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It’s odd when he calls Daniel, the little sinking feeling Max gets when the line is ringing. Part of him wishes Daniel won’t pick up, just to avoid the inevitable rush of emotions and memories coming back to him. The universe doesn’t love him that much though, and eventually Daniel picks up.
“Max? Hello?” It’s infectious, the smile through the phone and little chirp of happiness in his voice. Max smiles at the image of Daniel being pleasantly surprised at his call.
“Hi. Hi Daniel, hey mate. I was just, uh, calling to chat for a bit.” Max’s lisp clings on to his words as he gets more nervous. Evidently, Dan catches on and laughs, a little awkwardly this time.
“Yeah sure, what’s up? Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to hear your voice but I know we don’t call as much anymore, especially during the season. Man, we need to catch up.”
A little part of Max’s brain hangs on to Daniel saying it’s nice to hear his voice, but let’s go as quickly as he catches on to it. Don’t be weird, he tells himself. This doesn’t have to be weird, so don’t make it weird.
“Is everything okay, Max?” He’s gone quiet for a beat too long.
“Y-yes, yes, sorry. Just a lot on my mind you know me.”
Another awkward laugh. “Well normally when you have something on your mind you kinda just get it over with, ya know? Feels like you’re stalling a bit mate.”
“Just a bit. I don’t know if you’ve heard, I don’t know, I’m sure you probably haven’t. I know your world isn’t Formula 1 anymore and that’s okay, I just, I don’t know. I’ve been wanting to change my number. I think I really started thinking about it when I realized things were fucked for us earlier this year mate. McLaren’s gotten real good since you’ve left.”
Daniel huffs a soft laugh, not commenting but just slightly encouraging Max to keep talking.
“Uh, anyway, I guess I was thinking. Once I drop the one I should maybe stick to thirty-three but I feel like I don’t like it as much anymore. I was, I don’t know. I want to use your number. It’s not even your number but it’s you, Dan, and it’d feel wrong to even consider it without talking to you first and-”
“Max, mate, relax.” Daniel laughs, genuine this time. “I think I got the gist of it. Yeah, I mean. Go for it.”
Max makes a weird face, scrunching his nose uncomfortably. “Really?” He’s not sure how he wanted that to come out, but it comes out quiet and shocked.
“Uh, yeah. Duh. If there’s anyone I’d let take that number it’d be you. Of course it’d be you.”
And maybe Max is fishing for some sort of excuse to just take a trip down memory lane so he asks, “It won’t be weird? Like, really I have other options if you’re unsure. I feel like I’d be weirded out seeing my number on track without me in the car.”
There’s a hum on the other end and then a click of a tongue before Daniel speaks again.
“I’d rather see my number with you on the car. Feels right to me, no? Maybe it’s just old habits.”
The pause that follows feels oddly empty. Like they’re not really talking, as if no one was on the other line. They’re both taking in what Daniel says, a weird way to express the way he felt possessive over Max back then, in whatever way either of them interpret it, has always stuck around. It came in the form of some sort of marking, hickeys and bite marks on Max’s pale skin, and sometimes in the form of protection. Max doesn’t need it anymore, maybe he never did, but it felt justified for Daniel to feel that way back then.
Now, not so much. Now it means there’s some other reason Daniel cares so deeply for Max. Neither of them have ever said it outright, but it’s one of the reasons the divide is growing more and more between them. It’s not some weird Lewis and Nico thing, a gap filled with resentment and unspoken apologies, but rather a gap filled with time and disconnection. It’s a gap Max and Daniel have occasionally tried to mend but due to whatever reasons (schedules and family and hesitation), hasn’t ever been able to come together again.
Max fears their friendship and whatever else was brewing between them was only temporary, something both of them have grown out of and can never go back to. Had Max stayed young and inexperienced, and Daniel relentless and protective, maybe their version of love could have prospered.
But as of right now, Max is a four time world champion calling his retired buddy halfway across the world, asking if he could take his number, only solidifying the fact that Daniel is never planning to come back. He never intended to. He’s left Max to fend for himself, apparently deciding for himself that Max no longer needs the (little) protection Daniel once had provided. It’s been over for a while and Max sometimes forgets and has to be reminded of it all over again, like right now.
“Max? Max, are you still on the line? Sorry, I don’t even remember what I said.”
Max laughs it off and lies, “Yeah, I don’t remember either. I’m still here.”
“So am I. I’m here too, I know it’s hard to believe some days, especially now but, hey man, if you ever want to come over to Australia or wherever I may be, call me. You know your company never bothered me.”
“I will. Call you, I mean. Not bother you, never, unless I’m doing it on purpose.” They laugh and Max forgets about the storm that was threatening to blow a couple seconds ago. A part of it comes out anyway.
“I miss you, Dan.”
It’s simple and not weird, at least not right off the bat. It’s not weird to anyone else but it’s (possibly) weird to Daniel and certainly Max who know exactly how much emotional is carried into those words.
“And I miss you, Max. Gosh, you’re making me emotional. You’ve grown so much, you know. Sometimes they talk about you, at these events I go to. I go to a lot of things nowadays to fill up my days. They talk about the Max Verstappen, and sometimes they ask me about you. I lie, you know. I say you’re doing fine, mate but these days we don’t even talk that much. And I miss that. I just miss you, I guess. God, I hope I haven’t made that weird.”
Max laughs, partly because he’s nervous and the other part genuinely just finds it funny that Daniel thinks he’s the one making things weird when the whole time it’s been Max.
“No, not weird. Not weird at all, Dan. I promise I’ll call you more, you have to call me too though. You never know when I’m going to die.”
“Jesus, Max, don’t say that. But okay fine, I’ll call you too. Keep the Ricciardo legacy alive for me, alright? Seriously, don't disappoint me.” Not that you ever have, he wants to add. Make me proud, he wants to say, make me feel good because of your achievements. Do well in things I no longer do, win in battles I lost, set records I never broke, be good in everything and include me in it. Even if it’s just a number that will no longer be mine. And maybe it never was. Daniel doesn’t say any of that though, he just hopes Max understands somehow. By some miracle that he’ll read Dan’s mind through the phone. It doesn’t seem to matter anyway, as he hears some commotion on the other side of the line and hears Max greet someone in Portuguese.
“Well, I have to go. I liked calling for a bit, I’ll call you later, okay? Thank you, Daniel, seriously. I won’t let you down, MV3 has a good ring to it, don’t you think?”
Daniel laughs, “Yes, yes it does Maxy. I look forward to those calls. Hopefully you’re free during some part of your break to come visit. Talk to you later, Max.”
Nothing else is said as Max hangs up first, the little sinking feeling creeping its way back into his stomach. In Daniel’s mouth, a soft and quiet I love you escapes past his lips. More words left unsaid and unheard.
When the official accounts announce Max Verstappen will be running with #3 as his official number, Daniel does not like any of the posts.
Max’s calls also never come.