even gone. By the time the day of the date came, he had already started to break down. His head felt so messy, emotions raw. He had been feeling practically paralyzed by the situation, sick to his stomach whenever he thought of it, which was all the time at this point. But.. the more he thought.. the more he realized that the thought of losing even the smallest chance of being with her because he was afraid, was far worse than any rejection she could give him, which with his imagination… was in a lot of really, really awful ways. Even if it went horrifically, he needed to try. Of all the times in his life he’d missed out on wonderful things because he was afraid, this couldn’t be one of them. He couldn’t be a coward this time. He needed to be brave, like how he knew both of them deserved. He felt lost in his anxiety as he called. Every time his call went unanswered, he spiraled more, dreading all the things his cruel imagination came up with for her to be doing with her date that kept her too busy to even hear the phone ring. Forgetting that she always kept it on silent. By the time she picked up, she was greeted by a broken, messy chant of “please pick ups” that immediately filled her with concern.
“Tamaki? Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
He wasn’t in the slightest. He had lost what little confidence he had managed to muster, and feeling the guilt of making her worried, too messed up by his emotions to think straight. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He meant to say so many other things, but all that could come out was a string of apologies for stressing her and for ruining what was supposed to be a fun night for her. God, he felt so selfish. She couldn’t even make out all of what he was saying.
“Hey, hang on, I’ll be right there, okay? Try to focus on your breathing, yeah?” She knew she wasn’t going to be able to talk to him on the phone in the state he was in. She wasn’t sure if she had ever heard him so fucked up. She knew he had been stressed about something lately, but hadn’t been able to get him to talk to her about it. She guessed he had finally hit his breaking point about it. She hung up, putting her phone in her purse, moving to head to the dorms before her date grabbed her arm.
“Hey, wait, what’s going on? We’re.. kinda in the middle of something right now, you know?”
She pulled her arm away. He was cute, but not nearly cute enough to get away with trying to impede her when she had a goal.
“I need to go see Tamaki. Something is wrong, and I need to be there.”
He sighed a bit at that, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, yeah, but… doesn’t he have other friends? I mean, he hangs out with Mirio, right? You can just text him to check up on him, and we can still make it to dinner.”
She glared harshly at that. “The people I care about’s suffering will always matter more to me than a night out. I would have expected you’d feel the same about something so important.”
Her date winced at that. Attempting to do damage control. “That’s not what I meant. I-“ He sighed. “Here we can just reschedule and-“
“No.” Her voice was firm. “There will be no further dates nor the continuation of this one.” She ended it, rushing back to the dorms despite his attempts to finish the date, using her quirk to get there faster. She made it to his dorm room, worriedly knocking on the door a bit too hard. “Maki? Hey, you in there? Can I come in?” Anxious seconds passed as she waited. She went to knock again right as the door opened. She was greeted with a tearful hug. More mumbled, barely if at all understandable apologies followed. She held him back, running a hand through his hair, trying to comfort him. “Hey, what’s going on, Maki? What happened?” She asked before realizing she probably couldn’t get a very understandable response from him right now, switching gears to just get him back into his dorm to try to bring him out of his spiral. She closed the door behind them as they went to sit on his bed, with her coaching him through his breaths. He eventually calmed his hyperventilating down, though he still had the occasional hiccups from his sobs. She put her arm around his shoulder for support.
“I.. I’m sorry for ruining your... your date.” Even just saying the words sent a stab into his heart at the thought of her being with someone else. “I.. Never want to stress you out or- or ruin your fun.. but I-I always do that to everyone.”
Her own heart ached at that. “Hey, no, don’t do that. We worry about you because we care about you. Because you’re worth enough to be worried about, you can’t always be ruining your friend’s fun when you give them plenty of joy yourself.”
He felt so weak at that. So pathetic. She shouldn’t have to be comforting him right now. He fucked up her night, and yet here she’s the one having to fix it. That wasn’t fair. He was supposed to be brave. The whole reason he called was to be brave, and all he could do was sob. His hands shook as he looked down, trying to find the words to say. He needed to do this. He needed to be brave. He couldn’t be a coward right now. He had been a coward for months, and that’s how he ended up almost losing her. If he hasn’t already, he shook harder at that thought. He leaned against her, trying to calm himself, trying to muster up what courage and words he could. She deserved someone strong and dependable, and brave. So he needed to be that. If he wanted even a chance at a life with her, he needed to be that for her. He evened his breathing as much as he was able to, wiping away the tears that had already fallen, though not being able to do much about those still falling. He reached to grab her opposite hand, the one not on his shoulder, rubbing circles on it with his thumb. His lip quivered as he rested his head against her shoulder. Trying to find where to even begin. His voice was quiet and strained from all the crying.
“I don’t want to lose you... I can't lose you."
“Tamaki..” It made her heart hurt that he thought he ever could. She loved him. Hell, even her pathetic excuse of a date night was just her trying to distract herself from how much it hurt that he probably didn’t feel the same. Which she unsurprisingly left to come back to him. She always did. “You’ll never lose me.”
“I almost did.” His voice cracked. “I...I mean- you mean everything.. do you know that? You’re so bright. I..” He steadied himself the best he could, terrified but determined.
“I cherish every second I get with you. As soon as you lit up my life, I couldn’t imagine going back to a darkness without you. Until... he..” Tamaki tried and failed to fight back tears, running a hand through his hair. “Until he asked you for a date. I.. I felt my world shatter. All the time I thought I had was… gone. Everything I imagined with you was gone.” He choked out a sob, “A-And replaced with you sharing your life with someone else. That... that I lost my chance. That I was t-too much of a fucking coward and that it lost me everything. He squeezed her hand. Taking a moment before finally meeting her eyes for the first time since she got here. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot. “I.. I love you. I want to share every second I possibly can with you. I want a life with you. I want everything to be with you. I want to be yours." He took a moment, catching his breath, quickly looking away again, losing his courage, afraid to see her expression. "E-Even if you don't want me. That's.. that's okay I-” his voice quivered “I accept that. I.. I just needed to be brave and tell you I love you. I'm sorry I ruined your date... I.. I understand why you probably don't love me back, and... that's okay. I'm happy to get to even be your friend at all." He felt a wave of panic wash over him at his next thought, jerking his head to look at her. "W-We're still friends r-right? I- I didn't ruin it, fuck f-fuck. I’m so stupid I-"
She pulled him into her muffling his panicked spiral, running a hand through his hair, and using the other to try to pull him into her lap. "I love you too, Maki. And yes, you're still my friend. I told you, you're not gonna lose me. You need to get that through your anxious head." She was mostly running on autopilot, unable to really grasp the gravity of what he said. That... meant so much. How could she possibly wrap her head around that? Her Tamaki was really hers. She'd process the wave of emotions come later. For now, she could just hold him. Her tone was soft. "I love you, Maki. I love you." She gently pulled his head up, rubbing her thumbs over his cheeks, wiping his tears away. Smiling softly at the astonished look on his face.
“R-really..?” How? He was... him. How could she want him of all people? How could she love him? She was so bright. And he… felt like nothing but darkness.
“Really.” She stated firmly but gently. Moving her hands from his face to his waist and hips. This time fully pulling him into her lap, much to his embarrassment, as if his face and the tips of his ears could be any redder. He tried to relax against her, wrapping his arms around her, rubbing circles into her back as he rested his head on top of hers, struggling to believe this was real.
“I’m.. extremely grateful then. I’m grateful to you for everything. You’ve given me so much. You’re the brightest part of my life.” They rested against each other contentedly for a few moments, enjoying each other’s closeness, before Tamaki spoke up again, pulling back just enough to look at her. “Why did you go out with him then if you’ve loved me?”
She winced a bit at the question, sighing uncomfortably, looking away. “Well, I… figured you didn’t love me, at least.. not in the same way I love you. So I thought... why not try to distract myself from the ache of longing for you…”
His eyes widened at that, confused, and his heart ached for her. “W..What..? How could I not be hopelessly in love with you..?” He moved to hold her cheek in his hand. “I knew you were special the first day we met. And you’ve only continued to leave me in awe every day after. It wasn’t long before I developed a crush on you, and a while after that, I couldn’t help but start to love you.”
She held his hand to her cheek, running her thumb over it, leaning into his hand, looking down, voice quiet and wobbly. “I just.. didn’t want to feel alone… I thought I could just outrun that suffocating feeling if I was running to someone else. I.. I should have at least talked to you, but I didn’t want to risk making it all hurt more, so I just didn’t face it at all.” She looked back up at him, managing a small smile. “But you did. And I’m really glad you did. I’m… typically more bold than you. But… you’re a lot braver than I am. You always have been. God, you are so brave. You’re anxious and stressed all the time, way more than the rest of us, somehow even more than me, and yet. You still show up. Every time. You do the best you can do, no matter how terrified you are.” Her smile grew bigger as she spoke, her gaze loving. “You’re amazing, you know that? You always inspire me with how hard you try. I love you, Maki.”
Tears welled up in his eyes, smiling in return, pressing his forehead gently against hers. His voice was quiet. “You’re always so kind to me. I… I hope I live up to how you see me. I’d ..like to be..” He paused for a moment, resolving himself. “I will try my best to be as brave as you think I am and need to be. I promise to keep doing my best." He briefly looked away, his timid anxiousness creeping back up on him. “Um, would, I be allowed to kiss you? I mean, may I?”
She grinned at that, a teasing glint in her eye as she placed her hand in his hair and on his jaw. “Why of course. You’re mine, aren’t you? Why wouldn’t I want what's mine?” She chuckled, relishing in his flustered reaction to that, though losing her teasing edge to the breath taking look in his eyes. Closing her own and placing a soft kiss on his lips, feeling a jolt run through her as she felt it returned, and his hand on her waist. Her own voice was barely audible when they finally pulled away. “I can’t wait to get used to this.”
He smiled brightly, but nervously at his own attempt at flirting. “M-maybe you won’t if I can help it.”