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// “if i ever leave, i could learn to miss you.” //
he hated going to bed with blood dripping down his thigh, he really did. but he couldn't find it in himself to care. to care about himself, his health, his future — none of it matters, anyways, when you're as worthless as he thinks he is. sometimes he feels like he should apologize for existing.
he climbed into bed, his slytherin pants hanging off his hips, his pink v-neck comfortable against his torso. he turned off the light, fully expecting a good night's sleep, but for the fourth night in a row, depression won. depression usually wins, or at least that's what he tells himself.
- two years later -
“dalton? are you ready to go to the beach?”
the blond was still throwing stuff in his beach bag when his brunette lover called for him. he heard footsteps and then a creak as mackenzie leaned against the door frame.
“babe, honestly, how much do you need? it's just the beach. a towel and some sunscreen, that's it, princess,” he laughed.
“yeah, but i like reading on the beach, and like, i need my earbuds in case you wanna swim when i don't, and my mini first aid kit in case you step on glass or something and—”
he was cut off by the other boy's lips. when they pulled apart, dalton took a deep breath. the truth is, he hasn't been swimming for three years at least, too ashamed of his scars to let others see. of course, his swim trunks are long enough to cover it, but swim trunks slip up and don't cover everything anymore. he hasn't told mackenzie yet and he's not sure this is how he wants to tell the boy he trusts the most that he's been dragging a blade across his thigh for two years.
// “there’s a morning after, though i'm empty when you go.” //
dalton doesn't want mackenzie leaving him for his demons. mac knows dalt is depressed, but he's been on meds for years — it's almost as if he's not depressed. mackenzie accepts it, though, because he knows shit happens. he knows mental illnesses aren't controlled. he's okay with it, and he helps on dalton's down days.
but what about the ones mac doesn't know about? why does dalton have to have so much damn baggage? he wants to be normal. he doesn't want to put his brunette lover through all this. mac doesn't deserve that.
they finally pull up to the beach parking lot and dalton took a deep breath. honestly, his scars went halfway down his thigh and god, he's regretting this. he wants to be back home writing a song about how beautiful mackenzie is.
“hey, midnight, you okay? we don't have to be here.”
mackenzie grabbed dalton's hand, looking at him with concern in his eyes. dalton considers for a moment. he thinks he should just tell mackenzie to save him the stress, and thinks this is maybe the best option, but mackenzie could dump his ass and he'd be left here. he decides to take a chance on it though, because somewhere, deep down his heart knows mackenzie wouldn't do that.
“uh, there's something i need to tell you.”
“you can tell me anything, dalt.”
“okay so i used to cut myself for about three years, and my scars go down pretty far…”
he rolled up his trunk leg so that mac could see them. mac looked down at them and quietly gasped. he wished dalton would've said something sooner.
“and that's why i was nervous this morning. i haven't had a pair of swim trunks on for like, three, maybe four years. i don't care about other people, but i was worried about you. i was worried you'd hate me.”
and that's when mac looks up at the blond. he's holding dalton's hands and looking at him like he's crazy. which, he is. he's crazy in love with a boy whose initials are MRB.
“dalton, dalton, dalton, no. i could never hate you. not over something like that. i'm here to love you and to protect you, because i want to. because you deserve someone that will do those things. and when i say i want to protect you, i want to protect you from your demons, too. i don't care where i'm at or what i'm doing, you come first. i love you, midnight.”
// “the clouds are gonna roll, the earth's gonna shake, but i'll be your shelter through the wind and the rain.” //
dalton hugged mackenzie over the console. he honestly just wanted to go home and bake cookies and cuddle with mac while listening to his boyfriend sing along to their playlist they made for nights like this. besides, the sky is getting dark and dalton would much rather be home in his love's arms if it's gonna storm. after breaking the hug, dalton asked mackenzie if they could go home.
“whatever my baby wants,” he answered with a smile and a kiss to the blond’s forehead. dalton smiled slightly, still not feeling the greatest. he knows when he gets home though, that'll change quickly. it's hard to not be in at least a better mood than he is now when he's in his lover's arms dancing around the kitchen to ed sheeran’s best love songs.
dalton leaned back against the cool leather of the corvette, sighing heavily. he just wishes things were different. different in the way that he doesn't want to drag mackenzie down with all of his issues. he just wants to be okay and be happy with mac. and he is. he's incredibly happy with somebody like his prince in his life. but his mind gets to him, and he desperately wants to break that.
“hey, babe, it's gonna be okay. i'm not leaving until you force me out the door. when we get home we'll order some chinese, put on our ed sheeran and the 1975 CD, and chill out. sound good?”
dalton nodded, not wanting to buckle in. he trusted mac enough and it was literally a five minute drive from the beach to their apartment. the first drop of rain fell as mac was backing up to get out of the parking lot before the crowd came. mackenzie rubbed his thumb across dalton’s the whole way home.