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I want to live. I want to stay.
The words echoed in Lae'zel's mind as she lay in the dark. The raw desperation of them could shear a Steel Watcher in two. The way they cracked under the strain. They were a contradiction, somehow the most powerful words Lae'zel had ever heard even as they lay shattered at her feet. Born of anguish, yet with the strength to rend the heart of even a hardened githyanki warrior. She exhaled heavily, closing her eyes again. The day had been filled with trials and tomorrow would be no different. Yet still she could not rest. It was not the ache in her muscles nor the stinging of the burns from Gortash's wretched contraptions that kept her from resting, however. It was the hollow void in her chest, where nothing but the lingering ghost of Karlach's words earlier in the day resonated inside her.
Of all of those she had travelled with, Karlach's resolve and uncrushable spirit had been a source of strength and clarity for them all. Gale lacked conviction. Astarion stood for nothing. Shadowheart didn't know what she stood for. Wyll lacked faith in himself.
Karlach was a force of nature. Tearing the still-beating organ from her chest was not enough to quash her heart. Somehow it thundered ever on, in all of its forms. As a warrior. As a lover. In childlike wonder and ridiculous whimsy. She was unlike anyone Lae'zel had ever met, and seeing Karlach broken was perhaps one of the most startling things she had ever witnessed. Lae'zel had stood in the presence of her own false god and yet still she was perhaps just as shaken by Karlach's voice as she uttered I'm going to die. Lae'zel did not fear death, but Karlach did. The tiefling was right. It wasn't fair.
Is that it for me?! Is that fucking all?!
Lae'zel sat up, gripping her chest as breath struggled to force itself in and out of her throat. She threw back the sheet and left her bed at speed. She ignored the elves upon the decadent settees and left their room at the Elfsong. She needed air. There was a ladder up to the roof, and she swept up it as though she had not been fighting half the city guard earlier in the day.
Cool night air spilled over her as she pushed up through the hatch to the roof, refreshing for her body and her mind. She climbed to her feet and turned her head to the sky, closing her eyes again and sucking in a deep lungful of air. As she exhaled again, she looked up to the stars. Not all that long ago, they had been a mundane sight to her. The Tears of Selûne were bright tonight, pouring away from Selûne itself in a twinkling arc. It should have meant nothing to her, but Lae'zel's heart fluttered as she looked upon them. Their glistening light rained down upon the Chionthar, still as a silver mirror.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
Lae'zel spun, shoulders squaring, but it was simply Karlach. She forced herself to relax again. "I am still adjusting to being able to appreciate such a thing."
"I'm glad you do though," Karlach said, her orange eyes looking out over the river. "There's so much in this world. So much to do. So much to see." The implications of her words hung thickly on the air.
Lae'zel was quiet for a long moment. It stretched on like a great chasm between them. Karlach's words weighed heavily upon the air. "Do you remember my words when we were in the underdark?"
Karlach glanced to her, an eyebrow raised.
"I said that if you were to continue as you were, you would be deemed worthy of the appreciation of Lae'zel of Crèche K'liir."
Karlach grinned. "I do remember that. Though I think you'll find it was the great Lae'zel of Crèche K'liir."
Lae'zel could not keep the corner of her mouth from quirking upward. "You have proven yourself through your mettle in combat and your iron will a hundred times and more. And yet now I see in you so much more than that." Her throat tightened. "I am able to appreciate so much more."
Karlach's back straightened, eyes widening a little. "Oh," she said, cheeks darkening slightly. She shifted on her feet. "Right." Her initial shock was brushed off quickly, and she smirked. "You'll be telling me you're up here just to see me next."
Lae'zel took a step closer to her, neck craning to peer up at the large and impressive woman. "I am here to appreciate the wonders this world has to offer. That includes you."
A ripple of blue light flushed under Karlach's shirt and over her shoulders. "I thought you liked them a bit more brutal."
"Do not play coy with me, Karlach," Lae'zel said. "There have been precious few times in my life that I have met a warrior as skilled or ferocious as you. Though…" Her words trailed off a moment as she peered up into Karlach's burning eyes. "This is not all I see in you. I see your joy. Your wonder. Your tenacity. Vibrance. When we met, I lived to serve and to fight. Sharing in the bodies of my comrades was but another battle to be won. Yet I stand here now, with one of the most ferocious fighters I have ever known stood before me, and it is not battle that I seek."
A fierce breath escaped through Karlach's clenched teeth, shoulders rising and falling in anticipation. "Just fucking say it."
"Karlach Cliffgate of Baldur's Gate," Lae'zel said, "you are not dead yet. And after a lifetime of battle and focus, I can finally see the wonders around me. I do not seek to fight you, I-"
Karlach leaned down, her arms encircling Lae'zel's muscular but comparatively tiny frame, and their lips crashed together. Lae'zel's hands were on her shoulders, the hot metal of the rivets in the tiefling's flesh searing to touch and hotter air expelled from the inner workings of her unnatural heart through the vents in them. Her lips on Lae'zel's were hungry and desperate, but the tenderness in her soul was clear with every kiss.
This was not a battle, Lae'zel reminded herself.
Her grip on Karlach's shoulders loosened, and she moved one hand to Karlach's jaw, holding her face. Karlach's hands explored her, eager and gentle. Caring. In one caress of the tiefling's hand over her hip Lae'zel felt more love than she had felt in her whole life. A deep ache burrowed into Lae'zel's chest.
"Fuck," Karlach breathed into her mouth. "I can't start this right now. Not when I'm-" Her words cut off sharply, breath hitching.
"For my entire life I have trained and lived as a warrior," Lae'zel replied, holding the back of Karlach's neck to press their foreheads together. "Today we stand atop a roof together. Tomorrow we may fall in battle. Make no mistake, I will be gone when this is over, regardless of anything else. The Comet must fly again. I must save my people." She let go and pulled back to look up into Karlach's eyes with fierce intensity. "I have squandered too much time already not appreciating the world and the company around me. I do not care to waste more." She canted her head to regard Karlach. "Do you?"
"Fuck no." Karlach bore down on her again, their tongues entwining desperately. Something wet pressed against Lae'zel's cheek, and she opened her eyes. Tears spilled down Karlach's cheeks as they kissed.
And you - you'll just keep fucking going, won't you?
Lae'zel pulled away and a sob escaped Karlach, her face crumpling. Water poured down her face as her eyes closed.
Watching the stars. Warming your hands on the campfire.
"I'm sorry," Karlach said, voice soaked with pain as she wiped the tears from her own cheeks.
Dancing, eating, making fucking love all night-
"No," Lae'zel said. "You will not apologise. I used to think tears were a sign of weakness. I know better now."
Karlach's eyes met hers, sclera ruddy, though her slit-like pupils widened slightly. "You think so?"
Lae'zel ignored the way her gut squirmed. So much of this felt wrong, against everything she had been taught, but she had changed so much. She wanted this change. "You have weathered all manner of ills and still you stand. You have never given up. Though you made your displeasure known, I know you shall be by our sides until the bitter last." The words stuck in her throat briefly. It scared her to speak so truly. "I have never known one stronger than you."
"Thanks, I guess," Karlach said. Her fingers knotted together, and she watched them intently. Lae'zel eyed her, certain she had said something wrong. "I just… I dunno. I guess I'm tired of being strong." Karlach's arms dropped to her sides and she looked up at the sky, shaking her head. "I'm so fucking exhausted."
"Then rest," Lae'zel said, voice firm and unquestionable, "and take of my strength. For ten years you were alone, but no longer. As long as I walk this plane, I will share your burdens."
Karlach huffed out a laugh, wiping her face again as she looked back to Lae'zel. "That's… that's nice. Thanks, Lae. I mean it." Her voice trembled as she added: "I really mean it." She then laughed, sniffing away tears. "I'm sorry, crying isn't normally the reaction people want when they're getting a snog."
Lae'zel lifted her chin proudly. "I have brought many to tears with the intensity of my passion."
"Yeah, I'll bet," Karlach said with a grin.
"Yes. I will show you, when your spirits are better." Lae'zel reached her hand forward a moment and paused, fingers idly groping the air as she questioned herself. No, she decided. This felt right. She took Karlach's hand in her own. "Tonight, let us watch the stars, and I shall tell you of Crèche K'liir."
"I'd like that," Karlach said. She gestured over to the other side of the roof, where there was a blanket and some bottles. "I swiped some wine from downstairs. Didn't think I'd have anyone to share it with."
"Now you do," Lae'zel replied, chin high, "and I am excellent company."