Chapter Text
“I was meant to miss you for seconds every time, but once a year I can call you mine, even if it’s just for a day, for us it feels like a lifetime. “
08/22/1975
An owl flies through my open window into my room and lands on my owl perch. The all-to-familiar owl is light brown with two mahogany brown rings around his eyes which is a reminder of who owns her. Her eyes looked at me while she tiled her head slightly to her right side. “Finally,” I say and take the letter out of her claws. A cheap owl would have just dropped the letter and flew away, but this one did not which indicates that this one has must cost a lot, for normal standards, but the Potter family were by far not normal standards in the wizard world. Not that my family was, we were much more in the elite than the potters but that was not because of my money and more because of our name and prominent position in the English and French wizarding ministries. I break the wax seal and pull the letter out. The Pergament is cut in a perfect heart shape. I feel a smile building up in my face as I fold the card open to find the smudge handwriting of James fucking Potter.
‘Hiya Reg,
I hope you didn’t forget what day it is tomorrow. In case you did forget:
1. HOW DARE YOU, REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK !? :(
2. It’s OUR day. You know, the day we both just spend together doing whatever we want. Away from our families and friends.
I’ve got a beautiful place Remus recommended to me.
Meet me at 7:30 AM at train station king’s cross.
Your ‘deer’est James F. Potter ;)
Ps. Can’t wait to see you xxx
“Such a dork.” I smile at myself. Standing up to put the letter in a safe place so it would not be found. I also got a treat for the owl still patiently waiting on her perch. With a loud croaking she snaps at the cockroach and almost catches my finger in her almond white beak. I look after her when she flies out the window into the setting sun.
Family dinner is as boring and tense as always. Mother doesn’t talk, Sirius is not allowed to most of the time and having a conversation with myself doesn’t sound like the best to be honest.
“Mother I plan on going out next day. I please for your approval.” I say as noble it could come over my lips. For a minute it sems like I would not get an answer but that would be answer enough. Finaly, she speaks in a voice she only uses with us. Almost like this is her real self. Cold and distant. “Where are you planning to go on such short notice?” “Out. With the Rosier twins. You know Evan and Pandora. I’ve got quite an interest in her.”
A straight lie. A skill I’ve learned over the years living in this shithole my parents call the Nobel house of Black. She looks up. The mixture of blue and green of her eyes meeting my gray ones. “I suppose its fine. Your father and I will leave early tomorrow anyway. We are going to have a meeting at the Malfoy manor.” My mother said before it went silent again.
My father isn’t even here with us. He hasn’t been at dinner since Sirius, and I came back in June. He believes that spending time with your family is a pure waste of suitable time you can use better otherwise. For most of the time we’ve been back he sits in his office working or is out in the ministry. At least that’s what they have told us.
“Ahem.” Sirius clears his throat. “I also wish to go out tomorrow mother. Getting my year 6 supplies. My list came yesterday and it’s longer than the ones last year. I will need the entire day if not a second.” This time without looking up she answers immediately with a sharp “No.” that could cut paper. Sirius doesn’t argue but by the look on his face I can tell that he would not care and go out anyways. He always puts himself in more danger than he would have to if he’d just do what’s he’s told for once.
“I think he should go.” I say with my best arrogant voice. Both are looking at me now. “He can buy my school stuff too. Creature always forgets something, and I do not care for it to get it myself.” My mother sat with a considerate face. “Fine. But you must pay for all of it yourself.” She then said, the last part explicit to my older brother sitting across from me. “Fine by me.” Sirius said trying not to show is happiness too much. I know he owns a lot of money in his dungeon of Gringotts. Our uncle left him with all of his, but I will still give him his money back. He should spend it on something more important, like the bike he’s thinking about buying or on one of the nice dates he has planned out for months and keeps adding.
Not long after I got into my room, I hear a knock on my door. It’s Sirius. My parents never knock. They say they don’t have to because it’s their house.
“Yea.” I hear myself say. Sirius enters with the still happy look on his perfectly sculpted face. “Hi Reggie” “stop calling me that. You know I hate it if you call me that.” Yes, he knows that, and he also knows that I secretly do love it even if I would never admit to it.
“What do you want?” I ask, still a little bit trying to seem angry at the name. “’just wanned to say thank you little bro. Y’know for convincing mum to let me go out.” Sirius pushing himself up off the door frame he’s standing, to close said door and come sit with me on my carpet. “You know it does have a benefit for me too. Don’t think I go soft on you.” A miserable try to hold up my hard façade that crashed for him a long time ago if it was ever built.
“Yea maybe.” He does not believe a single word. “Still, thank you.” With that he pulls me into a strong hug. A big brother hug if you will so. After a moment of hesitation, I hug him back. Strong. Maybe even stronger than he’s hugging me.
“’ts fine. I know you have a date with Remus anyway.” I muffle to his ear. “Of course you know that. Did I ever told you I don’t like how you know more about planed dates that I do?” he chuckles. “You probably already know when he’s gonna propose to me, right?” he laughs now. I smile to. “I know he’s very important to you.”
“Yea. Speaking of dates.” He pulls back “My little brother got a date and did not tell me, so with who?” “I..ah.. date? How do you know it’s a date?” I feel my ears burning at my stutter voice which confirms the obvious. It’s a date and Sirius knows about it. “Well,” he starts speaking you got that spark in your eye earlier we you started talking about going in the city. Also I know that the Rosiers are at their aunts in northern Scotland so you can’t possibly meet up with them unless you wanna travel the whole day to see them maybe ten minutes before you have to start your journey back, so my guess is that you’ve asked them to cover for you.” I’m not going to lie, I’m a little impressed. “How do you know all that?” he shrugs. “You have your way to gather information’s I have mine, little brother.”
Taking my hand, Sirius looks at me. “All that aside. You still have not told me what boy thinks he’s good enough to date my little brother. Is it that bitch Croutch?” surprised I look him in the eye. His soft blue meeting my gray. How did we get so different but still the same eyes. He’s got so much love and envy in his. All I see is sadness whenever I look in the mirror to check on myself. “How do you know it’s a boy?” I ask. “I sah you once make out with Croutch on one of our Black galas. You are not good at hiding as you think you are. At least not from somebody who just wanned to use the toilet.” We both laugh. That might be true. We never cared about safety. Actually, we wanted to get caught.
“sooo it is Croutch?” Sirius looks at me with a little bit of disgust under all of the support I find in his eyes. “Oh hell no. He is just trying to make Evan jealous and I’m happy to help if that means that they’re stop simping about each other every evening in our dorm. It’ getting to a point where I don’t find it cute anymore and just annoying.” I spit out a dry laugh. Sirius laughs with much more joy than me. “Yea I feel you. James is all out and about, about Evens since like our first year.” I flinch at the mention of Lily Evans. She’s the cute, freckled redhead perfect in Gryffindor. And Sirius is right, James has had a crush on her since even before my first year, even if I know that that has changed because of me, I still think deep-down about the possibility that I’m just the side one? What if James still thinks about Evans every time we kiss?
Trying to avoid another question about my date I stand up to bring more space between us. I really don’t want to be the reason if James and Sirius fight. “If you don’t want to talk about that guy,” my brother started “you don’t have to. Just know that I will stand behind whatever decision you make lil bro.” He stands up. He’s about to step out, befor I stop him. “Siri? I will get you your money back. I promise.” He smiles softly. That one smile he always has when he thinks of me as that little boy I once was. All snuggi and annoying to have around, still trying to be the best for my parents, and even than he loved me more than anything else in this fucked up world. “I know Reg. Have fun tomorrow. But not too much.” He winked at me. “SIRI!” I called but smiled even wider and throw a pillow at him which he avoids by closing the door.
Outside I hear his muffled laughter and then his steps leading away.
I fall back at my bed. After ten minutes I gather the energy to stand up and get ready for bed. Back in my room I fall into dreams faster than normally. Dreams haunted by the guilt of taking Sirius’ best friend away from him.