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The winter solstice was not something Kaveh celebrated growing up. Living in the Sumeru rainforest meant that the only seasons he recognized when he was a little kid were the rainy season and the rainier season.
When he was a bit older, though, and had access to more books from other nations, he became immediately enamored with the idea of snow. The books always described it as peaceful and quiet, but stunningly beautiful. “The flakes danced lightly through the air, settling like a thick, white blanket over every surface.” How could he not fall in love with something like that?
Kaveh would always marvel at the rich descriptions of winter landscapes, imagining in his head what it would look like for the trees to be bare, for icicles to hang off rooftops and fences, for snow to pile on the ground, burying sidewalks and paths. Even the snowflakes themselves, so tiny and intricate, captured his heart. The first year he was aware that other nations were lucky enough to get snow sometimes, he spent hours designing his own snowflakes and putting them up around the house. There was a futile hope that these paper snowflakes would encourage the sky to grace Sumeru with a snowfall that year.
His mother didn’t discourage him, but then again, after his father’s death, she rarely paid enough attention to what he was doing to really know to discourage anything.
When the snow never came, and Kaveh went to her with his disappointment, she halfheartedly made a promise:
“One year, once I’ve saved up enough money, I’ll take you to Fontaine for a few days,” she had said. “We’ll go for the winter solstice. I’ve heard it’s a big celebration there.”
Kaveh never really believed that she meant it. All the same, every time she went off to Fontaine without him, even up to her final departure from Sumeru, her false promise rang in his head.
He had forgotten that he told Alhaitham about his mother’s promise years later, so when the scribe came to him a month ago with a fully fleshed-out offer for an all-expenses-paid vacation to Fontaine for the winter solstice, he had been certain he was dreaming. Now, though, as they walk hand-in-hand through the snowy streets, he can feel the cold stinging his cheeks, the snow crunching under his boots, and he knows it’s real.
The buildings and shops around them are all shining bright, covered in candles, lights, and evergreen, red and white tassels fluttering in the wind. He grips Alhaitham’s gloved hand a little tighter, feeling his heart swell with joy. The snowflakes he had dreamed about for years are now settling on his hair and eyelashes like little kisses.
They stop for a moment in front of a stand selling hot cocoa, another thing Kaveh had read about and desperately wanted to try. His eyes are shining as he watches the vendor pour the steaming hot drink into two cups. As Alhaitham pays, Kaveh takes the cups into his hands, inhaling the sweet smell of chocolate.
“Ah, it smells absolutely delicious!” he says with a sigh, handing Alhaitham his cup and stepping to the side to let other people through. “I’ve been so excited for this that I’m almost afraid to try it now! What if it’s not as good as I’m expecting?”
Alhaitham chuckles quietly, putting his mora pouch away and linking his free arm with Kaveh’s. “Just take a sip. You’re being silly.”
Kaveh’s body warms at the feeling of Alhaitham pressing against his side, and he leans into the contact. Alhaitham’s right. He should stop worrying and try to experience the moment. He brings the cup to his lips and takes a small, hesitant sip. His eyes widen when the decadent flavor of milky chocolate coats his tongue.
“Oh my god,” he whispers. “It’s so good.”
Alhaitham laughs again as Kaveh proceeds to chug the hot beverage like it’s water. “Is it safe to assume you’re satisfied?” he teases.
Kaveh nods enthusiastically, wiping his mouth with his hand. “Ahh… Oh man, it’s just as delicious as I was imagining! The sweetness, the creaminess, the chocolateyness… I love it!”
Alhaitham takes a sip from his own cup, then tilts his head slightly to the side. “I can see why you would like it. It’s not really my thing, though.” He holds the full cup out to Kaveh. “Do you want to finish mine?”
Kaveh’s eyes widen almost comically again, but he takes Alhaitham’s share of the hot cocoa without hesitation. “Really?? You don’t like it? Are you sure?”
Despite his attempt to be polite, Kaveh does not wait for Alhaitham’s answer before he’s sipping at the contents of his cup as well. He goes a bit slower this time, savoring the flavors as much as he can, but the remaining liquid in the cup is gone within a minute anyways.
As they continue to walk down the street, arm-in-arm, Kaveh’s thoughts drift to his mother. She’s been in Fontaine for a good few years now, does she also celebrate the local holidays? It must’ve been hard for her to adjust to the cold and dark of the winter season. He wonders how she feels about it now. What does she do to celebrate? Is she with her husband’s family? Maybe one of these nicely decorated houses is theirs, and they’re cozied up around a fireplace. Or maybe they’re on a nice walk in the snow, just like him and Alhaitham are.
Kaveh continues to admire the beautiful garlands and evergreen wreaths on every door they pass by, but he finds himself engulfed by a deep sadness every time he catches sight of a family with kids through the window.
He wishes he had grown up someplace where he could’ve celebrated the winter solstice… Where it may have been cold and dark, but the weather would have been offset by the warmth of a home and a loving family. The comfort of an attentive caregiver is something Kaveh didn’t realize he was missing out on for a long time, but seeing all the families together here in Fontaine makes his own lack of that sting all the more. A feeling almost like resentment blooms in his chest, choking him. He looks down at his boots, watching them crunch against the snow underfoot.
Alhaitham tightens his hold around Kaveh’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Do you want to go back to the hotel?” he asks quietly. “Are things getting too much for you?”
Kaveh shakes his head slowly. He pulls Alhaitham to a stop under an awning where they won’t block the sidewalk. “It’s not that I’m getting overwhelmed, I’m just… I can’t stop thinking about my mother,” he admits, a bit sheepishly. “I know it’s stupid, I know she’s probably not thinking about me at all, but… I guess I miss what I could’ve had with her.”
Alhaitham nods, but doesn’t jump in, letting Kaveh speak without interruption.
Kaveh pauses before he continues, leaning into Alhaitham’s side. “I don’t know why being around joy always makes me feel so sad,” he murmurs. “And I don’t want to resent her for the way she raised me, but I don’t have control over what I wish I had. And I wish I could’ve felt her care.”
Alhaitham is silent for a few moments, then when Kaveh doesn’t continue talking, he pulls him into a warm hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Kaveh melts into the embrace immediately. He’s usually not the biggest fan of public displays of affection, but this time, it doesn’t feel public at all. There may be people passing by, but they’re not looking, and even if they were, it wouldn’t matter. What matters is the warmth, the safety he feels, wrapped up in Alhaitham’s arms.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through what you did with her,” Alhaitham says softly. “Is there anything I can do for you right now that would make you feel better?”
The snow continues to fall around them silently as Kaveh buries his face into Alhaitham’s jacket. “You’re doing more than enough,” he mumbles. “I can feel your care.”
“I’m glad,” Alhaitham responds, smoothing a hand over Kaveh’s back. “Then we’ll stay like this for as long as you need.”