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“Mom, I…” The words were right there, hanging between them, practically visible. He was sure his mom could see them too. Her eyes widened slightly, and she squeezed his hand. She already knew what he was going to say. He took a steadying breath, and nodded.
The door slammed open and the silence was shattered. Mike stood there, embarrassed. “Oh. Uh. Sorry. We just heard from Hop, he’s fifteen minutes out, so we should probably leave in five. Is everything okay?” He was frozen to the spot, apparently unsure of whether to come any further into the room or leave as fast as possible.
“Everything’s fine,” said Joyce, placatingly. “We’ll be right out.”
“Sure. Okay,” he said, but he was frowning at Will. Mike wasn’t stupid, and he knew when he was being lied to. Will could see on his face that he was wondering whether to press the issue, or accept that it really wasn’t any of his concern. But he’d been Will’s best friend since kindergarten, and he knew when Will was frightened. He could read his face like a book, he’d had that power for years. He was doing it now, his eyes fixed unhesitatingly on Will. Trying, as always, to work out what Will needed. “Come find me when you’re done in here, yeah?”
Will nodded, and the door was shut again, but carefully this time. The silence resettled.
“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?” Will said, smiling ruefully. His mom smiled softly back at him.
“You’re my son,” she said in answer.
“Yeah,” said Will, swallowing painfully. “I just…I want to say it out loud. I don’t know if that’ll make it more real – I’ve spent so long pretending like it isn’t, like I’m just crazy and I’ll wake up and it’ll all have been a dream, and I’ll be normal. But I guess I’ve never been normal, have I?” He hiccupped a laugh. “I only just really accepted that. I spent so long hating myself, because…” He looked up at his mom, wanting to hold this moment, in case the next broke something. But she was just looking at him quietly, her eyes beginning to fill with tears that she wouldn’t take her hands out of Will’s to wipe away – and under all of that, she looked proud. It gave him the breath he needed to end the sentence. “Because I’ve spent almost my entire life in love with Mike.”
“Oh, Will,” she said, leaning forward to wrap him in a hug. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”
He choked back a sob. It felt like years of weight had loosened their grip on his heart. He had said it out loud, and the world hadn’t ended.
His mom was still holding him tight. “I love you so much,” she said into his hair, then pulled back to look into his eyes. “Nothing could ever change that, okay? You’re my son.”
“I know,” he said. “Thank you.”
“We should go join the others soon. Do you want a minute to yourself? I can hold them off,” she said, then added wryly, “Except maybe Mike.”
He laughed. “Yeah. Maybe not.”
“You two have always been so close. He really cares about you,” she said. “Shall I tell him to give you some space?”
Will thought for a moment, drying his face with his sleeve. “No, it’s okay. I’ll be out in a minute. If you see him, you can send him back this way, I don’t mind.”
“Alright,” she said, giving him a last shoulder squeeze. “I’m so proud of you, honey.”
Alone in the room, he felt almost serene he was so relieved. It felt good to be known. Really, properly known.
There was a knock at the door, and Mike came in. He closed the door softly behind him, and took Joyce’s seat beside him.
“Hey,” he said. “Are you okay?” His eyes were wide and worried, and he wouldn’t take his gaze off Will’s face. He reached blindly for Will’s hands, like he hadn’t done since they were little. “Your mom looked like she’d been crying when I passed her.”
His grip was firm and warm. Will looked down at their hands, the way all their fingers were intertwined. He wished their friendship could stay like this.
“Hey, Will. Please talk to me. What happened? Was it Vecna?” Mike’s tone was hushed, and he looked near frantic when Will looked back up at him.
“No,” he said, and his voice came out hoarser than he’d expected it to. “Nothing to do with Vecna.”
Mike nodded, and waited expectantly, fidgeting slightly but keeping his hands in Will’s. He was itching to find out what was wrong so he could fix it, Will knew. Mike Wheeler was one of life’s problem solvers - especially when it came to him.
“What happened?” Mike repeated, when he could no longer stand it.
“You did,” Will said quietly, giving him a lopsided smile. It was as good a place as any to begin. “I mean, nothing happened, I was just…I told mom something I’ve known for a while. I thought if I said it out loud, it would stop haunting me. You don’t need to worry about it.” He offered up the last sentence as a kind of get-out clause. Mike could leave now and he’d never have to know. This way, if the truth changed anything, it would be Mike doing the changing.
But this was Mike Wheeler. He wasn’t going to walk away from Will now. He looked as earnest as ever as he squeezed Will’s hands tighter and leaned in a little. He swallowed, and for the first time his gaze flickered away from Will, as if he was suddenly shy. “Will you tell me?”
Will smiled. Mike looked as nervous as the day he’d asked him to be his friend, as if this rejection would be just as significant. “Of course. I trust you, Mike.”
Mike lit up at that, but stayed quiet, unwilling to interrupt. He squeezed his hands again.
Will’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, it was like it was trying to bridge the gap between them, which wasn’t such a lot, after all – it could leap right into Mike’s lap, they were that close. “Mike, I…” The words stalled in his throat. He was so afraid of the moment when Mike would let go of him. “This is just to exorcise the ghosts, right? When I say - it, you don’t have to say anything back, right?”
“Right,” said Mike, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. “Will, it’s okay, really it is. Whatever…whatever you’re about to say.”
“Yes, yeah. Okay. I’m in love with you.” He said it so suddenly he could hardly believe it was over. Mike went still, his mouth dropping open slightly and his eyebrows shooting up. It was almost comical.
“Oh.”
He hadn’t loosened his grip on Will’s hands.
“Sorry, I…I thought it was going to be something awful. This is… I mean,” he stuttered to a halt. But he didn’t let go. He didn’t let go. He just sat there, looking at Will like he always had. “How long?” he said, desperately.
Will laughed embarrassedly. “Is that important? I don’t know…years. Maybe always.”
Mike mouthed the words silently to himself. Maybe always. “Oh god,” he said. “I thought it was just me.” And then he laughed, but his eyes were shimmering, and as he blinked, a single tear tracked its way down his cheek. “Sorry,” he said, finally taking a hand from Will’s to brush impatiently at his face. “Sorry, it’s just. Well, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.” He laughed again, trying to steady himself. It struck Will, as he watched the tears keep falling, that this was the first time he had seen Mike cry since they were children.
Mike pulled his other hand away in an attempt to stem his tears, holding them against his face as if they could be enough to hold back a broken dam. Then he seemed to think better of it and reached for Will again. He tipped his head back slightly and blinked a few times, and then he exhaled shakily and smiled right at him.
It was dazzling. Will thought he’d never looked more beautiful.
“I’m in love with you too,” said Mike. “I’m sorry. I should have told you before.”
“You love me too?” he said, almost whispering, afraid if he spoke too loudly it would break whatever spell they were under.
“Of course I do,” said Mike, then had the grace to look sheepish. “I know I probably haven’t been obvious. I was scared, too. Dad used to say stuff sometimes, when we were little. Not about you,” he added hastily. “Well, not usually. Mostly it was about me. Pointed remarks about not talking to girls…It made me feel like there must be something really wrong with me - but I don’t care so much about what he says anymore. What anyone says. It can’t be wrong, feeling this way, can it?” He looked shyly at Will. “Not when it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt.”
Mike withdrew his hands from Will again, then raised one slowly to Will’s face, his thumb caressing his cheek, tracing all along to stop by his lips. His face felt very warm.
“Can I kiss you?” Mike said, sounding awed that he’d even been allowed this far.
Will didn’t answer; he just moved forward, letting his own hands reach for Mike’s body. Mike caught his lips in his, lingering as long as he could. It was just the two of them in the world, in the whole universe. For one brilliant moment, they were enough.
Mike leant his forehead against Will’s, both of them breathless.
“They’ll come looking for us soon,” said Mike, regretfully, pulling Will to his feet. “But promise me one thing?”
“What?” said Will, feeling like, right now, he might promise Mike anything he asked for.
“If we survive the end of the world, we’ll do this properly,” he said, grinning.
“Deal.”