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“Kushina, we may be inside a spiral… but if you have the will to climb it, you should be able to find love.” - Mito (from the Minato oneshot).
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Not again…
She tried closing her eyes and waking up but she knew she couldn’t. Not when she was brought here. To this barren, empty landscape with only water at her feet. This wasn’t really water, nor was it blood or anything she could recognize. It had an otherworldly feeling. How she wished this was just a dream that would pass.
But it was much too real to even attempt to pass it as a dream — just like the menacing gigantic fox standing before. The fox laughed mockingly at her, like always. How she hated him. How she wished she could just free herself of this, get him to disappear somewhere. And he knew it all too well, always reading her thoughts, her hidden fears, her heart. But her heart he could not control.
He wasn’t able to control it for years. Though he still tried, night after night.
“Still playing house? Haven’t you gotten tired of this already?” The fox yawned, always mocking her. “Any day now, they’ll send you off to die. Not like you’ll make much of a difference to these people.”
She hated hearing that disgusting laugh more than anything else. Trying to hide her goosebumps didn’t work, Kyuubi knew well enough how much he could affect her. And she hated it.
Minato, Mito, Mikoto, her teammates, Jiraya, Tsunade, and even her guards were there for her. She knew she was never alone. They were handprints in her heart: never to leave, having marked her forever for good. But Kyuubi was just the same: he would never leave — not while she drew breath and probably not even after either.
It brought back all those frustrating, angry feelings from so long ago, when she was still a teenager. No, even before, when she was all cheeks and guts. When she was a nobody in this hellhole village, brought against her will to become a vessel for this… monster.
It’s like she was right back to her teenage years, the thoughts circling through her head… She was so tired already; so tired of always being misunderstood and taken for granted. No one really knew her. To them, she was either the batshit crazy redhead kunoichi everyone was scared of or simply a monster.
They all feared her, she realized during one of Kyuubi’s torturous screams to break free from its prison. The ninjas that protected her and even the Hokage feared her and, worse of all, pitied her.
Only one person had truly understood her during that time: old, solemn, inspiring Lady Mito. Her fellow clan members instructed her on how to deal with Kyuubi. Miko seemed to be, at times, the only one who believed in her potential, her strength — something not even Kushina herself did.
She was all alone now. Her whole village had been destroyed and the only other survivor was old Miko, who was nearing her last days. Oh, how she missed home. How she wanted to go back, to have everyone alive, out of this place, out of-
“Kushina!”
Minato’s voice reached her even here, deep in this realm of nothingness and loneliness. It stopped. Kyuubi was still talking, still trying to agitate her, but it was all white noise.
Of course, Minato. She felt so silly. How could she let herself fall prey again to Kyuubi? He only dared test her in dreams now; too weak to go against her when she was conscious. Coward.
She was breathing evenly now. Like muscle memory, she conjured more chains to hold the beastly fox down. As easy as eating ramen… now, at least.
But she still had a long way to go, what with Kyuubi still getting to her after all these years. One day for sure, she’d get to a point where his words and presence would be just like a fly’s — maybe even less.
She had a husband and a village to protect. And most importantly… her child.
“Kushina!”
Opening her eyes — actually opening them now, back in the real world, where she belonged in the warmth of her husband’s arms — she let out a painful breath. Even her body was affected by her dream. She had to be careful, she thought as she gingerly touched her belly.
Minato was anxiously holding her but trying his best not to move her too roughly. She could hear in his voice the fear. Her throat felt parched, she used more chakra than expected but she could already feel her body balancing itself, thanks to all the training they had done throughout the years. Not trusting her voice or eyes but wanting to reassure him, she held him tenderly, moving her hands through his surprisingly soft hair — she wonders how their son’s hair will feel like — and kissing his cheeks, ears, and neck.
He immediately relaxes in their embrace and breathes out. They stay like that for a good time — or maybe it was just a couple of seconds, it didn’t matter as long as she was with him — until they’re both breathing calmly.
“It was Kyuubi.” She says softly.
Minato tenses. She can picture the look in his face even in the pitch darkness. That draw of his eyebrows, his worried thinking face, pressed lips to a point he forgets to breathe. Before he gets lost in his thoughts, she kisses him once more and hums against him. Like clockwork, he relaxes.
“It’s okay. He only tries while I sleep now.” She tries to chuckle to assure him it’s okay, she’s got this — even when she’s not sure she does, or ever will.
Minato stays silent for a moment before whispering, “It’s happening more and more… as our-“ He chokes on his words while softly resting his hands over her belly — as soft as a feather, like he couldn’t risk even his own hands hurting her or their baby.
“Shh, don’t worry. He’s trying to get a rise out of me.” She says more to herself than to him at this point. “We got it all worked out, the birth, the place, the seal. It’s okay, Minato.” She wishes he could see her face, so she puts all her confidence into her voice.
His only answer is to hold her a bit more tightly, always careful with her belly.
She can’t wait for the birth, so Kyuubi can finally shut up and even more, because she wants to hold her son — it’s a boy, she’s sure.
.
During the days, it’s like the nightmares are forgotten. Of course, they never are. But they try to focus on other things. What can be done has been done: all the preparations for the birth. Now what they need to focus on is honing their energy, their skill, so nothing can catch them by surprise.
Some nights, just a few, she does get worried. At these times, Mito’s words come back to her. And she relaxes. Her predecessor dealt with multiple pregnancies and lived to an incredible age, even in the ninja world. Then, so would she.
Nothing could beat Kushina Uzumaki-Namikaze. And she made sure to remind her husband of that as well.
He always smiled cheekily and replied with silly jokes like, “Not even an all-eat competition at Ichiraku’s?”
Now, that’s just asking for punishment (in Minato’s case) and delight (in Kushina’s case) with a little eating marathon at her favorite place. With how often he’d bring these up as her pregnancy advanced and she complained of discomfort, her hunch turned into certainty.
How she loved her darling, sweet and awkward husband and his attempts to help in any way he could — even when he did lose to food.
Sorry Minato, Ichiraku’s is just that good.
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Minato had such bad naming tastes that it was funny. Of course, most people couldn’t see a single flaw in him. He was the golden boy (quite literally with some of his jutsus), the one who could never do wrong — especially to their generation and younger. At first, the unending attention he got really irked Kushina. He was already surrounded by everyone and she was… there. It was really difficult to deal with that when she was younger. It took years for her to understand that she was his number one person. Insecurity and jealousy turned to feeling flattered from such a position… to now, just security. This wasn’t a competition or a hierarchy. It was wonderful to spend time with Minato; it always was, but now she also knew her own value. She brought as much to the table as him. He felt just as grateful, lucky and content as she did with him.
Okay, enough with the sappiness. Back to the naming tastes: thank god she named Rasengan because who’d ever take it seriously? She also was 90% (ok 99%) of the creative power behind every single one of his jutsus. Jiraiya actually thanked her each time for saving his pupil from truly awful naming choices — he always wanted to give her the newest books but she made sure to get a much better gift: as many ramen bowls as she could eat in one go, all paid by the writer.
Funny that for the most important name in her life, she wasn’t the one who had that spark of creativity. But it was the one time both she and Minato were absolutely in sync with a name.
As soon as they finished the first chapter of Jiraiya’s newest book, they liked to read aloud to each other as they lay down; this time, Minato was giving her much needed foot massages while she made as many exaggerated hammy voices as her vocal cords could handle — they looked at each other immediately.
Grinning from ear to ear, they already knew the exact word in each other’s minds:
“Naruto!”
They laughed delightedly and Kushina almost kicked Minato in the face — not the first or last occurrence, but now he was well used to his wife’s larger than life movements — it kept him agile on his feet, he’d always say.
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If someone were to tell the young Kushina who recently arrived at Konohagakure, that her son would be named after food — one of her favorites, to be fair — and after a book from a sketchy writer at best, that someone best grit their teeth because a punch was soon to follow.
Funny how life turns out, she thought.
Going to this village had been the worst part of her short and interrupted childhood. She never got to truly know the Uzumaki clan or their famous hidden village. She barely got time with her parents and much less time with any friends as a child.
If not for Mito, those first weeks would have been true hell on earth. It all felt like such punishment. Why did she, of all people, have to become a jinchuriki? Fate was truly unkind then — it wasn’t even her choice and she didn’t even do it for a village or people she loved, unlike Mito.
But even during her lowest points, and especially after Mito passed, she kept remembering her words. It was like the old sage was with her at times; her words always coming back to her at the right times. Maybe it was the power of being a jinchuriki or maybe the lady was just that incredible even after death.
“Always remember: love is the most important thing. It can get you through anything.”
While her words were beautiful — sometimes Kushina thought Mito should have been the best-selling book artist, not Jiraiya — they rang hollow for a very long time. She understood it, theoretically: of course, love was wonderful, of course it was a strength to love and be loved.
But just like the most delicious bowl of ramen can only be experienced with all senses and never truly explained — though she tried many, many times to word it, to Minato and Mikoto’s endless laughter — it really was something you had to experience for yourself.
And no, she would not apologize for comparing love to ramen. They both brought her solace like nothing else, thank you very much.
It’s not like love saved her (not just Minato either, she also found a trove of platonic love in this little village that became her home) and everything was magically solved. There was no fairy tale happy ending. They’ve been through war and the situation could tip at any moment. She couldn’t pretend she wasn’t a jinchuriki or like this situation was anything but forced on her by powers outside her control.
Some days were more difficult to deal with Kyuubi. The fox knew her inside and out: her deepest fears, worst insecurities, darkest thoughts and hidden desires. The being wasn’t afraid to use them as he pleased and many times, his words hurt her more than anything a human could say to her. Even though she was his human pillar, he didn’t pretend to care for her. She wondered if anyone could ever make a being like Kyuubi change. As much as she tried, she never could. Probably because it could sense how much she hated him, this whole situation. She’d be forever inside the spiral that being born an Uzumaki brings.
In the past, she’d pray for the day this struggle would end and she could be free of this weight. But now, her chakra chains are a symbol of her resolve, her strength to deal with whatever the world brings. She was so thankful to have found love in her life. Minato was the most important person to her and always would be, but she was now surrounded by many people she loved. It’d never be the whole village, she couldn’t trick herself into believing they’d accept her or deem her worthy of wonder boy Minato. So? She knew she was more than good enough. They were partners. He understood her like no one else and vice versa.
Ironically, she was even thankful for that kidnapping a long time ago. If not for that, she wondered if they’d have truly, actually communicated. If Minato had come out of his shell and, perhaps even more importantly, if she’d have listened. Probably not. But she liked to believe that her red string of fate would eventually bring her to her love.
Sitting down at her usual spot at the top of the spiral, she was looking at the mountain of hokages in front of her. In a week’s time, Minato’s face would be there. She could already picture it quite clearly: his handsome face was serious, always so serious and thoughtful, among the most powerful ninjas this village produced.
Once upon a time, she vowed her name would be there. She couldn’t pretend she wouldn’t have liked to be Hokage herself. But she now could admit out loud that what she truly wanted, even back when she was known as the red hot firecracker, was just to belong. To feel at home. And she finally got that. With her child on the way — definitely a son, she could feel it — this home would be complete. Konahagakure was truly her home now.
Minato more than deserved the role of Hokage. No one studied, fought or tried harder than he did. Even if he was still green, she and everyone in the village — well, almost everyone but who cares about Danzo — knew Minato would be incredible. Perhaps the greatest hokage ever, and that’s not just her being slightly partial to this situation. It was so sweet, though, how he always put her first.
“Are you really, really okay with me being hokage?” She remembered him asking frantically seconds after he appeared in front of her while she was training. “Because I know you also want to be and honestly, if you are, it’s just the same as it being me and we can always ask them and I know being a jinchuriki and a foreigner makes it difficult but we can try, I’ll try, I can talk to them, I-“
She cut him off with a quick, but firm, kiss. It was always pretty funny how he’d turn pink and even his brain stopped working for a few seconds. This power over him tasted just as delicious as any time she kicked ass on the battlefield. Almost no one ever saw straight-laced Minato lose composure. She saw it nightly. It was a sight not to be shared.
“It’s okay, silly!” She laughed happily. “You deserve it!! You being the Hokage is the same as me being one!” Okay, not quite as true but she wanted to relieve him of any unneeded stress and definitely avoid any stupid decisions. “Seriously, Minato! Give yourself some credit!” She refrained from adding as a joke to be manly because coming from her, he always took it much too seriously. Even though he was more man to her than anyone else, it was one of his hidden insecurities that he only let her (and Jiraiya) see.
Hugging him — well, more like jumping at him and trusting him to hold her tightly, as he never failed to — she covered his face with kisses. By the end, he was almost as red as her hair and with a hilarious grin. Oh, how she wished she could have a way to permanently record all his faces and reactions.
After a couple of seconds, Minato came back to earth but was still quite pink. So cute, she thought fondly. Though she knew she could never voice it. He never forgot the ‘girly’ comment she said so long ago.
Bright, clear blue eyes stared right at her. Sometimes it felt like he was doing some ninjutsu just by looking at her, the way he made her feel. Maybe even Kyuubi felt it when he stared, and wouldn’t that be funny. But she tried to avoid thinking of the beast, lest it fill her head with hatred-filled thoughts.
“Kushina,” he started. He already knew she was serious. They were long past the stage of having to confirm with words what they could with glances. “I promise you: I’ll be a hokage for the two of us. It’s only because of you that I got to this point.”
Now she was as red as her hair, she could just tell from how warm her cheeks were.
“Minato-“
“No, Kushina. It’s true. I never would have gotten this far without you. Meeting you, even that very first at school where you stole my heart, it’s true, you know that-“ She knew it was true but god, how could he always be so direct with his feelings, so strong in his words, she couldn’t handle it even after years. “Having you in my life changed me. I went from a weak boy who just dreamed to becoming a man. You turned me into a ninja, a leader, a husband and a…” He choked up. “A father.”
He was holding back tears and she could feel her own welling up in her eyes. Young Kushina would rather have screamed and kicked a tree instead of crying, but she knew better now: being able to feel everything was important. Being loved was a privilege, a gift that Minato gave her without expecting anything in return.
“So… Thank you. I want to do my best for you two. You will always be my priority. Always.” He was crying now. “Even before the village”, he whispered, meaning every word.
Something about this made her shudder. There was no doubting Minato’s loyalty to the village. To come first, even before that… it was incredible but also a bit terrifying. She’d never want to put him into a situation where he’d need to choose.
No, no dark thoughts. No bringing Kyuubi into this beautiful moment.
Nothing bad would happen. Minato would become hokage, as he well deserved, and she was finally happy at home. It was all they needed.
She kissed him deeply, trying to convey every single feeling, every word she couldn’t articulate into that kiss. She was always better at this than talking, really. And by his enthusiastic response, she could tell he understood. Aaand that he was most surely going to send them back home any minute now.
Gazing at her with pure adoration in his eyes, he smiled brightly.
“Kushina, thank you for everything. I love you.”
It took her years to get to this point. To where she could feel and say the word ‘love’ without flinching and without fear. To get to where Mito had been at the end of her life: content and truthful to herself.
With Minato, they were unbeatable.
“Thank you for everything.” She kissed him, trying to convey all her emotions again. “Now, let’s stop this sappy festival and get home to some much needed hokage celebration.” She winked.
Ah, she’d never get tired of his adorable, handsome blushing face. She hoped her son would look just like him. Because something told her — maybe mother’s instincts? She preferred that hypothesis over a jinchuriki instinct — that he’d end up just like her personality-wise, for better or for worse. Well, he’d have the balance of his parents and Jiraiya, so hopefully he’d be less of a troublemaker than she was.
But her gut already told her he’d be just as big a firecracker. And maybe, just maybe, a hokage too — fulfilling both his parents’ dreams.