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He was fine.
He was fine a two hours ago. It wasn’t fair.
”I need to pick up a few things at the gas station. I’ll call you once I get there, ‘kay?” He had smiled so fondly, gently tugging himself out of his boyfriend’s embrace.
He waited for a call that never came. He figured that he forgot. He wished that was why.
Chips’s mom had called him, her choked sobs making his heart heavy. All the blood in Kai’s body turned cold as words, words he never thought he’d hear, were spoken into the air. After what seemed to be an eternity of cries, her voice cut through the silence. “He’s dead.” Kai froze. His mouth parted, shoulders dropping. His eyes widened as he just stood there. He couldn’t breathe. All the air was poison and he was just suffocating. There was no way she was talking about Chips. Not his Chips, right? The same Chips that he wanted to marry? The same Chips he wanted to spend his entire life with? Please, anyone but him. The air was thick. His throat felt dry. He wanted to say something, ask for confirmation, anything. But he didn’t want confirmation that the love of his life, the captivator of his heart, his other half, was gone.
Everything after that was a blur. The following week was filled with condolences and comfort he couldn’t bother to indulge in. Was his life always this depressing before Chips? He couldn’t tell.
Come to day of his funeral. They said he was in a hit-in-run. They didn’t catch the culprit. The church was packed with faces Kai didn’t recognize. But among the few he did, he promptly avoided them. Mimi, Van, Dawn, and Noah understood he needed space. Kai left early. He refused to believe he was dead. He wasn’t dead. Not his Chips.
It was a Friday night, two days after the funeral, a week after Chips’s death. Kai was lying in his bed. His dim room was a mess. He hadn’t eaten at all for such a long time. The last thing he ate was a small muffin Chips had bought him. He needed to cling onto anything that him remember him. He wondered how long it was until he too met his fate. He turned onto his side and bought his knees to his chest. Then, the dam collapsed. Everything he’d been bottling for the past week finally spilled. He hiccuped as tears began to stream down his face. It wasn’t long until he was letting out raw cries that could’ve shattered windows. His eyes were squeezed shut and his nails dug into his palm. A scream cut through him, guttural and intense. His face was sore and his throat burned. It hurt. Everything hurt. He should’ve convinced him to stay back. He should’ve went with him. He should’ve died alongside him.
It went on for two hours before his sobs turned into gasps and his jagged breathing had slowed. His body went limp, his eyes staring at the wall as if he were already dead. His eyes were bloodshot, body no longer trembling from all the overwhelming emotions that had took over him.
He fell asleep that night, wishing that death would reunite him with his lover.