Work Text:
Sieun slumped down in his chair when he got to school. Something was wrong.
Even Baku could sense it, pausing when he walked into the classroom and looking over Sieun’s form. Instead of putting an arm over his shoulder like he usually does, he put a hand on Sieun’s arm.
“You don’t look good.”
Sieun crossed his arms on the table and closed his eyes as he laid his head on his arms.
“I’m just tired.” He mumbled.
That wasn’t entirely true. Sieun knew what tired felt like, that was practically his whole life. And he knew he wasn’t just tired.
Number 1: This morning, he had woken up with a nauseous feeling in his stomach. He hadn’t eaten anything in fear of throwing it back up, which only made the feeling in his stomach worse.
Number 2: Sieun’s eyes were hurting. Granted, this wasn’t entirely new either. Sieun knew he had a sensitivity to lights, often getting overstimulated at school. But again, this was different. Even this morning, Sieun had squinted as soon as he looked out his window, the morning sun too much for him.
Number 3: Sieun couldn’t focus. This was the main problem. Despite the ridicule that came with it, Sieun actually liked studying. It was a way for his overactive mind to focus, giving him some peace as he focused on the work in front of him. Studying was a stress reliever. And yet, Sieun could feel a type of fog in his brain. It wasn’t overwhelming yet, but he was familiar with this feeling.
Sieun was getting sick.
His throat had been particularly scratchy this morning and water hadn’t been helping at all. He also had a slight runny nose that had been annoying him all morning.
He snuffled as he had some difficulty breathing through his nose and sighed, lifting his head back up when he heard another voice.
“Sieun-ah, are you getting sick?” Juntae asked, sitting in the seat in front of him and leaning forward to study him.
Baku gasped and leaned forward, putting the back of his hand up against Sieun’s forehead. Sieun closed his eyes, pulling away from his touch slightly.
“Woah. You do feel hot.” Baku exclaimed. He pulled back and studied Sieun’s face.
“And you haven’t killed me yet for touching your face, you’re definitely not yourself.”
Sieun groaned, opening his eyes and glaring at him, weakly shoving him away. “Do that again and I will.”
Baku laughed again and ruffled Sieun’s hair. “Our poor ice princess.” He cooed, a sarcastic tone to his voice.
Sieun slapped his hand away. “Yah-“
“BAKU!” a voice suddenly rang out, startling them. Gotak sprinted into the room, immediately putting his victim (Baku) into a headlock.
“You’re dead. What did I say about missing basketball practice again?”
Baku stumbled back as he slapped Gotak’s arms, trying to get out of his grip. “Sorry, sor-“
Sieun tuned them out as he laid his head back down.
“Sieun-ah, do you want me to get you anything?” Juntae asked, already reaching for his bag to search for snacks. He rooted around a bit before pulling out banana milk, plopping it on the other’s desk.
Sieun looked up slightly and shook his head. “I’m okay. Thank you.” He mumbled just loud enough for him to hear.
“Still, you should eat a lot while you’re sick.” Juntae responded.
“I’m just nauseous. I will.” Sieun said quietly.
Suddenly, the teacher walked in. Baku and Gotak left to go to their own classroom as the teacher repeatedly banged the board, attempting to get everyone’s attention. The repeated loud noise bounced around in Sieun’s head, giving him a headache. This was going to be a long day.
-
By the time his third class was over, Sieun was even worse. He could barely focus on the words he was supposed to have been writing during his class and he slowly put his notebook away, finally having accepted that he wasn’t getting any work done today.
Gotak walked in, patting him on the back.
“Sieun, how are you feeling? Baku said you’re sick.” Gotak stared at him, worry flicking across his face.
Sieun felt his stomach drop a bit and he quickly stood up.
Unfortunately, this turned out to be a bad decision on his part as he quickly felt lightheaded, stumbling a bit. Gotak reached forward to steady him, looking even more worried.
“I’m fine. Already feeling better, just…got up too fast.”
Gotak looked him over before letting go of him. “You sure?”
Gotak’s eyes focused on him, studying him. Sieun felt like no matter what answer he said, he wouldn’t be believed.
“Yes.” He said, avoiding his eyes. “Are Baku and Juntae getting snacks?”
“Yeah.” Gotak replied, seemly dropping questioning him further. There was a small pause before he spoke up again, putting his hands on Sieun’s shoulders and turning him around. “Let’s go.”
Sieun walked forward slowly, focusing on the feeling of Gotak’s hands on his shoulders to steady him. He could hear the other chatting away about something but he could barely pay attention, trying to keep steady as he got more dizzy.
He felt Gotak pause as he stumbled.
“Sieun.”
He swayed, feeling Gotak hold him up before he dropped, the last thing he heard was the other boy.
“Shit-“
-
“Sieun.” His father’s voice came from his phone, quiet.
“I understand you are prone to getting sick but you have to take better care of yourself.”
A pause.
“You’re not just using this as an excuse to skip your classes, are you?” His mother’s voice came over the speaker, her tone cold.
Sieun waited for his father to defend him, but it never happened.
“No, Eomma. I’m sorry.” He muttered.
“We’re too busy right now, I can’t come home.” His father spoke up again, multiple voices coming from his side of the call. He talked to someone away from the phone before his voice came back louder as he came back to the phone.
“Listen, I’ll send you extra money. Buy yourself some medicine today and rest.” His father quickly replied before he said a goodbye and left the call.
“Make sure you stay on top of your studies though. It will be detrimental if you fall behind.” His mother’s voice came again, interrupting the silence.
“Yes, Eomma.” Sieun replied, quiet.
“Good.” She replied. “I only want you to do well for yourself, so you need to stay focused.” Her voice softened slightly around the edges. Only a little.
“You’re not a child anymore, Sieun. Take better care of yourself.”
“I will.” Sieun replied back before she hung up.
-
Sieun groaned as he woke up. He thought he felt a bed and tried to open his eyes but the sunlight coming through the window made him cover his face with his arm and turn away.
“Sieun?”
Gotak took the curtain around his bed and used it to block out the window, making it easier for him to open his eyes.
Sieun blinked his eyes open and came face to face with Baku and Juntae, who were looking at him with a worried expression on their faces. He glanced around and recognised that he was in his school’s infirmary.
“Sieun, oh my god.” Baku exclaimed as he got closer. “You’re really sick, fuck. How didn’t I realise earlier-“
“Humin-“ Sieun mumbled, sitting up a little onto his elbows. Baku stopped his rambling and looked at him.
“It’s okay, I’m not dying. Just have a fever.”
Suddenly the curtain was pulled and a lady who Sieun recognised as the school nurse came over to him.
“Yeon Sieun. How are you feeling?” She said, placing her hand on his forehead.
At this point, Sieun was sick of people touching him. He pulled back and sat up more upright.
“I’m okay.”
“You passed out. Lucky your friend was there to catch you.” She said, pulling out a clipboard with a paper on it.
“You definitely have a fever, your temperature was 39.1 last time I checked, which was..” She turned, looking at the clock on the wall. “5 minutes ago.”
“Woah.” Gotak said, looking between Sieun and the nurse. “That’s so high…shouldn’t he go to the hospital?”
Suddenly, Sieun felt panic rising up in his chest.
“What?” He asked breathlessly.
The nurse thought for a minute, slightly turning her head.
“Typically, we only recommend seeking further help when the fever reaches over 40 or if accompanied by other symptoms. Passing out is not a good sign, however there may be other factors that could have led to that.”
Juntae gasped, remembering something. He pulled out a bag, handing it to Sieun. “Sieun-ah, here. I went out and got some things for you.”
Sieun accepted it and looked through the bag, finding some vitamins and medicine.
“Thank you, Juntae.” Sieun said with a small smile. Juntae smiled back.
“I’ve already notified your teachers that you’re unwell.” The nurse spoke up again. “I recommend you go home and rest. I was about to call your parents to pick you up-“
“Don’t.” Sieun said quickly. Everyone turned to look at him and he froze. “They’re both on work trips.”
“Do you have any other relatives that can look after you?”
“No, I’ll just go home and go to sleep.”
Sieun turned to the side, putting his legs over the side of the bed and getting up. He stumbled a bit, head still pounding.
“You’re not getting home like this. I’m getting a taxi.” Baku said, rushing out of the room.
Gotak’s eyes followed him out of the room with a small smile. “Isn’t he cute when he’s worried?”
Sieun was leaning on the wall, he and Juntae both turned their heads simultaneously with a knowing look.
Gotak looked between them before sighing. “Don’t tell him i said that.”
That managed to get a small smile out of Sieun as he walked to grab his bag from the side. Gotak beat him to it, grabbing his bag and putting it over his own shoulder.
Juntae took the bag he had given to Sieun earlier and held it for him. Sieun froze, not being used to the feeling of people caring for him. Even just small things like carrying his bag for him, no one had done that for him before.
Well, almost no one.
“Let’s go.” Gotak said. Him and Juntae were waiting by the door, looking at him expectedly.
Sieun nodded, following them out.
-
By the time he had arrived at his front door, Sieun had a new development: shivers. During his ride home, he had shivered and had started sneezing over and over, annoying both him and mostly likely, the driver.
He walked into his apartment, putting both his bag and the bag Juntae had bought him onto the couch without a second thought.
Sieun nearly collapsed as he walked to his bedroom, stumbling as he walked. He walked to his wardrobe and leaned against it as he sneezed 3 times in a row, feeling his whole boy shiver.
Sieun groaned. “So fucking annoying.” He opened his wardrobe and found a shirt, putting it on as well as his thickest hoodie. He changed into sweatpants and found the longest socks he could, tucking them into his pants. He then looked around for a spare blanket, throwing it into his bed over his normal blanket. He shivered as he climbed into bed, pulling the blankets around himself as he curled into a ball.
He felt his body relax as he sunk into his mattress, closing his eyes and taking beep breaths. He stayed like that for a while, the pain in his head fading away due to the lack of visual stimulation. After a while, he reached out, searching for his water.
He opened his eyes. The room was dim, not completely dark as the sun still came through on the sides of his blinds. He could see his water bottle on his side table, just out of his reach. He wanted to just move and grab it, but the exhaustion had already taken over his body and he just closed his eyes and sunk back into the bed, completely falling into a deep sleep.
A few hours later, Sieun stirred in his sleep. He slowly blinked his eyes open, noting the room was a lot darker now. He must have slept a while.
Sieun coughed, the action making his head hurt. He slowly reached out to touch his forehead and froze as he felt his head.
He was burning up.
Fuck. You need to get up.
Sieun barely moved, the action feeling too heavy. It was like his brain had been disconnected from his body, he slightly moved his hand.
Get up. You need to get these clothes off. Get the fuck up!
Sieun tried his hardest to will his body to move, he managed to push and sit up for a few seconds, but his arms were weak and he immediately collapsed back into bed.
No matter how much he was screaming at himself in his head, he felt like he was being pulled back to sleep.
No. Stop, you need to-
“Sieun-ah.” Sieun felt someone shaking him. “Yah! Yeon Sieun!”
Sieun opened his eyes, adjusting to the darkness as he met Suho’s worried eyes.
“Suho.” Sieun mumbled, turning towards him. He hadn’t heard him come in, although the other boy knew Sieun’s door code.
Suho frantically grabbed him all over, pressing his hand to Sieun’s head and chest. Sieun leaned into his touch, searching for the person he was so familiar with.
“Sieun, you need to get up.” Suho put an arm under his shoulders, pulling Sieun and getting him to sit up. He immediately reached for the hem of Sieun’s hoodie, directing his arms out before pulling it over his head.
“That’s better.” Suho mumbled as he pulled the extra blanket off the bed, folding it and putting it back into the drawer.
Sieun was sat up, watching him, his eyes glazed over. He reached over to his bedside table, and took a big sip of water. Suho crouched down, taking in his state.
“Idiot.” He said quietly, a smile coming across his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was probably to calm the other down but the worry was evident in his eyes. “Why are you layered up?”
He reached out, caressing Sieun’s nape and trying to get him to focus on his face. The other looked him in the eyes and was quiet for a minute before answering.
“‘m cold.” he mumbled quietly.
“Didn’t you tell me not get too hot last time i had a fever?” Suho said, genuinely smiling this time while gently stroking his hair.
Sieun looked away for a moment as if in thought.
Right. Shivers are symptoms of a fever. You shouldn’t layer up when you have a high temperature. Sieun already knew that.
“Sorry.” Sieun said, closing his eyes. “Can’t think.”
“Have you taken any medicine?” Suho questioned.
Sieun again remembered that he had forgotten to do that.
“No-“ he sighed. “Juntae’s bag. The couch.”
He didn’t have the energy to speak properly but Suho seemed to understand as he nodded. He laid him back down, tucking him back into bed. He pulled away and Sieun immediately whined, reaching for him.
“Suho-“
Suho immediately came back and grabbed his hand.
“I’ll get the medicine for you, okay? I’ll be quick.”
Sieun held tight onto him, like he hadn’t even heard him.
“Sieun. I promise.”
Sieun huffed and let him go, sinking further into his bed.
He nearly fell back asleep, startling when he felt a cold damp cloth on his head.
“Sorry.” Suho laughed.
“Sit up a little.”
Sieun got pulled up to a sitting position. He opened his eyes and saw the other holding out a pill. Sieun put it in his mouth and Suho held up his water to his lips, slowly tipping his head back for him so he could drink.
“Good.” Suho said, putting the water down.
Sieun laid back down. He closed his eyes for a minute then opened them again.
Suho was sitting down on his desk chair, looking out the window. He let himself take in the view, eventually focusing on Suho’s hair.
His stupid bangs. He giggled.
Suho turned at the noise.
“What?” He asked softly.
Sieun felt like he was floating, he didn’t explain as he giggled again, his eyes fluttering shut.
Suho smiled at him.
“Go to sleep, Sieun-ah. I’ll be here.”
Sieun made a noise of acknowledgement as he shut his eyes and got more comfortable, eventually falling asleep.
-
A little while later, Sieun stirred as he heard someone moving about. Something cold was placed on his forehead as a hand went to his chest.
He opened his eyes, coming to face to face with Suho. He was sat on the bed, a worried expression on his face.
“Ah sorry, did i wake you up?” He asked, looking apologetic.
Sieun shook his head, sitting up a little.
“Mmm..” Suho started. “You still feel a bit hot.” He said, rubbing his arm. “Feel any better?”
“A little.”
Suho’s expression relaxed a bit. “Good. When’s the last time you ate?”
Sieun tried to think. That slight pause was enough of an answer for Suho.
“C’mon, let’s go see what you have.” Suho said, holding his arm as they walked to the kitchen.
Sieun sat down on the table and watched as Suho dug through his cupboards.
“Wow. You really have no food at all.” he muttered.
Sieun pointed to a low cupboard. “In there.”
Suho opened the cupboard and dug around a bit before pausing. He then turned around with a disappointed look on his face.
“Ramen? That’s it?”
Sieun shrugged.
Suho’s looked at Suho, a worried look coming across his face before he sighed.
“Yah, Sieun-ah. You need to take better care of yourself. No wonder you’re sick.”
Sieun paused. He had heard that many times before, but this time it was different. There was no annoyed tone, no hidden anger to the statement. Suho wasn’t mad, just worried about him. He looked down and fidgeted with his hands.
Suho looked back to the cupboard, muttering to himself before he decided, pulling out a ramen packet.
Sieun had gotten up and started filling a pot with water. He stared out the window before he felt a nudge on his shoulder.
“You look like you’re about to fall over. Go lay down.” Suho said, grabbing his shoulders and turning him around, slightly pushing him towards the sofa.
Sieun laid down, the sudden stillness making the ceiling spin. He closed his eyes, only to hear the other coming over and feeling another cloth on his forehead.
Sieun mumbled a soft thanks and focused on the feeling of the cloth to distract him from the nausea in his throat.
After a while, he felt Suho shake his shoulder.
“Get up.” He heard as the other boy put a hand on his back to help him sit up.
He got up and slowly walked to the table, a warm bowl of ramen sitting there.
Once Sieun tasted it, he made a face.
“This is so bland.”
Suho rolled his eyes. “I only used a little of the spice packet. I’m not giving you spicy food when you’re sick.”
Sieun stared at him before sighing and taking another sip. The warm broth felt nice in his throat, even if it was bland. He felt a small spice kick from the spice that Suho had used but he decided that maybe the other boy was right. He couldn’t think of anything worse than spicy food with his throat so sensitive.
Suho spoke up, pulling him from his thoughts.
“Halmoni makes the best soup when i’m sick.” He said, looking down. He looked nervous for a second before speaking again.
“You should call her, Sieun-ah.”
Sieun looked up at Suho, taking in the view. Suho was fidgeting with his jacket, but was still looking at Sieun as if he was waiting for him to realise something.
What? Did Sieun miss something?
Sieun tried to think but he still had a headache and was frankly only focused on feeding himself.
“Did you tell her i’m sick?” He asked between chewing a few noodles.
Suho looked at Sieun’s face for a few seconds before he smiled a quick smile, wiping the previous look off.
“No, she just… I think she misses you. You haven’t called her recently.”
“I’ve been busy. I’ll call her, promise.”
Suho smiled wider, nodding.
“Keep that promise.”
Sieun nodded, going back to his soup as Suho leaned back in the counter, watching him.
“Make yourself some.” Sieun said as he realised Suho wasn’t eating.
Suho shook his head.
“I’m not hungry.”
Sieun paused, staring at him.
“Woah. Are you really Ahn Suho?” He questioned with a smirk.
Suho laughed. “I already ate. I don’t want your bland as fuck ramen anyways.”
This got a genuine laugh out of Sieun, unfortunately at the wrong time as he choked back a noodle. Suho’s eyes widened and he shot up to make sure he was okay. Once Sieun stopped coughing, he started laughing incessantly.
Sieun just rolled his eyes and continued eating.
-
A few hours later, Sieun had woken up after another nap and had been cleaning up his room a little when Suho walked in.
“Sieun-ah. Are you feeling better?” Suho asked, breaking the silence.
He nervously reached out to put the back of his hand against Sieun’s forehead.
“You don’t feel hot anymore.”
Sieun nodded. “I still feel a bit dizzy but my fever is nearly gone, i’m much better.”
Suho pulled back his hand and dropped it into his pocket.
He stared out the window for a minute and Sieun took the opportunity to stare at him. He looked-
The same as always. The exact same.
“Then why am i still here, Sieun-ah?”
Sieun felt his blood run cold.
Suddenly it all made sense. Suho looked the same way Sieun always remembered him. And his strange comment that Sieun didn’t understand.
Sieun felt his eyes water as he involuntarily took a step back.
Suho turned back to look at him, a small smile on his face.
“Don’t cry.”
Sieun wiped his eyes, too scared to close them lest Suho disappeared.
Suho watched him.
“Please tell me this is just because you miss me extra. I’m gonna worry if you’re hallucinating like this on the daily.” He said with a small chuckle, trying to joke.
Sieun stared at him for a few seconds before deciding to take a deep breath and smile a little.
Suho’s smile widened as he saw Sieun’s smile.
“I missed your smile.”
A pause.
Sieun’s voice came, quiet.
“I miss you.”
Another pause.
“I know.”
Suho reached out to brush Sieun’s bangs out of his face, tender as he smiled softly.
“Since you’re better… come visit me.”
Sieun nodded immediately.
Suho smiled and put his hand back in the pockets of his red windbreaker as he turned towards the door.
Sieun immediately felt his heart drop and he went forward, trying to follow him, to reach out to him.
“Ah, Sieun-ah.” Suho said, pausing and turning around.
Sieun froze, intently watching his every move.
“Keep your promise.” He said, staring into Sieun’s eyes.
Sieun stammered as his hand trembled, still trying to reach out for Suho.
“I will. Suho…please don-“
“I’ll see you soon.” Suho said, voice steady as he turned back around and his hand grabbed the door handle.
Sieun forced everything in his body to stay still as he closed his eyes, unable to watch Suho walk away from him again.
It’s only when he hears the door close does he open his eyes and look. For a split second, he feels his body walk forward, screaming to open the door and chase after Suho. But he knows that wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t work.
Suho was never here.
He dropped down on his bed, sobbing into his pillow as the realisation properly hit him. Suho was in a coma, he had never been here.
Maybe not physically, but he had still helped Sieun when he most needed it.
Sieun misses him so fucking bad.
-
Sieun walked down the hospital hall he had gotten so familiar with, opening the door.
“Hey, Suho-ya.” He said, announcing his arrival as he dropped his bag onto the chair next to the door.
He waited, expecting a response before his brain caught up.
Right. This wasn’t the Suho in his dreams that would reply back and joke with him. This Suho was laying down, sleeping just like he had been for the past year.
He felt tears prick at his eyes before he cleared his throat.
“Sorry that I haven’t visited in a few days. I was sick, but I’m feeling better.” He sat down on the chair next to Suho’s bed, staring at his chest as it rose up and down. He noted that Suho’s bangs had grown a lot. He looked so different from when he had helped Sieun.
The difference between how he remembered Suho and the Suho sitting before him now was enough to make his chest hurt.
He sat down, listening to the regular beeping of the hospital machines.
“Thank you. For helping me.” He said quietly, reaching out for his hand. He held Suho’s hand, watching his face as if waiting for a reaction.
“Suho-ya…” He started, his voice cracking. “I kept my promise. Halmoni’s coming too.”
Only silence followed as he gathered himself.
“I need you to promise me now. Please-“
A pause.
“Please, wake up.”
..
“I miss you. I- I need you to wake up. Halmoni needs you to wake up.”
..
Sieun wiped his eyes and sighed.
“I know you can hear me. Take your time but just…maybe hurry up.” He ended, laughing at the end.
The sound of the door opening made him look up. Suho’s halmoni walked in, smiling as soon as she saw Sieun.
“Halmoni.” Sieun said, getting up and bowing, returning her smile.
She got close to him before he realised and suddenly he was being pulled into a hug.
“It’s good to see you, Sieun.”
As soon as Sieun had felt like himself again, he had messaged Suho’s halmoni. They had exchanged numbers in case of emergencies regarding Suho but Sieun had never felt comfortable asking for anything from her.
After all, what could you say to the grandmother of the boy whose life got ruined because of you?
Sieun had messaged, saying that he was going to visit Suho the next day and asking if she would be there too. She had replied, saying she would.
Sieun froze before he melted into the hug.
She pulled back, sitting on the sofa in the room.
“How have you been, Halmoni?” Sieun asked, standing up.
She motioned for him to sit down, smiling at him warmly.
“I’ve been good.” She started before pausing. “I was surprised when you messaged me.”
Sieun looked at her, trying to figure out if she meant that in a good or bad way. As if reading his mind, she clarified.
“I’m glad you did. How have you been?”
“I’ve been okay-“ Sieun started. “Well, actually. I was sick a few days ago.”
She gasped. “Have you been eating well and keeping warm?”
Sieun smiled shyly. She felt like Suho in that moment, maybe caring for Yeon Sieun was genetic in Suho’s family.
“Yes, Halmoni. I’m not the best chef though-“
“Sieun-ah. You need to take care of yourself so you can be healthy and happy. No use studying if you’re sick.”
Sieun smiled after hearing that sentence for the first time in his life. The normal pit in his stomach was erased, replaced with a warm feeling.
Take care of yourself so you can be happy.
Halmoni’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.
“You should come over for dinner.”
Sieun shook his head quickly. “It’s okay-“
“I miss cooking for someone else.” She said, looking over at Suho. Sieun looked down.
“You’re always welcome.” She reached over, grabbing his hand.
“Okay, Halmoni. I’ll tell you when I’m free.” He smiled.
She smiled back, and Sieun knew where Suho had gotten his smile from.
-
A few months later, Suho would keep his promise to Sieun.
Sieun would get a phone call that would make him run through Seoul to meet Suho again.
And he gladly runs.