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Fuyuhiko held his chopsticks as steady as possible. Making sure to pick up every stray piece of rice from his plate. Across from him, his twin sister. She was....... Not as quick as he was. She shoveled rice into her mouth, chomping it down into a gross mass of whatever else she ate at the bottom of her stomach. She had never seen what happened when she disobeyed. She never had to. It was Fuyuhiko who had to watch his every move.
*CRASH!* All the people at the table looked toward the noise. Natsumi had froze.
Nothing too bad, she only dropped her cup.
Yet
Their father
He
He wasn't too happy about it.
He set his chopsticks down. Got up, and went all the way over to Natsumi's side of the table.
Natsumi looked up at him
"I'm sorry dad.." She said sheepishly. He glared down at her, not speaking a word, just staring at her. Everyone at the table was scared, let alone Natsumi. She pushed out of her chair to pick it up, but she was too late.
Nobody expected what was to come. Not even their own mother.
Their Father grabbed the back of Natsumi's head
and slammed it down onto her plates, holding her head down a moment too long. He eventually brought it back up though. Natsumi was way too stunned to cry, or process what had just happened. She was just staring into nothing as everybody stared back. Everyone but their father.
The two finally broke eye contact with the void, replacing it with each others. That was quite possibly the worst thing for her to do. Her fathers face twisted from blank to a grotesque rage as he began slamming her face repeatedly into the now broken mass of plates, food, and whatever table was below it. "Dad????" Fuyuhiko finally shrieked, getting up from his chair. His eyes immediately darted up from Natsumi up to Fuyuhiko's and he immediately sat down, not wanting to be next.
Nobody really remembers when He stopped ramming her head into the table. But they do remember him not ever apologizing. Just demanding Natsumi to pick it up and keep eating as he returned to his seat. She wasn't even sure what she was eating anymore. There was blood, rice, soup, and ceramic shards all over where she had just been eating. Fuyuhiko stared at the half-eaten mass of food and inedibilities infront of her, completely unappetized as he watched her pick through, trying to differentiate food from bloody ceramic. He watched her slowly bring her hand to her head, and back down, bringing the blood dripping down her head onto her fingertips. Before she could even register what it was, she slowly licked her fingers clean as Fuyuhiko watched in horror.
That was 18 years ago though. They'd only been 6 at the time. Natsumi doesn't remember the event for the life of her, but Fuyuhiko does. They were completely different people from then. But it always brought him reoccurring nightmares anytime he's forced to break bread at that table.
"Aren't you gonna eat man?" Natsumi asked. This time she was sat next to him. Ever since Peko had been appointed their personal swordsman, the seating at the table had been rearranged, letting Natsumi sit next to Fuyuhiko instead of her mother.
Fuyuhiko looked up from his untouched plate and gave her a smile full of inconfidence. She gave him a worried look but returned to her own plate. He glanced over at her plate. Salmon over rice.
It was a perfectly good plate, but he couldn't help but feel his heartrate begin to spike and his breathing quicken as he watched the scene from all those years ago play over and over again. He set his chopsticks down and got up from his seat. "Where the hell are you going?" Their father asked. "Bathroom" Fuyuhiko grumbled as he left the family dining room.
The hallway lights to his room flickered as he walked, making his head spin. He felt like it was gonna make him cry, faint, and puke all at the same time. When he finally got into his room, he pressed his back against the wall, trying to steady himself. But each time he closed his eyes all he saw was her face being slammed into broken plates over and over again.
A voice cut through his spiral. "Fuyuhiko?" It was Natsumi. He pulled his arm off of his face, not even remembering ever putting it there. "Huh?- Natsumi..!" He got up and held onto each of her arms. "What're you doing here? You should be eating." "I could say the same to you. You okay?" She asked. Was he okay? The obvious answer was no. "Of course I am. Just a migraine." He didn't want to worry her, nor did he want to get her in trouble.
Natsumi stared at him with concern before she finally sighed, and held onto Fuyuhiko's arms as well.
"Fuyuhiko."
"...?"
"I'm okay."
".....What?"
"I am okay Fuyuhiko"
Fuyuhiko stared at Natsumi as she reiterated.
She smiled weakly at Fuyuhiko, shaking his hands off of her arms so she could pull him into a hug. "I'm okay Fuyuhiko. Really." She pat the back of his head, forcing him to lean on her. "I'm not hurt.. Dad's calm.. And there's no blood on the table." Natsumi reassured softly. Fuyuhiko stared into nothing, feeling a warm tear roll down his cheek. It had been years since he let himself cry infront of her, let alone on her shoulder.
Even though Natsumi didn't remember it, she had heard him recount it for years after. It was the only reason she knew how to comfort him.
"I'm okay.. I promise. You know how I know that?" Fuyuhiko already knew the answer to her question already. He knew that because she was standing infront of him, completely fine. But he couldn't help but ask. "... How..?" "Weelll... Cause my heads still in tact." Natsumi said. Leaning her head onto his. "And my fingers aren't stained." As Natsumi said that, she reached down and squeezed his hand before letting it go again. She pulled him off of her, and brought her hand up for him to see. At this point silent tears were rolling down Fuyuhiko's face as he stared at Natsumi's hand. She set it on his shoulder. "And I'm not that same little girl anymore. You don't have to be brave all the time, Fuyuhiko.. I'm here. I always have been." Fuyuhiko tried to respond but no words would come out. Natsumi sighed and brought him back in for a hug.
She let Fuyuhiko cry on her shoulder. She was warm, real. There was no blood. There was no broken dishes. Dad wasn't mad, and neither of them were hurt. Hungry maybe. Just not hurt.
Moments passed before Fuyuhiko finally pulled himself off of her, and wiped his face. "I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this.." He mumbled. "Don't be." Natsumi said softly. "You're worried about me, and that's okay.. But holding to the ground should be your top priority right now, Okay?" "..." Fuyuhiko didn't respond. He felt like if he did he'd just cry more. Natsumi wiped his face. "Come on Fuyuhiko. You've gotta eat." Her words were quiet, but grounding. "You can't help anyone if you pass out." Fuyuhiko scoffed at her words. "I'll be fine." "Really." Natsumi said, not at all believing him. He had melted into her arms a moment ago, if she had let go for even a second he would've collapsed.
Silence stretched between them for a moment before Fuyuhiko eventually gave in with a sigh. "Fine." Natsumi wasn't too sure if his agreement was due to her amazing persuasion skills, or if he actually was on the verge of passing out. "Come on." Natsumi said, wrapping an arm around Fuyuhiko. He wiped his face one last time before letting Natsumi walk him back out to the dining room. He was tired, and his head hurt, but he was glad Natsumi was there for him.
Not that he'd admit that of course.
His plate hadn't been touched, it laid perfectly presented next to Natsumi's half eaten plate. The rest of the table was clean though. He felt his stomach growl looking down at the plate.
"I know you're worried, but you need to eat, Fuyuhiko. You can't keep going like this.." Natsumi said quietly as she sat next to him. their plates were cold by now, but neither of them cared. Fuyuhiko stared at the plate, trying to muster up the willpower to start eating again. Natsumi was right though, he couldn't help her if he collapsed from exhaustion or stress.
Natsumi picked up her chopsticks, picked up a bit of the fish on Fuyuhiko's plate, and raised it up to his mouth. "Open!" Fuyuhiko just stared at her, his face a mixture of annoyance and pure exhaustion. He sighed a bit before opening his mouth, letting Natsumi feed him. He chewed slowly, mushing all the food in his mouth to keep from choking before slowly downing it. "See? You're okay." She was right. Their parents were no longer at the table--they probably had left a little after Natsumi left--meaning they were safe from any harm. It was just the two of them, sitting side by side, at the table. Fuyuhiko took a deep breath, and expelled it instantly. "Yeah. Thanks." He picked up his chopsticks and slowly worked at his plate.
He began to up the pace of all of his methodical chewing, realizing how hungry he actually was with each bite. The silence between them wasn't uncomfortable, it was just quiet. She slid her drink to him and he drank without a word. It was tea. Cold now, but still tea. This was all they needed.
Each other.
After weeks they finally convinced one of the mob workers to install a kotatsu in their room. They only lived in there during holidays, so they figured it wouldn't raise any flags. "The room's cold!" Natsumi remembers telling their father as he watched it get installed. The twins smiled to each other as their father just shrugged it off, and left the men to install the table.
The two sat at the table that night, eating what they smuggled out of dinner, finally smiling as they ate, talking about whatever crossed their mind.
That fear never went away, but being able to eat at a table with just his sister there was enough.