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“They should visit more,” Cole said softly, barely a whisper above the other ninjas’ snores and the chirping crickets outside, their song seeping in through the cracks between the floorboards.
Jay rolled over and poked his head down past the threshold into Cole's bunk. He was quietly staring right back up at him, his eyes charcoal black in the dark, barely touched by the moonlight filtering in through the window.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, a bit louder than a whisper, but not enough to wake Kai and Zane in their beds.
“Your parents. They should visit more,” Cole replied, his eyes flicking away from Jay. It was impossible to tell in the darkness, but the way Cole shifted in his blankets made it clear to Jay that he was blushing.
Jay groaned. He was getting sick of the pokes and prods from the rest of the team, asking when Ed and Edna would visit again, giggling about Jay's baby pictures and childhood habits he'd long outgrown. It's not that he hated his parents, it was just embarrassing. Nobody would take Jay seriously if all they saw was his mom pinching his cheeks and his dad hovering over everything he was working on. Nya probably thought he was a freak with how many not-so-subtle references to Jay's crush that his mom made towards her.
“You guys seriously need to get off my back about that,” he huffed, rolling back onto his mattress and staring up at the ceiling.
“They care about you, Jay,” Cole replied. More shifting in the bunk below him. “They love you.”
Jay sighed and stared at the ceiling. He knew Cole was right. Obviously he was right. Jay was well aware of Kai and Zane's family situations, the two having spent the better part of their childhood fending for themselves. Cole rarely talked about his dad aside from the occasional comment thrown over mile-high emotional walls, and his mom was never mentioned. He obviously knew that he shouldn't take his family for granted, and he definitely doesn't, but he could only take so much of wanting the earth to open up and swallow him whole.
“Yeah... yeah, I know,” Jay murmured.
“Tell them I say hi,” Cole replied. The blankets shifted again. “When you call them next time.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, for once hoping this conversation would just end. His wish was granted when Cole's snores joined those of the rest of their brothers. Jay still couldn't sleep.
~
The air grew cold around Jay as he stood in front of the small table nestled into the corner of Cole's childhood living room.
The mahogany table was perfectly clean and free of dust, holding up a framed picture of a smiling young woman in a pink kimono, her dark, coily hair up in a perfect bun. She was beautiful, and a spitting image of Cole, her features soft where his were a bit strained and sullen. To one side of the photo was a vase of fresh white lillies, a few droplets of water still resting on their petals. The other side was occupied by an incense holder. Kai and Zane had just walked up to the little table like it was as normal as breathing, offering her a stick of incense each and paying their respects. Jay remained frozen behind them, his shock the only thing keeping his knees from buckling. His head whipped back to look at Cole, who just blankly stared at the picture, his eyes dull. It made Jay's chest ache.
The guilt crashed into him like a mudslide. Sure, there was no way of knowing Cole's mom was– he couldn't even bring himself to think the word– without him saying anything. He doubted the others knew either until this exact moment. But he felt his eyes sting. He opened his mouth to say something, but Cole stopped him with a hand to his shoulder.
“It's okay,” he said softly, sounding so terribly small. He hated it. “I… I'm fine.”
‘No, it's not okay,’ Jay wanted to say. ‘It's not fair. You're still a kid, it's not fair.’ But he didn't trust his ability to talk for once, so he instead gripped Cole's hand to his shoulder, biting the inside of his cheek. Cole seemed to understand, squeezing Jay's hand briefly before offering incense for them both.
~
Jay stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling, unable to sleep. The picture of Cole's mother had seared itself into his eyelids, warmly smiling at him every time he closed his eyes. The clock ticked on the wall. The vents shuddered to life, blasting cool air into the room. Kai shifted on the other side of the couch they'd arranged themselves on, fast asleep. Jay had been quiet the rest of the night, something that thankfully the others hadn't picked up on, the weight of the mission at hand burning into their every waking moment, sharply reminding them of all that was at stake. But now Jay was being kept up by that crushing guilt, the image of Cole's eyes staring at his mom's photo, dull and tired. Jay's head was starting to hurt with the day's events knocking against his skull.
Jay slowly sat up, pausing to listen for any shift in Kai's breathing before getting up and slowly creeping to grab his phone from the coffee table. When he was sure nobody had been disturbed, he crept over to the back door, opening it as slowly as possible and just wide enough for him to slip through. Once the night air entered his lungs, Jay finally felt like he could think. As he slid the door shut behind him, there was only one person he could think to call.
The phone rang as he sank to the floor of the small back patio, his knees tucked up to his chest. The phone was eventually picked up.
“Jay, sweetheart?” a tired voice answered. A muffled yawn and another voice could be heard in the background, along with some shuffling of bedsheets. “Yes, it's Jay, Ed. What's wrong sweetheart? Is everything alright? You don't usually call so late.”
Jay cracked a smile, the slight burn coming back to rest just behind his eyes.
“Hey, Ma… I'm fine, I just… I wanted to hear your voice.”